17. Dom
I don’t sleep with clothes on, but I know Thea will have a cow if I try that tonight. I grab a pair of gym shorts. These will have to work. There’s a small cubby area that serves as a closet. It used to have an ironing board and shit in it. Now it’s just clothes hanging. It gives me enough room to change, though. I put my cut on a hanger and then stuff the rest of the clothes I took off in the small hamper.
When I come back out, my damn jaw almost drops to the floor. Thea, standing there in my T-shirt, is something out of a fantasy. The shirt is big on her, stopping about three to four inches above her knee. I have to make myself stop the moan that comes out when I see how the fabric caresses her full breasts. She’s lethal and I’m starting to worry that I’m getting in over my head. The last thing I need is to fuck things up with Thea. I don’t give a fuck what Breaker, Bull or any of the others would do—including my father. My only concern is Thea. She’s not the kind of woman you approach lightly. You need to be all in with her. I know it. I’ve always known it. I never thought that person would be me, but I’ve always been drawn to her. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t. I never went there out of respect for Breaker, but also because there was Gabby. I gave that woman most of my life up ‘til now. I was a blind idiot, much like Thea takes great pleasure in pointing out.
“You okay?” she asks, making me realize that I’ve been lost in my thoughts.
I shake it off and give her a small smile. “Yeah. Go ahead, get in bed. It’s my turn in the bathroom.” She gives a slight nod of her head and I leave before I do something stupid.
I go through the motions of getting ready. I’m being stupid. I shouldn’t be nervous about spending the night with Thea—but I am. I want time with her, but I’d be lying if I didn’t admit that I fear making the wrong move here. I want to explore these new feelings I’m having for her. I’m a big enough man to admit they’re feelings that have been dormant inside of me, that I’ve refused to let see the light of day. What happens if I finally let them free? What if she thinks I’m insane and pushes me away? The woman hasn’t exactly seen me at my best. I’m not sure it’s even possible for her to give me a shot. I probably shouldn’t even try. My head is still messed up. Gabby might not be my problem any longer, but losing T has taken its toll on me, and then there’s the secret that my dad seems intent on keeping. I can’t even bring myself to think about that. I haven’t spoken to him in weeks, and I need to. I just have anger coiled up inside me. With a sigh, I rinse my mouth after brushing my teeth and head back to the main room. Thea is in bed with the cover pulled up to her neck, staring at me. She looks flustered and adorable all at once.
“I…” She clears her throat and starts again. “I didn’t know what side of the bed you slept on.”
“The middle,” I answer with a grin.
She breathes out in a huff and rolls her eyes. “Yeah, well, that’s not happening tonight.”
“That sounds like a challenge.” I grin at her, giving her a wink as I get into bed.
“Nope. It’s a threat you so much as put a toe on my side of the bed and I will hurt you in ways you can’t fathom.”
I settle down in bed and turn over to my side to look at her. “Oh… I’m so skeered,” I joke.
“You should be,” she snaps, doing her best to keep the laughter out of her voice and mostly failing.
“Baby, I’ll make a deal with you. I’m going to stay on my side. If anyone crosses that line tonight, it will be you.”
“Then, we’re good because there’s no way I’d ever do that.”
“We’ll see,” I taunt.
“Do you realize you flirt without even knowing it?”
“Huh?”
“You call me babe or baby often. I don’t even think you’re aware of it. It just comes natural to you. It’s like breathing.”
“What makes you think I’m not aware of the fact I call you baby?”
“Well, because I’m me. You wouldn’t flirt with me intentionally.”
“Do you hate it when I call you baby?”
“Don’t forget babe,” she murmurs. She’s smiling, her eyes soft as she stares at me. She’s curled on her side, her hands are under her cheek, pressing into her pillow. She takes my fucking breath away and I love that she’s wearing my tee.
“Hmm?” I hum, lost in thought, wondering what I’m not supposed to forget. It’s hard to think when someone so beautiful is in your bed and staring at you.
“Don’t forget you call me babe, too.”
“Oh,” I respond, sounding lame. For a minute I thought she was calling me babe and I really hate she wasn’t. “Do you hate it?” I ask again.
“No,” she laughs. “I’m not as stupid as I was when I was a teenager.”
“What does that mean?” I frown, not liking the fact that she ever thought she was stupid. She’s the smartest, strongest person I know.
“That when I was a teen, and you called me baby, I swooned.”
“Is that right?” I practically purr.
“Stop,” she orders, her voice full of sass. “The point is, I would take it as a sign that you liked me as much as I liked you. I told you I was stupid.”
“Stop calling yourself that,” I warn, not liking it one bit.
“I’m serious. Teenage girls are full of raging hormones and insecurities. I was stupid. We all are at that age. Mine was just worse because I had this crush on someone I should have never looked at. You weren’t for me. I knew it, but I ignored it.”
“Thea—”
“This is kind of an embarrassing conversation, Dom. Can we just let it drop?” she basically pleads.
I take a minute to decide what I should do. It would be smart to let it go. Then again, I’ve never been smart. Why the hell should I start now? After all of the wrong that I’ve dished out, seems like it’s about time I try to make up for it—at least a little.
“Babe is a throwaway. I’ve used it from time to time, I admit it. I also admit that I use it mostly when I’m annoyed. Sometimes I alternate it with the word woman.”
