Chapter Nine
Nova
Christmas sounds used to be my favorite thing.
Not just the carolers or even the oldies station playing ancient holiday tunes. No, I always loved the sound of sleigh bells from the horse drawn carriage at the park. The glowing, bubbling Christmas tree lights my mother used to love. Even the crackle of a fireplace where stockings hang in wait.
There is a new sound that will always mean Christmas to me.
“That’s it, honey,” Niko groans as he moves behind me, his hands gripping my hips, my body laid out on his oak table. “That’s my girl. I love watching you take me, it’s so pretty, honey,” he grunts as he fucks me against the table, wrapping paper and bows going everywhere.
“Don’t stop,” I plead, turning my head to lock gazes with him. “I’m...baby, I’m so close. Harder, I need to...oh, oh, yes!”
Niko shouts as he slams into me, his hand pressing between my thighs. His fingertips rub at my swollen, aching clit until I see stars. I claw at the table, sending the big blue monkey we were wrapping flying off the table.
“Oh, hell, that’s it, baby,” his voice is raw, deep as a guttural cry as he bends over me, pinning my body down. His teeth sink into my shoulder as his fingers grip me tighter, stilling me as he rides me from behind. “I’m coming with you. Inside you. You want it all, don’t you, honey?”
“Yes, yes, I want it. Inside me, Niko,” I purr, biting at my lip as a second orgasm crashes down on me like a tidal wave.
Niko shudders as he comes, his teeth sinking into my skin again. I love the pleasure pain of it. Later, I will see his marks on my skin and remember these moments and just want them all over again. I had no idea I would be so insatiable in bed, but here we are.
We’ve spent the past few days figuring out what we both like. I have not left his house other than to open the shop once or twice. The rest of the world goes on around us, but this is all I care about. Being here with him, locked in these heated moments, feeling pleasure I never dreamed I would feel.
One thing I like—being in his bed. Not just for lovemaking. I love lying in bed with him, feeling safer than I ever have before. We laugh and talk, and I even cried when he told me about his sister losing her husband. He held me through stories about losing my parents and the fallout with my brother.
Being with him is the best gift I have ever been given.
“Hmm, we were supposed to behave,” he murmurs against my throat as we come down from our cloud of euphoria.
Grinning back at him, I bounce my shoulder carelessly. Yeah, we were supposed to behave long enough to wrap presents for Ava and Evan. Even if I claim to hate Christmas, I adore those little lost boys of his, so I agreed to lend a hand. Wrapping presents used to be my favorite part of the holiday.
It turns out I don’t hate Christmas much at all if I’m with him.
“We got through at least half,” I argue as we fix our clothes and pick up the mess we made. “Seems to me the problem here is the sheer number of gifts here. I get you’re the uncle who gets to spoil them but...”
Trailing off, I see the flicker of emotion in his beautiful eyes. He adores his niece and nephew and to be honest, it’s one of the things I love about him. I also love how close he is to his sister. It does make me miss my brother more than ever, but I am not ready to face that just yet.
Niko pulls me to him, planting a big, deep kiss on my lips. It makes my heart thunder in my chest as my head dreams up all sorts of things. Things like spending a hundred more holidays here with him. Wrapping presents, making love, and a thousand other things we could do together.
“I will spoil you too, once you let me,” he murmurs against my mouth.
“No presents. I do not do Christmas, remember?”
It’s a bit of a white lie at this point, I think. We’ve gone shopping for the holiday, baked cookies, made a pastel gingerbread house, and I even put a few ornaments on his tree. I did not object when he hung up a stocking with my name on it. If you ask me, I have been about as pro-Christmas as can be for a former grinch.
There does not seem to be a reason to hate it the way I did before. Besides the sadness I will always feel without my parents, and now without Orion, I find myself looking forward to the Hallmark holiday movies, the carolers making their rounds, and even his threat of getting me presents.
“You do Christmas with me,” he argues, pulling me close as he spins us around the room. “You hear that music? Christmas music, honey. We’ve been dancing to it all day, fucking to it too,” he drops his voice as he whispers this against my neck. “You light up whenever we start wrapping presents, and you will be thrilled when you open that little box right there.”
Frowning as he spins us closer to the tree, I tilt my head. With our hands laced as he sways me to the Christmas song filling his cabin, he points at the tree. Nestled between the thick fir limbs and the golden and red ornaments, is a beautifully wrapped box. It has a golden bow on top and if he had not pointed it out to me, I would have never noticed it wasn’t one of the pretty ornaments that fill his huge tree.
“Niko...no, I said...I don’t do gifts or...”
“Yes, honey, you do,” he tells me softly, stopping by the fireplace to hold me close as he continues. “You create gifts every single day at the flower shop. Beautiful things that bring joy or peace to the people who need it most the moment they need it. That is a gift. Nova, honey you are a gift. I’ve never gotten such a gift before. You do Christmas with me, and that is enough. We can celebrate just the two of us.”
“What do you mean? Your sister and the kids....”
“They will have their Christmas together at her place. If we want, we can go join them. If we don’t.... then we don’t.”
His words hit me as if they were actual blows. How could he even think I would stand in the way of him spending the holiday with them? I would never do that to him or to the kids. Instead of the assurance his suggestion might be about, I am hurt by his words.
