14. Penelope
14
PENELOPE
I sit in my room for the second day in a row crying. I refuse to talk to Wesley. Nick didn’t deserve to be punched in the face. And I sure as hell didn’t deserve the lecture he gave me when we got back inside the house.
He never even apologized for punching Nick!
I shouldn’t expect any less. After his lecture to me, I know he doesn’t think he did anything wrong. It was Nick and I who were in the wrong. I barely even got a word in with him. I have no idea how he knew I was at Nick’s that whole time. I didn’t think Dad or Mom had it in them to say that I was there, especially since they have been covering for Nick since he moved back here two years ago.
I roll over in bed and stare out the window, looking at the giant slab of rock that is my view. It’s probably part of the reason I feel trapped here. I’ve spent so much of my time staring out this window looking at the stupid mountain, it feels like a prison.
And on top of everything, I miss Nick. So much. I haven’t spoken to him since he dropped me off. He never called me that night, like he promised. Now I feel like all the other promises he made are gone too. I knew the fairytale wouldn’t last.
There is a knock on my door before it creaks open.
“Go away!” I yell as I bury my face into my blankets. I know that it’s Mom. She’s been trying to bring me food and check on me multiple times a day.
“Oh, honey,” she says quietly before shutting my door. I hear her walking across the carpet before I feel her sit on the side of my bed. “I know it hurts.”
Her words just bring more tears to my eyes. I don’t want to talk to anyone about my feelings. I just want to die here, buried in this bed. And I want to know why I am so emotional over a guy I spent three days with. I didn’t even feel this way about Derrick. And we were together for nearly two years.
Her hand lands on my shoulder, and I tense. “Baby, I know it feels like the end of the world.”
“You have no idea how I’m feeling,” I mutter through the blankets.
I hear her kick off her slippers, and then she is lying down next to me, wrapping her arms around the cave of blankets I’m in. “I do know. Maybe not exactly how you’re feeling, but I do know what heartbreak feels like.”
“I’m not heartbroken. I’m angry.”
“Anger is just a part of heartbreak, sweetheart.”
“I don’t want another lecture.”
She laughs. “Oh, I’m not here to lecture you, but I will have you know that when I got home from the store the other day and found out your brother lectured you, you better believe I sat him down at the kitchen table and let him hear what a real lecture sounds like.”
I roll over to face my mom and peek my eyes out from under the blanket. “You did?”
She gives me a soft smile. “Of course I did. He’s your brother, not your keeper, and he had no right telling you who you should or shouldn’t love.”
I scoff. “I’m not in love.”
“You sure about that?”
“Mommmm,” I groan. “I was with Nick for three days. No one falls in love that quickly.”
She brushes a piece of my dirty hair out of my face. “But you’ve known him for years. A lot can happen in three days when you’ve known someone on a different level for a lifetime.”
I chew on the inside of my cheek. Because I don’t know what she’s getting at. Do I love Nick? There is no way. It was three days!
“Let me tell you a story about a time before I met your father.”
I roll my eyes, and she bops me on the nose.
“Listen, you may learn something.”
“Doubtful,” I mumble.
She ignores me and starts talking. “Back when I was your age, I met this guy who I thought I was going to marry. We had only been dating for two months, but I just knew he was the one. He was everything I wanted in a man even though your grandmother would say he was a walking red flag.”
I laugh because Mom said the same thing about Derrick.
“Now this guy had me head over heels. He was in love with me as much as I was in love with him. He made me feel special and desired and loved. I thought I was going to marry him. And we hadn’t known each other that long, but I just knew. You know that feeling, don’t you?”
I lift a shoulder in a half-shrug. I don’t want to admit it to her, and I never have, but that’s how I felt about Derrick.
“Well, this guy was a bad apple. He was the bad boy, if you will. But I didn’t care. His rebellious spirit was what lured me in. I was convinced we were going to run away together. Then one day I got home, yes, we were living together after just two months, and I found him in bed with another woman. This man who bought me gifts and treated me like a queen had just been doing it so I would keep a blind eye to his real actions.
