Chapter 39
“You have a visitor!” NOVA chimed happily an hour later. Her pretty voice cut through my pity party, and I sniffed, frowning up at her speaker that was built into my ceiling.
“Wh-what?”
“Jay Reynolds, Chief Memory Therapy Research Officer, would like to pay you a visit. Should I let him in?”
I sat up on the couch and glanced at the door to my cube. I could see the shadow of what could only be Jay, waiting quietly on my porch.
He was here to fire me. Ugh. This was it. My life was officially over.
I wanted to tell NOVA to send him away so I could cling a little longer to the idea of being a Neurovance Memory Therapy Researcher, but I knew I couldn’t.
I had to face the music.
“Yeah. Let him in,” I said, wiping my tears away hastily from under my glasses.
NOVA unlocked the door, and I watched from the couch as it swung inwards, revealing Jay in his full glory.
In one hand, he was holding a tiny bouquet of bright periwinkle forget-me-nots. In the other hand, he had a small can of some sort of drink with the Neurovance logo on it.
His gaze anxiously scanned my cube until he spotted me huddled in a pathetic little ball on the couch, and his entire body deflated.
“Oh, Milo…” he hummed, striding up to the couch and looking down at me with concern. “Baby, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry I put you in that position.” He got to his knees before the couch, handing me the bouquet, which I took on reflex. Confusion welled up and mixed with my anxiety.
“Am… am I fired?” I asked quietly. My fingers shook, causing the cellophane on the periwinkle blossoms to crinkle loudly.
“What? Of course not.”
What?
“What do you mean? I’m on probation, and I broke one of the biggest rules. I was kissing you! They don’t even need to write me up to terminate me right now.”
Jay frowned, reaching forward to brush away one of my tears, his lips forming a firm line.
“I kissed you, Milo. You didn’t do anything wrong. It was my fault. You’re not fired. I talked to Seb, and he’s not going to tell anyone what he saw.”
Hope bloomed in my chest as Jay cracked open the can he’d brought and handed it to me next.
“Here, drink this. I want you sober for the rest of this conversation,” he said, and I took the drink from him, abruptly realizing how thirsty I was.
The alcohol and all the tears had left me dehydrated, and I gulped down the fruity drink eagerly.
Jay watched me, his head cocking to the side in amusement as I chugged the entire can in one shot.
“What is this?” I asked when I was done, examining the nondescript can curiously.
“It’s a Neurovance product we’ve been developing. It’s like an electrolyte sports drink on steroids. You’ll be sober in a few minutes.”
“Wow… handy.” I smiled as I felt the effects almost immediately kick in. My sluggish, drunken mind cleared, and the headache that had been forming melted away.
Jay took the empty can from me and set it on the coffee table behind him, giving me that tender smile of his.
“How do you feel? Better?”
“Physically, yeah. I still feel mortified. Maybe more so now that I’m sober.” I sniffled. “We shouldn’t have done that. I’m so sorry, Jay. I hope I didn’t get you in trouble. It was a mistake, it won’t happen again.”
He frowned at me, growing frustrated.
“You think kissing me was a mistake?”
“If it means getting you in trouble and losing my job, then yes! Of course it was! It’s not worth it, Jay.
I know why you wanted to kiss me. You’re probably so lonely here, and I’m the only one desperate and pathetic enough to break the rules to be close to you.
” My fingers trembled around my forget-me-nots again, and suddenly, Jay was nearly on top of me, his fingers tangled in my hair again, and I whimpered in surprise.
“You need to stop talking about yourself like that, Milo. It really pisses me off,” he growled, and I swallowed, clutching my flowers to my chest like it might protect me from Jay’s fury.
He must have seen the fear flash across my face, because he immediately softened, his tight grip on my hair turned gentle, and soon he was stroking me again in that way that felt so good.
“You’re not pathetic or desperate. Despite what you may think, people break the ‘no touching’ rule all the time. It’s not realistic to expect people to never touch each other. It’s one of Luke’s fucked up ways of trying to control us.”
My mind whizzed at his words, and the way he said it made me think there was more going on here than met the eye.
Both Jay and Sebastian seemed to have complicated opinions on Luke and how he ran Neurovance.
Sebastian had seemed straight-up afraid of Luke the last few times he’d come up, and I wondered what it was I was missing here.
