Chapter Thirteen #2
“What am I going to do?” Liv cried, lifting her head. She wiped her eyes with the backs of her hands, and I rubbed her arms soothingly.
“You should probably take a few days to process the information and then you can start to think about how you want to tell him,” I said gently.
“No.” She shook her head, panic crossing her face. “I don’t want him to know. He’ll just hurt her.”
I stroked her hair behind her ears, trying to be patient. She didn’t know him like I did. I couldn’t imagine a scenario where Kayden would willingly hurt anyone.
“You can’t know that, Liv. You don’t know anything about who he is now. You said yourself it was one night, four years ago. If I were in his shoes, I’d want to know about my daughter.”
She choked on a sob. “I don’t want Kaylee to get hurt. Kayden doesn’t even live here, right? He told me he lived in Phoenix. Kaylee doesn’t need a father who breezes in and out of town whenever he feels like it.”
I fought back my own tears. I knew she’d be reluctant to tell him, but I hadn’t anticipated her experiences with her father would play so strongly into her reaction.
I couldn’t force her to change her mind, but I couldn’t live with this secret.
I already felt torn between the two of them and we were only an hour into this shitshow.
I swallowed again, trying to tell her as much as I could.
“Kayden moved back to Boston a little more than a month ago. He’s establishing his own architecture business and putting down roots in his hometown.
I don’t believe he has any intention of leaving again and if you tell him he has a daughter here too, that’s only going to give him more of a reason to stay. ”
“No,” she said, shaking her head rapidly.
I stood up and stepped back, panic flooding me as I pleaded with her, pulling at my hair with both hands. “Olivia, I can’t keep this from him. You can’t ask me to keep this a secret, please. We’re not talking about something minor. He has a daughter! That’s a really big deal.”
“So what?” she said as her eyes narrowed, clearly surprised at the intensity of my reaction. “He’s an employee who you’ve known for three weeks. Why are you so worried about his feelings?”
“He’s not an employee, he’s an independent contractor,” I mumbled.
“Okay. All the more reason not to tell him. When this project is done, he’s gone,” she said, rationalizing away the problem.
Even without a personal relationship between us, that wasn’t true. I liked Kayden’s work a lot. I would absolutely hire him again, assuming the rest of this project went smoothly.
It wasn’t Olivia’s fault that she had no idea why being honest with Kayden mattered to me.
But I couldn’t tell her because I was keeping his secret too and I wouldn’t break his trust in me anymore than I’d break hers.
I felt like I was being ripped in two. These two people who I cared about were going to be completely oblivious to why it was happening and there was no end in sight.
I took another deep breath. She’s had an hour to process. She needs more time. I squatted back down in front of her and put my hands on her knees.
“Take a few days and think about it, but don’t make this decision right now. Think about Kaylee,” I said. “She could know her father, Liv. Don’t you want her to have a chance at that relationship?”
“She has you,” Olivia said quietly, searching my face as if she wanted me to acknowledge that I saw Kaylee that way. I did. She knew I did.
For the first time, I wondered just how much Liv saw me as part of their family.
How much we were already in some familial relationship, whether I’d ever admitted my feelings for her or not.
I loved them both and I’d do anything for them, but hurting Kayden wasn’t an option.
The only way for all of them to eventually be okay was for the truth to come out—sooner rather than later.
Who are we kidding? If Liv brought any other guy into Kaylee’s life other than her biological father I’d be devastated because I felt like her father, even if I wasn’t. Even if Liv and I kept toeing that line while silently refusing to cross it.
If Kaylee’s biological father was anyone other than Kayden, I’d probably be as conflicted as Liv was right now; ready to toss him aside for eternity to protect them and my relationship with Kaylee.
They didn’t need protection from Kayden though.
He’d only add to their life, I was sure of that.
I’d do everything I could to make it happen even if I would be risking everything I held close.
The hurt look in her eyes made me want to reassure her and tell her exactly how I felt about her and Kaylee but I had no idea how to reconcile the way I felt about them with the way I felt about Kayden.
We were new and undefined, but we sure as hell weren’t just a fling and my feelings for the three people in this situation felt like way too much to process or sort out in the middle of a stressful situation.
I swallowed hard, forcing my voice to remain even. “You know I love Kaylee, Liv. I’m not asking you to tell Kayden so I can give up my role in her life. I never want that.”
Olivia sniffed loudly. “Then I don’t see what good will come of telling him about her.”
I shook my head sadly and closed my eyes.
“She could have us both, Liv. Having more love in her life will never be a bad thing.” I turned on my heel and walked back to my office before I broke down.
I didn’t know what else to say and I couldn’t be there for her if I didn’t compose myself first. I turned to face her from the doorway of my office.
“I need to finish a few things and then we can take off early to get Kaylee if you want.”
Olivia nodded and wiped her eyes. “Thanks. Are you still coming over for dinner?”
“Of course, Liv,” I said, shutting the door gently. I tipped my head back against the closed door and let go of the emotions I’d been stifling. I was pretty sure my loyalty to Liv and Kayden’s secrets was going to kill me if this lasted too long.