Chapter 13
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
SAVANNAH
My phone buzzes on the table, drawing my attention from the class schedule I was making for next week. Absentmindedly, I grab it and press the answer button, but before I can even open my mouth, Becky begs, “I’ll give you anything you want if you can bring me one large, iced coffee from Reading Nook.”
Placing my pen down, I lean back, stretching my sore muscles. “While that’s a tempting offer, how come you don’t go and get it yourself? Weren’t you just complaining that you were bored being stuck at home all day?”
“Yeah, well, things have changed…”
There is a beep, and when I pull my phone away from my face, I notice that she switched to a video call.
What the…
I press answer and almost drop my phone when I see the little bundle in a bassinet with the tiniest blue cap pulled over his head.
“ Oh my gosh… ”
“Sav, meet Jackson Luis Fernandez, your godson.”
Tears blur my eyes as I stare at the baby. His skin is slightly red and wrinkled, but he’s still the most gorgeous baby I’ve ever seen.
“He’s precious.”
“He is, isn’t he?” she says softly, her finger gently sliding over Jackson’s curled fist. “He came into this world kicking and screaming in the middle of the freaking night. If that’s not an indication of what our future will look like, I don’t know what is.”
I chuckle softly, brushing away a tear that slipped down my cheek. “You’ll figure it out. He’s amazing. How are you feeling?”
“Like I could use some decent iced coffee. And maybe some of those muffins I love from Reading Nook? Miguel offered to go and get them for me, but I don’t want him to leave.”
No, I don’t believe she would. Not after they just had their first baby.
“No worries, I can get them for you. I was just finishing up at school anyway.”
“You’re a godsend, Sav.”
“We’ll see if you think that when I collect on that ‘anything’ you promised me. Send me the details, and if you need something else. I’ll see you guys in a few.”
With that, I disconnect the call and start gathering my things. I grab my water bottle from my desk, refill it before leaving school, and jump into my car just as my phone pings with a message—the floor and room number.
Putting the car into drive, I rest my hand against my belly. “Time to go meet your friend, Munchkin.”
After a quick stop at the Reading Nook to grab Becky’s order, I make a pit stop at Walmart, where I buy a few goodies for the new parents and continue to the hospital. Thankfully, there is no traffic, so I get there in a decent amount of time.
Grabbing the basket and the coffee, I slip out of the car and make my way inside.
I still couldn’t wrap my mind around it: Becky and Miguel were parents.
It seemed surreal.
Would I feel like that when I give birth?
Most likely.
The nurses smile at me as I pass by, but they don’t ask any questions while I go down the hallway. The message says it’s the last room on the right, and sure enough, when I come closer, I can hear Becky’s soft voice coming through the crack in the door that was left open.
I slow down my steps as I move closer and spot Becky lying in bed, holding her new baby, with Miguel sitting behind her, his arms protectively wrapped around them.
I bite the inside of my cheek as I stand there and watch them. It felt wrong to barge in and intrude on what was clearly a private moment between the three of them.
“He has your nose,” Becky whispers, looking over her shoulder at Miguel, who smiles at her, a look of pure adoration on his face.
A knot forms in my throat as I watch them. A perfect little family. It was the only thing I’ve wanted for as long as I can remember—somebody to call mine.
And I’ll have it. Soon enough, I’ll have a little person to call mine. But it won’t be the same since it’ll be just the two of us.
Swallowing the knot in my throat, I turn around. I’ll just go to the bathroom and give them a momen?—
All the air is knocked out of my lungs as I collide with a firm chest.
Shit.
I tighten my hold on the coffee and basket, so they don’t fall. Warm hands wrap around mine, holding me steady. The calloused fingertips rub at my skin.
Fingertips I was familiar with.
Fingertips that were, only last night, caressing my face as he was leaning down to kiss me when we were interrupted.
“Blondie…”
I raise my gaze and find Blake standing in front of me, surprise written on his face. “What are you doing here?”