“I’m the CMTRO. Do you know how many people have tried to get close to me in an effort to advance their positions at NeuroWell? I could have anyone I want, Milo. But I chose to kiss you. What does that tell you?”
“I-I don’t know.”
He glanced down at the bouquet I was still clutching tightly to my chest like it was a life raft.
“If I thought that kiss was a mistake, do you think I would bring you flowers?”
“Uhm—” I looked down at the pretty sky-washed blossoms, my self-deprecating mind fighting tooth and nail against the truth that was staring me directly in the face.
“Come on, Milo. Use that insanely impressive brain of yours. I thought I’ve been pretty obvious about how I feel about you, but do you need me to spell it out?”
My eyes were so wide, I wondered if I would ever blink again. He gently extracted the bouquet from my clutches and placed it on the coffee table before sitting on the couch next to me.
“I bring you breakfast every day. I tried to kiss you that first night. I just kissed you again in the bar. I bought you flowers. I called you baby when I walked in here, Milo.”
He reached out and wrapped his long, warm fingers around the back of my neck, pulling me in so he could rest his forehead against mine. His shoulders rose and fell as he let out another frustrated sigh.
“Who hurt you so bad that you can’t see that you’re not the only one here with a crush?”
My heart was hammering in my chest at his words, and the memory of Dylan swam to the surface of my mind. He had convinced me that he was into me, only to humiliate me in front of an entire lecture hall at MIT in my first year.
It had been a bet.
He and his mean friends had made a bet to see how desperate I was and if I would believe that someone like him could actually want me. Then he’d snatched it all away after weeks of spending time with me and being nice to me.
I’d almost dropped out from the shame.
“Milo, baby. I’m so fucking into you it isn’t even funny,” Jay breathed. “I’ve been into you before you even started here. Do you think it’s common practice for the CMTRO to lead orientation?”
“Uhm—”
“Of course it’s not. It’s usually the floor manager who runs it. I was leading that day because I wanted to meet you. I wanted to be the one to show you around.”
“What?” I rasped.
He pulled back and met my eyes, looking so serious and earnest, and my stomach erupted in butterflies at what he was telling me.
“Did you know I created NOVA?” he asked abruptly, and I shook my head in awe.
“In the early days, we had this 80/20 philosophy. My dad started it. 80 percent of your time was supposed to go to Neurovance projects, but the other 20 percent of your time was supposed to be spent on passion projects. NOVA was one of mine.
“It was right around when AI was becoming mainstream, and Luke wanted to implement one of the big tech models on campus to keep us competitive.
Both my dad and I hated the idea, considering most of the early models were run on entirely stolen databases and completely ripped off work from artists and authors without their consent.
“Luke wouldn’t freaking drop it though, so I decided I wanted to build the world’s first ethically sourced AI. I crowd-sourced all the data she learned from people who volunteered to participate in the project, instead of stealing from creatives like all the other big tech companies do.”
“Holy shit… You built a whole AI?” I gasped, and he nodded.
“Yeah. I did.”
“He did!” NOVA chirped. “He won’t let me call him daddy, though.”
“Shut up, NOVA.” Jay sighed, though his lips twitched in amusement.
“Anyway. I asked NOVA a long time ago to send me applications of potential candidates she thought I might find interesting. Three weeks ago, she sent me yours.”
My pulse was thrumming in my ears. I couldn’t believe what he was saying.
“I’m the one who bumped your application to the top of Pathways and Growth’s list. I asked them to hire you.”
“Why?” I asked, completely floored.
Jay took my shaking hands in his and met my gaze. His eyes were strangely glassy, and I realized he was holding back tears.
“I read your application essay, and Milo… I don’t think you have any idea how brilliant you are.”
“I mean, I know I’m smart, but… nothing like that,” I whispered, and that frustrated look flashed across his face again, and his hands tightened on mine.
“Milo—fuck. I hate how hard you are on yourself. You have no idea what your essay meant to me. I started crying when I read it. It was like my dad was still alive and I was reading one of his papers again for the first time. Your brain is fucking amazing. The world quite literally isn’t ready for you.
I’ve wanted to work with you since I read that essay.
