Never Been Tamed

Chapter 3

Zara

Dear Sandra,

I know some people think I’m a pushover, but I’m really not. I just think that as human beings, we need to put family first. I know I should be a star on the Hallmark Channel or at least a guest star on that old TV show, Touched by an Angel. I’m not altruistic or anything. I’m just trying to be responsible. It’s the curse of being the oldest child.

If I’m honest, I would love to be able to able to spend my day baking cupcakes and then take them to sell at farmers markets. And work on my relationship advice column full time. But cupcakes and love do not have the same potential to pay the bills as the law does. Plus, I promised my dad that I would become a lawyer one day and I don’t want to break that promise.

Wish you were here so we could go and get banana pudding at Magnolia Bakery.

Miss you!

Zara

XOXO

“Isn’t Hank just wonderful?”Lila gushes as we follow Hank and two other cast members down the street toward the bar. She moves like a dancer, light on her feet and graceful, and there’s an air of happiness to her that I haven’t seen in years. Lila is full of joy, and I for one, don’t want to be the one to bring her down from her cloud in the sky.

“He’s certainly an interesting man,” I say politely, not wanting to tell Lila that I think her new crush is a bore, a bad actor, and annoying. For all I know, my first and second impressions of him could be wrong. I wouldn’t bet on it, but stranger things have happened.

“He said that he saw one of the theater critics from The New Yorker there,” she continues, and I feel a lurch in my stomach. “Or maybe it was the New York Times, but how exciting is that? This could be my big break, Zara.” She grabs my hand and squeezes. “Thank you so much for carrying the burden these last few months while I get my career off the ground.” Her Prussian blue eyes are filled with excitement and anticipation. In Lila’s mind, this is the moment she’s been waiting for all her life. This is the moment she’s going to break out into a star.

“You’re welcome.” I smile weakly. Now is not the time to tell her I was fired because I didn’t hook up with my boss, Chris Greenport. I know I’d been told it was due to the economy, but I’d seen the books, we were doing well. I’m pretty sure I’d been fired because my creepy boss, Chris, had expected me to give him a blow job in the back office, and when I laughed in his face, he’d not been happy. I hold back a sigh; maybe I shouldn’t have laughed and wagged my pinky finger when I stared at his hopefully flaccid penis.

“Do you know the first thing I will buy when I make my first million?”

“A real Chanel handbag?” I say as I hold up my fake bag and nod toward hers. We’d gone shopping on Canal Street a couple of weeks ago, and though I was generally against buying fakes, I’d gotten us two identical bags as treats for taking an entire weekend to completely clean out our apartment while Elise had been away with the kids, visiting our parents in Florida.

“No, silly. I’m going to buy a store.”

“A store?” I frown. “A store full of real Chanel handbags? You’ll need a bigger closet.”

“No, a store for you to sell your cupcakes.” Lila giggles, the girlish sound making me smile. Lila’s laugh always has a way of making me feel like everything in the world is going to be all right.

“What cupcakes?”

“The ones you’re going to sell in your store. I told Hank what a brilliant baker you are and he’s hoping you brought something with you tonight.”

“I was working,” I say, by way of apology. Not that I would have made any for Hank. I’d give him an empty cupcake wrapper and say the vortex stole the actual cupcake. That would give him a real reason to say it sucked. I stifle a laugh at my mean thought. I don’t want Lila asking me what’s so funny.

“I’m so grateful you have a job that can support all of us while we find our paths. Elise and I are very lucky to have you. And the kids, of course.”

“It’s been my pleasure to help. You know I want you to pursue your dreams, but there’s something?—”

“Come on, you two.” Hank runs back to us, an obnoxious smirk on his face. “Am I watching a race between two snails?” I resist the urge to tell him he’s as funny as two rocks. I look over at Lila, and I’m grateful to see that she’s not laughing like a fool at his rude comment. I know she has a crush on him, but I will have to plan an intervention if it grows any larger. We’ve both seen single for a minute or two, but we’re not desperate. At least I’m not.

