Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
Carson
August rolled on, hot and dry and with entirely too much time for me to replay stargazing with Jude.
This sunny morning, I was alone in the arena with a stubborn Cinder and lingering memories of that moment between us.
We’d almost…something. Not sure exactly what, which was part of why my thoughts kept circling back to Jude.
The want in his eyes had been clear enough, but so was whatever internal debate he was having.
I knew full well that plenty of guys who fooled around with guys had conflicted feelings.
I’d always preferred to simply let someone else make the move rather than force an encounter that might be regretted later.
As a result, my experience was limited to a few late-night mutual jerk-off sessions and other such casual things.
Jude had looked ready to kiss me, a novelty in its own right, almost as surprising as how I’d been ready to let him.
“Giddyup.” I coaxed Cinder forward, hoping to out-trot my ruminations. “Come on. Doc’s orders.”
Of course the mention of Jude put my brain right back in the same place.
Kat had mentioned he might stop by later, and I’d had a low thrum of anticipation ever since breakfast. I’d mucked the stalls quickly to earn a little extra time exercising Cinder.
Cinder was back to eating regularly, but all the extra attention seemed to help.
Finally, we reached something of an agreement, and Cinder consented to trot in a circle.
“Hey, Carson.” Colt, not Jude, stood at the gate to the arena. Darn him for not being Jude, and darn me for caring. “You certainly look at home up there.”
“Horse sense comes back.” I nodded to acknowledge Colt’s praise as I directed Cinder closer to the gate. My helmet was stifling, but complaining to my big brother about that restriction would get me nowhere.
“I see.” Colt smiled. He likely meant to be encouraging, but I bristled at his near-parental concern. “You getting on okay? Everyone treating you well?”
“All good.” I kept a loose hold on the reins and held my posture in check, despite the urge to shift in the saddle.
Thanks to the military, I had plenty of experience masking irritation.
I wasn’t lying, however. I got along fine with the other hands, when people weren’t fussing over me, had finally learned all their names, and even joined in a few card games. “Quit worrying.”
“It’s my job.” Colt was never going to stop being the older brother. I wished he’d head on to the sheriff’s office or whatever other business he had today. “You do seem to be fitting in. How are the headaches?”
“Fine.” Like my speech and coordination, I’d noticed a few improvements over the past couple of weeks. Maybe there was something to the fresh air and hard work of ranch life, but more likely, my diligence in continuing the therapy exercises on my own was paying off. “Little wins.”
“That’s good.” Colt’s smile shifted, ever so slightly more calculating. Ah. We were getting to the real reason for his visit. “Maverick’s been bugging me about having you around for dinner soon. Maybe tomorrow night?”
“Suppose so.” I couldn’t summon a ton of enthusiasm for a command appearance at a family dinner, one where I might be called upon to make more conversation amid all that domestic bliss.
“I…uh…Maverick’s a good guy.” Colt quirked his lips. “I know it’s probably a bit weird, me being married again, and to Maverick.”
“I’ve got no problems.” We hadn’t had much discussion about Colt’s life changes, but my discomfort had nothing to do with Maverick’s gender or the unexpected revelation about Colt’s sexuality. I might prefer to play my own cards closer to my chest, but I wasn’t judgmental.
“Good.” Colt’s smile loosened back up. “So you’ll do dinner? We don’t want you getting too lonely.”
“I won’t.” I’d settled into something of a routine on the ranch.
Wake up early. Chores. Some company at dinner.
Maybe some cards. The occasional text with Jude.
The only times I truly felt lonely were when I caught Alder gazing at Grayson or saw Colt and Maverick all happy.
I’d never been one to yearn for someone to come home to, but they sure made it look appealing.
Colt didn’t stick around much beyond working out the details for dinner, leaving me to finish Cinder’s exercise.
I returned her to her stall and gave her a good brushing, more of that attention she seemed to crave.
Next, I prepared a couple of horses for ranch guests at Kat’s request. Luckily, I didn’t have to interact with the guests as Kat took over once I had everyone saddled.
Right after she left with the guests, Jude came striding into the barn.
Unlike with Colt, I didn’t have to force a wide grin.
As muddled as my thoughts were around him, I was still happy to see him again in person.
Merely the sight of him toting his medical bag in his black cowboy hat and the summer-weight plaid shirt he filled out nicely made me feel lighter, a strange bubbly sensation in my chest.
“What’s up, Doc?” I joked, earning a groan from Jude.
“Very funny.” Shaking his head at my corniness, he returned my smile. “I came by for another look at the rescues and a few other cases.”
