11. Sutton
Sutton
J amie’s first week working at the station started out quiet except for Babs’s squeals of delight over learning my son and Chaz had gotten engaged over the weekend.
Since she was the town gossip—with only the best of intentions—I wasn’t surprised word about their upcoming marriage spread as quickly as it did.
I also found out from her vast knowledge that Jimmy had rented a dumpster to empty out his dad’s house.
I’d finally gotten a glimpse of the real man behind the facade, the total lack of the tough front he’d always worn as a kid, and couldn’t think about much else.
The last time I’d seen past his walls was that September afternoon he’d been crying on the front porch of a house that hadn’t ever been his safe place.
He’d called himself a worm, and over his teenage years, I’d heard him whisper the word as though it played on repeat in his head. Made me wonder what else his dad had said to him when he’d been a child.
I expected he hid his true self because he didn’t like who he was beneath.
The person under the veneer Jimmy Riley wore like a shield intrigued the hell out of me and was ten times as magnetic as the sassy flirt I struggled to say no to.
After that glimpse of the real Jimmy, I’d been even more intent on burrowing into his brain and heart, sifting through the bullshit for the gem of a man I expected he could be given the right support and edification.
After that breakthrough we’d had, I’d felt sure he would reach out and allow me to help, offering me the opportunity to get to know him better even though the idea scared the hell out of me.
He didn’t call or text, which suggested he didn’t want me around.
I didn’t have his number, so I allowed him the space he seemed to want.
Daily, I drove by his neighborhood but stayed far enough away he wouldn’t see me or be able to accuse me of stalking his fine ass.
Twice, I’d seen Mary’s grandson DJ working alongside Jimmy to clean out the house, tossing shit into the dumpster and chatting as though neither had a care in the world.
Flashes of a true smile curved his lips while with DJ, and while I was happy to see him lighter in spirit, jealousy roused in me over his easily sharing that part of him with a young boy.
My brain acted like a petulant child because I wanted to be the sole reason for those glimpses of truth he unveiled.
Even from a distance, he was sunshine, and I could imagine the sparkle in his baby blues, the hint of peace in them even if only for a moment. Considering all he’d endured as a kid, he deserved to find contentment and happiness in living without a mask of protection.
We often caught sight of each other in passing while downtown, and I’d soaked in his stare, my body restless as he checked me out, that smirking facade firmly in place.
I’d expected him to hang at Frenchie’s, but he kept a low-key profile rather than get into trouble by drinking too much like he’d done as a teenager.
Mostly, he was with Mary, accompanying her to get groceries at The Market, taking her to Dig-In, and talking to our town’s sole realtor around her shop and his dad’s house.
I’d heard he’d driven Mary and DJ to the apple orchard, and I’d seen him with the young boy at Scone Haven and the ice cream shop more than once.
Jimmy had been nothing but self-centered and selfish before leaving Pippen Creek, and I had difficulty trusting his intentions that appeared innocent and loving.
I hated that my mind immediately went toward deception, that he only invested in Mary’s grandson to gain my attention.
No doubt, he wished to prove he was a changed man.
I relived every glance we’d exchanged downtown, his smirks and winks, how his gaze trailed over my body, making me heat up and wish for things I hadn’t enjoyed in far too long.
From a distance, the boy was on his best behavior as he claimed he would be, but I knew it was only a matter of time before his manipulative little ass attempted yet again to get my dick inside him.
The thought of his smooth hands on me, his body teaching me how to please a man when I’d only slept with women, made me shift in my office chair.
“Dad.”
Blinking, I turned toward my office door, grinning at my son who held takeout containers from Dig-In. My stomach growled loudly, reminding me the lunch hour had passed without my realizing it, and I appreciated the distraction from my obsession.
“Perfect timing.” I stacked folders and shoved them to the edge of my desk as Jamie settled into the chair across from me.
He slid one Styrofoam box to me, and I flipped the lid, breathing in deep, my mouth watering.
We hadn’t gotten much time together since his graduation and first day on our tiny force here in Pippen Creek, so I looked forward to sharing our lunch break. As one, we ripped into the ketchup packets, creating piles in the corners of our box lids.
