Chapter 8
DEAN
Hey.
That one-word text buzzed when it came through, and we were between songs at practice, so I glanced at my phone.
At first, I thought it was one of those scammy bait texts. I was supposed to answer, then I’d get lured into texting out a bunch of personal information.
I was about to put my phone away when another message came through.
It’s Landon.
Electricity zipped through me. I straightened up and turned away from the mic.
“Everything okay?” Craig asked.
From the corner of my eye, I saw Riley waving him off, staring hard like they could communicate something through just that look.
And I was—fuck, I was smiling as I typed back.
Hey yourself. What’s up?
I took a lazy step or two, wandering in a small circle while I stared at the screen waiting for his reply while those little dots kept me on the hook. He was typing.
I wished his thumbs would work a little faster, impatient right up until a message came through.
I was wondering if you’d want to get coffee sometime?
My reply was immediate. Yes. Definitely. Free after work tomorrow?
Sure! :)
The emoji had me flashing back to Landon’s tentative smile. I imagined him looking down at his phone, cast in its white-blue glow.
Perfect. I’ll meet you in front of Crescent.
See you then!
When I looked up again, Riley and Craig were both staring at me. Hard.
“So?” Riley raised their brows high.
Craig narrowed his eyes at me, but his cheeks were bunched up against a grin he could barely contain. “You’re smiling,” he accused.
I couldn’t even roll my eyes at him. I was.
I was happy.
“I have . . . a date.”
It felt strange to admit it. Out of everyone in the world, these two people had known Henry as well as I had. They’d known Henry and me, together.
They’d lost him, just like me, and I had a fluttering, nervous sensation in my stomach. I was worried they’d think I was—I don’t know. Maybe they’d think I was betraying Henry. Forgetting him.
He’d always be a part of me, but—
Well, that didn’t mean I was going to stay the same man I’d been with him forever. There was room for more living out there.
I shouldn’t have worried. Craig’s grin split wide and he threw his arm around my shoulders. “Fuck yeah! He cute?”
“Is it that guy from the other night? Landon?” Riley asked with an excited little shimmy.
I nodded.
“So cute,” Riley said. “Hot in that office-y kind of way, with the nice slacks.”
I rolled my eyes this time. Sure, his slacks were fine, but Landon? He was just plain hot.
“Go again?” I said, nodding to my guitar. It was a relief to have my friends happy for me, but also a little uncomfortable, like I wasn’t allowed to take up this much attention.
Still, when we started again, playing the song felt—well, better. Making music didn’t feel so heavy and impossible.
The next day, I was second-guessing my jacket. It was black leather, and practical for the back of a motorcycle, but I didn’t exactly look like a respectable adult, standing outside of the Crescent building.
They weren’t that uptight about their dress code or anything, but my black jacket and ripped jeans stood out in the sea of professional, pleated gray.
And then there was Landon.
When he saw me, he ran his hand through his rich brown hair and bit his lip and—
Never fucking mind, then. If the leather jacket made him look at me like that, it was the perfect thing to wear.
“Did you have somewhere in mind?” Landon asked when he approached.
“There’s a coffee shop nearby that we could try. That okay?”
He nodded. “So no bike?”
“I thought we’d walk.”
“Oh—”
Was he disappointed? Shit . . .
“It’s just,” I hedged, “the first time you wrap your arms around me, I probably shouldn’t be responsible for keeping us both alive. I might not be able to take it.”
The wink was too much. I knew, even as I did it, that it was too freaking much.
But Landon’s cheeks turned pink and he glanced down, but then he raised his eyes again so he was looking at me through a thick curtain of lashes.
My heart squeezed in my chest at his little, “Oh.”
It was an entirely different sound than the one he’d made seconds before, and it had me ready to promise him the world. “But I’d love to take you out some other time. We can go to the beach. Have you seen the coast yet? You’re from—Boston, right?”
He nodded. “I’ve hardly been off the east coast till now.”
“Well, you’ll love it. The coast is great. Temperate. Just warm enough without getting too hot.”
“I didn’t take you for a beach guy.”