“I can help.” Wasn’t like my morning was packed, but I likely would have volunteered anyway for the chance to spend a little one-on-one time with Jude.
“Good. I was hoping you might.” He led the way toward the row of stalls with the recent rescues. I stopped next to Linus’s stall.
“Linus isn’t improving.” I gestured at the horse, who was hunkered against the far wall of his stall. I’d worked with him all week, but his confusion persisted and his continuous low-level anxiety had me worried.
“I know. Kat filled me in. She said you’ve been trying hard to help him acclimate.” Jude fetched a treat from a bucket on the wall before stretching his hand into the stall to offer it to Linus. “His bloodwork came back inconclusive, but it doesn’t look to be EPM.”
“Darn. Need an answer.” I never wanted a horse to be sick, but EPM was at least treatable. I’d been hoping the bloodwork would reveal a condition that could be fixed by some meds. My gut said that a sweet horse lay somewhere under Linus’s disorientation.
“Yeah. I want to find whatever’s going on too.” Jude gave Linus a considering look as the horse cautiously accepted the treat. “Heard he’s been prone to panic as well. Let’s bring him out, so I can get a better look at him.”
“Sure thing.” I’d dodged more than one kick from Linus over the course of the week, so I agreed with Jude’s decision to examine him where there was more space if he tried to bolt.
However, since he’d proven difficult to lead, we settled for the wide aisle between the stalls, with me holding his lead rather than trying to clip the lead to a post. Jude examined him, going far slower than he had the first time, pausing several times to make notes on the tablet he carried in his bag.
He spent a long time on Linus’s eyes as well as testing various reflexes.
“Your guess of a TBI or maybe a stroke doesn’t seem that farfetched given the symptoms. I also wonder about a brain tumor,” Jude mused as he looked up from his notes. “All those things are super rare though. Like you, I was almost hoping for EPM because that’s treatable.”
“Yep.” I was hardly gratified that my theory might be correct. I had no idea how a horse might recover from serious neurological problems, so I had to hope Jude would find answers that could lead to a plan. “More bloodwork?”
“Yeah. I want to rule a few more things out.” Jude retrieved the blood draw supplies from his medical bag and snapped on a pair of disposable gloves. “I’m also going to take another look at that growth on RC’s leg. Kat said it seemed bigger.”
“Yep.” I moved to soothe Linus while Jude did the blood draw with practiced efficiency, despite Linus’s reactivity. “Think it’s removable?”
“Possibly.” Jude capped the vials of blood and stepped away from Linus. The horse shook his head from side to side as Jude’s tone turned more thoughtful. “I’m toying with the idea of taking RC and Linus to the equine center at the vet school for second opinions.”
“Long drive.” The only vet school in the state was up near the Denver metro area. Jude had to be seriously worried about Linus if he was contemplating the trek.
“Yeah, but I got an invitation for a ten-year reunion dinner at the school in my email today. Two birds, one stone. I don’t have the facility or equipment to do an equine MRI, and we may need one to fully diagnose whatever Linus has going on.
I can do a biopsy on the growth on RC, but a surgical environment would ensure a better outcome. ”
“Makes sense.” I patted Linus. An MRI undoubtedly meant sedation along with the lengthy trip to Denver. My back muscles tightened as my concern grew.
“I’ll talk to Kat and get her thoughts.” Jude finished repacking his medical bag as I returned Linus to his stall. “What would you think about tagging along? I could use an extra set of hands on the long drive with two horses. And it would be a chance to see how my new truck hauls.”
“Hell of a test drive.” I chuckled, already warming to the idea. I had more worry for Linus than was probably advisable, not to mention my desire for more time with Jude. Also ill-advised but wanted. “Reckon I could.”
“Good. I’ll talk to Kat about the details and get back to you.” Jude’s smile was worth a whole lot of risky action.
The trip would likely bring fresh temptation, but I’d deal with that complication later. We finished up with Linus. As we walked toward RC’s stall, Jude paused to turn toward me.
“I might get done before dinner tomorrow. Want to come game on my console?” His expression was so tentatively hopeful that my breath hitched. “I could pick you up. Maybe grill some steaks?”
“Sounds good.” I nodded before an image of Colt flashed in my brain. “Heck. I promised…Colt and Maverick dinner.”
“No worries.” Jude’s expression shuttered. “Another time.”
“Yeah.” I exhaled hard.
The invite wasn’t different from any other buddy asking me over. But tell that to my stomach, which wobbled. This trip Jude was proposing was a bad, bad idea because I seemed incapable of keeping Jude in the friend zone where he belonged.