4. Brody
4 /
brody
I hadn’t heard anything Sid Jarvis said after we ran into Gabe and Holcomb outside the locker room. My responses must have been automatic nods and murmurs because my mind was a thousand miles away. We’d gone back to his office for a meeting with Criswell, where we talked again about what happened in Boston, and they assured me of the Warriors’ unwavering support. After three variations of the same conversation, I was trying to believe them, but trust came hard. As welcome as their sentiments were, they had trouble competing with memories of Gabe’s big hand holding mine. I kept replaying the electrifying hallway encounter, right down to the shock that had zipped up my arm when we shook.
As soon as I got home, I changed into swim trunks, grabbed my phone, and headed out to the pool. Stretching out on a chaise, I glanced around and let out a sigh of relief—which immediately made me feel ridiculous. How stupid was it to avoid telling Gabe we were neighbors, especially since he was bound to see me at some point? Living next door didn’t mean I couldn’t resist him. I’d already proven that, hadn’t I? It wasn’t like he was going to run over the minute he learned I was next door, throw me to the ground, rip off my clothes, and fuck me silly.
How hot would that be, though?
Fuck. I hadn’t obsessed over anyone like this since Mary Wickham back in eighth grade. She lived one street over from my family, and I must have ridden my bike over there fifty times a day. I always made a dramatic U-turn just before reaching her house, as if that less-than-subtle maneuver would somehow make me invisible to her or anyone else who might’ve been watching. It was ridiculous, but at the time, it seemed like the way to keep my crush from showing.
The situation with Gabe felt uncomfortably similar, except I wasn’t a kid on a bike anymore, and Gabe wasn’t blissfully unaware of my existence. Since we were on the same team, we had the same schedules. He’d find out we were neighbors soon, and when he realized I’d known all along, I’d come off as some kind of creep.
I considered jumping into the pool to clear my head, but another memory of holding Gabe’s hand stopped me. His hands were everything I loved in a man’s hands—big, warm, and rough, the kind that made you feel safe and desired all at once. At lunch, I hadn’t been able to stop my gaze from drifting between his intense eyes and those awesome hands. They’d looked ready to slide into his glove and blocker—or better yet, wrap around my cock and jerk me off.
That thought had my cheeks burning and my dick roaring to life. Glancing over to be sure the fence was as high as I remembered, I slipped a hand inside my trunks and gave myself a squeeze. The slight breeze did nothing to cool the heat that was rising inside me, and as my dick got harder, I tugged on it a few times. Images of Gabe flashed through my mind, and I let out a rough moan.
Pulling my hand free, I raised my ass off the chaise and pushed my trunks halfway down my thighs. After a day of intense exercise and being hyperaware of Gabe, I needed to get off. I spat in my right hand, lay back, and stroked myself lightly. Soon, I tightened my fist and moved my hand faster, loving the slip and slide of the strokes along my hard shaft. I groaned as the telltale tightening in my balls signaled I wouldn’t last much longer.
Eager to draw as much pleasure out of the deed as I could, I stopped jacking and leaned up far enough to spit on my cock. Relaxing again, I spread the saliva around, teasing the supersensitive spot under the head until I shivered. Then I started jerking again, also using my left hand to play with my balls and tickle the sac.
In the team shower after the scrimmage, Gabe had stood across from me, a couple of nozzles to my left. I tried to focus anywhere else—on the tile, the water, even the ceiling—but my eyes kept drifting back to him. He wasn’t quite as tall as I was, maybe six-two to my six-three, but he carried his two hundred pounds like it had been carved by a master sculptor. The way his muscles shifted under his skin, sleek and defined, captured my attention despite my best efforts to look away.
There was nothing sexual about showering with teammates. I’d done it since I was a kid, and you couldn’t help noticing other guys. Today, every glance at Gabe had lingered longer than it should have as a quiet hunger mushroomed beneath my appreciation. Even with other men present, Gabe filled the space, commanding it, and I couldn’t help wondering how it would be to stand closer, to trace my fingers along his beautiful body, and maybe steal a kiss.