I laughed. “Well, what cat doesn’t like basking in the sun? Anyway, I am a man who likes to take advantage of my assets, and it seems like somebody ought to be making the case for San Francisco, hm? We can’t have you getting too homesick.”
He scoffed. “Not going to be an issue.”
I held out my hand, and he took it. Even that, I was second-guessing. Not everyone wanted that much PDA from the start, but I wasn’t going to start rubbing my scent on him.
Well, not without consent, anyway.
There was a coffee shop nearby that I went to sometimes when I saw Lucas for lunch. It was a hole in the wall place with a narrow front and a big glass window beside the front door. Mostly, the coffee was consistently good and it was quieter than the kiosk Crescent had near its cafeteria.
“Have you been here before?” I asked, holding the door open for him.
Landon shook his head. “We’ve maybe ordered out, but, ah, we’ve had a backlog of tickets to get through, so I’ve mostly been staying in the building.”
“Well, now you have somewhere to escape to when Lucas starts throwing random trivia questions at you.”
Landon snickered. “Gods, he calls it ‘training.’ ”
“It’s your fault, you know. You’ve given him a taste of victory now. He’s going to be insufferable.”
We got to the counter, and I turned to him. “Know what you want?”
“A cappuccino?” he said to the woman behind the espresso bar.
“And what for you, hon?” she asked me.
“I’ll have a honey latte, please.”
When Landon reached for his pocket, I squeezed his hand. “I got it.”
“Oh, thanks.” Another fetching blush turned him pink.
I liked the way he smelled, fresh and warm, when his pulse raced. I wanted to nuzzle up against him, but—well, there were humans around. And that was probably too much, too fast, right?
I’d asked Lucas if he’d given Landon my number, and he said yes, almost giddy that Landon had actually used it, but he’d warned me that Landon’s last relationship was complicated.
He wouldn’t give me specifics, but he had said to take it easy, and I didn’t get the impression it was just on my account.
It would’ve been fair if it had been, really. I didn’t need to rush into anything serious while I was still figuring out how ready I was for that. I thought I was getting there, but grief was a strange beast. It reared up unexpectedly, even when you thought you’d beaten it.
When we sat at the table, Landon held his cup in both hands. “I’m surprised you didn’t get some extra double quad shot black coffee or something.”
My responding grin was toothy. “Because I seem so formidable?”
Landon shrugged, lifting his drink to his lips.
“I like milk,” I admitted.
“Milk and the sun? You’re a walking stereotype, aren’t you?”
I bit my tongue against another silly smile. “Just appreciate the good things. And I have some harebrained notion that drinking honey in my coffee will help keep the pipes in order.”
“So you sing? I never asked what you play?”
“Guitar, mostly. Our lead singer—he, ah . . . he died. So I’ve, kind of, filled in the gaps? But it’s—I don’t know that I’m any good at that part. I definitely prefer an instrument between me and having to own any big emotion on stage for a crowd of people.”
Landon shuddered. “I don’t know how you do it. Sounds hair-raising.”
“It’s not so bad if you play to somebody, and Lucas comes to most of our shows. I try to just focus on him. Or just, like, one person at a time. Makes it feel less overwhelming.”
“I still think I’d run off stage screaming. You’re . . . kind of amazing.”
That brought me up short. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” he said, punctuated by a nod.
I stared at him, dumbstruck. I’d expected to have to make a case for myself. I didn’t have a consistent, reliable job like he did. I slept in most days. Stayed up late. Spent more than a respectable amount of time in seedy, sticky venues.
Overall, I was kind of a mess.
The fact that he didn’t see me that way made me feel like maybe it wasn’t the case at all.
“Thanks. I—honestly?” I grimaced. “I didn’t think you were interested in me. But I’m glad you asked me out.”
“I—I was never not interested.” He caught his thumbnail on the rim of his cup and pulled it with a quiet ping, staring down into his cappuccino.
“Lucas might’ve mentioned you were working through some stuff.”
Landon flinched.
“Nothing specific,” I hastened to add. “He didn’t say much, I just got the impression there’s . . . something. Do you want to talk about it?”
He shrugged. “Would that be weird?”