“We were just talking about the theater critic.” Lila’s voice is soft as we catch up to the other cast members. “I was just saying this could be our big break.”

“Oh, I’m totally going to make the front page of the papers tomorrow.” Hank nods and pretends to shake a newspaper and read it. “Calling All New Yorkers and the President, We Have A New Star in Town.” He lightly taps the front of his head and pretends to brush magic dust off. “This time tomorrow I’m going to have hundreds of agents competing for me, wanting to sign me. I’ll be able to headline any show or movie I want. I’m the next big thing, baby.”

“Modest, aren’t you?” I say and ignore Lila’s quick look of embarrassment.

“Sorry, what?” Hank looks back at me. “What did you say? I missed it.”

“I said that you’re very hopeful for someone that?—”

“It’s not hope, dear,” he says condescendingly. “It’s called talent and knowing your worth.” Gag me with a knife. Can this man be any more annoying?

“I think it’s important to know when you’re talented and when you’re not.” I nod, look over to Lila, and smile to assuage her reaction. “Like Lila has more talent in her little thumb than?—”

“Oh, are we nearly there yet?” Lila practically shouts and spins around. “I really need a drink and some food and?—”

“Food?” Hank looks her up and down, and I’m ready to jump into the ring like Muhammed Ali preparing to take down Joe Frazier. We all know what he’s intimating, and I’m not going to let him disrespect my best friend.

“Just because you’re a twig doesn’t mean we have to be.” I snarl at him and grab Lila’s hand. “Come with me. I need to get—go to the restroom, and it looks like we’re here.” I nod to the bar sign featuring an owl on the back of a pussycat in a hammock.

“Okay, sure.” She nods and looks at the black-and-white illustrated sign. “Interesting. I thought they’d have the owl and pussycat in a boat in the sea.”

“Me too.” I grin. “Maybe they didn’t want to get sued for copyright issues.”

“Ooh.” Her eyes widen. “Could they get sued if they did that?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I haven’t gone to law school yet.”

“True,” she says as we take our IDS out to show the doormen. “Should we wait for Hank and the others to go in?” I make a face at her, and she smiles wryly. “He’s not that bad.”

“Girl, he’s horrible. Please tell me you’re not seriously considering dating that douche canoe.” I hear a man beside me chuckling, and I look over at him. He’s tall, dark, and handsome, and my stomach flutters as he winks at me. I’m not even mad that he’s been eavesdropping on my conversation.

“More like douche yacht.” She giggles as we head inside, and I feel a massive release of tension jumping off my shoulders and diving headfirst into the rather packed and noisy bar. “He most probably thinks he’s the Titanic of actors.”

“He’s ready for an iceberg, that’s for sure,” I shout so she can hear me, and we both laugh. My eyes venture around the space, and I realize that this is quite a trendy place. My stomach sinks again for a few moments as my brain processes what trendy means. Trendy means expensive drinks, and expensive drinks means draining my bank account or adding to my already too-large credit card balances.

Trendy also means that lots of men in suits are standing around talking about the stock market and how their funds are up thirty-five percent this week while the other group of men are wearing skinny jeans and talking about going on retreats to India to study yoga or going to the jungles of Peru to do Ayahuasca—neither of which I care about.

“So, what are we going to drink tonight?” Lila’s eyes are as bright as lightbulbs as she looks around. Lila doesn’t care if a guy is full of himself when she’s on the prowl. Her motto is “attention is attention,” and there’s no such thing as negative attention. I guess she feels that way because she’s a wanna-be actress, though I guess now she’s a real actress, seeing as this is a paying role. Even though the pay is twenty-dollars a performance right now. Certainly not enough to help pay the rent, electricity, or cable bills. My mind flashes to the red letter I’d received that morning from the power company, and I sigh.

