Chapter 9
CHAPTER NINE
MAEVE
Missouri is blanketed in snow as far as the eye can see, and it’s cold.
I don’t remember it ever being this cold back in Pennsylvania, not penetrating through every layer of clothing straight down to your bones.
But then again, I’m probably just being dramatic from feeling worn out from the long road trips every day.
We stop at a little diner near the hotel for dinner that looks like an old bus leading into a larger brick building, with a glowing red sign outside, illuminating the sea of white around it. Fluffy snowflakes fall from the dark grey sky, clinging to my hair as I follow Tate inside.
Christmas music plays through the speakers as we walk through the door, and a multicolored Christmas tree sits in the corner with mismatched ornaments strung on the branches.
My body shudders as it familiarizes itself with the warm air, which smells like pine needles and cinnamon, and I shrug off my coat as a waitress leads us to one of the many empty booths.
An elated comfort settles in my bones as I sink down into the red leather seat, watching Tate slide in across from me. Tiny speckled flakes dot his glasses, which he wipes off with the sleeve of his hoodie as the waitress readies her notepad to take our order.
“What can I get you two to drink?” she asks.
Tate glances at me expectantly, allowing me to go first.
“Can I have a hot chocolate?” I say, smiling up at her.
Her eyes crinkle in the corners as she nods, jotting it down, before looking over at Tate. I’m not at all surprised when he orders the same, but I take my bottom lip between my teeth to keep the snicker from coming out. Not at him, but at the fact that he’s just so…
“I’ll be right back with those drinks.”
Maybe it’s best not to finish that thought.
“Thank you,” I tell her just before she walks away.
Tate pulls his glasses from the bridge of his nose once she’s gone, holding them up to inspect them in the light, and I watch in silent amusement as he rubs them some more with his sleeve.
The way his face opens up without them on always baffles me; it’s like I can really observe him without anything in the way.
His features are so soft, but so sharp at the same time.
“So, you don’t have any siblings?” I ask, distracting myself. “No one to see at all for Christmas?”
Tate shakes his head, putting his glasses back on. “No, I’m an only child.”
“Where are you from?”
“I was born in Seattle.”
I raise a brow. “So, you’re across the country from your home, too?”
He nods, finally relaxing a bit as he leans forward to rest his elbows on the table between us.
The proximity has me instinctively settling back further into my seat, and I don’t know why.
It’s not like he’s intimidating; he’s the least intimidating person I’ve ever met.
But I think that, maybe, I’m just a little intimidated by how attractive I find him.
Why do I keep thinking about this?
Stop it.
“I’m from San Diego,” I tell him. “It’ll be much warmer there than it is here.”
“Do you have any siblings?”
I nod. “I have two twin brothers. I’m the youngest.”
Mateo and Maverick. My older brothers are the bane of my existence and two of the people I love most in this world.
They’re equally as likable as they are annoying, at least to me, but that’s the way it goes being the youngest sister.
Despite all that, we’d turn the world upside down for each other.
“What’s that like?” he asks.
“Fun…and irritating, at times,” I say, “I’m always protected but always hovered over. What more could I ask for?”
The waitress comes back with our hot chocolates, taking our order that consists of a large chicken tender and French fries basket that we decide to share because, as hungry as I am, I’m also tired. I normally can’t eat a whole meal when I’m feeling this exhausted.
When the waitress is gone again, Tate peeks up at me sheepishly, his tongue darting out to wet his lips.
“Does your family know I’m coming?”
I shrug. “No, but they’re the nicest people on the planet. Too nice. You’ll see, you’ll probably want to leave as soon as you get there.”
“That sounds…nice, actually.”
Shit.
He doesn’t have any family at all, so of course it would be nice for him to celebrate Christmas with one as big as mine.
I wince. “I’m sorry.”
His dark eyes widen as he shakes his head. “Don’t be.”
“You definitely don’t have to tell me, but what happened to your parents?”
He hesitates for a while, picking at his cuticles and staring down at his hands, until he inhales shakily and says, “They’re dead.”
Oh. Jesus Christ. How do I just keep putting my foot in my mouth somehow?
“I’m so sorry, Tate.”
His brows cinch ever so faintly as he looks at me for a moment before he clears his throat. “Please stop doing that.”
Panic shoots through me. “Doing what?”
“Apologizing.”
And before another “sorry” can slip through my lips, the waitress is back again, this time with our food. I’m mentally thanking my lucky stars for the interruption, before I can somehow tank this conversation any more than I already have.
With our food between us and enough minutes passed to feel like I can change the subject comfortably, I pick up a fry, taking a bite and swallowing before I speak again.
“When’s the last time you’ve been home?” I ask.
He mimics me as he picks up a fry. “Before I moved to Pittsburgh for college.”
“Wow,” I mumble, chewing another bite of food. “You don’t miss it?”
The urge to smack my palm against my forehead is strong, but I pick at a chicken tender instead.
Why is my brain not working all of a sudden?
It’s like all these insensitive questions keep slipping out of me before I can stop to consider that they may bother him.
But he doesn’t appear upset as he dips his chicken in ranch, taking a bite, chewing, and swallowing before giving me a small smile.
“Sometimes.”
Whew.
“How come you went to college across the country?” I ask.
“Needed a, uh, change of scenery.”
I knew that feeling all too well. As perfect as my home life was growing up, I felt trapped when I graduated high school. Sheltered. Under the constant eye of my family. There was no way for me to grow when I felt like that.
“Me too.”
“You didn’t like it in San Diego?” he asks softly.
“I did, but I wanted to get away. Find myself. Figure out what I wanted to do with my life.”
And here I was, four years later, knowing where I was going with my career, but not with myself. What I wanted for myself was still lost in the void somewhere, always just within my grasp until it was slipping a little further away every time.
“And did you? Find yourself?”
I smile weakly, but I hope he doesn’t notice. “Still trying to, I guess.”
I had almost four years of college under my belt, with medical school underway, and those were things I should be proud of.
I am proud of those things, but I feel like the girl I am now doesn’t deserve to be proud.
Doesn’t deserve how good they are, how good they are for me and my future. I feel like an impostor.
Landon sucked the life out of me. I used to be a bright, happy girl who looked forward to everything because I saw the positive in every little thing.
He crushed that girl in me. I wasn’t sure how long it would take to recover from him, but I was still trying.
I knew four months wasn’t that long to heal from someone who murdered your soul.
I knew that it was going to take time to pick up the pieces of myself that he tried to take from me.
If I could just seem to find them.