Chapter 19
Chapter
Nineteen
Jrue is the only thing that is clear. He hesitates before reaching for me, his fingers brushing against my arm without taking hold.
“You don’t look happy, Mandi.”
His statement is almost too quiet to hear and I cut him a glare as the rest of my vision goes wavy, disjointed. Surreal and impossible.
Jrue tracked me here. He knows, without a doubt by their scents, who is inside the house.
“How long have you been outside?” My voice holds firm.
It’s the smallest shred of silver lining I’ve got.
“Long enough to know you came here with him.”
A swell of frustration grows in the wake of these opening moves and the cat-and-mouse game wolves like to play.
I chew on my inside cheek with a vengeance when Jrue sniffs, his posture deceptively relaxed.
“You came alone?”
“I had scouts with me, but they took another direction. I took this one. I know you better than you think I do.”
He touches me again and my expression darkens. “No, you don’t.”
“I saw you walk inside with him. You were talking. It was a pretty exciting conversation, from the parts I made out. And you two were distracted. So distracted you didn’t scent my arrival.”
My muscles tighten around the sound of his reprimand.
“What did you hear, then?”
He takes a few steps closer and says, “Why all the questions? The only one you should have for me is asking when we leave. But you don’t really seem interested in coming home. You’d rather spend your time with riffraff and outlaws and fucking witches.”
I pull back at that and my spine knots, holds, as pain splinters through me.
His tone hasn’t changed, but something in his eyes has finally given way, an ember of something I never thought I’d see on his face. Distrust.
And worse. Disgust.
There isn’t a hair out of place. Jrue is the perfect would-be alpha, the perfect successor to lead the Ironwood pack.
Pristine and controlled, powerful without being boastful. I’d always admired those qualities in him.
Our disparities are suddenly larger than they’ve ever been.
His next step toward me pulls my gut immediately in the opposite direction.
Sandwiched between him and the door, I wonder how fast I’d be able to make a run for it if things devolved.
He’d never hurt me.
Suddenly I’m not so sure.
I shake my head and proceed a few inches back. “We’re done for tonight, Jrue. Go home and tell my father I’m not ready to come back yet.”
If he’s still alive.
I’ve given him the answer he’s looking for but he doesn’t care. He climbs another step and I press my lips together in a tight line.
“Everyone saw you together. The scouts. Me. You were practically crawling all over the bitten one. And what an interesting choice of conversation, Mandi. Are you moonlocked?”
The word holds not a warning, like it does when my father uses it. The kind where you know you have to shut the hell up before you say something stupid. It’s much worse when Jrue says it. Moonlocked.
Damaged goods.
I flinch. “How much did you hear?”
“You’ve been keeping secrets from me when you should have been honest.” Jrue huffs out a laugh. “You’ve lied to me. For years.”
He somehow manages to cut me down to size with his condescension at the same time.
“Were you ever going to tell me about being moonlocked? Or were you going to go along with our engagement until it was too fucking hard to pretend anymore? You were going to trap me in a mate bond with a wolf who can’t even change. You’re worse than something bitten. You’re human.”
I press against the door, my hand working for the knob I somehow can’t find, fingers flexing around nothing. “It wasn’t about you, Jrue.”
His scrutiny has a keen sharpness to it, and I hate being on the receiving end of this kind of scrutiny from him. “Oh, trust me. I get it.”
He crowds me against the door, his jaw shifting side to side.
Like the thought of sharing the same air is abhorrent to him. At once, I’m not the fiancée he thought I was and a rung lower than a stranger. I’m an enemy.
“You don’t know the whole story. You have no idea what’s going on,” I try.
“I don’t want to know. You’re moonlocked.
You’re useless to the pack. Your father should have tossed you out on the street years ago, or done you a favor by putting you out of your misery.
A wolf who can’t change is a liability. No wonder you’re hanging around the bitten one.
What, does he tell you it’s alright? To be what you are? ”
“Stop it.”
He bares his teeth. “When I return to the pack, your father and I will have to have a talk about what a liability you really are, and what to do about the two of you.”
“You have no right to judge anyone else.” Fire sings through my veins at once, unable to hide the spark of rage in my tone.
“You have no clue what kind of hell my life has been, and I’ve still stepped up for my pack in any way possible.
Not being able to change doesn’t make me any less capable or compassionate. It’s one of those qualities you lack.”
“I’ve been compassionate with you until this point. Do you think turning this around on me is going to somehow make you feel better? Because the way I see it, you were going to trick me into this match and then betray me when you had a ring on your finger.”
My hands curl into claws, the need there, pushing against skin. Unable to ever be fully or physically realized.
“The mating was my father’s idea. Not mine.”
He laughs, the sound designed to sting. “You will never make another match as good as this one, and you know it. Who else would want a wolf who can’t shift besides the damaged goods you’re hiding in this house?
No wonder you bolted when those moon-mad wolves broke into the compound.
Your family is fine, by the way. Not that you give a shit. ”
It’s worse, much worse, to hear him say it, that I don’t care about my family. That I would purposely run, as though I had a choice to stay.
The idea of anything happening to my sister…
My anger grows, churning in the wake of this conversation, and I lurch toward him, the suddenness of the movement taking Jrue by surprise.