Naturally, I managed a few glances at his cock, and damn, it was mouthwatering. He was long and thick, and since he wasn’t circumcised, his dick had a rugged look that made my imagination go wild. I wanted to touch it. To hell with that, I wanted to suck it and have it inside me. Gabe and I would be hot, sticky messes by the time we finished our frenzied fuck, and afterward, he’d wrap me in his arms. I’d curl up and play with his chest hair while I buried my face near his armpit so I could breathe in his scent. I wanted all that, more than I’d wanted anything in a long time.
Of course, after I took a recklessly long look, I raised my eyes to find him studying me. He lifted an eyebrow and lowered his hands, spreading suds along his abs. Was he purposely taunting me, or just washing off after practice? Whichever it had been, I had to turn to face the wall so no one could see my dick firming up.
Tingling in my balls brought me back to the present. Fuck, I was desperate to come. I jerked faster, and as the tingling spread up behind my cock, a long, low groan sounded from deep within me. It exploded into throaty grunts as thick ropes of cum shot from my dick and rained down across my chest and abs. I was boneless by the time I finished, totally spent and still thinking about Gabe.
I fell into a light sleep, and when I jerked awake, my swim trunks were still around my thighs. My cum had partially dried, and since the towels were on the other side of the pool deck, I stripped out of my trunks and tried to use them to wipe up the mess. My mind had wandered to places it shouldn’t have, and now my excitement was laced with something darker—a gut-wrenching fear thanks to what I’d gone through in Boston.
My past loomed large, an inescapable reminder of what could go wrong when you got involved with a teammate. I shook my head, trying to clear the nasty jumble of thoughts. Would getting involved with Gabe result in another Wesley-style disaster? If it did, would the Warriors prove to be exactly like the Beanies despite management’s assurances otherwise?
I tossed my sticky trunks on the ground and picked up my phone. A web search for Gabe Donovan resulted in an astounding number of hits. I combed through the details—he’d been the team’s starting goalie since he left juniors twelve years ago when he was twenty. Since then, he’d racked up some of the best stats in the league and collected every honor and trophy I could think of.
My smile died when I looked for him on social media. Gabe had been out for years, and his Insta was practically a revolving door of skinny blond twinks. Post after post, it was either hockey shots or him with another guy whose waist was no thicker than a sapling.
Was that his type—thin guys dressed in skin-tight clothes, holding onto him like they were afraid he’d run? It looked like he dated a new guy every month, and a couple of articles confirmed my suspicions: Gabe had a taste for what one blogger called recent college grads with bleach-blond hair, slim builds, and faces they didn’t have to shave.
Fuck that. I was out. I couldn’t deny my attraction to Gabe, but there was no way in hell I was getting caught up in his man parade. Even if one of our teammates didn’t beat the shit out of me, I wouldn’t last more than a few weeks before Gabe moved on to someone younger and prettier. I had never been a twink, and I sure as hell wasn’t now. I could already picture it, being Gabe’s walk-on-the-wild-side. For once, he’d date an athlete who was bigger than him and sometimes needed to shave twice a day. I’d be another notch on his belt, provide more photos for his social media, and be left crying into endless pints of chocolate ice cream while I nursed another broken heart. And maybe a broken jaw.
Nope. I’d learned my lesson, and I wasn’t about to live through that circle of hell again.
Goddammit, though. There was something between Gabe and me, even if I did outweigh his usual conquests by eighty pounds. The electricity between us was no figment of my imagination, and the longing looks were real. Since I’d agreed to message him, I was knee-deep in a mess of my own making. How was I supposed to back out without turning him into an enemy? Making matters worse, I didn’t want to go back on my word. I couldn’t help wondering what it would be like to know him and touch that masterpiece of a body I’d been fantasizing about in the shower.
My chaotic thought-loop was driving me nuts, and the dried cum on my belly had started itching. Frustrated, I dropped my phone onto the chaise, stood, and dove headfirst into the pool. The cool water was a welcome contrast to my heated, restless mind, and I stayed under the surface until my lungs were screaming for air. When I finally came up, heaving in breaths, the tightness in my chest began to ease. I swam laps to loosen my muscles, and the steady push-and-pull through the water helped settle my clamoring thoughts.