“Becky called me and asked me to bring her some iced coffee and muffins.”
“Did you say you have muffins?”
I jerk back at the sound of Levi’s question, the sudden movement almost making the basket fall. Again.
“Gimme that,” Blake mutters, taking the basket from my hands before I can protest.
I look down at the small boy, who’s watching me expectantly, an “It’s a boy!” balloon clasped in his hand.
I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. “Umm, yes, I do.”
“Can I have one?”
“Levi, that’s for Rebecca.” Blake shoots Levi a pointed look.
Levi pouts unhappily. “But those are muffins!”
“You know what else I have?” I interject before Blake can protest again. “Some chocolate chip cookies.”
Those silver eyes that are so much like his father’s shine in excitement. “Can I have that instead? I like chocolate more. Just like my friend Kyle.”
I chuckle softly. “You can have them”—he opens his mouth, so I lift my finger—“after you see the baby. We can’t touch him with dirty hands.”
“Fine, I guess.”
By the sigh he lets out, you’d think he has all the weight of the world resting on his small shoulders.
“You guys are here!”
We all turn toward the door to find Miguel standing in the doorway, looking at us.
“And we brought you your things,” Blake says as he goes toward Miguel. Shifting the basket to one hand, he pulls him into a hug. “Congrats, man.”
“Thanks.” Miguel waves us into the room. “C’mon, go inside, he just woke up a little while ago.”
“Can I see him?” Levi asks, clearly excited. “We brought him the balloon.”
“Why, thank you. Go on in.”
Levi slips past him, and I join him, giving Miguel a quick hug. “Congrats, Dad.”
“Don’t congratulate him. It’s not like he did any hard work, he only got to participate in the fun part,” Becky mutters as I hand her the coffee. She takes a long pull from the cup and sighs happily. “This is exactly what I needed.”
“Maybe she’ll start feeling less cranky now,” Miguel mock-whispers.
“Oh, stop it.” I shove him playfully, my attention going to Levi, who’s standing by the bassinet, still holding the balloon.
“He’s so tiny,” he breathes, his eyes wide as he takes in the baby.
“He is, isn’t he.”
“Eighteen inches, five pounds and ten ounces,” Miguel beams proudly.
Levi leans closer, his mouth falling open. “Look, he’s watching me.” He looks up at Becky. “Can we play together?”
Becky chuckles softly. “Not just yet, buddy. But soon. Once he’s a bit bigger.”
His smile falls a little, but he doesn’t pull away. “You have to grow fast so we can play together.”
My heart swells a little bit inside my chest as I watch this sweet boy interact with the baby.
Munchkin’s half-brother.
I move closer, standing just behind Levi. He gazes at the baby, gently playing with his foot. Not that I’m surprised. Levi is an extremely emotional and kind kid, and I could already see that he’ll be one of the most popular students in his class.
Will he be equally excited when Munchkin is born? Will he come to visit my baby and gush over his new brother or sister? My stomach clenches just at the thought. I wanted it. I wanted it so badly.
Grazing my teeth over my lower lip, I look up, only to find Blake watching me. My cheeks heat at being caught staring. It’s as if he can see right through me, into my very soul, and I wasn’t sure how I felt about it.
“Miss Parker, are you also going to have a baby boy?”
The sudden question has me turning my attention to Levi, and I can feel my palms turn clammy with nerves.
Does he know? Did Blake tell him? Did Daniel?
I look up at Blake, only to be greeted by a matching panicked expression as he shakes his head no, and it takes all that’s in me not to let out a sigh of relief.
“I don’t know.”
After everything that happened with Daniel last night, I couldn’t fall asleep. I was so anxious about the whole thing, and Daniel’s reaction. Would Levi be the same?
