Chapter 19
CHAPTER NINETEEN
SAVANNAH
Blake doesn’t say one word as I look at the cribs and discuss the pros and cons of each of my favorites with the salesclerk until I finally settle on one of those beautiful, old school, white wooden cribs. It was a classic that could fit a boy or a girl and go with whatever I chose to do for decorations of the room. Maybe dove gray? That could look cute, and it went with the elephant theme we had going on.
Which reminds me, I should really clear out my old room and make a nursery out of it.
And that meant I’d also need to finally move my own stuff into an actual room.
My grandmother’s old room.
Her frail body lying still on the bed flashes in front of my eyes, and I can feel my throat go dry as a cold sweat washes over me.
“Will that be all?”
The question snaps me out of my thoughts. I give the man an apologetic smile, but before I can open my mouth, Blake’s already extending his hand, a black card tucked between his fingers.
“Ye— Actually, no, wait. Levi, give the clerk the elephant so I can pay for it.”
I turn to him, grateful for the distraction. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like I’m doing?” Blake frowns, all innocent. “We can’t very well leave without paying, can we?”
Seriously? That was the story he was going with? He knew exactly what I was talking about.
“I mean, what are you doing paying for my things?”
I have him, and he knows it.
He opens his mouth, and I expect a fight, but instead, he just shrugs. “It’s our baby.”
“It is, but these things will be in my house.” I turn to the clerk, pulling out my wallet. “Just this, please. Then you can assist him.”
The clerk’s gaze darts over my shoulder. “Umm… I already ran the elephant.”
“See?” Blake extends his hand. “Put that away, Blondie.”
I turn around, cross my arms over my chest, and glare at him. “You can’t keep buying things for me, Blake.”
“Of course I can.”
“Blake!” I protest, but he just grabs his card and thanks the clerk as another one brings the box with the crib. “Grab the elephant, Levi, and let’s go to the car.”
He takes the box and nods at the guy before starting for the door, Levi behind him. I grab the bag with my blanket and follow after them.
“You’re driving me crazy; you know that?”
“The feeling is mutual.” He glances over his shoulder. “Where did you park?”
Sighing, I point in the direction of my car. “This way.”
Hurrying my step, I pull out my keys and unlock the car.
Opening the trunk, I eye it carefully before shifting my attention to the box in Blake’s arms. “I don’t think this will fit.”
“That’s what she said,” Blake chuckles.
“Seriously?” I hiss, tilting my head toward Levi, who seems way more interested in the toy than us. “There is a child here.”
This has him laughing even harder. “He’s not paying us any attention, and even if he was, he wouldn’t understand.” He wiggles his brows. “So what do you say, Blondie? Too big for your trunk?”
“Stop it.” I jab him in the shoulder. “You really are incorrigible, you know that?”
“I’m just asking.” His gaze zeroes in on my mouth before locking with mine, his voice dropping lower. “You know, if you ask really nicely, I’ll drive it back home for you since my truck’s way bigger and all that.”
I blink a few times, unsure if he’s serious. “Are you for real?”
Blake just smirks, “What can I say? I need proper motivation.”
Shaking my head, I let out a sigh. “Can you please drive the crib back home for me, Mr. Walker?” I ask sweetly, batting my lashes.
“You have to say pretty please,” Levi corrects.
I shoot Blake a knowing smirk. So much for Levi not listening. “My bad, pretty please, Mr. Walker, can you help and drive the crib back home for me?”
“Fine,” Blake grumbles. I expect him to pull back, but instead he leans closer, his warm breath making the goosebumps rise on my skin as his voice drops an octave so only I can hear him. “But next time, I won’t be so easily swayed.”
My throat bobs as he takes a step back, his gaze not missing anything. “C’mon, Levi. We’ll meet Miss Parker back home.”
I let out a long breath as I watch him call out to Levi, and the two of them leave. Shaking my head, I slide into the driver’s seat, my body still buzzing from Blake’s nearness. I trace my fingers over my lower lip, my stomach clenching.
What will happen once he actually touches me again?
Not that he tried it. Not after the hospital.
Will he do it?
Will I let him?
I shouldn’t. It would only complicate things way more than they already are, and yet, I couldn’t help myself, a part of me wanted to feel those full lips on mine. Hear that low groan as he devoured my mouth with his, my body coming alive under his touch.
I grip my fingers tighter around the steering wheel, pushing the thoughts of kissing Blake to the back of my head.
Although the A/C is on, the heat inside my car is excruciating, making my shirt stick to my skin. My stomach grumbles, reminding me I haven’t eaten much today.
Thankfully, traffic is light, so it doesn’t take me too long to get back home.
Blake’s nowhere to be found when I park in front of my house and get out. I take in the house, noticing all the little details that have changed in the last few weeks.
Mostly thanks to him.
It started to look like the home I remembered from my childhood.
