Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Carson
“There you go.” I had Linus up on some wobbly yoga-style foam blocks, working on his balance and limb awareness. He was doing so well today, scarcely any anxiety as I put him through his paces. I hoped I could say the same for my boyfriend.
I supposed boyfriend was the right word. We were friends. He was a guy. We were also sleeping together, and I loved him. Wasn’t sure what other word to use because Jude sure as shit would balk at some of the more permanent words.
Might. He might love me too. Ha. He did love me, full stop.
He, like Linus, still had some anxiety to work through.
Jude was also doing better each day. A week since the support group meeting.
Another week of settling into being a couple.
A week for him to turn his breakdown into a breakthrough.
He’d contacted one of the counselors Simone recommended, a big step for someone who’d been so determined not to have a problem.
We all got shit to shovel. I’d heard the saying before, but never had it seemed more true.
Everyone at the support group had shit to shovel, Jude included.
Me too. The guilt discussion had rattled some crap loose for me as well.
One of my physical therapists had said that no one came through military service unscathed.
Wise woman. Everyone had scars, visible or not.
Linus gave a gentle whinny as I led him off the blocks. He also bore the legacy of his past, a hurt I couldn’t take away or change, but together, we were finding a way forward. I wanted the same thing with Jude.
“Wow.” The man in question strode up to the arena gate as Linus and I finished. “I’m impressed.”
“He’s working hard.” I gave the horse a pat on our way over to Jude.
“So are you.” Jude’s eyes darted around like he was having trouble figuring out how to greet me.
I decided for him, giving him a fast kiss as I led Linus out of the arena. Affection felt like a new pair of boots—nice but a bit of an awkward break-in period. Worth it though for Jude’s startled noise and pleased smile.
“School kids coming Tuesday,” I shared as I got Linus situated back in his stall.
Adler had arranged for the first of several elementary school visits. I wasn’t sure I shared his and Maverick’s enthusiasm.
“Are you nervous?” Jude handed me Linus’s favorite brush.
“Nah.” I was a better liar than Jude, but he arched his eyebrows at me until I finally gave in. “Hope kids can understand me.”
“They will.” Jude was a lot more certain than I was. My speech was so much better these days, but I still struggled when tired or with longer sentences. Jude was having none of my doubts, though, and clapped me on the shoulder. “They’ll see how much work you and Linus have done. “
“He’s a good horse.” It was my stock answer anytime anyone wanted to compliment my progress with Linus. He was the one doing all the work, not me.
“And you’re a good trainer.” Jude set his jaw, determined to make me take the praise.
“Eh. I try.” Brushing done, I moved on to settling Linus in for the night, adjusting his fan and checking his feed and water. “Colt wasn’t happy I paid.”
“For the MRI? You did what you thought best.” Jude chose a diplomatic reply when I knew full well he also thought I should have waited for the ranch to make a decision on the bill. “What did Maverick say?”
“Hasn’t mentioned it.” That was the part that was weighing on me. Two weeks since I’d fessed up to Colt, and not a word from the big boss. No way had Colt kept that information to himself, but I wasn’t going to be the one to bring it up first.
“Should be an interesting dinner.” Jude’s laugh had a forced quality to it.
“Look less excited.” I bumped his shoulder before stepping past him so I could close the stall door.
“Sorry.” Jude pulled me close. “I’m ready. I am.”
“Good.” I gazed up at him. “And happy?”
“Very.” He gave me a quick kiss, but I didn’t let him escape, looping my arms around his neck and stealing a second. Then a third.
“Oops.” Adler made a world of clatter as he exited Cupid’s stall farther down the row. Adler waved an apologetic hand our direction. “Don’t stop on my account. I was just stopping by to check on Cupid before dinner.”
“We’re done.” My cheeks felt as seared as a ribeye at a steakhouse.
“You’re coming to the dinner?” Jude asked as I groaned.
Lord, this dinner of Maverick’s kept growing and growing. All week, I’d had to hear the reports. The event had gone from Maverick, Colt, the girls, and Maverick’s sister Faith to include Mom and Aunt Georgia, and the list kept on lengthening.
“I think Maverick wants a sort of welcome to the gay-borhood for you two.” Adler offered a light laugh. “Also, Grayson can stare down anyone with opinions. Including your brother.”
Jude looked a little green at the mention of Colt.
“I told you.” I elbowed him before giving Adler a friendly glare. “Colt’s not mad.”
“Yeah, but that man has the sheriff glower down to a science.” Adler waved a hand, like there might be something attractive about Colt’s ability to intimidate with a single look. “Older brothers are both blessings and curses.”