“You seem to be settling in just fine,” I said before sinking my teeth into my burger.
He’d already beat me to it and chewed, lips firmly closed, while nodding. “Yeah,” he said once he swallowed, grabbing two fries and smearing them through ketchup. “Figured I would since I’ve known everyone on the payroll for most of my life.”
Officer Davidson was the only new hire since Jamie had left for college. He was the single ladies’ man around town and was easy to get along with. Like Jamie, he fit in as though family, a perfect addition to the no-drama station I appreciated having.
“Been meaning to ask you about something,” I said, wiping my mouth with a napkin.
One of his eyebrows popped up, but he continued eating as though he hadn’t a thing to hide—which I would usually believe considering he rarely lied or kept the truth from me.
“What trouble did you get into while down in Boston that came rushing back to haunt you the second Jimmy walked into Frenchie’s?” I’d been suspicious over his reaction and had guessed what had caused it but wanted his admission rather than accuse him.
Red flushed up Jamie’s neck and stained his cheeks. “Shit.” He huffed, uncapped his water, and took a swig. “It’s uh…a little embarrassing.”
“I figured that from the color on your face, but I won’t judge.”
Jamie hesitated before speaking. “First, I have to ask what all you know about Jimmy and what he’s been doing since leaving here?”
“Everything,” I admitted without hesitation.
Jamie’s brow rose again.
“I look after our people,” I attempted to reason away my stalking of the boy.
“Yeah, but he moved out of town,” Jamie argued. “Wasn’t your responsibility anymore—not that he ever really was.”
I shrugged, wishing I could believe what my son claimed.
“So you’re aware of what he does for work.” Jamie didn’t ask a question, but I nodded while sinking my teeth into another bite of my burger. “That guy Zack—his co-worker…” My son scratched at the back of his neck, his face flushing red. “I, uh…hired him a few times.”
“No need to be embarrassed,” I promised even though my suspicions had been proven correct. “Don’t give a shit about who a man sleeps with. But how did you afford that?” I asked. “Because I’ve seen what Elite Escorts charges for Jimmy, and my son didn’t have those kinds of funds while in college.”
“Shit.” Jamie eyed his fries and swallowed hard. “I had an OnlyFans.”
I might be old but was well aware of what he spoke of. Dex had tried to get me interested in a few younger guys on there he thought might appeal to me.
Jamie glanced up at me. “You really don’t care, do you?”
“Of course not,” I said, studying my burger for my next bite. “A man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do to get what he wants.”
“Speaking of.” Jamie paused until I met his inquisitive gaze. “What’s up with you and Jimmy?”
“Not a damned thing.” I took a large bite to give myself a minute to decide how to wade through this topic with my son.
“Liar.”
I chuckled while chewing, shaking my head. “Seriously, there’s nothing going on between us.”
His head cocked to the side. “You wish there was though, don’t you?”
Jamie had been honest with me, so he deserved the same openness. I hoped he wouldn’t look down on me for my actions since Jimmy had left.
“I kept tabs on him just like he accused me of doing. Even went so far as to hire a private investigator initially, because there was no trace of him online. He lived on the streets before landing the job at EEMM. After that, he was easy to check up on through their website and social media.”
Jamie watched me, and I could hear his brain working as long seconds ticked past. “How long, Dad?”
I knew exactly what he asked, even though his tone didn’t hint at accusation of grooming and inappropriate actions with a minor. “Something about that boy always made me concerned for his well-being, but I promise there was no interest on my part back then.”
He blew out a breath and picked up his burger again. “When did you find out he wanted you?”
“The night he turned eighteen, he stopped by our house before escaping town.”
Jamie chewed, still eyeing me. “Where was I?”
“At Chaz’s.”
He nodded and dipped more fries in ketchup. “So you didn’t…”
“No. I didn’t want him then like I do now.” Well, my body had, but I’d been too confused and gobsmacked at the time to do anything but deny the boy.
A smirk twisted Jamie’s lips as he chewed.
“What?”
He shook his head, grabbing for more fries. “I wish I could hate to say it, but Jimmy seems kind of perfect for you.”
It was my turn to exhale loudly and study my food that grew cold.