“Dom,” she groans. “I told you I understood?—”
“Baby is a word that I only use when it’s someone I care about. It’s not flirting, Thea. It’s plain out saying you’re important to me.”
“Yeah, right.”
“I’m dead serious.”
“Okay, fine. How long is this list of women you refer to as baby?”
“Two.”
“That’s a quick answer, sure you don’t want time to think about it?”
“Not at all, though it may give you reason to hate me more.”
“I don’t hate you, Dom.”
“Maybe not now, but I hurt you in the past, and I know you hated me for a while. I wish I could go back and change everything, but I can’t.”
“I never hated you. I was upset, hurt, and frustrated, but I never hated you. I just…”
“Just what?” I prompt.
“I wanted better for you. I admit, for a while I wanted it to be me, but regardless, I mainly just wanted to see you happy.”
“You were right, you know.”
“Of course I was right. I always am,” she sasses. “But what specifically was I right about?”
“I wish I had listened to you all those years ago. I wish I could go back and kick Gabby out of my life and erase the time I wasted on her.”
“Dom…”
“Most of all, I wish I could go back to that day we kissed, and Gabby interrupted us.”
“It’s a good thing that she did.”
“No, it’s not. I should have told her to fuck off and continued kissing you.”
I watch as my words register. Her eyes go round with shock, and I can’t say for sure, but I think I see fear.
“Don’t do this, Dom,” she whispers.
“Don’t what? Tell you I’ve always wanted you? I have. I pushed it away and buried the feelings you stirred in me because I promised Gabby that we’d be together. She gave me her virginity and her trust. My father always taught me that a man stands by his word. So, I did. I did it blindly because I wanted to be just like my old man. I wanted the life my father created. That’s what I wanted to give any children I had. So, I was determined to stand by the woman I chose and work my way through the club so that I could lead it one day. I wanted to be just like my old man.”
“Dom, Uncle Dragon has always been proud of you. Always.”
“No, he hasn’t been, and he shouldn’t. I’ve screwed up a lot.”
“Dom…” She sighs.
“My biggest fuck-up was not listening to that little voice in my head that told me you were special.”
“Yeah, special. You knew all the way back then that I was going to be a pain in your ass,” she giggles. “If we’re done with this heart to heart, I’m going to get some sleep. It’s been a long day,” she adds and then she rolls over and lies on her other side, giving me her back.
I know she’s dismissing me. She doesn’t want to continue our conversation. I guess I pushed it too far. I shouldn’t have. I know it, but I couldn’t stop myself. I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I smile because it’s her sweet scent of cherries that I take in. I stare at the back of her head for a bit and decide to let it go. I reach up and hit the light switch by the faux wood headboard, turning off the light.
“Goodnight, Gorgeous,” I murmur. “That name can be only yours.”
“It doesn’t matter because we’re not like that. That said, a strong woman wouldn’t care if you’ve used the name before, as long as you made her feel like she’d be the only one, and the last one, you use the name on,” she mumbles not turning to look at me.
“Would that include you, Thea?”
“I’ve sworn off men.”
“If I convince you not to give up on me, would you give me a chance?”
I don’t have to be touching her to know her body stiffened. Even with the cover over her body, it is apparent. I’m pushing too much. She turns so that she’s looking over her shoulder at me. I’d prefer she flip over so I could see her entire body, but I’ll have to be satisfied that her eyes are staring into mine.
“What are you trying to accomplish here, Dom?”
“I want you in my life, Thea.”
“I am. We’re family?—”
“No, Gorgeous. I mean, I want you. I have for a while, longer than I’m comfortable letting you know. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I discovered you and Raze were together. You seemed happy. Now that the dumbass has shot his wad and fucked it up …” I trail off with a shrug, not once looking away from her beautiful eyes.
“That can’t happen,” she answers.
“Tell me why,” I counter.
She rolls over on her back, letting out an annoyed breath, while staring up at the ceiling. I leave her alone. I’m not sure what to say at this point anyway. The ball is quite figuratively in her court now.
“What are you doing?”
“I want you to give me a chance. That’s it—nothing more, nothing less.”
“I don’t want a relationship, Dom. I obviously suck at them. Plus?—”
“Maybe you suck at them because you didn’t have the right man at your back.”
She lets out a bitter laugh. “You think you are the right man?”
“I think I can be if you will give me a chance.”
“You’re unbelievable, Dominic West. I knew better than to trust you. I came here tonight to get away from stress—not to find more of it!”
“I’m not here to stress you, Thea. I told you. I’m not going to get on your side of the bed. You want me, then all you have to do is ask me. I won’t make a move. The same can be said in trying to prove that we could be good together. Any first move that has to be made, will be on your side.”
“Good, then. That means it will never happen,” she brags.
“If your mind is made up, I guess you’re right.”
“Oh, it’s definitely made up.”
“Okay, then,” I reply with a smirk.
“Roll over and go to sleep, stud. You’re starting to annoy me.”
“Sweet dreams. I’m wondering if mine will be better than the ones I’ve already had of you,” I ponder softly.
“You’ve had dreams of me? What kind of dreams?” she asks quickly.
I grin. “Maybe I’ll tell you someday.” I roll over and say nothing else. In a few minutes, she turns out the light on her side and I find myself smiling. I’m not going to give up on her. I feel more alive tonight than I have in forever.
That has to mean something.