When I got tired, I climbed out of the pool and padded to the bin for a towel. My phone rang while I was drying off, and I ran back to the chaise to see who was calling. I considered letting it go to voicemail when I saw it was Emma, my best friend since freshman year of college in Ann Arbor. She’d moved to Buffalo for a job after graduation, which was one of the main reasons I’d wanted a trade to the Warriors. Even though I wasn’t in the mood to talk, I answered. We’d always had each other’s backs, and taking calls was part of the deal.
I’d barely said hello before she started talking. “I know it’s a busy week for you, but we should check in. I’ll take you to that new place on Elmwood for dinner.”
It was good to hear her voice, but I hesitated. “I’m not sure, Em. I’m worn out, and it’s only Thursday. How about tomorrow?”
“No, I heard something in your voice last night, and it’s still there. You need a break tonight.” Em, always protective, had grown even more so after the drama of the past year. Her tone left no room for argument when she added, “I’ll pick you up at your place in forty-five minutes.”
Seeing her might get my mind off Gabe, but I was exhausted. Plus, I hadn’t cleared the boxes out of the garage yet. If she picked me up, I’d have to go outside to get in her car, and it would be my luck for Gabe to see me. While I needed to find my balls, act like a grown man, and tell him we were neighbors, I didn’t have the energy to do it tonight.
I tried to keep my tone casual. “I’d love to see you, but I don’t feel like going out. I’ll order us something if you come over.”
“Okay.” She stretched the word out, obviously curious. “But I’ll swing by my favorite place and pick up food. They have a fantastic steak salad that’s right up your alley. Want to try it?”
“Sounds perfect. Can’t wait to see you.” I added an I need to go tone to my voice, hoping she’d take the hint.
“Brody, has something happened? What’s?—”
“See you in a while.”
After we said goodbye, I tapped the screen sharply to end the call. Emma’s knack for sensing my anxiety was uncanny, and her questions would be unavoidable once we were face-to-face. Maybe I should make up a story about having a bad day at camp.
I went inside and took a hot shower, hoping the steam would wash away the nerves knotted up inside me. Yet even as the water pounded my muscles, I couldn’t escape thoughts of Gabe. It was ridiculous to feel so wound up about a man I barely knew, but my mind was relentless.
Since things blew up in Boston, the anxious moments I used to be able to manage had grown into full-blown panic attacks, ambushing me when I least expected. Now, toweling off, my lips tingled, and my hands shook. My hammering heart exacerbated my quick, shallow breaths. “Fuck me,” I said as dizziness made me grip the edge of the sink.
I stumbled out of the bathroom and collapsed on my bed. Determined to regain control, I fixed my gaze on the ceiling fan and started counting my breaths—in through the nose for four beats, hold for seven, and then out through pursed lips for eight. With so much going on in my head, it wasn’t surprising I was feeling this way. PTSD, new town, new team, and Gabe. There was no wonder… Nope, there I go again. In for four, hold for seven, out for eight. In for four…
When my symptoms faded, I turned my head to the side and looked out the window. The Montauk daisies the former owner had planted made me smile.
Fuck, maybe I should get it over with—go over to Gabe’s before Emma arrives, tell him we’re neighbors, and ask when we could get together.
I had needs, and he was one of the most attractive men I’d ever met. Seeing him naked, the world’s biggest wet dream brought to life, was impossible to forget. He was everything I found attractive in a man.
Goddammit. Had I developed a split personality? One minute, I was so afraid of getting involved that I couldn’t function, and the next, I was ready to march over there and jump into his bed.
Em and I sat at the table in my kitchen. It was in a corner with windows on both walls around us, allowing us a clear view of Gabe’s house in the distance. We were far enough away that he couldn’t have seen us unless he was watching with binoculars, and that was a ridiculous thought. Even if he knew I lived here, he didn’t strike me as a stalker.
We’d barely started eating when Emma asked the inevitable question. “What’s wrong? You’re upset, so please tell me why.”
She and I met at the beginning of our freshman year at Michigan and became instant friends. I dated women back then—a lot of them—but she and I always had a platonic relationship. We knew each other well after only a short time, and over the years, we’d become experts at reading one another. Although I’d known this visit would result in a heart-to-heart, I was surprised she got around to it so quickly. We usually spent a little time dancing around subjects before getting serious.
I took my time chewing, and then took the slowest sip of water in the history of drinking. Although I needed her reassurance and support, I wasn’t ready to talk about how I felt, and I didn’t want to tell her about Gabe. “I’m not upset.”
