Chapter 6
Lainey
Joel looms over me, his hands on each one of my knees. He sits between my legs like I always imagined. My thoughts are slow and loopy as my body sinks further into the comfortable bed. I want to stay here forever.
“I'll need to go slow,” he rasps. “I don't want to hurt you.”
“I don't want you to hold back. I want it all.” I've risked this much and come so far. We’re not stopping now.
I prop myself up and reach for him, draw him down, and kiss me. His beard scrapes my face. I taste myself on his lips, a musky and sharp flavor, with a hint of Joel underneath.
“I want this,” I whisper into his mouth, and that seems to be enough.
He shifts himself over me. “All right, Lainey. All right.” His hand comes to my left breast, the ragged nap of calluses catching on my soft skin in a rough caress.
He dips his head and kisses me deeper. I open to him, inviting him to give me more. We fall back into each other as easily as if we were born to do it.
His dick probes my entrance. I’m wet enough, he can push in. The stretch burns in the best way. I make a little sound and he pauses but I arch my hips up, letting him sink in a little more.
He holds himself over me, not quite all the way inside me. His broad shoulders fill my vision. All I can see is him.
“Breathe, Lainey.”
I pant against his mouth. I scrape my nails down his back, scratching lightly. He's left his mark on me and I want to leave my mark on him.
Will he remember this night? Will he think of me fondly? Or will this barely be a blip on his radar; the faintest memory?
“Lainey,” he calls. “Come back to me.”
I blink, and study the glacier ice in his eyes. I tip my hips up and dig my nails into his back, pulling him closer. I want my skin to meld to his.
He rocks over me, moving deeper. His weight comes down on me slowly, and I breathe to better accept the pressure. Finally, he’s sheathed fully inside me, his hips cradled in mine. I feel him deep in my belly. We're together as close as people can be. It’s everything I've ever wanted.
“You’re going to come for me again.”
“I don't know if I can.” I've read that it's difficult for some women to orgasm vaginally.
He pulls out a little and slides back in, angling his hips somehow so he drags over a sensitive spot in my pussy. Sparks fill my vision. “Don't think. Just feel.”
His body works over mine in a rocking, easy rhythm.
“So tight,” he mutters. “So beautiful. My angel.”
Pressure builds in my belly. With each drag of his cock, a hot flush comes over me and my muscles draw up tighter and tighter.
The fire’s burned low but the temperature’s rising. The heat builds between us.
I writhe under him, needing to move, needing more. “Joel…”
“That's it, babygirl. Say my name.” He glides in and out of me. “Look at me. I'm the one who's fucking you.” His cock swells inside me, stretching me until I can't take any more. “Give over, Lainey. Give everything to me.”
He lowers his head and nips my lip. The combination of the pain, his scent, the way his cock rubs me—it’s too much.
Something inside me snaps, and golden warmth fills my limbs.
Joel shudders over me, his cock pulsing deep inside me.
For a moment, he lets his full weight press me into the bed.
He kisses my brow, my right cheek, my lips.
Then he pulls out and gathers me to his chest.
For a moment, we simply breathe.
There’s nothing left of the fire but a few glowing embers. The sweat’s cooling on my skin but I don’t want to move. “Is it true? You’ve never had a girl up here?”
“Only you.” He kisses my temple.
“I like that.”
“Possessive, are you?”
“You have no idea. I’ve had a crush on you since high school.” The darkness makes it easy to spill my secrets.
“You were too good for me in high school. Still are.” He draws away and prowls naked into the kitchen. I squint but can’t see what he’s doing until he returns and presses something warm and wet to my sore pussy.
He cleans me up, wiping away the traces of himself. But part of him is deep inside me. When he’s done, he tosses the washcloth on the floor, but doesn’t return to my side.
I’m shivering. “Come back to me.”
He fixes the quilt so it’s covering me, and stretches out beside me. Other than a few pops and crackles from the dying fire, it’s so quiet, I imagine I can hear the falling snow. Joel’s breathing is deep and soft, but his body is tense beside me. What is he thinking?
“Joel?”
“I’m here, babygirl.” But he sounds distant.
“Did… did I do okay?”
He rolls to me, gathering me in his arms. “You did perfect. You are perfect.”
I settle back against him. This is what I’ve wanted for so long—to be in Joel’s arms.
“I have a confession of my own to make,” he says. “I don't need to buy groceries half as much as I do.”
I knew it! I smile into the darkness. “I was wondering what you were doing with all that ground chuck.”
“Sometimes I'll just drop it off at the soup kitchen. Whenever my day’s too long and grinding me down, I drive past Gemma’s store. And if I drive past, I have to go in. Because nothing in my life goes so wrong that it can’t be fixed by seeing you.”
I hum and snuggle closer. “After prison, why did you come back to town?”
“Because I was done searching for what I already had. You make your life and your happiness.”
Exactly. I trail my fingers over his skin. I can’t see them in the dark, but I know he has some freckles here and there. I’ve studied him for so long but I barely know him. It'll take me a lifetime to educate myself about this man.
“I wish…” His voice cracks.
“What?”
“I wish I could spend every night like this.”
“But we can.”
“No. I'm not in your plans, babygirl.” His fingers stroke my belly. “You're going to finish school and move on to bigger and better things.”
“Working at a library isn't necessarily bigger and better.”
“You're too smart for this town, too smart for me.”
“You're plenty smart.”
“Lainey, please.” He catches my hand, stilling it. “I have to let you go.”
“Do you want to let me go?”
“I want to hold on forever.” His hand flexes, gripping my fingers tighter before releasing them. “But I have to do what's best for you.”
I decide what's best for me, I want to say. Instead, I look out the window. The snow’s mostly stopped falling. A few errant flakes drift through the dark blue square. “What time is it?”
I feel him shrug. “Probably after midnight.”
“So it’s Christmas.”
“Yes.”
I got my wish. It’s time to make a new one. I yawn, fighting off a rush of tiredness. It will be so nice to fall asleep in Joel’s arms. It’ll be a dream come true. But I want a few more moments to savor it. “Thank you for my gift.”
He drops a kiss on my bare shoulder before tucking the blanket over it. “This was the best gift anyone's ever given me. I'll never forget this.”
He makes it sound so final. And now I understand: he doesn’t think he deserves me. Oh, Joel. “You think I’m smart, right?”
“Smartest one I know.”
“Then trust I know what I want.”
“Lainey—”
“It’ll work out.”
His sigh stirs my hair, but he doesn’t argue. “Go to sleep.”
Obedient as ever, I relax against him.
You make your life and your happiness.
Joel thinks we can’t last. He thinks that when the sun comes up and the snow stops falling, he’ll have to let me go.
But there is magic on Christmas. Maybe it’ll be enough to work another miracle.
So I close my eyes, and make another wish.