Gods, I wanted to know what he was thinking. It took all of my self-restraint not to go digging right away.
“Nice thing about dating an artist is we kind of roll with weird. And, you know . . . I’m interested. I’d like to know how you feel, whenever and whatever you want to share.”
Landon blinked at me like I’d kicked him in the shins under the table.
I hadn’t.
Oh shit, had I?
No. No. Feet firmly on the ground.
Good.
“I was engaged,” Landon admitted. “It, ah, it didn’t end great.
My ex, he cheated on me. With my brother.
And they’re—well, they’re getting married.
Everyone’s on their side. So I kind of figured Boston wasn’t the place for me anymore, but I .
. . when I met you, I didn’t want to get in between two brothers and—” He cut off, shaking his head, redder than I’d seen him yet.
“Shit,” I said under my breath. “That’s a fucking asshole move on everyone’s part. I mean, everyone but you. But your brother. And your fiancé. I can’t imagine. I’m so sorry.”
He shook his head again. “It’s fine.”
I frowned. “No, it’s not.”
He bit his lip. His mouth twitched, and I got the feeling he smiled through some awful stuff pretty regularly.
“I guess not,” he admitted.
“I’d kick Lucas’s ass. Shit, if I were that kind of dickwad, I’d expect him to kick mine. I’m really sorry you were surrounded by assholes.”
Landon snorted, and somehow, it was the cutest thing I’d ever seen. “Me too.” He grimaced. “It’s all pretty messy.”
I shook my head. His past didn’t matter beyond how it affected him today, and I wasn’t about to hold it against a good guy for everyone around him being a selfish douchebag.
That wasn’t fair, and while it would’ve been more than understandable for Landon to dig in his heels and make a scene while everyone in his life betrayed him, he’d chosen something new, gotten clear of the fallout, done the best he could for himself.
It was admirable of him, and too many of us just stewed in all our anger and disappointments without changing anything.
Hell, I’d had my rough periods too.
“Is it okay if I’m messy too?” I asked.
His brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”
“Just that you shared your past, and I don’t want to keep you in the dark on mine. Not, like, I was that much of an asshat or anything. At least, I don’t think I was? Lucas might say different, but—”
Landon shook his head. “I don’t think he would. You two seem really close.”
I couldn’t help smiling. “We are. But he’s been worried about me, I guess.
” I’d given him plenty of reason to worry, and as much as I didn’t want to give Landon the same, the last thing I wanted was to ask honesty of him and repay him by hiding my own struggles.
“The lead singer of our band? The one who died? We were dating when he got sick.”
“Oh.” Landon’s eyes turned downcast, and he fiddled with his cup some more. “I’m so sorry.”
“Me too.” Landon could shut down. This could be too much for him.
I hoped it wasn’t, but the only way to find out was to tell him the whole of it.
“It was three years ago, and he’s really important to me.
We founded the band together, and—I don’t know.
My life wouldn’t be what it is today without Henry in it.
But I think—I think that having someone important in your life doesn’t mean they have to be the only one to ever touch your heart.
I haven’t really had a serious relationship since he passed, so I just—I guess I wanted to be upfront with you about all this.
I like you. I want to get to know you more.
And—well, if that’s too much for you right now, I get it.
I know Lucas likes you a lot and you’re just finding your footing here, so I don’t want to mess anything up for you, but I do want to be honest. Lucas could tell that I liked you from the start—”
He blinked at me. “You did?”
Okay, so right then, I wanted to punch his ex’s face in for the doubt that clouded Landon’s expression.
But that frustration wasn’t for Landon. For him, I softened my smile. “Yeah. And it’s been a while since I felt that spark, so Lucas, he’s—maybe been overly eager to shove you into my space.”
“Not overly eager.”
I stretched out my arm across the table, just shy of his hand. When he closed the distance and slipped his fingers between mine, the tension in my shoulders eased.
“I’d like to get to know you better,” I said, “and we both have a past, but I’ll try and be mindful of yours. See if we can figure it out?”
Landon bit his pretty pink lip, and when he nodded again, my heart did a full somersault.