“Bullshit.”
“I’m okay. Don’t worry so much.”
She dismissed that with a firm shake of her head. “How long have we been friends? It’s our job to worry about each other.”
I shoved a big piece of steak into my mouth to buy time. Emma kept her eyes fixed on me, and after another elongated sip of water, I relented. “What do you want to know?”
She folded her arms and arched an eyebrow. “Who has you this bothered so soon after moving here?”
“Why do you think it has anything to do with a person?”
“At least you admitted something’s going on. Only romance gets you this worked up.”
I barked out a harsh laugh. “Romance? I haven’t had romance since… Well, ever.”
“The pursuit of it, then. Or worrying about it. Is this person a him or her?”
At least she hadn’t tried to argue, but how could she? Em had been an observer on the sidelines of my every failed attempt at love for going on five years. I gave a frustrated huff. “Him.”
She traced her finger through the condensation on her glass while she eyed me. “I can tell it isn’t bad yet, but we should talk about things before the situation gets worse. You’ll feel better if you tell me.”
I grunted in frustration, not wanting to go into it, but knowing she was right. Holding things in had never ended well for me, and after the Wesley disaster, I couldn’t risk another meltdown. I pointed at our food with my fork. “All right, but let’s eat while I’m talking.”
Between bites, I confessed my infatuation with Gabe and told her about today’s lunch and our suggestive conversation. “I can’t believe I did that. I flirted with him like we were in a gay bar and all but said we’d go home and fuck after he shows me around town.”
“I thought he offered to help you out.”
The confusion on her face made me laugh. “Oh my God,” I said. “I can’t believe you don’t know that expression. Help you out means get you off .”
“Really?” She tilted her head. “It must have the regular meaning too. How do you know he was talking about getting you off?”
“Em…” I looked at her again, willing her to laugh and say she was joking. “We were talking in code. Believe me, I know what flirting is, and we were doing it about as well as anyone ever has.”
“Sounds like you both wanted to do it , all right?”
She snickered, and I was relieved she at least knew what do it meant.
“ He does. At least I think so.”
“And you don’t?”
I dropped my fork, cringing as it bounced off my plate and clattered across the table. “Of course I do, but I can’t.”
She raised her eyebrows.
“At least, I shouldn’t. You know what happened the last time I got involved with a teammate. Wesley cut and ran at the first sign of trouble, and after he told everyone I seduced him when he was drunk, they beat the shit out of me. Twice. Then management threatened to put me on waivers. I was goddamn lucky I didn’t get thrown off the team for moral turpitude or whatever.”
“I still don’t understand how they believed him. You guys were involved for months.”
The memories brought on a wave of despair, and I took a shaky breath. “People think what they want to, and they didn’t want to believe their buddy liked having sex with a man. Some of the guys knew it was bullshit, but either they couldn’t be bothered to stand up for me, or they were afraid of being caught in the scandal.”
She pointed at my plate. “Eat. And you don’t need to worry. If you got involved with Gabe, things would be different here.”
I picked up my fork, stabbed a piece of steak, and glared at her. “Why do you think that?”
“Gabe Donovan has been out of the closet for years. He’s one of the biggest celebrities in Buffalo, as well as one of the top goalies in professional hockey. Everyone knows he’s gay, so his teammates wouldn’t be surprised.”
“They know he’s gay, but they still may not like the idea of him fucking a teammate.”
She shook her head. “I really don’t believe that would be a problem. Be careful, but don’t be afraid.”
“Easy for you to say.”
“I understand why you’re hesitant, but you’re a hockey star too, and you have a lot to offer. You also admitted you’re hiding out in your own house. You can’t do that forever.”
“I can try. Only go out in the dark of night.”
Trying to be funny, I smirked, but she scoffed and knocked on my forehead. “Hello in there. Practices? Road trips? Appearances? You’ll at least have to back your car out of the garage. Do you plan to wear a mask?”
Her concerned expression had me smiling. “I was joking , Em. It’s a wonder he hasn’t seen me already, so I have to tell him we’re neighbors.”
“Well, when will you do it? You’ll be better off facing him on your own terms than having an unplanned encounter you aren’t prepared for.”