That day, I didn’t get any work done. Instead of experimenting with the NeuroManipulator, I hacked into MIT and read every single paper you’ve ever submitted for each of your classes. ”
“What?” I rasped. The blood had drained from my face, and I was suddenly freezing cold. I’d been at MIT for years. That would have taken… days, probably. Maybe weeks.
He smiled, and a tear slid down his cheek. I found myself untangling my fingers from his so I could wipe it away. He leaned his head into my hand and shuddered softly, like my touch was just as comforting to him as his was to me.
“I became a little obsessed with you,” he murmured.
“I needed to meet you in person. I needed it, Milo. You were all I could think about for weeks. I had to meet the man whose theories and ideas were so in line with my father’s.
I didn’t expect to feel this way about you at first. I was just interested in working with you.
But that first day, when that idiot clipped you, and you fell…
It was like I’d seen a literal angel fall from the sky.
“Then, when I saw your first impression of me in that demonstration… It was over for me, Milo. I’ve wanted you ever since.”
“Jay… I don’t… I don’t know what to say,” I whispered, and he nodded, giving me a sad smile.
“I really fucked up, bringing you here. This place… It’s not what it used to be. Luke… Luke is taking the company in a direction my father would never have approved of. You’re worried about getting me in trouble, but Milo, they’ll never fire me. I don’t think they’d even allow me to quit.”
I frowned at that, a spike of fear rocking through me.
“What do you mean?” Jay was stroking the spot on his arm where his key pass had been injected, and I glanced down at the tiny lump beneath his skin. It was turning red with irritation as he continued to stroke it.
I reached out and took his hand, stopping him from unintentionally hurting himself.
“That’s not legal. They can’t keep you here as a prisoner, Jay.”
He gave me a sad smile. “They can do anything they want, Milo. They have more money and connections than even I can fathom.”
He met my gaze, and another tear slid down his cheek.
“And I brought you here. I brought you right to them… and I’m so sorry.”
I cupped his face and drew him in closer, hating the way his shoulders were shaking with anxiety and guilt. Pressing my forehead against him, I gave him a tiny kiss on the nose.
“I’m not sorry. If you didn’t, we never would have met, and I’m really glad I met you, Jay.”
“Yeah?” he asked, sounding unsure.
“Yeah.” I smiled.
“I just don’t want to be the reason something bad happens to you,” he whispered, and I frowned.
“Bad things always happen to me, I’m used to it.”
“Not like this. There’s so much you don’t know…”
“Well, what can I do to help?” I asked. If this company was doing something to hurt Jay, I wanted to do what I could to put a stop to it. I wasn’t an inherently brave person, but Jay made me feel like I could do anything if I put my mind to it.
“Nothing… Just… I don’t want to be friends, Milo. I know you’re scared about losing your job, but… We can be careful.”
My eyebrows rose in surprise at what he was asking me.
“You want… to?”
“Yeah. I want to. I want you so bad I can’t fucking stand it.
But if you don’t want me back, I understand.
If you tell me you don’t want to have a relationship with me, I’ll leave right now, and this all stops.
We can just be friends or colleagues, if that’s what you want.
I just want to make you happy. Having a little bit of you would be better than having nothing at all. ”
He looked so broken sitting before me, spilling out all his secrets. My throat tightened as his Adam’s apple rolled over a painful swallow.
“I was so alone before you came here, Milo. I haven’t been okay since my dad was killed,” he choked.
I frowned at his wording.
Since my dad was killed. Not since my dad died.
“Tell me you want me to leave, Milo. It’s now or never.”
We stared at each other for a long moment, gripping onto each other’s hands on the couch like we were both holding on for dear life.
My heart was in my throat, and the entire room felt like it was pulsing with the intensity of the decision Jay was asking me to make.
I knew what my answer was, and I knew the decision I was about to make was going to hurt us both in the end.
But I was Milo Murphy.
I was used to living through the devastating repercussions of my actions.
This one, for the first time, felt like it might be worth it.
“Never.”
“What?” Jay croaked, his face crumbling in devastation.
I frowned, realizing he was misunderstanding me.
“You said if I wanted you to leave, it was now or never. I choose never.”
He blinked at me in surprise, then his entire body seemed to relax in relief. He cupped my face with both hands, a long, slow breath leaving him in a shudder.
“Thank fuck,” he rasped, and then, he was kissing me.