“Water?” I say, wondering if she’ll go for it. “Didn’t we say that we were going to give up alcohol as a New Year’s resolution?”

“It’s February, Zara.” She pauses dramatically and leans forward. “Do not look, but two hot-ass guys are heading our way.”

“To us?” I’m taken aback. We’re cute, but we don’t usually have men headed over to us as soon as we enter the bar. I pray to God she’s not talking about Hank and his friend. If she’s referring to him as hot-ass, I will drive her to the emergency room immediately.

“No, I’m guessing to the bar, but I’m totally making my move.”

“You are?” I ask in surprise. Neither of us is a very good flirt, and neither of us usually makes the first move. Certainly not when we are sober.

“No, but hopefully the blond one makes…” She pauses and then sighs. “Actually, forget it, they’re with two women.”

“The good ones are always taken.” I turn to look back to see how cute they are. It doesn’t matter if they notice now as they’re taken. I immediately notice the tall, dark, blond guy with the blue eyes as he looks familiar. “That’s Ethan Rosser,” I hiss at Lila. “He was the most eligible bachelor in the city for the last umpteen years.” I grin at her. “We stood no chance.” I stare at the lady whose hand he’s holding and am surprised that she seems like an ordinary woman. She’s gorgeous but doesn’t look like a model or actress. Her friend, a cute blonde, is dancing and looking around. I watch her for a few seconds, and then my eyes move to the guy next to them. I gasp as I see the tall man with the unruly dark hair from earlier staring at me. There’s a cocky grin on his face, and he smirks. His green eyes sparkle like emeralds in the sunlight as a ceiling light reflects off his pupils. He, too, is tall, dark, and handsome, and I can’t help but notice that his dark suit clings to his body like a second skin.

Ethan Rosser says something to him, and I watch him laughing hardily. He throws his head back, but his eyes don’t leave mine. I know I should look away, but I can’t. He raises his hand and blows me a kiss, and my face burns with heat.

“Oh, yeah, I remember seeing him on the front page of the newspaper,” Lila says, and I turn to her in confusion.

“Seeing who on the front page of the paper?” I ask her, glancing back quickly to see if Mr. Greek god is still looking at me. He is. I blush and turn away again. Why is he staring at me like that?

“Ethan Rosser. You literally just said his name.”

“Oh, yeah, yeah. I forgot.” I peek back again and Zeus himself seems to be headed my way. Holy shit. I’ve never seen a man walk like that. He’s like Moses, with people stepping away to make room for him as he walks through the crowd. He’s not headed to me, is he?

“So, shall we do martinis tonight? Pretend we’re high-class call girls like Julia Roberts,” Lila says. Every time we go out, Lila wants us to pretend to be actresses from her favorite movies. And one of her favorites was Pretty Woman.

“She wasn’t very high-class, Lila. Wasn’t she working Sunset Boulevard? That’s hardly?—”

“Zara, what’s going on?” she asks me, leaning forward. “Your voice sounds weird.”

“I’m fine,” I squeak out as Zeus continues his casual saunter toward me. As he moves closer, I see he’s taller and more built than I initially thought. He has to be at least six foot three with a body that works out way more than I do. I swallow hard as I realize that he is headed over to me—I have no idea what I’m going to say when he reaches me. I wish I could check my face in the mirror. I did have some makeup on, but I’m sure it’s worn off some, and I’m not dressed sexy at all. I had undone the top two buttons of my shirt—well, Lila had undone them, but I certainly couldn’t compete with all the bombshells around me.

I wonder if I’m imagining it all. Has the stress of the last few months finally caught up with me? Is this man an apparition of my subconscious, wanting me to enjoy one last fantasy before the reality of the new day? I pinch myself and look to the right again. Zeus is definitely still there, and he’s looking at me. He looks even more gorgeous as he gets closer and I am starting to feel breathless.

“Oh, shit,” Lila says in a low tone as she looks over my shoulder.

“I know.” I nod.

“What’s he doing here?”