“I was so heartbroken. I laid in bed for two weeks. Your grandmother was so worried about me. I was barely eating. I hardly did anything except go to the bathroom. I think she wanted to admit me to a mental hospital. So, I get it, honey, when I say I know it hurts. Whether you know someone three days, three months, three years, or three decades, when you lose someone who felt like part of your soul, it feels like your entire world has shattered.”
“So how did you get over it?”
She smiles at me so deeply it makes my heart clench because I know exactly what she’s going to say. “I met your father.”
“But how did you get out of bed?”
“Your grandmother literally pulled me by the hair until I couldn’t take it anymore. Then she forced me into the shower, put clothes on me and told me to go for a walk, and that I better not come home for at least two hours.”
I laugh, imagining Grandma saying that because she is a feisty woman, and I know that is exactly what she would do.
“If she were here now, she would be doing the same thing to you,” Mom says. “I’m just nicer and not going to pull you out of bed by your hair.”
“When you met Dad you were heartbroken over another man?” I ask, knowing good and well the story of Mom walking in the park and nearly getting run over by someone on a bike that turned out to be my father. She always told me she was having a bad day and not paying attention to her surroundings, I had no idea it was because she was heartbroken.
She nods. “Yeah, and everything changed after that.”
“So let me guess, you want to get me out of bed and me to go on a walk.”
“Hardly, it’s not even ten degrees outside. But I do think you need to get out of bed and sit with your family on Christmas Eve.”
“I don’t want to see Wes.”
“I don’t blame you. But it’s Christmas, and you need to spend it with your family.”
I groan and flop onto my back. “What was the point of your story, Mom? Are you telling me that I’m going to go to the grocery store and meet the love of my life?”
She laughs softly. “No, not at all. Honestly, I think you might have just spent the last few days with him. I think he’s your Jonathon.”
I turn and look at her. “Why do you say that?”
“Because out of all the pain I felt when Mikey broke my heart, I always knew there was something else waiting for me.”
“But how do you know that’s not the same for me?”
“I don’t,” she says. “But I also think your Derrick was my Mikey. I think all this time you were waiting for Nick.”
Hope flutters against my ribs for the first time in two days. “You really think that?”
“Of course.”
“You don’t think it’s wrong that I have feelings for Wesley’s best friend?”
She laughs heartily. “Honey, back in the day before internet and cell phones and online dating, everyone was dating their friends’ brothers and sisters. The world felt a lot smaller.”
“Wes is never going to allow it.”
“And Wes isn’t your keeper.”
I go to make another excuse but can’t seem to find one.
“And don’t worry, I’ve already talked to Wes and told him he needs to grow up and get over it. He’s not Nick’s keeper either.”
My jaw drops. “You really said that?”
“Yes, sweetheart.” She stands and pulls the blankets off me. “Now how about you get dressed? Take a shower first though. Then come downstairs and have dinner with your family.”
I can’t say no to my mom, especially after she stood up for me, so I reluctantly get out of bed and try to put on a smile for the rest of my family.
I grab my car keys and quietly sneak out the door. I haven’t heard from Nick in three days, but at some point he called a tow truck and had the FJ pulled out of the snowbank and delivered to my house. I’m sure Dad helped, but no one really said anything about it at dinner last night.
It’s just past six in the morning, and no one is awake yet. I know my plan is stupid, but I don’t know what else to do. Nick isn’t returning my text or phone calls. I even tried reaching him on his landline, but it just rang and rang. Part of me is worried that something is wrong but the larger part of me knows that he is just trying to keep his distance.
But I’m done with that. If he wants to keep his distance, he can tell me to my face. But I am not going to let him suffer over something he doesn’t need to suffer about.
I mean I am pretty sure Wes still hates him, but I don’t care. Wes can fuck a duck for all I care. He was at least cordial to me last night at dinner, but we didn’t talk much, and I know everyone felt the tension. Even when Dad tried to cut it with a knife. It didn’t work.
I went to bed not long after dinner, and I heard both my parents talking to Wes in what sounded like another lecture, probably just telling him to treat me like a human today rather than a leper.
I make my way down the quiet mountain road that leads to Nick’s house and pull into his driveway just after six thirty. We spent our mornings together tied up in sheets, but I think I know Nick, and I know he is a morning person. At least I freaking hope so.