“He hides behind one hell of a wall, and I’ll bet you’re dying to dive through it and sus out his every secret.”
I released a slow exhale. “You would be right.”
“So why haven’t you given in to his pursuit?”
I toyed with a single fry, eyeing the granules of salt littering its dark tan flesh. Old Man Ron made the best fries in town. Burgers too.
“Dad.”
Heaving a sigh, I dropped the fry, wiped my fingers free from grease on my napkin, and sat back in my squeaky chair. “Even though I’m lonely as fuck and want a relationship, I’m wary as hell—as a guy like me ought to be.”
Jamie’s face grew stormy, his forehead furrowing. “You can’t let Darla and what she did to us keep you from trying again, Dad. Not everyone is a manipulative, selfish asshole like she was.”
Jimmy had always been devious as fuck, even as a kid, but I wouldn’t share his past with my son to justify my fear. I had every right to be skeptical of his manipulative words and actions.
“He’s not planning on sticking around, so why start something that won’t last?
Why lower my shields and open myself to that kind of hurt?
” I shook my head with the excuse I could discuss without uncovering Jimmy’s poor choices.
“I want connection and love like you and Chaz share, but letting that boy into my heart and watching him walk away one day without a backward glance will hurt even worse than Darla leaving us.”
“Damn.” Jamie stared at me. “You like him more than you did Mom?”
“Since we’re laying ourselves bare,” I said, shifting on my seat, “there are some things I never shared with you.”
He stilled as though readying himself for what I was about to unload. “I’m all ears.”
Feeling confident in my relationship with my only son, I knew I could tell him the truth of how he’d come into existence without him falling into any type of depression. I’d just never had reason to unnecessarily burden him.
“Your mom was abused as a kid and was desperate to escape her parent’s house.
” I kept my voice low even though no one outside my closed door would be able to hear unless they pressed their ear to it.
I wouldn’t put it past Babs to do so and wasn’t willing to take the chance others learned the truth of my marriage to Darla.
“We hadn’t been dating long when she got into her dad’s liquor, and we spent a night beneath the stars.
I lost my virginity that night, and I don’t remember much because I was also drunk as a skunk. ”
I could see the lightbulb go off in Jamie’s head. “Shit—she did it intentionally, didn’t she?”
I nodded. “I didn’t find out the truth until you were in kindergarten, but yeah. She’d planned to get pregnant, expecting I would do the right thing, which would save her from her dad’s house sooner.”
“Because you’ve always been a caretaker and would insist on marrying her even though you weren’t of age.”
“Unfortunately, yes. Both of our parents signed papers so we could tie the knot.”
“Fucking hell,” Jamie muttered, rubbing a hand over his face.
“I wouldn’t change the past, Jamie—hadn’t ever once wished I could go back and choose differently. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me, the greatest accomplishment I can claim.”
His eyes grew misty, causing my throat to tighten. “Regardless, I still believe you should go for what you want, Dad. You only live once.”
I grimaced, picking up what was left of my cold burger. “That’s true, but I don’t want to experience that kind of pain. I might not have been in love with your mom like a husband ought to be, but she still ripped my heart out when she left. I can’t let anyone have that kind of power over me.”
Jamie didn’t argue, and we finished our lunch without mentioning Jimmy again.
“You going to the season opener tomorrow night?” he asked while gathering our trash.
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
Even though Jamie had hired on full-time as an officer, he still volunteered whenever he could to the high school’s football team he’d coached the year before.
“You ought to ask Jimmy to go with you.”
I huffed a laugh. “Yeah, I don’t think sports are that boy’s jam.”
“He’s not a boy, Dad,” Jamie said with a grimace. “Please don’t tell me you’re into that whole Daddy thing, because I just can’t .”
Laughter rumbled in my chest. “Jimmy might need a firm hand to set his troublesome ass in line, but I promise you won’t ever hear him call me that.”
“Thank fuck.” Jamie shivered while heading toward my office door. “Because that’s…yeah. No.”
Grinning even though my heart ached, I pulled those files in front of me again and got back to work, attempting to focus on caring for my town rather than daydreaming about Jimmy lowering his shields and allowing me to love him in the way I longed to.