Chapter 19
Chapter Nineteen
Carson
Beep. Beep. My phone alarm sounded at its usual early hour, but I wasn’t in my bed in the bunkhouse. Fuck. I’d somehow slept all night at Jude’s place. I left the warm bed to search out my phone in my jeans pocket and silence the alarm.
“I’m sorry we fell asleep.” Jude’s voice was full of panicked regret as he rolled onto his side.
“I’m not.” The last thing this situation needed was both of us freaking out. So I’d slept over. We were adults. We could deal.
“No?” Jude’s tone turned hopeful.
“Texted Kat after dinner.” I shrugged, glad I’d done that at least. I hadn’t provided an ETA for my return, but I’d checked in with an excuse, so folks were unlikely to send out a search party. “Horse help went late.”
“Smart thinking.” Sitting up in the bed, Jude smiled at me.
“Don’t stress.” I impulsively kissed his head, earning a pleased sigh from Jude. “Back by chores is fine.”
“Good.” Jude left the bed to search for clothes in a dresser near the closet doors.
The room was a friendly shade of blue, and the bed had certainly been comfortable enough.
Sunlight streamed in from a large window draped in sheer white curtains.
After we were both dressed, Jude frowned, likely thinking too hard again.
“I’d offer a real breakfast, but I’m low on supplies. Cereal before we leave?”
“Sure.” I followed him downstairs to the kitchen. The large farmhouse kitchen was quaint with plenty of vintage appeal. Unlike his more modern bedroom, Jude didn’t appear to have touched the space since losing his parents.
He fetched us bowls and one of those quasi-healthy cereals with a zoomed-in picture of big clumps of grains on the front of the box.
We ate in relative silence before heading to his truck.
The early morning air was chilly, a sign that fall was on its way, and I rubbed my bare arms. I flipped on the truck’s heater before fiddling with the stereo.
I let a few songs pass, but as we approached the ranch, I remembered Jude’s invite to dinner.
“We still on for tonight?” I kept my voice light, figuring the repeat was a given, but wanting to confirm.
“Yep.” A slow smile crept across Jude’s face as he turned for the ranch. “I’ve got more steak. I can pick you up after my last call.”
“That works.” I hated being reliant on him for rides, but that situation was what it was. I had a re-evaluation with my doctor coming up, but I continued to temper my hopes.
Jude parked near the horse barn. No other hands were in sight, but the clock on the dashboard said breakfast at the bunkhouse was likely finished. I settled for a meaningful nod as I exited Jude’s truck. Didn’t want to make my arrival back any more noteworthy than it was.
I also didn’t let myself watch Jude’s retreat as I made my way to the barn, ready to get to mucking.
I’d worry about a shower and a change of clothes later.
I also needed to check on Linus before I started work.
However, right as I reached the main barn door, Colt appeared, looking all official in his sheriff’s uniform.
Damn it. I’d been so close to avoiding the gallop of shame. I forced a smile. “Morning.”
“Morning.” The greeting was casual enough, but the curiosity in Colt’s eyes gave him away. “Heard you had a late night with Jude.”
“Injured horse call went long.” I managed to deliver the explanation smoothly, which was a minor win, even if Colt’s expression stayed intent.
“And it was easier to sleep there?” He narrowed his gaze at me, so I narrowed mine right back.
“I got a curfew now?”
“No, of course not.” Colt held up his hands. “I’m glad you’re making friends. And I’m sure Jude appreciated your help with the horse.”
“Yep.” I set my jaw, bracing for further questioning.
“Have you been going to that support group with him?” Sure enough, Colt was in full-on interrogation mode.
“Colt.” I gritted out his name, sorely tempted to do like our mother and use his full name. “Chill.”
“Sorry. None of my business.” Colt said the words, but I was far from convinced he meant them. “I’m happy you’re settling in. Kat says you’re doing amazing work with that horse.”
“Trying.” My tone stayed strained despite the compliment. I was ready to send Colt on his way. “Linus is a good horse.”
“Guess you’re a real cowboy now, favorite horse and all.” Colt chuckled as if the leap from sergeant to ranch hand were comedy gold. “You always did have a way with animals.”
“Thanks.” My voice was drier than hay.
“You want to come over for dinner tonight?” Unfazed, Colt continued to smile, undoubtedly getting to the real reason for his visit to the barn before work. “I’m off at a decent hour, and Maverick is talking about making pizza with the girls.”
Crap. I didn’t want Colt any more involved in my personal life, but I also couldn’t lie. “I’ve got plans.”
“Plans?” Colt’s head tilted as he considered this impossibility.
“Plans.” I didn’t like the skepticism in his tone, but I softened my voice nonetheless. No need to pick a fight. “Sorry. Another time.”
“Okay.” Colt drew out the word before giving a slow nod. “You know you can talk to me, right? About anything.”
