Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
BLAKE
“Dad?” Levi whispers softly. “Are you taking Sav home?”
Savannah wiggles in my arms before her head settles against my shoulder, still firmly asleep. She must have been exhausted because of everything that had happened, since she crashed before I even managed to get out of the parking lot.
“No, she’ll stay with us tonight.”
There was no fucking way I could leave her in her house all alone. Not after what happened today.
“Like a sleepover?” Levi asks excitedly, holding the door open for me.
“Yes, like a sleepover. Brush your teeth and get into your PJs,” I whisper to the boys as I move further down the hallway. “I’ll come and check in on you in a minute.”
Pushing open the door to my room with my shoulder, I slip inside and walk to my bed. As gently as possible so as not to startle her, I lay her on my bed.
Pulling back, I sit on the mattress next to Savannah and brush her hair out of her face.
She is okay.
Safe and sound in my bed.
She is okay.
Maybe if I repeat it enough times, I’d believe it.
Savannah blinks, and sleepy blue irises meet mine. “Blake?” She looks around, clearly confused. “Where am I?”
“In my bed. You fell asleep.”
“Gosh, I’m so—” she starts to push upright, but I place my hand on her shoulder to keep her in place.
“No, stay here.”
Her lips part in surprise. “Blake I?—”
I knew what she would say, but I couldn’t let her go. It wasn’t rational, this need to make sure that she’s all right, but it was there, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Today was a clusterfuck of epic proportions, and it made me realize just how fragile this whole thing is. How fragile she is and how quickly I could lose her. Lose them .
“Stay here, and let me take care of you,” I croak out, taking her hand in mine. “Please, Blondie. I’ll go crazy worrying about you. What if you start feeling bad or something happens, and?—”
“Okay,” she whispers, her fingers wrapping around mine. “I’ll stay.”
I let out a long breath, feeling my shoulders relax. I grip her fingers, my other hand going to her hair. Neither of us says anything as I brush her hair away in gentle strokes until her eyes grow heavy, and she dozes off once again, her breathing evening out.
“Dad?”
I look up at the softly spoken question and find Levi standing in the doorway dressed in his PJs. Pressing my finger against my lips, I get up and exit the room, closing the door behind me.
“You done?”
“Yes.” Levi glances toward the door. “Is Sav really going to be okay?”
“Miss Parker,” I correct, “will be fine. She’s just tired.”
Levi crosses his arms over his chest and lifts his chin. “Sav told me I have to call her Miss Parker when we’re in school, but I can call her Sav when we’re home. That’s what her friends call her.” He gives me a pointed look. “Because I’m her friend.”
Chuckling softly, I drop my hand to his shoulders and steer him toward his bedroom. “Okay, then. Sav is going to stay here so I can keep an eye on her. Now off to bed with you.”
Levi climbs into his bed, and I pull the covers over him.
“Sav is really nice, Dad. I like her. I don’t want anything to happen to her or my baby brother.”
“It won’t. We’ll take care of her.”
Levi nods. “Yes, we’ll take care of her.”
I brush his hair away before leaning down to kiss the top of his head. “Sleep tight. I’ll see you in the morning.”
With a “Goodnight,” I slip out of the room, closing the door behind me. I can hear the water running in the bathroom, so I make my way downstairs and into the kitchen. Grabbing a glass from the cupboard, I open the highest shelf and pull down the whiskey I stashed there behind some of the rice crackers I knew the boys didn’t like. Pouring two fingers of amber liquid, I make my way out on the porch and sit down on the stairs.
I pull out my phone and type in gestational diabetes. Now that everybody was asleep, I could finally do what I wanted to since the doctor told us Savannah’s diagnosis—research. I couldn’t help her if I didn’t know what we were dealing with.
Dozens of different results pop up on the screen immediately. I start reading each article, making my anxiety grow stronger. So many things could go wrong, and there was only so much Savannah or I could do to help her.
Squeezing my glass, I lift it and down the drink in one go. The whiskey slides down my throat, and I embrace the burn.
What if something goes wrong? What if she can’t manage it with diet? What if something happens to the baby? What if something happens to Savannah ?
“Is she really okay?”
Glancing over my shoulder, I find Daniel standing in the doorway watching me.
“Let’s hope so.”
Daniel nods, his gaze turning distant as he bites the inside of his cheek.
Placing the glass on the floor next to me, I face forward and look up at the dark sky. I knew we should probably talk about what had happened this afternoon, but I didn’t have it in me to get in another screaming match with him.
I expect Daniel to leave, but instead, he sits on the step next to me. For a while, we stay in silence, neither of us saying anything.
“Did I…” He clears his throat. “Was I the reason she ended up in a hospital?”
My head whips in his direction. “What?”
His body is stiff, fingers curling into fists in his lap so tightly his knuckles have turned white. The panic is written all over his face as he rushes out in one breath, “I swear I didn’t mean to hurt her. I didn’t even realize I pushed her that hard or that she would fall. I didn’t want to h-hurt her, Dad.” His tear-stained eyes meet mine, and hearing his voice break is like a kick to my gut. “I s-swear… I didn’t want to hurt her.”
“Hey.” I place my hand on his knee and give it a firm squeeze. I couldn’t remember the last time I saw him cry. Or show any sign of fragility. Lately he’s been full of rage that’s been brewing under the surface for the last few years. “You didn’t hurt her.”