He steps away before my finger finds its way to his chest and digs against his sternum. I make contact anyway.
He jolts like I’ve burned him.
“I’ve lived my entire fucking life ashamed of myself and having to hide from this world.
I pretend like everything is fine when it’s not.
I know exactly what kind of defect it is to be moonlocked.
I’ve had to shoulder the burden every day.
” A growl lifts my hackles. Seconds later I realize—it’s coming from me.
“I agreed to the match because my father wanted it and told me it would help strengthen the bonds in the pack. So don’t you dare tell me I don’t care about them.
I care about them enough to bleed for them.
It’s not like I had a choice in being moonlocked.
Just like I had no choice but to marry you. ”
My stomach flips over itself.
My initial instinct is to shrink, to not make waves, disappear under something dismissive and cutting. I want to hurt him.
Because I care about my family, the pack, more than myself. I always have.
Grayson is right when he says I give way too much. I worry about others more than myself and my boundaries have never been clear. I’ll always sacrifice the pieces of me if it means someone else is safe or happy.
Jrue’s eyes narrow.
But why should I shrink now?
Why bend over backwards to apologize for something I can’t control, all because he called me out on it?
“You should be ashamed of your condition,” Jrue argues.
“Being moonlocked is unheard of now because it only used to happen when a member of the pack was too weak to be a part of the community. You’ve pretended for so long, made excuses, and now you want what?
Recognition? Like your sacrifice actually means something? You lied.”
Our voices lift and there’s no wind to carry them away, only a ringing hush throwing the syllables back to us. Battering my ears.
My heart drums painfully against my ribcage but I haven’t taken my finger from his skin. I grind it deeper as my resentment grows.
“I’m not the only one putting on a performance. You have your lips so close to my father’s ass they might as well be sewn on. No matter what kind of stunts you pull, he’s never going to give you the mantle of alpha on your own and you know it. You never wanted me. You wanted the position.”
Jrue sneers at me but his two seconds of silence confirm it.
Loss like a knife slices through me. Jrue had been as close to a friend as any I’d had in Ironwood. I didn’t want to mate with him, but he was nice to me.
Past tense.
We’ve known each other most of our lives. I always thought, with time, I’d grow to love him.
I angle my head to look at him.
“I lied to you,” I reply, my voice dropping. “It’s true. I lied to everyone. And you’re right, I do bend over backwards for the people I care about. Right now, I care about me more. I reject you, Jrue. I reject this match. This engagement is over. You’re done.”
The formal rejection forms on my lips before I realize I’ve spoken them out loud instead of inside my mind.
Once spoken, they can’t be retracted.
Jrue stills, his face wiped blank, blood draining from his face.
No matter what kind of hurt he’d expressed, he definitely hadn’t expected me to reject him. This argument might have stretched out for hours before he got his way, because I always cave.
Not this time.
A dozen explanations pile on the tip of my tongue and I swallow them all down. He doesn’t deserve any one of them.
“Mandi…” he trails off. “What have you done?”
“I’m making my stance clear. I reject you. Now get out of my sight.”
In the wolf world, this is unheard of, worse than being moonlocked. A huge blow to tradition and stability and I’m absolutely terrified of what it means.
My secret is out.
Panic spreads like wildfire through me as adrenaline kicks into overdrive. My father will explode. Not only will Jrue spread the truth about my condition, but there’s no chance for me to go back to the pack now. It will be hard enough for Jrue to return to any semblance of normalcy.
He’s been rejected.
His status is in question more so than if he’d found himself married to me.
My legs no longer hold me up and I crumple. But I don’t hit the ground. Strong arms twine around my waist, followed a heartbeat later by a familiar warm scent.
Grayson.
His weight, his strength, replaces the door at my back and everything inside me sings with relief at his presence. There’s no hesitation when he holds me.
He came for me, his appearance a singular message—I’ve got you.
Vision wavering, I lean into him, my cheek pressed to his chest and absorbing the steady beat of his heart.
“Get out. Now.” His demand vibrates through me. “You heard her. She doesn’t want anything to do with you.”
I don’t look up to see if Jrue has fled. If he’s smart, he’ll get the hell out of here before one of us makes things worse.
I shouldn’t have said it.
Even if those were the right words. I should have had more common sense than to make such a drastic move right now. Everything hinges on us finding a cure, but what happens if I’m cured and there’s no home to go back to?
I’m moonlocked, and Jrue was right.
There are two options for people in my condition. There’s banishment, if you’re lucky and the alpha has a shred of empathy. Or there’s death.
Which one will my father choose if my secret and his accessory to it make him vulnerable? He’ll be fought for his position and killed if someone stronger feels they’re more worthy to lead.
A sob rushes against my chest but Grayson only cradles me.
“I know, Mandi. I know. It’s okay.” Slowly he turns me in his arms and sinks down to the steps with me on his lap, my legs falling on either side of his hips. “I know.”
How much did he overhear?
I want to ask but my throat closes and I can’t speak. It’s too much effort to force.
Footsteps sound. I’m not sure of the direction once the tears come. They flood my eyes and scald paths down to my chin, absorbed by Grayson’s shirt.
The first rays of sun cut across the yard before I realize Aimee and RJ have come outside, have seen Grayson holding me while I cry.
And for once, I don’t care.