14. Jimmy
Jimmy
“ O h, God.” I tried to gulp against Sutton’s palm pressing against my throat and ended up moaning like the whore I was.
Knees weak, I wanted to drop to the floor and choke on his dick.
My eyelids fluttered shut, and I parted my lips in order to breathe, shivering and shaking from ball-tingling lust and the adrenaline rush of the century.
The way Sutton held and spoke to me caused my head to spin. His hard-as-granite, perfect dick grinding against mine proved we wanted the same thing. Straight, my ass. My chest went light as a kite, butterflies erupting in my belly.
Panting, I opened my eyes and stared into his blown pupils eating up the hazel of his irises inches from mine.
Stillness descended, a tension wrought with desire and deep-seated yearning. Want sizzled in my veins as his grip tightened, and I shuddered as pre-cum wet the inside of my jock.
I swallowed hard. “Sutton…” Desperate to get my mouth on him but unable to initiate a kiss due to his grip on my throat, I slid my hand between us, intent on mapping out the length and girth of his cock.
“Fuck.” Sutton jumped away at the first brush of my palm on his groin, leaving me sagging against the wall, fighting to get my legs beneath me. He ran a hand through his hair, glancing around as though hoping to escape. “This—this isn’t happening.”
I winced at his harsh tone but found the strength to stay upright. “Why the fuck not?” I argued, my voice breathless with need.
He jammed the paper towels into the trash bin, another growl rumbling his chest but not nearly as sexy and possessive as the one before he’d crowded me against the door.
A rush of heat that had nothing to do with arousal flushed through me as my brow furrowed. Heaviness replaced the giddiness from seconds before, my stomach tightening into a knot. “Think I’m not good enough for you?”
His brow furrowed. “Why would you say that?”
Because I’m a worm who allowed countless men access to my holes for cash.
I shrugged rather than state the words in my head.
“Trying to manipulate me again?”
“No! I…” Huffing, I pressed my lips tight.
“How are you doing with the house rehab?”
I blinked, my brain needing a second to catch up with his sharp turn of conversation. Did he actually expect me to spill my guts, tell him how often I wanted to puke or scratch the hell out of my forearms when stepping into that hellhole? Not. Fucking. Happening. “It’s good. I’m fine.”
Sutton shook his head, lips in a flat line. “Why can’t you be honest with me like that day I found you in your old bedroom doorway, Jimmy? Why put on a false front to hide behind?”
I couldn’t allow him to see my weakness again, but goddammit, I wanted him more than anything. My throat tightened, trapping words down deep where they wouldn’t reveal how desperate I really was. Tears welling in my eyes caused the sight of him to waver like water poured over his stoic form.
I spun and reached for the lock with shaking fingers.
Sutton grabbed my forearm, and I hesitated, breath held, pulse thundering in my ears as electrical currents traveled over my skin.
“I’m sorry. Please don’t leave.” Concern laced his words, the same inflections in his tone he’d always used on me when I’d been a directionless, troublesome kid.
My guts clenched. “I no longer run from my problems , Chief,” I bit out the words, hating he still saw me in the same light as he had back then.
“You’re calling me a problem?”
I turned to face him, his hand falling from my arm. The longing proved to be too much. He wanted honesty? He could have it.
Two steps put me against his chest, but he didn’t back away.
Rising onto my tiptoes, I got into his personal space as far as I could, my insides as jittery as my voice as I poked him in the hard chest. “ You’re the reason I can’t sleep at night.
This feeling of unrest…I hate that you’re the only one I trust to fill up the emptiness inside me.
The power you hold over me—” My voice cut out, my hand pressing against his chest.
His heart thrummed beneath my palm, vigorous and steadfast.
I wanted to crumple against him, bury my face against his warmth, draw from his strength, and just fucking rest .
“Jimmy,” he whispered, but too much resignation coated his tone, making his thoughts toward me clear as he had the night he’d shut his front door in my face.
I needed to escape.
Now.
Unsteady on my feet and emotions, I unlocked the door, slipping out into the hallway while fighting off tears.
Same as nine years ago, Sutton didn’t call after or chase me even though I’d given him the truth he’d wanted to hear.
I’d been stupid to believe the chief would ever give me attention above what he showed the rest of Pippen Creek’s citizens. Regardless of how I might turn his body on, I was nothing more than another issue he had to deal with.
Worthless worm.
Dad’s voice echoed in my head long after I left Frenchie’s behind me and buried my face in my pillow back at The Moose’s Muse.
Weeks passed, and as though we had an unspoken agreement, Sutton and I avoided each other like the plague.
While warmth still filled the afternoon hours, early morning and evening took on a chill.
The leaves started to hint at change, orange and yellow with hints of burgundy teasing the tree lines.
My heart welled with nostalgia over my favorite season about to begin, and I filled my lungs with the scent of woodsmoke from chimneys and the final campfires of summer drifting through town from Pippen Creek Pond’s shores to the west.
I’d stayed away from Scone Haven since it seemed to be Sutton’s favorite place to grab a coffee in the morning, making do with The Moose’s complimentary breakfast bar. The rest of the days proved easier.