“B-but she fell. And I?—”
“Breathe,” I whisper, gripping his knee tightly. “C’mon.”
I watch his chest shake as he sucks in a long breath and lets it out, repeating the motion a few times. Once he’s calm enough, I explain, “Savannah has gestational diabetes.”
Daniel blinks, his brows pulling together. “What is that?”
“High blood sugar in pregnancy. Her blood sugar spiked suddenly, and her body couldn’t deal with it, so she fainted. It’s not your fault, Daniel.”
He blinks a few times as if he’s trying to wrap his mind around it. Daniel lets out a long breath, his whole body shuddering as if the weight has fallen off his shoulders.
I pull him to me and repeat, “It’s not your fault.”
He nods and buries his head in the crook of my neck. I didn’t realize this whole situation hit him as hard as it did, so I just held him, rubbing his back, until I could feel that he’s calmed down enough.
“But Daniel?”
Pulling back, he bows his head and rubs at his eyes. “Yeah?”
“This shit has to stop,” I say slowly and wait for him to lift his gaze before I continue. “I know that this situation is far from ideal. I know this isn’t what you would have wanted. I understand that you’re angry, but the only person you should be angry at is me. Savannah? She didn’t do anything to you. She’s just trying to be nice and do the best that she can with the cards that she’s been dealt. What you said to her today crossed every line. You had no right to act that way or to call her those names.”
Red creeps up his cheeks in embarrassment, but he doesn’t try to deny it.
“She didn’t choose this. Do you think anybody sane would willingly choose the mess that’s our family? Because if I was in her place, I sure as hell wouldn’t.”
“I guess not,” Daniel mumbles.
“This wasn’t some elaborate plot on her or my side, but she’s pregnant, and there is no changing that. That baby? It’s your brother or sister.” His throat bobs as he swallows, but he doesn’t say anything. I run my hand over my face, letting it fall into my lap. “You’ll apologize to her for what you said today.”
Daniel opens his mouth, and I can see one of those testy comments is on the tip of his tongue, but he bites the words back and nods. “Okay.”
“And you’ll be nice to her. No snarky comments and no glaring. She’s dealing with a lot as it is, and gestational diabetes isn’t something to joke about. She doesn’t need any more stress than she’s already under. And not because she’s trying to be your mother.” I give him a pointed look. “But because she doesn’t want my relationship with you boys to suffer because of her.”
Daniel pushes to his feet. “We didn’t need her for that.”
“No, we didn’t,” I agree. “That’s the mess I made all on my own, but I want to make this right. I love you, Daniel. Despite the fact that some days you drive me crazy, and I contemplate strangling you, you’re my son, and I love you. I’ll always love you.”
Daniel’s Adam’s apple bobs as he swallows. He shifts his weight and runs his fingers through his hair. “I said I’ll apologize, geez.” His hand drops. “I’m going to bed.”
He shakes his head and goes toward the door. I watch him for a moment longer, and just as I start to turn, I spot him lingering in the doorway.
“Dad?”
“Yes?”
I’m not quite sure what’s going on in his head. I haven’t known for a while now. The little boy he used to be, who’d run into my arms every time he’d see me, was long gone. Mostly thanks to my actions. Now he was a young man full of resentment at me and the world, and I was trying my best to get through to him.
Today felt like the beginning, though. To what, I wasn’t exactly sure. Only time will be able to tell.
Daniel opens his mouth, but no words come out. “Nothing.” He shakes his head before slipping into the house.
Running my hand over my face, I pinch the bridge of my nose and just sit there in silence. I could feel a headache brewing behind my temples as everything that happened today played on a loop in my mind.
Sighing, I pick up the glass and enter the quiet house. I make sure everything is locked before I go upstairs to check on Savannah. All the information I read about gestational diabetes was still going through my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking about all the bad things that could happen.
I push the door open, the light peeking through the crack in the door, making Savannah’s hair shine brightly.
Staying as quiet as possible, I go to my dresser and pull a pair of loose basketball pants on. I’m just about to head out when I hear Savannah’s soft voice. “Blake?”
It’s slightly raspy from sleep, or maybe she needs some water. The doctor said she should drink more fluids. And now that thought has sneaked into my head, I couldn’t stop more dark thoughts from entering my mind.
“Yeah?” I close the distance between us. “You okay? Need me to bring you any?—”
“No, I’m fine. I just heard you moving around the room.”
“Sorry, I needed to change, I’ll lea?—”
“Don’t…” She shakes her head and extends her hand. “I— Can you hold me? Every time I close my eyes, I feel like something bad is going to happen, and…”
She visibly shudders at the thought.
“I’m here.”
Sliding my hand from hers, I go to close the door and navigate through the darkness back to the bed. The mattress dips under my weight as I slide under the covers.
“What if something goes wrong?” Savannah asks softly.
“It won’t.” I extend my hand blindly, my fingers settling on her midriff. “We’ll figure it out together.”
Savannah moves closer, her body nestling against mine as if it were made for me.
As if she were made for me.
I slide my palm over her hard stomach, my fingers sprawling protectively over the bump. I brush my nose against her neck and inhale her sweet, flowery scent.
“I’ve gotcha, Blondie.” I brush my lips against her nape, her body shivering in my arms. “Go to sleep. I won’t let anything bad happen to you or our baby.”