I snickered. “Unplanned encounters can be hot.”
She rolled her eyes so dramatically it must have hurt. “Get serious. When do you plan to tell him?”
I considered that while she ate, and when she looked up, I asked, “What do you suggest? Texting him and saying, ‘Surprise, we’re neighbors. Want to meet out back?’”
“Why not? He’d have a little warning, and you two could become… neighborly.”
“But I don’t want to be his neighbor.”
If she kept rolling her eyes like that, they’d pop out of her head. She topped it off with a huff. “News flash, you already are.” Nodding toward his house, she added, “You live here, and he lives over there.”
“Duh.” Sounding like a pouty child wouldn’t solve the situation, but her idea was no better than what I’d come up with, which frustrated me. I wanted an easy answer.
She pushed her plate aside. “You like him.”
“I like his body. I don’t know him.”
“That’s usually how it starts. And you already agreed to go out with him. You agreed twice, if I heard you right.”
“No, I said I’d text him.”
“So you could set up a time to go out.”
“No. It was so he could show me around.”
“Which would be going out.” She chuckled. “Followed by helping you out.”
I groaned. “Fine. I’ll send a message and break the news that we’re neighbors. If he still wants to hang out, I’ll say I’m too busy getting to know the team, and we’ll have to do it later. That’ll give him time to find another sweet little thing, and he’ll forget all about me.”
She crossed her arms, unimpressed. “You really think that’ll work? In case you need reminding, you have a certain effect on people, men and women. They don’t tend to forget about you. Remember that girl who asked you out in college? You turned her down and wound up having to get a restraining order.”
I leaned back and sighed. “As Dr. Ibarra kept telling me, I can’t control what others do, only my own actions. Gabe can do whatever he wants, but I’m not going out with him, and I’m definitely not becoming buddy-buddy neighbors. There’s no telling what would happen if I did.”
Her lips twitched into a snarky grin. “Oh, I have a pretty good idea of what would happen.”
“Shut up.”
“Brody, you can’t…” She trailed off, sipping her soda instead of finishing her thought.
“Can’t what?” I demanded, my voice louder.
“Can’t avoid dating forever. It’s not healthy, and it isn’t realistic.”
“Who said anything about forever? It hasn’t been a year since I thought my career was over, and they didn’t settle the lawsuit until a few months ago.” I met her gaze, willing her to understand. “I need more time to be sure I’m ready. If that’s okay with you?”
“Mm. What does Ibarra say about that? You’re still seeing her, right?”
I rubbed a knuckle along the edge of my plate. “Not since I’ve been here. I’d like to find someone local, but I’ll still have online appointments with Ibarra until I do.”
“Well, what did she say the last time you two talked?”
“She thinks I should start testing the waters because I’ll never really know if I can make good decisions and form sound relationships until I try. She said going on a few dates would be a good way to ease back in.”
Saying the words made my chest tighten, and Emma reached across the table. I slid my plate aside and took her hand, thankful she cared so much about me.
“You should listen to her because she’s always had your best interests at heart. I know you, honey, and you’ll be miserable trying to go through life without someone by your side.”
“Or,” I said, looking down again, “I might be even more miserable with someone in my life.”
Her expression softened. “This possibility with Gabe is a chance, Brody. Hang out with him and see what happens. Like Ibarra said, if you don’t try, you’ll never know if you’re ready.”
“What if I jump right into bed with him?” My voice wasn’t much above a whisper. “That’s usually when I lose what little good judgment I have.”
“You don’t have to fuck him.” She gave my hand another squeeze. “That’s your choice. Before you moved, you were telling me how much Ibarra helped you, and that you could handle it next time you dated.”
Damn me and my big mouth. Did I really have to tell Emma everything? “Yes, but I’m afraid. That sounds stupid, but?—”
“After all that’s happened, I’d be worried if you weren’t afraid. But you can handle this, and I’ll be here to help you. Go out with Gabe and then call me as soon as you get home. I’ll want to know all about it.”
The lamps in the adjoining TV room came on, and we sat quietly for a while before I answered. “I promise to think about it. I’m not sure I’ll go out with him, but if I do, I’ll let you know.”
She smiled. “And I’ll be cheering you on from the good seats.”