I cleaned out Dad’s house while obsessing over and keeping my head occupied with how I could break down Sutton’s walls and get him to submit to his baser instincts since I had no other plans and no wind was blowing me in a different direction.
The man was a goddamned oak, and the axe and saws I’d attempted to use to send him toppling were dull as fuck.
When would I learn? When would I give up on the pipe dream of having that man loom over me, filling my body and heart up in all the ways I’d dreamed of since my teenage years?
Never.
“What’s on your mind, Jimmy?”
I heaved a sigh and grabbed another cookie off the plate Gram had sat in front of me.
Her place was where I spent my time between working on Dad’s house without puking and heading to The Moose every evening.
I felt like I took advantage of her goodness even though she always welcomed me with open arms and snacks while Kendra pushed her homemade muffins on me every morning.
Both women were amazing bakers and gave me something to look forward to.
Gram held a steaming cup of tea in her arthritic hands while the coffee she’d poured for me when I’d arrived a half hour earlier grew cold.
“The contractor got the front porch done this morning,” I said rather than tell the truth about my feelings for Sutton and how badly his rejection had hurt.
“He also patched the holes in my bedroom walls so I can paint tomorrow. The place should be market-ready by the beginning of next week as long as DJ and I can get the yard work finished this weekend. Did you hear back from that guy down in Berlin about your shop?”
Lips pursed, Gram studied me until I shifted on the chair. “Yes,” she finally answered, allowing me my secrets. “We are going to meet tomorrow afternoon.”
I nodded absently, breaking the cookie in two before nibbling on one corner.
Gram still spoke about possibly heading to Florida near the end of October but had only made steps toward selling her store so she could retire.
“You’re really considering leaving us, huh?
” I couldn’t help but ask, even though I knowingly did so with the intent to guilt-trip her into staying.
“I thought you didn’t have plans to stick around?”
I had no romantic reason to, Sutton had made that clear, but no inner urging attempted to lead me elsewhere, no bucket list item called me away from town limits.
Talk about a stagnant existence. I hated not knowing my future other than my pipe dream, and I certainly didn’t want to discuss my lack of vision for my life other than riding off into the sunset.
“What about DJ?” I asked instead of answering, setting down the cookie and brushing my fingers free of crumbs. He’d become my buddy, and I wanted to offer him the safe place to go that I never had as a kid.
“Kurt and Carrie agreed to let him visit over February vacation and also for a week at the beginning of summer if I decide to move.” Gram sipped her tea.
“Maybe Kurt would allow me stay in his spare bedroom when I fly up here on occasion too. He can be somewhat decent when he’s sober, so I could deal with being at his house for a little while. ”
I nodded, torn between wishing she could live her best life with the time she had left and selfishly longing to keep her near because I didn’t want to have to do without her again now that we’d reconnected.
She eyed me as though trying to map out the roller coaster in my head. “Jimmy?—”
Banging on the door cut her off, and I hopped up before she did, striding toward the entryway.
Kurt shoved inside before I got to the door, his eyes bloodshot, and he reeked of booze.
My stomach clenched, brow furrowing as he shuffled DJ in ahead of him with a too-sturdy shove.
DJ stumbled forward, and I knelt to steady the boy, adrenaline rushing through my system telling me to stay still—avoid the danger lurking nearby. “You all right?” I somehow managed to whisper past the tightness in my throat, and even though wetness coated his eyes, DJ nodded.
“Mom!” Kurt shouted, ignoring how I cowered with DJ at his feet, thank fuck.
Gram shuffled our way, and I soothed back DJ’s wayward hair with a shaking hand, fighting to find my voice and keep it steady. “Head outside and grab the basketball,” I whispered. “I’ll be out in a minute, okay?”
He nodded sharply and ran toward the kitchen.
The back door slammed shut a second later.
I barely had an ounce of willpower in order to stand upright.
My fingernails scratched down my left arm out of habit, and I swallowed hard, eyeing the two facing off in front of me.
Tension radiated through the entryway, and I wished I could sink into the floor and disappear.
I wanted to escape like DJ had done but couldn’t move my feet.
“How dare you drive drunk with DJ in the car?” Gram hissed at her son, having come close enough she doubtless smelled the alcohol on him.
Kurt grumbled something under his breath, stumbling around to leave.
“You get your act together, Kurt, or so help me God…” Gram called after him.
He paused on the stoop and spun, glowering at his mom. “I have enough shit on my plate. Don’t need you nagging me too!” His words slurred past curled lips. “Carrie won’t shut up about the past child support I owe her, and now—” Kurt shook his head, turned, and stumbled down the stairs.
“You shouldn’t be driving!” Gram called after him, but Kurt slammed himself into his truck and tore off up the road.
My breath left in a rush as the negative energy dissipated. “I’m calling Sutton,” I informed her with a telling, shaky-as-hell voice while pulling my cell from my pocket.
Lips pursed, Gram nodded, her eyes welling as she glanced toward the backyard.
Cursing Kurt, I hit send, my body trembling from the after effects of too much adrenaline crashing through my blood.