“Yep. Appreciate it.” My tone returned to straw-level dryness.
Strangely, though, as Colt walked away, I had a brief urge to confess everything to my brother.
However, I wasn’t sure precisely how to describe what Jude and I had going.
Friends with benefits seemed far too casual for my surge of emotions at the mere mention of his name.
Moreover, Jude and I seemed equally reluctant to define what we were doing.
And I’d been the one to suggest secrecy.
Jude and Colt were friends. What if Jude wouldn’t take kindly to me disclosing our fooling around?
Perhaps this was more casual and short-term for him.
The easy answer was to talk to Jude, but I knew I wouldn’t.
Not yet. I wanted to let things play out more, enjoy the time we did have, however long that ended up being.
Maybe if I waited, Jude would be the one to bring up the future.
That would be the best solution to this awkward limbo land.
Resolved, I got to work on mucking out the stalls. I was faster now than I’d been back when I started. Funny the difference six weeks or so could make. Felt longer than nearly two months, a testament to how much I’d changed since my arrival.
Grayson came by to check in on my work, but thank God, he didn’t see fit to mention my absence from breakfast at the bunkhouse. He had a few other tasks for me, but the morning workload was light enough that I was able to squeeze in a therapy session with Linus before lunch.
After some TENS unit treatment and other exercises, I returned to leading Linus over poles on the ground, a task that had been nearly impossible at the start of the week.
“Look at that progress.” Kat whistled low as she walked up to the arena gate.
“Thanks.” I accepted her praise a bit easier than I had Colt’s.
“I had a meeting with Maverick today about various horse-related issues.” Kat’s tone was conversational, but my back tensed nevertheless. “Linus’s long-term future came up.”
“How so?” My voice came out too wary. I’d told the equine hospital to send Linus’s bill to me, but it had yet to arrive in my email.
All week, I’d been on edge, worried the hospital might have billed Maverick instead and that all this rehab would make Maverick and Kat less inclined to keep the horse.
Kat’s mouth twisted as she studied Linus for a long moment. “I’m not sure if he’ll ever be back in riding shape.”
“He needs us.” I was more than willing to fight for him. Hell, I’d pay to board him if it came to that. He’d come too far for us to abandon him now.
“He does.” Kat’s expression softened. “Maverick is thinking about having some school visits this fall. What would you think of showing off your rehab work with Linus? Older kids might find it fascinating.”
“Sure.” I would have agreed to pretty much any option for keeping Linus at the ranch. My stomach, however, gave an unhappy jolt at the thought of a group of kids crowding into the barn. “Not much on talking though.”
“You’ll do fine.” Kat smiled with far more confidence than I felt. “Speaking of futures, where do you see yours headed?”
“What…do you mean?” Damn it. Despite the unusual start to my day, my speech had been doing well until my brain did one of those weird hiccups again.
“Do you see yourself being a hand long-term?” Kat met my gaze with shrewd eyes. “Or maybe you have a future as a vet tech or something like that? I’m sure Jude appreciated the help last night. Luna’s been on him to take on more assistants for years.”
“I’m good.” I firmed up my voice along with my jaw, not wanting this conversation any more than I had the one with Colt. I was having enough trouble figuring out what the future held with Jude, let alone any professional future for myself. What was so wrong with taking things one day at a time?
“For now.” Kat was undeterred from whatever mission she was on. “Everyone’s pulling for you, Carson, no matter what you end up doing career-wise. Maybe you’d rather do something entirely different. Work with veterans—”
“I’m good,” I repeated myself in a slightly louder voice.
“Sorry.” Eyes going cloudy, Kat stepped back from the gate. “I won’t push.”
“Thanks.” I exhaled hard. I was likely being something of a dick. “Don’t mean to snap.”
“It’s okay.” Kat’s disappointed tone was at odds with her words. “I imagine you’re sick of questions and everyone hovering.”
“Good folks care,” I hedged. “But tiring.”
“I’m sure.” Kat turned toward her office. “I’ll leave you to your work.”
What she really left me to was my churning thoughts. Was my place at the ranch in jeopardy as much as Linus’s? Did I need to do more to prove my worth? Alternatively, were people expecting me to tire of being a hand? This might not be the future I’d planned on, but I was content enough here.
Unbidden, a vision of working alongside Jude wandered into my brain and refused to leave.
Damn Kat for suggesting such a thing might be possible.
Any future with Jude seemed tenuous at best, let alone the sort of partnership where we could work together personally as well as professionally.
My chest filled with want regardless of how unrealistic the notion was.
Next to me, Linus snorted.
“Yeah, yeah, I know.” I gave an uncomfortable chuckle to the empty arena. Dreaming was likely to lead to heartache. Better to stay satisfied with the present moment and the status quo.