The thought of his rejection and potential resentment scared me shitless. Not for me, I could deal with that. I’ve already dealt with that, but I didn’t want my baby to be despised by his or her family if I could help it. I wanted better for Munchkin, but what if that wasn’t in the cards? What if they hate me, and by extension they hate my baby?
“How can you not know?” Levi’s brows furrow in confusion.
“Well, the baby is still too small, so the doctor can’t see it clearly.”
Levi thinks about it for a moment before nodding. “I guess that makes sense. When will you be able to see it?”
“In a few weeks. But I think I’ll wait until the baby is here. Make it a surprise.”
Levi’s eyes widen. “Really? You don’t wanna know?”
“No, I just want my baby to be healthy, that’s all. Like this little guy.” Just then, Jackson makes a sound in protest. “Oh, no, no…” I coo gently, rubbing the back of my finger against his clenched fist. His skin is impossibly soft, and he has that newborn smell to him. All I wanna do is bury my head in the crook of his neck and inhale it deeply so it can calm me. “Why are we crying now?”
“Wanna hold him?” Becky asks. “Maybe moving him would help a little.”
I glance at her. “You sure?”
“Yeah, go ahead. You have to practice anyway.”
“I guess you’re right about that. There, there, I’ve gotcha,” I softly whisper as I wrap my hands around the bundle and pull him into my arms. Becky makes a face as she shifts in the bed. “You okay?”
“Just sore, but it’ll pass.” A smile spreads over her lips as she looks at her son. “It was worth it. He was worth it.”
“He was.” Jackson stops fussing, and those big, dark eyes open and look at me, and my heart melts a little, tears filling my eyes. “He really is perfect.”
“Why are you crying, Miss Parker?”
“I’m just emotional, that’s all.” I sniff a little. “They’re happy tears.”
If I was this much of a mess now, I couldn’t even imagine what it would feel like when I gave birth to my baby.
From the corner of my eye, I can see Becky try to reach for the basket. Miguel sees it immediately and grabs it, handing it to her. His hand lingers on Becky’s, and I can’t help the pang of jealousy.
Not at my friends, God knows they deserved this happiness more than anybody else after everything they’ve been through. What I’m jealous of is the bond and love they share.
Because I want it.
I want to have somebody who’d love me the way Miguel loves Rebecca.
Just then, the door opens, and two older couples peek inside.
Fernandezes and Santiagos.
Both women attended our monthly book club at Reading Nook. They glance at the baby, gushing at the small boy for a moment.
“Oh, Becky, he’s beautiful…” Mrs. Fernandez says.
“Just like his momma.” Mrs. Santiago moves past me and goes to Becky, kissing her on the cheeks. “Congratulations, honey. How are you feeling? Need me to bring you something?”
“Hey, what about me?” Miguel protests.
“Oh, shush you. You had the easiest part up until now,” his mom chides.
“No, I’m fine. Sav already got me everything I need.”
The older woman glances at me and gives me a soft smile.
“You wanna hold him?” I ask, stepping closer to Mrs. Fernandez.
“Oh, I don’t want to intrude. We just came in to check on you guys. See if you need anything.”
“You’re not intruding.” Becky waves her off as I gently shift the baby from my arms into his grandmother’s and take a step back.
“Oh, he’s precious,” she whispers, just as Mr. Fernandez comes to stand behind her, glancing at the baby over her shoulder.
“His name is Jackson.” Becky smiles at them. “Jackson Luis Fernandez.”
Miguel’s father lifts his head; his mouth opens in clear surprise, eyes slightly misty.
I move out of the way as Miguel goes to join his parents, my eyes glued to them.
A family.
Something I would never have.
When I give birth, it’ll be me and my baby. No loving husband that’ll hold my hand through the pain and reassure me everything will be okay. No parents who will come to see me, excited to meet their grandchild.
If Grams were here, she would be there. Every step of the way. She would be by my side, just like she always had been. But she, too, is gone.
And there is nobody.
Just me and Munchkin.
And the thought only makes me feel more alone than ever.