“You know Zeus?” I ask her in surprise.

“Who?” She touches my forehead. “Do you have a fever or something?”

“No, of course not. How do you know that Greek god?”

“You have a thing for Frankie?” Her jaw drops. “I know it’s been a while, Zara, but you can do better than Frankie.”

“Huh, no, I am not interested in Frankie. Why are you talking about the landlord?”

“Because he’s headed our way,” she says, and I turn around quickly. About forty-five feet away from Zeus is Frankie, our middle-aged landlord, who has been calling me for the last three weeks about our past-due rent. My heart is pounding as I grab her hand. I give Zeus a reluctant smile and pull Lila with me toward the dance floor. I cannot have a conversation with Frankie right now. I do not want him to proposition me again about doing him favors to stop him from evicting us. I would rather sleep in the street than play with his saggy balls. I’ll have to use my next paycheck to pay the rent and past due electricity bill and hope that I find a new job soon.

“Shall we look for Hank?” Lila asks as we stand next to a group of college girls who are acting like this is their first time at a cool bar with how they are jumping up and down. “Why did we run from Frankie, by the way?”

“Did you want to dance with him?” I ask. I don’t want to burst her dream by telling her that I’d spoken too soon about paying the rent and that we need an influx of money soon, or Lila and I might find ourselves as high-class escorts after all and not just as make-believe. And I doubt that we even qualify as high-class, either. And I don’t want to sell my body for fifty dollars or even five thousand dollars a night.

“Nope.” She shudders and makes a face. “I don’t want to feel his boner all up on me because you know that he’s the sort of guy that would definitely be dirty dancing. I’d rather work at a strip bar or one of those dance clubs. I heard you can make a grand a night.”

“Just for dancing or with extras?”

“The women that do the extras make five grand or more a night,” she says knowledgeably. “Don’t ask how I know.”

“Something you haven’t told me about?” I ask and look back to see if Zeus or Frankie have located us. I’m disappointed that Zeus is nowhere to be seen, but then again, neither is Frankie, and that matters more to me than a five-minute chat with a hunk that is way out of my league.

“Many things,” she says and pulls out her phone. “It’s vibrating.” She holds up the screen, and I see Hank’s name. “I’ll tell him to meet us on the dance floor.”

“Okay.” I nod and try to hide my grimace. “I wonder where Elise is,” I say, thinking of my sister and her Norse god from the show. “They were all over each other when we’d left the theater.” I have no idea how people could exchange body fluids so quickly after meeting each other, though if I were honest with myself, I know I would have gone to a bathroom in a second with Zeus if he’d gone all alpha and dragged me to him and said he wanted his wicked way with me. And I don’t even know his name. At least Elise had gotten a name and had a conversation before she got intimate, albeit they barely exchanged any words.

“I bet she’s at the Hilton or Sheraton,” Lila says as she texts away. “I’ll tell Hank to get us some drinks as well.” She giggles. “Now that he’s minutes away from becoming a Hollywood star.”

“Seriously, Lila?” I raise an eyebrow at her. “Hollywood star?”

“I didn’t say A-list.”

“He’d be lucky to be Z-list.” I can’t stop myself. “Unless aliens come from another planet and kidnap him and take him through the vortex he loves to go on about, and maybe, in some alternate reality, he’ll become a star.” I can’t stop from laughing. “And he can go on about sucking night and day.”

“Oh, Zara, you’re horrible.” Lila laughs, and I’m glad that she’s not defending him. “I know he’s a little annoying, but he is talented. And he’s told me that he thinks?—.”

“There you are,” Hank’s familiar irritating voice interrupts us. I turn to him in surprise. How had he managed to get our martinis and find us so quickly?

”Hey, there.” Lila grins her flirty smile and I try not to groan. Hmm. So there’s a part of her that is still attracted to him. Annoying. “Did you get the drinks?”