Stepping back from him, I shake my head. Tears blur my vision. I have no right to ruin his holiday or theirs. No right to pin my hurt and loneliness on him or anyone else. No one did this to me. It is no one’s fault that I hate holidays. That I spent the last several wallowing in my own misery.
“No. No , I can’t...you cannot do that. Not for me . I won’t be a reason for you or for anyone else on the holidays. I....I need to go. I can’t be here.”
Twisting from him, I rush towards the door, stumbling over my boots as I try to tug them on. My hands are shaking. Tears are streaming down my face. I am reminded of last winter when I tried to surprise my brother just to find him with my best friend. The last two people I had in the world had avoided me to celebrate the holiday together.
It was always the one thing we did together after we lost our parents. No matter what was going on, we spent Christmas together. We would make each other gifts if we couldn’t afford something. Oaklin was there for some of those holidays because she was my best friend. I could not have known that the two of them were falling in love with each other right in front of me.
I was selfish to shut them out. They never meant to hurt me. I can accept that now, I believe it now. At the time, I was thinking about myself, about my loneliness, my own pain. Oaklin was my best friend. There was never a time she was not there for me. It was wrong of me to refuse to do the same for her. Now I am weighed down with guilt, with regret, and with shame.
“Nova, honey, you’re not going anywhere. Not this time. You belong here, with me. We both know that,” his voice is firm, unwavering as his big body cages mine against the door.
“I never said I belonged here,” I shoot back as I go for the door.
Niko shocks me, spinning me from the door, hauling me over his shoulder and stomping towards the stairs. I wriggle and squirm, even as I am smiling against his shoulder. This is an unexpected development, but I do not mind. He strides towards the bedroom, flipping me on my back on the bed.
Looming over me, he tears off the sweater and jeans he just put back on downstairs. Then without a word, he yanks at my leggings, pulls at my own sweater, tossing all of it aside without a care. I stare up at him in the late afternoon sun, stunned by how beautiful he is.
Does this sweet, golden retriever, good taste guy, who loves to celebrate every single thing he can really want me?
“You definitely said you belong here, Nova. Not with words. Because we’re careful with words. Honey, you said it the day we met. You called me Peter Pan, with my two lost boys. I told you that you were my Wendy, didn’t I? What do you think that means for me, Nova?”
Blinking up at him, I shake my head. Because we have been careful with words, I have not let myself think about that. Being Wendy to his Peter Pan. What it could mean to him. “What...what does it mean?”
“It means I want to grow up with you, honey. I will never give up celebrating birthdays or anniversaries. Each Christmas and Thanksgiving will be just as big as they were before. Just not at the cost of you hurting. I made a promise to you, Nova. To give you some magic back. Put that sparkle back.”
I cannot find an argument, so I just smile as he crawls over me on the bed. He grins back as he hoists me up, making me laugh as I sit astride his powerful thighs. Reaching towards the bedside table, he grabs something. I frown until he presses a button on the little remote. The curtains to the two windows spilling light in go dark as shutters fall slowly.
“What is this?” I wonder as I laugh, watching the room darken.
Grinning at me in the darkness, he hits another button. String lights hanging from the ceiling and walls light the room in a soft glow. On the back of the bed hang more lights, these ones bright rainbow colors. It is beautiful but I have no idea how he had the time to do it.
“While you were at the shop, I realized our bedroom needed a little something,” he answers my unasked question with a huge smile.
“This is a lot of something,” I muse, combing my fingers through his hair. “And I love it. It is beautiful, baby,” I whisper as emotion floods me.
“ You are beautiful, baby. I said I never need another gift, and I meant it. You’re the gift of a lifetime. I am so blessed, so damn glad I needed something special for my sister. Because I found something special in you.”
My chest swells with emotion, with the love that I feel for him. The love I never thought I would feel for anyone. I cut people out, I shut down celebrating life, and I regret it now. How much good have I missed out on? What memories could I have made, who could I have let in my life?
“I am blessed,” I whisper back, brushing my mouth over his. “I might have missed this, missed you and those cute kids, and this cute Christmas, because I was afraid of hurting again. But I almost missed feeling this.”
“Not missing a thing now, I promise you,” he swears against my lips.
Lying me back on the bed, he kisses me until the world begins to spin. Lit up by the pretty lights, he is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I stare up at him in the darkness, knowing that I am safe with him. That I can hurt at Christmas time, I can mourn the loss of what I once had before we lost my parents, and I can still celebrate.
The room is glowing, and I can still hear Christmas music playing downstairs. Lacing our hands together, he tangles them up in the colorful lights as he pushes inside me slowly. It was good earlier, good the first time we made love, but this time it is different.
Tangled up in the lights and the sheets, it feels as if we’re in a new world. One where all the humbug I tried to hide behind for so long is gone. A place where I do feel safe, where I do feel happier than I ever have, where I want to celebrate him and the good things in my life. My shop, my few friends, this wonderful man and his family, and even my own family.
“Merry Christmas Wendy Darling,” Niko murmurs as we lay together in the dark, spent and smiling at one another.
His words say much more than Merry Christmas—they say all the words we have not been brave enough to say. For now, Merry Christmas will do.
“Merry Christmas, Peter Pan.”