Chapter 23
Chapter Twenty-Three
THEO
“Have you thought anymore about what we discussed in the last session?” Mike asks as I lounge on his couch.
I’ve been here every day for the last week, working through my trauma.
When we realized Blake was the catalyst for my outburst, Mike and I took a deep dive into my past. It’s been uncomfortable and traumatizing to say the least. Having to relive every flashback in detail has caused me to start sliding into a depressive state I don’t want to be in.
“Yeah, I have.”
Mike chuckles—something he doesn’t do very often. “Care to elaborate a bit more?”
“I haven’t spoken to Christie in months. Ever since the night of Dan’s bachelor party. Apparently, I went overboard.”
“And how does that make you feel, your sister not speaking to you?”
I sit up, bracing my hands on my knees. “Honestly? Like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.” I scoff before muttering to myself, “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
“Why do you think it’s wrong, Theo?” he asks.
I run a hand through my hair. I left it down today, needing to hide myself from the onslaught of today’s session.
“Just like Blake, Christie is a reminder of what happened when we were kids. It’s easier to disassociate from her than from anyone else.
Sort of like she’s not really my family.
” I pause, nose wrinkling as I say, “But how can I treat my own sister that way?”
“That’s understandable. What’s happening here is you’re trying to”—he makes a sweeping motion—“dig your head in the sand for lack of a better term. You’re trying to claw back the control you didn’t have as a child, so pushing Christie out of your mind is a way of protecting yourself.”
I nod. It makes sense.
“Does she know you took punishments for her?” Mike asks with a tilt of his head.
I swallow, bile rising in my throat. “I don’t think so. If she does, she’s never said anything.”
“Do you feel like there’s resentment toward her for it?”
I blow out a breath and lean back. Do I feel resentful? “I guess so,” I finally utter. “She gets to live the life people can only dream of, while I’m sitting here in therapy every day trying not to drown in my nightmares.”
“That’s quite common, Theo. More common than you’d think, actually.” He glances at the clock. “That’s time for today, but I’d like you to do some homework for me.”
I groan, wondering what the hell I need to do.
“Contact Christie. Meet her somewhere neutral and start building those bridges between her again. Let that resentment go.”
“How’s that going to help me?” I ask skeptically.
Mike smiles kindly. “To move on from the past, Theo, we have to confront it. Christie is a demon of your past. Once that’s dealt with, we can move on to Blake and how she fits into all of this.”
“What if I don’t want to move on from Blake? What if I don’t want to know how she fits into all of this?”
“That’s for you to decide, Theo. Everything is done at your pace. You just have to figure out what’s important to you, and ultimately, what you want to get out of our sessions.”
My eyes tear up, and I blow out a breath, willing them to subside. “I want it to stop hurting, Mike. I want to stop hating myself. I want to live a life of peace and self-worth. I’m just scared.”
“Then that’s what we’ll do. There’s no time limit on this.
The unknown is always a scary thing, but having a life worth living is something money can’t buy.
” He pauses, gathering his thoughts. “We’ll never be able to erase the past, Theo, but we can make it more muted. More manageable to live with.”
“That sounds pretty good,” I mumble, standing up. “Thank you.”
Mike pushes himself out of his chair and extends his hand. “Try and mend things with Christie, Theo. You never know what could come of it.”