Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
Carson
I was a poor choice to be Jude’s plus one at the class reunion luncheon.
Jude could make small talk with anyone, while even before my injury, I’d gravitated toward the edges of rooms, content to let others socialize.
The catered luncheon was held in a large event space at a conference center near campus.
The organizers offered a taco bar buffet, like one might expect for this sort of thing, and a cash bar.
A large screen behind the food tables featured pictures from Jude’s graduating veterinary class.
The chance to see a younger version of Jude popping up in various photos kept me entertained while Jude chatted with a never-ending stream of people stopping by the round table where we sat.
“This must be boring for you,” Jude whispered in an apologetic tone during a lull between chatting to others.
“Not at all.” I tried and failed to keep the weariness out of my voice. It had been a long, full morning.
“Liar.” Jude leaned closer, hand flexing as if he wanted to pat me but wasn’t sure what was okay. Seeing as how I was continuing to figure that out for myself, I gestured toward the other clumps of people, some standing and others at nearby tables.
“You should mingle more.”
“I’m fine taking a break with you.” Jude made a show of leaning back in his chair, expression content.
I didn’t buy it. He was in too many of the throwback pictures on the screen, very clearly used to being in the middle of a gathering. He might take a break with me, but he’d quickly chafe at the quiet.
“You were popular.” I pointed at the screen, where a younger version of Jude was at a Halloween gathering, standing in the middle of a bunch of smiling, costumed people in their late twenties.
“I guess.” Jude’s mouth twisted. “Funny. I didn’t see it that way back then.
I was still getting over being so awkward in high school.
” His expression hovered somewhere between confused and considering.
“Farm nerd? Is that even a thing? I think I made it a thing. Definitely wasn’t popular growing up in Lovelorn. ”
“Ha.” I snorted at his entirely false perception of his past self. “You were impressive.”
Jude blinked. “You remember me as a teenager?”
“Yup.” I grinned, happy to prove him wrong. “Mr. FFA. Kids listened to you.”
“Maybe.” A deep crease appeared in the center of his forehead. “Didn’t make me popular though.”
“I joined up. Got some chickens.” I hadn’t intended to ever share the effect he’d had on me, but I couldn’t have him thinking he’d been unliked in high school. Maybe he hadn’t had a huge circle of friends, but he’d had respect.
“Because of me?” Sounding shocked, Jude widened his eyes.
“Because of you.” I smiled. His disbelief was near comical. Funny how wrong people could be when it came to seeing themselves.
“Wow. Thanks. I didn’t know.” Jude shook his head, gaze far off.
“You showed me different.” Not for the first time today, I wished my brain-to-mouth connection were working better.
I wanted more words to explain to Jude precisely what he’d meant to my younger self.
I’d looked at Jude and seen a path forward that didn’t involve detention.
Sure, Colt had been a good role model too, but Jude had given me a clearer picture of who I wanted to become.
Swallowing, I tried again to find the words. “Didn’t want to be like Kane.”
“I’m glad.” Jude met my gaze, and something warm passed between us, a fresh-baked cinnamon-roll moment, the rare treat of finding understanding and connection. His hand flexed again.
Mine did too. What harm would a quick touch do?
“Hey, Jude.” A woman around Jude’s age sidled up to our table before I could carry through with my impulse.
Her nametag introduced her as Mary, and she had short blonde hair.
With none of my internal dithering, Mary laid a casual hand on Jude’s shoulder.
“We need a pic with the old crew.” Her gaze flitted from Jude to me.
“Oops. I’m being rude. Who’s your friend? ”
“Mary, this is my friend Carson.” Jude made the necessary introductions. “He works on a ranch near Lovelorn.”
“Awesome.” Mary’s shiny pink lips stretched into a welcoming smile. “How long have you been together?”
“We’re not…” Sputtering, Jude made a vague gesture. He sounded not unlike me when I had an aphasia moment. “Not like that.”
“Ah. Friend friends. Didn’t know you did those.” Mary’s voice was the lightest of teases, but it landed like a brick in my gut. Which was silly. What did I care that Jude had a reputation?
“Maybe I’ve changed.” Jude’s expression soured, but Mary kept right on beaming cheerfully.
“Doubt it.” Smile never wavering, she dragged Jude off for the group photo she’d mentioned, leaving me alone with my whirling thoughts.