That familiar ache spreads inside my chest, my mouth going dry as I make my way to the house and unlock the door, leaving it open so Blake can enter once he gets here.
My gaze fixes on the stairs, the lump in my throat growing thicker. Swallowing it down, I force myself to place a foot on the step.
“You can do this, Savannah.”
The photo frames hung on the wall, taking me back down the memory lane I tried so hard to push back as I made my way up the stairs.
It hurt so much. Remembering Grams. Hearing her raspy laughter. The crinkles that would appear around her eyes every time she’d smile. The way her southern accent would grow thicker when she got annoyed with something.
There was a photo of the two of us in front of Bluebonnet High from my graduation. Grams was beaming that day. Birthdays and Christmases and holidays. It’s always been Grams and me against the world.
I’m winded by the time I climb to the second floor, my vision turning blurry. I curl my fingers around the railing to steady myself, blinking my eyes a few times until my focus clears, and I’m facing the door to my grandmother’s room. I try to swallow the knot in my throat, but my mouth is dry.
I swear, some days, I could still see her frail body as I found it that day.
Pale and lifeless.
People used to tell me that at least she went fast and wasn’t in pain. I hated that statement with every fiber of my being. There was no solace in knowing that her death was fast. I didn’t want her to go. She was my only family, and I wanted her to live for many more years. Because I might be a grown-ass woman, but I needed my grandmother. I needed her support and love in my life.
Pushing open the door, I linger in the doorway as I watch her room.
How many times had I snuck in here when I was a little girl just after Mom left, and I was too scared Grams would be gone once I woke up? Too many to count. But Grams never complained. Not once.
Moving inside, I look around the room. I’ll have to go through all of her things carefully, but I knew most of the furniture would have to go since it’s too old.
My gaze falls on the dresser pushed against the wall. It was covered in dust, but I remember the color being worn down from years of use. Still, it looked sturdy enough. Maybe if I could repaint it, I could use it as a dresser in the nursery. I wanted Munchkin to know the woman who gave everything up so she could raise me.
A photo of Grams and me taken shortly after I moved here is sitting on the dresser. She looked so happy and proud.
“I miss you,” I whisper softly, voicing the words out loud that I’ve been holding in since she died as I watch her smiling face. “I think now more than ever. I wish you could tell me what to do. I wish you could meet my baby. You’d have loved to be a great-grandmother.”
That vise grip squeezes around my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I press my palm against my heart, rubbing at the spot.
I could see it. All the little things, all the moments, that we could have had but never will.
“Blondie?” Blake calls out, his loud footsteps echoing downstairs.
Wiping at my cheeks, I turn over my shoulder. “Upstairs. I’ll be down in a second.”
I give the room one last glance, allowing myself to mourn the woman that was my whole world for many years.
It was strange how things worked out. Just when I lost Grams, I got to meet Blake who gave me a chance for a family of my own. Our baby. Maybe it was a coincidence, but a part of me couldn’t help but wonder if Grams had her fingers in it in some way. She must have known losing her would destroy me. And she knew better than anybody how much I wanted somebody to call my own.
“You’d love him, I think.” I slide my tongue over my dry lips. “I wish you were here. But I think… I think we’ll be okay.”
Sucking in a long breath, I leave the room and descend the stairs where Blake is about to go up.
“There you are. I was just coming up to look for you.”
I come to a stop, a couple of steps putting me on the same level as Blake. “I was just trying to figure out where I’ll put the crib.”
A frown appears between his brows as he looks at me. He lifts his hand and cups my face, his finger skimming over my cheek. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah. Do you mind taking the crib up for me?”
“Of course.” His gaze shifts up the stairs before it returns to me. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yes.” I nod slowly. “I think I will be.”
If he finds my answer weird, he doesn’t say anything.
“Okay, I’ll take the crib up.”
“Thank you.”
Blake’s thumb skims over my jaw, my lips parting slightly. His gaze lowers, but just then, my stomach decides to growl— loudly.
“When was the last time you ate?”
“It’s been a while.”
Blake shakes his head, clearly not happy with my answer. “I guess it’s good I stopped to grab something to eat then.” His hands drop on my waist, and he puts me down on the ground and gives me a gentle push toward the door. “Out. Now.”
“I’m going, I’m going.” I shake my head at his bossy tone as I make my way to the porch, where Levi is sitting on the floor next to the coffee table and slurping his drink.
“Hungry?” I ask as I sit on the swing next to him.
“Yes. We got you one too! It’s”—he grabs one of the bags and peeks inside before handing it to me—“this one.”
The smell of the burger and fries reaches my nostrils, and I can feel my stomach grumble once again. I pop one fry into my mouth, my eyes falling shut as the salty taste reaches my tongue.
“This is so good,” I groan loudly, covering my mouth.
Blinking my eyes open I find Levi watching me, a contemplative expression on his face. I take a napkin to wipe my mouth. “Is everything okay?”