I park in his driveway and say a silent prayer he lets me inside to talk to him.
That’s all I want. To talk. After the three days of complete radio silence.
I walk to the front door and ring his doorbell, praying to God he answers.
A few minutes pass, and nothing happens. I ring the bell again, and then I see a light come on in the garage. A few seconds later Nick opens the door wearing nothing but a pair of low-slung sweats, and I have to fight myself to not reach for him. Because all I can think about is him being mine again.
“What are you doing here, Pen?” he says with a bitter taste to his words. I study his face, and his eye is still partially swollen and a bruise mars his jaw.
“It’s Christmas.”
“And?”
I sigh. “Can I just come inside? It’s cold out here.”
He looks around then nods, holding the door open to let me in. I kick off my boots, yes I actually wore snow boots, and head up the stairs to get to the living room since I really don’t want to have this talk in his garage.
When we get upstairs, we both stand awkwardly in the living room neither of us saying anything.
I break the silence though. “Thanks so much for getting my car towed.”
“Not a problem.”
I frown. I hate seeing him like this. He’s the cold man he was when I first came here. His walls back in place.
“Look, I know things didn’t go as planned the other day, but I want you to know that it doesn’t matter to me.”
He rubs his fingers between his brows. “Pen…I just—”
“No, I don’t want to hear you saying no. I want you to come over for Christmas.”
He appears shocked by my request, not expecting me to ask that at all. “Wes doesn’t want me there.”
“Who cares what Wes wants? I want you there.”
“You know it’s not that simple.”
“My parents want you there.” Okay, that may not actually be true. They didn’t say they wanted him there, but if he came over, they wouldn’t be mad.
“Pen…” He runs his hand through his hair. “The plan was that we would wait to see each other until after Christmas. But now I don’t think we should see each other at all.”
My stomach drops to the floor. “No.” I didn’t come here to listen to him break my heart. “You don’t get to do this. Especially not on Christmas.”
“You think I want to do this? You think I want to break your heart? I don’t, but I also know what the right thing to do is, and I can’t string you along.”
“Why would you be stringing me along?”
He sighs. “You know this could never last.”
“What?” I ask in shock. “Never last? What are you even talking about, Nick?”
“My dad doesn’t want me around. I’ll be leaving soon. And you’ll be here. It won’t work out.”
Anger overtakes me, and I shove him in the chest. “No, you don’t get to tell me things won’t work out. And how do you know that if you decide to leave, I won’t come with you? What do I have here? Nothing.”
“We both know you’re here to get back on your feet. Following me isn’t going to fix you.”
It’s like being stabbed in the chest. “I don’t need to be fixed, Nick.”
He sighs again. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Then what did you mean?”
He growls in frustration both his hands going into his hair. “I just…we can’t do this, Penny. We can’t make this work. There is always going to be someone against us.”
“Right now, I feel like you are the only one against us,” I cry. “Nick, you can’t do this.”
“You know it’s right.”
“It’s not!” I scream.
The sound of slamming feet running up the garage steps has both of us turning toward the door. To my surprise, Nick takes a protective stance in front of me to protect me from whatever intruder is barging in.
But we’re both surprised when we see Wesley appear in the doorway.
“I will punch you again if I find out you are breaking my sister’s heart on Christmas.”
“Wesley…” I whimper.
Wes gets up in Nick’s face, and I fear he’s going to hit him again. “She has been miserable for days. Even I can’t get her out of her mood. I fucked up, and I should have come here sooner. But you know I’m a stubborn ass.”
“Why? So we can just beat each other up more?” Nick asks Wes.
Wes shakes his head and takes a step out of Nick’s space. “No, I wanted to apologize. I’ve never seen Pen so distraught, and I was there when that asshole broke her heart and left her for some other influencer with more followers.”
Nick looks over at me, and I give him a flat smile and nod.
“I hate the idea of you and Pen sneaking around behind my back. But I hate the idea of Pen being heartbroken even more. She’s my little sister, and I am supposed to protect her. I feel like all I’ve done the last few days is hurt her even more.”
I sniffle at his words because I know somewhere in there is an apology to me.
Nick looks at me then turns back to Wes. “I don’t want to break her heart, man. But I feel like it’s inevitable if she’s with me.”
