Chapter Twenty-Six #2
I smiled at him, and he continued, “When I walked inside the house, my dad smacked me across the face right away. I never saw it coming. Usually, he’d yell a lot or I’d done something that I knew would set him off.
I could always see the hits coming. But not that day, I’d just gone out to get the mail and noticed my new, older neighbor for a few seconds.
When I reached up to rub my burning cheek, he grabbed my hand, twisted me around, and slammed me against the wall.
He called me the f-word and said if he caught me looking at a boy again, he’d make sure I got my ass fucked so hard that I’d never think such unnatural thoughts again. ”
My stomach flipped and I sat up in a rush, turning to face him. “Kayden, what the fuck?”
“It’s okay,” he said with a small shake of his head, his throat bobbing as he swallowed.
I took his face in my hands and kissed him deeply, trying to pour my empathy into our fused lips.
I wanted to sooth the hurt of the little boy inside him and of the man who shouldn’t have to carry this weight around.
The man who clearly had hesitations about letting partners before me touch his ass for a reason.
“It is not okay,” I said, kissing him again. “You didn’t deserve that, baby. No one deserves that.”
“I know that now. Really, I do,” he said, giving me a reassuring look and another kiss.
I hated seeing the pain of that memory cross his face. I had half a mind to track down his father and break his nose.
Kayden took a deep breath. “The point is, I spent a long time after that not looking at all and pretending I wasn’t interested in guys.
When I went to college and I realized there was a whole world of people far less narrow-minded than my father, I started reading to understand human sexuality.
There are hundreds of resources that explain the human species, how complex we are, and the various relationship structures that have existed in history and I don’t think I need to tell you that it hasn’t been all monogamy since the beginning of time. ”
I shook my head. I may not be as well-read on the topic as Kayden, but I certainly knew enough about human evolution to know that straight and monogamous have never been the only way of life for people.
Kayden smiled, looking animated as he continued.
“There are even theories that suggest bisexual is the ‘default’ orientation. But all of that set aside, this particular passage I read you is the one that made me finally let go of all the shit my dad said. Nothing about love and attraction can be unnatural if it’s possible.
I got over my fear of being bisexual because of this passage. ”
He scooted back and took my hands. “Jace, if a relationship with more than one person is what’s right for you, maybe even what’s right for all of us, then I want you to know that it’s not unnatural and I’m not scared of it.”
My eyes stung. “I’m still a little scared,” I confessed. “Not because I think it’s unnatural at all, but because I’m afraid to want too much and lose you both.”
Kayden held my head in one hand and rubbed my cheek with his thumb. I leaned into him and closed my eyes. If he was going to share his trauma, then I could do the same. I doubted he talked about his anymore often than I talked about mine outside of my therapist’s office.
I took a deep breath and opened my eyes.
“My bio parents where neglectful, absent, and high all the time. They never knew where I was, or what I was doing. They weren’t there for me a single day of their lives.
My mom overdosed when I was really young, and I barely remember her.
Yet, when my dad overdosed when I was fifteen, I still felt abandoned.
He’d chosen drugs over me every day, but he really chose them over me that day and he left me completely alone.
If I had other family, I never knew them.
It turned out he’d gotten a batch of heroin that was laced with fentanyl, so he didn’t make a different choice that day than any other, but that didn’t change the way it felt at the time.
“Today, I can say his death was the best thing that ever happened to me. My moms and a lot of therapy have helped me process the trauma that came out of my early life. But right now, I feel like a fifteen-year-old kid again, afraid to be alone. I’m afraid if I ask for too much from you and Liv, I’ll end up alone again.
I really don’t know if I can handle that after having you both.
” My voice cracked and I stopped there, certain that talking more would open the floodgates.
Kayden pulled my lips back to his and kissed me before saying, “If I have anything to say about it, Jace, I’ll make sure you’re never alone again. No matter what happens next.” I kissed him for a few minutes before he pulled back, stroking my face with both thumbs.
“I know there is another person involved here,” he said.
“I know most people wouldn’t be open to what we’re discussing.