“Yes.” Levi nods, his gaze falling to his food. He picks one fry and plays with it for a moment. “Miss Parker?”
“Yes?”
“What should I call you?”
I choke slightly, grateful that I finished my bite. “Umm… I don’t think I understand. Do you mind explaining it to me?”
“Well, I call you Miss Parker.” He glances at me, so I nod. “But Dad calls you Blondie or Savannah.”
“Oh…”
I tuck a strand of my hair behind my ear. I guess I could see where he was coming from. This whole situation has to be confusing to a six-year-old. Blake and I were having a child together, but I was also his teacher, which only made the whole situation that more complicated.
Still, he brought it up because, for one reason or another, this was troubling him.
“What would you like to call me?”
He shrugs and lowers his gaze. “I don’t know.”
“Hmm… How about this?” I place my hand on his shoulder, giving him a gentle squeeze. Levi tilts his head back so he can watch me. “Since I’m still your teacher, when we’re in school, you have to call me Miss Parker.”
His face falls a little in disappointment, and I can feel my heart break for this little boy. He was so sweet; there was no way I could ever say no to him.
“ However ,” I continue, those big gray eyes fixing on me, “when we’re out of school, you can call me Sav.”
“Sav?” he repeats as if he’s testing the word, but I don’t miss the skepticism in his tone.
“Yes, it’s short for Savannah. It’s what all my friends call me.”
Levi’s whole face lights up. “Really? Does that mean I’m your friend, too?”
A strand of hair falls into his face as he flashes me a smile.
“Yes, we’re friends.”
“Yes.” Before I know it, he jumps to his feet and wraps his arms around me. You’re my best friend, Sav. After Kyle.” He tilts his head back. “He’s my best, best friend.”
I chuckle softly. “I think I can live with that.”
I extend my hand and gently brush his hair back. He tilts his head into my touch, a longing expression flashing on his face.
And that damn ache is back inside my chest, making it hard to breathe.
I knew how he was feeling. After all, I used to be him when I was his age. So desperate for somebody of my own, somebody who’d love me. At least he had a father who adored him and was there for him.
“Levi!”
My head snaps up at the sound of the harsh tone. Levi’s hands loosen, and he pulls back to look at his brother, who’s storming across the street and based on the expression on his face, he’s livid.
I push to my feet, my heart thundering wildly inside my chest, the sudden movement making me sway slightly. My hand grabs for something to steady myself, only to land on Levi’s shoulder.
“Let’s go,” Daniel says to his brother, his jaw set in a hard line.
“No, I’m talking to Sav!” Levi protests. “You should be in your room anyway. You were grounded.”
Grounded?
Blinking a few times, I see Daniel’s angry gaze land on me, and for the first time, I notice his disarrayed looks. There is a dark bruise under his eye, and his lip has been busted.
Holy shit.
“What happened to you?”
Instinctively, I lift my hand, but he slaps it away. “Don’t touch me.”
I curl my fingers into a fist, feeling the sting in my palm. “I’m sorry.”
“If you were actually sorry, you’d stay the fuck away,” Daniel yells.
Levi turns to his brother. “Why are you so mean to her? She didn’t do anything to you.”
I bite the inside of my cheek. My stomach rolls with unease at the anger shining from Daniel, but then my gaze falls on Levi—sweet, kind-hearted Levi. I didn’t want to be the reason for two brothers fighting. They both had the right to process everything that had happened in their own way, and I didn’t blame Daniel one bit for reacting the way he did.
I gently squeeze Levi’s shoulder. “Levi, it’s fine. You?—”
“You’re not our mother!” Daniel’s loud shout intensifies the ringing in my ears.
He grabs Levi’s hand and tugs him away, making me lose my balance. I try to reach for something else to hold onto, as black spots appear in front of my eyes.
Shit. I blink furiously, but even that doesn’t help clear my vision, which makes the anxiety rise inside my chest. What the hell is going on with me?
“Just because Dad fucked you doesn’t make you anything to us, so don’t you dare act like you are our mother. Because you’re not. If I were yo?—”
His mouth keeps moving, but I can’t hear a word of what he says. A droplet of sweat falls in my eye. I blink it away, but my vision still stays blurry, my lungs tightening. I open my mouth to suck in the much-needed air, but it only makes things worse.
A hand touches my arm.
I blink, Levi’s worried face coming into view.
My tongue darts out, sliding over my dry lips. I open my mouth to reassure him, but no words come out.
My throat bobs as I swallow, looking up to find Daniel watching me.
And is there a trace of uncertainty on his face?
I must look really bad if that’s the case.
I’m fine. I take a step forward, that frown between his brows deepening. That boy, so much like his father. I’m going to be just fi ? —
The words don’t get a chance to form before the ground tilts on its axis, my hands flying to my belly as the world goes completely black.