Chapter 105
The last memory played out, and I was so fucking devastated I wasn’t sure I could even form words.
He was… always trying to protect me… and I… I’d been a horrible friend. I’d let Luke convince me that he was against me… when really… he’d given up everything to try and keep me safe the best way he knew how. How could I not have seen that it was all a lie?
The memories flickered, and to my surprise, one more queued up, causing my heart to stutter in my chest.
This was a memory of Sebastian as I’d seen him earlier.
He was staring at himself in a mirror, his stitched skull looking gruesome in the cold industrial light of what appeared to be a Neurovance bathroom.
The NeuroExtractor he’d used to collect his memories was clutched in his hand, and I knew before he spoke that he’d made this memory just for me.
“Jay… If you’re watching this… I’m probably dead.”
Milo choked in my lap, and I squeezed him tighter against my chest, willing my pounding heart to calm down.
“I didn’t show you these to make you feel guilty or bad about anything.
” He twitched violently, as if he was experiencing some phantom pain.
He was forced to pause briefly as he waited for the episode to pass.
My fingers spasmed around Milo’s waist in agony as I watched Sebastian struggle with the repercussions of what Luke had done to him.
The memory flickered, and once the image straightened back out, he made eye contact with himself in the mirror again, though he was clearly speaking directly to me.
“NOVA told me over and over again to just be honest with you… and maybe I should have listened. But… hindsight is 20/20. It’s too late for that now. Luke’s pushed my mind too far… there’s no… there’s no coming back from this for me.”
“Seb…” I rasped, as if the man in the memory could hear me.
“I know he’s going to order me to kill you tonight. He thinks I’m his weapon now. He thinks he owns me… but I’ve been fighting, Jay. I’ve been fighting him so hard, and thanks to you, I think I’m going to finally win…”
“Thanks to me?! I didn’t fucking do anything!” I screamed at the memory, my voice cracking in despair, and Milo squeezed my hands into his lap as he shook and cried silently between my thighs.
“Those memories I have of spending time with you when we were kids… Jay, I don’t think you’ll ever understand what they mean to me…
What you and your dad meant to me. You gave a little boy who had nothing a reason to get up every morning and look forward to a new day.
You didn’t have to be kind to me, Jay, and nothing I do will ever be enough to repay you for that kindness, especially not after what my father’s done to you and Milo… and your dad.”
Seb’s one blue eye filled with tears, and he paused again, as if he needed a moment to compose himself.
“You were always my light in the dark. My safe space. Even when I needed a place to hide in my own mind, you were there. You and that pond and those stupid frogs.” He chuckled softly, glancing down at the extractor briefly, before meeting his own gaze in the mirror again.
“I’m going to kill him tonight, and then I hope you’ll finally feel as safe as you always made me feel. I love you so much, Jay. You’re like the little brother I never had.”
He gave his reflection a sad, watery smile before holding the extractor up to his temple and firing it up.
“I’ll meet you at the pond,” he whispered, then the memories went dark.