“True that.” I chuckled because Colt was definitely some of each.
“Shall we head over?” Adler asked.
“Yep.” As we walked from the barn toward the ranch house, I grabbed Jude’s hand. Felt good, so I gave him a little squeeze.
“What’s this?” Jude glanced down at our linked hands.
“Reinforcements.” I winked at him. “Got you now.”
“You do.” His expression turned more tender and serious. “I’m not going anywhere.”
That much I believed. Jude might be working past some doubts, but he was in this thing as much as I was. We’d get there, and one dinner wasn’t going to derail us. I did, however, stiffen my shoulders as Maverick threw open the front door to the ranch house. Incoming.
“Welcome!” Maverick ushered us into the house.
“I brought cookies by earlier.” Adler was his usual chatty self as Maverick led us toward the rear of the house, past the formal living and dining rooms. “Spice with cream cheese frosting. Seemed seasonally appropriate.”
“I brought Jude.” I held up his hand. It hadn’t occurred to me to bring a dish, but the kitchen island was already piled high with options.
“That counts.” Maverick chuckled, clearly enjoying his role as host. “We have more than enough food. Colt’s trying his hand at brisket.”
“The sheriff does know his meat.” Adler gave Maverick a pointed look.
“Hush.” Maverick shook his head at Adler before turning back to us. “You should go say hi to Colt.”
“Suppose it’s that or dance.” Jude gestured toward the nearby family room, where the teen girls were showing Faith some dance moves. Adler was quick to join in the fun.
“The girls are obsessed.” Maverick gave a fond smile at their antics. “The latest episode of their favorite show dropped a new song, and the dance has gone viral. You should try it.”
“We’re good.” I tugged Jude toward the back porch, where the grill and smoker were located. I’d much rather deal with Colt than attempt some teen dance craze.
Laughing, Jude dug a heel in by the back door. “Hey, I like dancing.”
“We can two-step later.” I gave him as heated a look as I dared with others nearby.
“Guess that answers the question of whether you want to come over after dinner.” Jude blushed, a rarity for him, and I couldn’t resist a fast kiss.
I never would have figured myself the public-affection type, but I’d waited long enough for this. I was damn well going to enjoy it.
Naturally, Colt chose that moment to open the back door.
“Fair warning.” He gestured for us to join him on the deck. “If you kiss in front of Mom and Aunt Georgia, they’re gonna start planning a wedding.”
“Uh. Um…” Jude looked nauseated, complete with a hand on his stomach, like I’d just asked him to drive a tank. I couldn’t resist having a little fun.
“Spring sounds good,” I deadpanned. Jude gulped. I nudged him with my shoulder. “You can laugh.”
“Oh. You’re joking. Ha.” Several emotions passed over Jude’s face, and I couldn’t tell whether he was relieved or disappointed.
“You sure you’re up for this?” Colt waved a pair of tongs in Jude’s direction.
“I’m sure.” Jude got more serious in a hurry. “I care about your brother.”
“Oh, I’ve got a lecture waiting for you. Don’t worry.” Colt gave an ominous chuckle. “But I meant the big, crazy family. We can be a bit much.”
“I’m ready.” Jude offered a small smile. “I’ve missed having family around.”
I hadn’t thought of that before. Jude was alone out on his property, the last of his family in these parts. I’d grown up with an excessive amount of relatives, but I couldn’t imagine life without them either.
“I can share.” I grinned at Jude. “Got aunts to spare.”
“Thanks.” Jude relaxed enough to join my chuckle.
“You could skip the lecture,” I suggested to Colt. I’d rather Jude stay loose like this than have to suffer some dire warning from Colt.
“I could.” Colt pursed his lips, considering Jude and me through narrowed eyes. “But I’d be falling down on my big-brother duty.”
I was about to snap at him when Colt’s shoulders sagged.
He’d carried such a weight since our father died young.
I hadn’t always seen it. Take off that heavy pack, soldier.
The officer at the support meeting had been right, and I wished Colt could hear that advice.
He didn’t need to keep trying to live up to—
Oh. Carson, you idiot. I’d been doing the same exact thing, trying to make Colt proud, trying to outrun Kane’s reputation, trying to prove a point I didn’t even fully understand. Colt and I were two sides of the same coin. Stepping away from Jude, I clapped Colt on the back.
“You’re already the best brother.” I said each word slowly so he’d get the fullness of my sincerity. “Always have been.”
“Oh.” Colt sucked in a breath so hard his abs visibly contracted under his T-shirt. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt.”