Chapter Twenty-One #2
I focused on calming my racing heart and stepped closer. “Olivia told me you’re sober, Kayd.”
He looked at me quizzically before turning his attention to Olivia, surprise crossing his features.
“I remember that night pretty well,” she said. “I was worried about you. Are you still sober?”
“Yes. Seven years.” Kayden leaned back onto the couch.
I let out a breath. “That’s a long time,” I said, slowly closing the distance between us. I lowered myself to the couch next to him. Olivia rounded the coffee table and sat on his other side.
“Seven years longer than my father,” he said bitterly.
I put a hand on his knee. “What can I do for you right now?”
He looked between Olivia and me and pulled at his hair. “I don’t want to drink it. I’ve been staring at it for an hour but no part of me wants to open that bottle.”
“Okay,” I said. “We can help with that. Right, Liv?”
She nodded and he looked at me. “I shouldn’t have bought it. I’m not like my dad, Jace.”
“I know that, Kayd,” I said, putting my arm around him and pulling him against my side. “You’re nothing like him.”
“I only made it a few blocks away from your office before I had a panic attack. I bought it in a fog. I’m a father and I don’t know anything about my daughter but I know that I want her to grow up and love whoever she loves, yet here you were, in this terrible position because I’d asked you to keep us a secret.
How can I tell her to be proud of who she is when I’m still hiding who I am?
And why am I even hiding anymore? I am proud of who I am.
” I rubbed his back while the words poured out of him.
My heart ached for all the thoughts he struggled to weed through at any given moment.
“I just know I’m going to fall in love with you, Jace, and it turns out you’re basically my daughter’s father—at least, the only one she’s ever known.
You’re extremely close to the one woman who I’ve regretted never seeing again in a way that makes all of this even more complicated and I have no idea if I’ll even get to really meet my daughter.
” He lifted his head to face Olivia, and his voice cracked on a sob. “I just want a chance to know her.”
Olivia put a hand on his knee and squeezed. He relaxed against me at her touch, and I felt fear flood me at the sight of their obvious connection. But with the fear came gratitude for the gentle way she handled him when he was so vulnerable.
“You can know her, Kayden. I promise,” she said softly.
“I never planned for this moment in our lives and I need to figure out how I want to do this. But I was wrong to say that you don’t get a choice in this.
You deserve one. I’m sorry that my own fear made me forget what I already know about who you are. ”
“You trust me to meet her?” he asked through teary eyes.
“Of course I do.” She squeezed his knee again. “I think you and I have some catching up to do, but I know you’re a good person and I want her to have you in her life.”
Kayden looked at the bottle again. “I will never let her look at me with the same disgust I have for my father. I’ve made it seven years without giving in to temptation and I won’t let this change that. For me or for her.”
Olivia looked between us and stood up. She picked up the bottle. “Can I dump this out for you?” she asked gently.
“Yes,” Kayden said.
“Is it the only bottle in the apartment?” she asked.
“Yes,” he said. “Thank you for asking that.”
She nodded and took the bottle and the empty glass into the kitchen.
As soon as she stepped out of the room, I pulled him against my chest, hugging him tightly and finally breathing easy when he fully relaxed into me and hugged me back. “I’m sorry I didn’t realize you had a history with alcohol. I never would have kept offering you drinks.”
“I know,” he said. “Before I understood my anxiety, I self-medicated. Alcohol calmed my nerves and made me feel more social in college. It didn’t take long before I’d developed a serious problem.
I went to rehab seven years ago, started CBT, and got on the proper anxiety medication.
I’ve been good ever since. I don’t mind being around people who drink. ”
“Okay,” I said. “We don’t have to talk about it now, but I’ll do anything you need to make it easier for you.”
“I know you will, but you don’t have to.”
I kissed his temple and took a deep breath, inhaling his scent and reveling in the fact that he was safe.
“I should have told you; it’s just such an awkward thing to say.
I’m not ashamed though.” He released me and I wiped the tears from his cheeks.
“I’m sorry for texting you. It wasn’t fair to send you a cry for help when you didn’t even know I needed help.
You were just the first person I thought to reach out to. ”
“Don’t apologize,” I said, kissing his neck and nuzzling into him. “I’m here whenever you need help, Kayd. Olivia recognized it for what it was. We’ll never leave you hanging.”
Olivia cleared her throat as she stepped back into the room and I let go of Kayden and turned to face her.
“Liv, I’m going to stay with Kayden tonight,” I said. “You can take my car and I’ll get it from you tomorrow.”
She looked at us again and my stomach dropped at the unmistakable sadness on her face. Being responsible for Olivia’s sadness might be one of the worst feelings in the world.
“You don’t have to stay,” Kayden said, wiping his eyes again. “I’m fine. Buying the Jack was the moment of weakness but it’s passed and I’ll be okay, I promise. I’m a pretty stable recovering alcoholic, all things considered.”
“I’m not loving the idea of leaving you either, Kayden. I’m sure you’ll be fine, but you shouldn’t be alone after a scare like that,” Olivia said.
I tore my eyes from Liv and stared at Kayden, willing him to see how much I hated the idea of leaving him. He must have seen the determination in my eyes because he sighed and turned to Olivia.
“You can stay too if you want,” he said to her. “I’m getting the sense Jace won’t leave, and you’ve had a pretty emotional day too. There’s no reason for you to be alone either.”
I looked at him as he gazed at her with kind eyes. Then I glanced at Olivia and saw the way she looked at him, uncertain of where they stood. What passed between them made my stomach flip again. Correction: Being worried about losing them to each other is the worst feeling in the world.
“Jace, can we ask your moms to keep Kaylee tonight?” Olivia asked. “I’d like to stay with you both. It’s been a hard week for all of us and she was excited about sleeping over.”
“Of course,” I said, swallowing the lump in my throat.
Kayden stood up and approached Olivia. “I’m sorry for the way I reacted. I’ll do this at your pace and I respect everything you’ve already done for her. I promise I’m here now and I want to do this with you however you’ll let me.”
Olivia looked at me and I tipped my chin toward her, trying to encourage her to tell him her concerns. “My dad sucked, remember?”
“I do.” Kayden’s lips quirked upward. “Welcome to the club. I’m the founding member, and while I don’t have all the details yet, I’m pretty sure Jace is a member too.”
I nodded. “One hundred percent in the club. Thanks for having me.”
“We’d both be more than happy to welcome you into the fold,” Kayden said.
Olivia chuckled, the tension in her face releasing. “Thank you. I just don’t want Kaylee to have that experience. If you meet her, you stick around. No exceptions.”
“Can I hug you, Olivia?” Kayden asked.
Olivia nodded and took a step toward him.
He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and held her close. “You have my word. I will never walk out of her life if you let me into it.”
“Thank you,” she said. She smiled at me. “Well, come on. We all know you’re dying to be part of the hug.”
I stood up and hugged them both, and when we pulled back to look at each other there was a whole lot of confusion in everyone’s eyes.
I suggested watching a movie to take our mind off everything and they agreed.
We settled on the couch with me in the middle and I glanced at each of them as Liv scrolled through the options on Kayden’s TV.
What the fuck kind of complicated love triangle are we starting here?