“Only if you hurt her. And telling her shit like her needing to be fixed is going to hurt her.”
Nick winces. “You heard that?”
“Yeah, I heard a lot but wanted to wait to come up here to see if you would fix this.”
Nick rubs his brow. “I…I’m sorry,” he says to Wes. “I fucked up with you too. I never should have kept it a secret from you that I was here.”
Wes claps him on the shoulder. “You and me can talk about that later. How about now you just talk to my sister and make things right?”
“Really?”
Wes takes a deep breath but nods. “Yeah, I can get over the fact that my best friend is fucking my sister. But I can’t get over losing both of you in the same week.”
My heart flutters to life, hoping that Nick will listen to Wes and not his own stupid excuses.
“I’m going to let you two talk it out. But you should come over today. No one should spend Christmas alone.” Wes looks over at me and then back at Nick. “I’ll let you two talk.”
I watch as Wes walks back down the stairs and hear him pull out of the driveway. I don’t know how I missed him getting here in the first place. He must have followed me.
I look back over at Nick. His face masked with whatever feelings he is trying to hide. I want to say something, but I don’t even know what to say.
Nick turns like he is about to walk away, and I feel like this is it. This is happening again. It’s over between us, and he is just going to walk away and break my heart.
“Fuck it,” I swear I hear him mumble before he rushes over to me and pulls me into him so quickly I gasp. But I barely have time to catch my breath before Nick is kissing me. He’s kissing me like he did that first time. With complete possession. I whimper against his lips, and he just pulls me in closer. His tongue slipping into my mouth, claiming me.
He eventually pulls away from me, and I am left gasping for air.
“I’m sorry, Pen…I never should have said those words to you. I didn’t know what to do. I felt like I was losing everything.”
“I accept your apology.” I say it so quickly I’m surprised. He really hurt me with his words but for some reason, I don’t care. Maybe deep down, I know he never meant them, he only meant to try to hurt me to get me to leave.
“I’m sorry I didn’t call you or text you. I just thought that with Wes knowing, it wasn’t going to work out. I know how he is, and I just assumed he would make you see his side.”
I snort. “Oh, he tried. But it didn’t work. It didn’t even work on my parents. They lectured him twice apparently. I guess it got through to him finally.”
“You really aren’t mad at me?”
“Oh, I’m livid,” I tease. “But you are just going to need to make it up to me.”
He kneels in front of me and takes my hands in his. “I will gladly grovel at your feet for as long as it takes to make you believe me that I never meant to hurt you.”
I run my hand through his hair. “I know you didn’t want to hurt me, but you still did.”
He drops his head and kisses our entwined hands. “Can I tell you something crazy?”
I cup his jaw and force him to look at me. “Anything.”
“I’ve barely gotten out of bed the last few days. My heart has ached worse than my face since I let you walk away from me. I should have fought for you instead of letting you go inside. I should have run after you. I should have told you this crazy thing I’m feeling because I don’t know how it could possibly be true, but goddamn it, I’ve been feeling the loss for days now.”
I swallow, hoping like hell he is going to say the words I want to hear. The same words I want to tell him even though I know it’s crazy too.
He stands up in front of me and cups my face with both his hands. “I love you, Penelope James. I never thought I would fall so hard and so quickly. But you literally crashed into my life and showed me what it was like to live again. And I don’t want a day to go by where I don’t have that feeling. I need you in my life like I need air to breathe.”
A tear slides down my cheek. “I love you too, Nick Snow. Santa suit and all.”
He lets out a roaring laugh and then his mouth is on mine again. Right where it belongs. Hopefully forever.
When he pulls away, he asks, “Should we go home now?”
“To my parents?”
He nods.
I look around the room. “I feel like there is still maybe a surface or two we should claim before that happens.”
He bends down and kisses me again, chuckling into my mouth. “Don’t tease me, Penny.”
“I’m not.”
He growls and strips my shirt over my head. “We better make this quick. I don’t want to be late for Christmas breakfast.”
I can’t help but giggle as I get rid of the rest of my clothes and fall more deeply for this man before me. The man who saved me not just from a storm but saved me from myself.
And I know we have a long future ahead of us.