Earlier, at the equine hospital, Jude had made it sound like he might be up for something exclusive when I’d said I didn’t share well.
I’d never had exclusive anything before, but I’d learned the hard way that jealousy was the quickest way to ruin a friendship.
I didn’t particularly like my brain’s inability to stay casual with a jerk-off buddy, and Jude was already so much more than that.
I had no idea where this thing between us was headed, but I wanted Jude all to myself while I figured it out.
Could Jude stick to exclusive though? He’d said he’d changed, but watching him laugh and socialize with old friends, I wasn’t sure what to think. He’d been rather quick to deny we were anything other than friends.
Because you said you wanted privacy, dumbass.
I had been the one to say no one needed to know. Grumbling at my own ridiculousness, I forced myself to look away and rubbed my temples before busying myself with my phone until Jude finished with all the picture taking.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah.” I stood before he even finished the question. My ability to lie was rapidly diminishing. I was unsure how to give voice to my churning thoughts, so I stayed quiet until we were in the elevator on the way back to our hotel room.
“Sorry for the awkwardness with Mary.” Jude exhaled hard, briefly closing his eyes. “Wasn’t trying to out you. I hadn’t thought about others assuming we’re a couple.”
“No problem.” I couldn’t seem to summon a smile.
“You okay?” Jude tilted his head, peering more closely at me.
“Just tired.” I hadn’t meant to worry him with my silence. And surprisingly, Mary’s assumption that we were a couple was far less of a concern than Jude’s quick denial.
Years of being in what had felt like a necessary closet had made secrecy vital, but being a civilian was a whole new ballgame.
My brother was out and living his best life.
Standing back, quietly seething with jealousy every time Jude smiled at someone else wasn’t the future I wanted, but I also lacked certainty about what I did want. Fuck. I really was tired.
Of thinking. My overloaded brain gave a weary creak.
“You want a nap before dinner?” Jude asked as we exited the elevator and headed to our room. Jude was faster with his keycard and held the door open for me. I brushed by him, catching a whiff of whatever outdoorsy cologne he’d splashed on hours earlier.
“Nope.” A nap was the last thing I wanted. I was going to smell fir and get hard for the rest of my life thanks to Jude. What I wanted was to pour all my doubts and dithering into him, drop all my questions and uncertainty by the door, and drag him to the nearest bed.
So I did.
“Whoa.” Jude made the cutest startled noise as I stopped by the foot of the bed and pulled him in for a kiss.
Fuck waiting for him to make a move. I wanted this. He wanted this. Impatience surged through me as I kissed him firmly. Maybe too firmly. Hell. I was overthinking worse than Jude now.
Shutting down my free-roaming thoughts, I kissed him the way I wanted to, deep and all-consuming, the way he had the night before.
Luckily, Jude responded with a low moan, kissing me back like I was the last churro on the dessert buffet, and he was as starving as I was.
He tasted like cinnamon and spice and barely restrained need. Yum.
Continuing to kiss him, I reached for the snaps on his western shirt. He released a shaky laugh but didn’t stop me.
“Well, guess that answers my question about a repeat tonight.”
“Why wait?” I jerked my head in the direction of the bed behind us.
“Indeed.” Jude offered a hopeful smile, which I took as permission to push him to sit on the bed. Knowing exactly what I wanted, I sank to my knees in front of him. His eyes went wide with a mix of surprise and lust. “Hey. You don’t need to—”
“I want to.” I grinned up at him. Like kissing, I didn’t have a ton of experience with going down on someone, but I was more than eager to rectify that. “Can’t let you have all the fun.”
“Well, as long as it’s fun.” He sounded slightly dazed. Maybe he was usually the giver, but that was all the more reason I wanted to do this for him.
“It is.” I reached for his belt buckle before unzipping his fly. This thing between us was a lot more than fun sex, but I wasn’t ready to discuss that.
Besides, I had a cock to suck. Jude was thick and hard in my hand, and my mouth watered with anticipation.
I yanked his jeans and boxer briefs down, so I had more room to work, then applied myself to the task at hand.
Jude was more of a teaser than I was. I tended toward efficiency, but with no less enthusiasm.
I gave a few licks to his shaft and cockhead to get him nice and slick before sucking him into my mouth.
“Fuck.”