And if it’s not right for them, fine. But Olivia was the first person I talked to about my alcoholism and my bisexuality.
I could tell how accepting she was the night I met her.
If she loves you as much as I think she does, then I’m not sure you have to worry about her walking away from you.
The three of us can figure this out together. ”
“Okay,” I said, starting to believe him. He was right about Liv’s openness and acceptance of others, and I was also positive that his interest in her and her unresolved feelings for him were going to bubble to the surface at some point.
“Okay?” He smirked at me. “Okay you’ll stop feeling guilty for how you feel about both of us? Or okay you’ll stop worrying that I don’t really understand what I’m offering you?”
“All of the above,” I said, pushing him down on the couch and crawling on top of him. “I’m so grateful for that big giant brain of yours. Not to mention how grateful I am for your heart.”
He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. “Yeah, I mean, when my brain isn’t trying to convince me that I’m about to die from accidently eating a moldy blueberry, it’s actually pretty great.”
I kissed down his neck and his chest, laughing and holding myself back from screaming the words I love you. One confession of love in a day seemed like more than enough, and I didn’t want him to think I was just saying it because of this conversation.
“Are you going to tell me what made you hard at the party?” he asked grabbing my erection with a playful gleam in his eyes.
My chest filled with affection as I thought back to the nervous guy I’d met in a bar several weeks ago and how he’d slowly let down his guard with me to show me the kind, gorgeous man underneath me right now.
I groaned in embarrassment. “It was a sex toy party and Liv started asking a lot of questions.”
He laughed. “A sex toy party? I thought it was a bridal shower.”
“Yeah, apparently Liv’s mom, Val, has some interesting friends.”
“Sounds like it,” Kayden said, still looking amused. “Did you tell Liv about your drawer? There was no need for you to take anything with the collection you have.”
“Oh, I told her. And then I confirmed the use of a cock ring. She’s so gorgeous, her lips were all full and pouty, the sexual charge between us was so strong, and there was a bold look in her eyes, like we’d both been resisting the pull between us for too long and she was daring us not to anymore.”
“God, I remember that feeling,” he said, “You don’t have to be embarrassed that you got hard in her presence, babe. I slept with her hours after meeting her and I have zero regrets.”
“Today was not even close to the first time I’ve been hard in her presence, it’s just the first time I’m positive she was aware of the situation since she was on my lap, reached out to steady herself and grabbed right on.”
Kayden laughed heartily.
“How long did she hold on?”
“Long enough that I started leaking.”
He moaned and ground his hips into mine as he pulled at the hem of my shirt. “Am I allowed to be turned on by this? Because I fucking am.”
I laughed and lifted my arms over my head. He pulled off my shirt and pulled me back against his chest. “I have no idea. But I was so hard for so long, I’m probably going to blow fast.”
“Oh, so you didn’t come in your pants today?” he teased, working his way into my jeans. He pulled me out and released himself from his sweatpants. He took both our cocks in one hand and I moaned at the sight of our dicks pressed together.
“You know that’s not a normal fucking thing for me,” I grumbled, kissing along his neck.
I felt his grin against my skin as he whispered in my ear, “I bet I can get you to do it again. I bet she can too.”
“You’re mean,” I said as he spit into his hand and started pumping us together. I groaned at the friction and the desire that had been pulsing in my veins for hours. First for Olivia, and now for him.
He ran his thumb over our pre-come and spread it around, giving my piercing a little flick on the upsweep.
“Am I mean? I’m pretty sure I’m going to make you come in a minute.”
I moaned, the pressure in my balls nearly bursting as his hand and his dick rubbed against my cock.
I reached down and played with my piercing as I thrust my hips against him.
His hips moved too and his eyes rolled backward after he watched me flick the barbell and shudder with the extra pleasure it gave me.
“Shit, Jace, that’s hot,” he said. “I want to come at the same time.”
The image that filled my brain made me nearly ready. “I’m pretty fucking close, Kayd.”
“Me too, so stop touching that,” he said, flicking my hand away with a smirk.
I chuckled and groaned as my balls tightened. “I’m gonna come, baby.”