“Not yet.” He shakes his head. “I have some vodka back at my place that we can?—”

“But we’re not back at your place right now. We’re here at a bar that you suggested we come to.” I try to keep the snarkiness out of my voice, though I’m not sure I’m successful.

“I sense a tone of exasperation in your voice.” He looks at me with a condescending glance, his lips turned up slightly. “Alcohol problem?”

“What?” I ask him, feeling annoyed, and then I take a deep breath. “Lila, I’ll go and get the drinks. I’ll be back.”

“I’ll have a Stella on tap,” Hank says, and I have to contain myself from slapping this man. He then leans forward and whispers something in Lila’s ear and she blushes. He grabs her hand and spins her around, and I watch as he wraps his arms around her waist, and they start dancing. Lila winks at me and gives me a small shrug. She finds him annoying, but she’s still on the high from the play. I’m annoyed with myself for coming out and head toward the bar. Life is just not going as planned.

I rub my forehead and think about the stack of bills, the dirty clothes, the empty fridge, the LSAT prep books on the dining table, and the pages of cupcake recipes I’ve come up with and want to make. My life is unraveling and I have no one to turn to for help. I’m the strong one, the provider, the one who looks after everyone else, and I can’t let them down. Not now. I owe Lila. I still remember how she loaned me the money her grandmother left her when she died to help me pay for tuition and textbooks our last year in college. I wouldn’t have been able to graduate if it wasn’t for her. And Elise is my younger sister; I’d been the one to convince her to leave her ex with the kids, even though she hadn’t known how she’d provide for them. I told her I would always be there for her and the kids. I hadn’t thought I’d be taking care of all of them, but that was beside the point at this time. She’s focused on her goal of becoming an influencer and reality star. Everyone is pursuing their dreams except for me.

“Penny for them,” a deep voice whispers in my ear. I look up, expecting to see Zeus, but instead, I look into the dark eyes of a Shawn Mendes lookalike. He’s got a warm smile and the cutest dimples, so I smile back at him.

“I’m afraid they are not worth a penny,” I say, shaking my head. “But thanks for asking.”

“You here alone?” He looks around and takes another step closer to me. He smells like cocoa butter, and I smile because it reminds me of my grandma, who practically had shares in the cocoa butter company.

“No.” I shake my head, pointing out Lila, who is slow dancing with Hank to a Katy Perry song. Puke. “I’m here with friends. Just getting some drinks.”

“Can I treat you?” he whispers in my ear. “You’re gorgeous, by the way.”

“Thanks,” I say, pulling back slowly as he gazes into my eyes with such intensity that it unnerves me. “You’re not so bad yourself.” I stiffen as I feel his hand on the small of my back and sliding down to my ass. “Um, what are you doing?”

“I’m seeing if you do squats.” He winks, and I raise a single eyebrow at him. If he’s looking for a girl who works out, he’s with the wrong woman.

“I don’t.”

“You looking to start?” he asks with a grin. “I can give you my card.”

“Your card?”

“My business card. I’m a trainer. I can whip you into good shape,” he says with a nod and then flexes his biceps. “Get that body tight and fit, baby.”

I burst out laughing at the absurdity of the situation. This man is not trying to hit on me; he’s trying to get my business. Well, he sure picked the wrong woman. I don’t have a spare fifty cents, let alone whatever he charges for training.

“Sessions are a hundred and fifty dollars an hour, but if you buy ten, I’ll give you a discount. Only fourteen ninety-nine.” He flashes his pearly whites. “What do you say, princess?”

“A one-dollar discount? Is that a joke?”

“Is getting your body in shape a joke?” He cocks his head to the side. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d still hit it, but?—”

“Nope, no, non, nein.” I push him away from me. “Not tonight, dude. I have literally had the day from hell, and this is not the way it’s going to end. I am not interested. I do not want you, nor your lessons, nor your fake compliments. To be clear, telling me you’d hit it is not a compliment.” I press my finger against his chest. “Get out of?—”

“Are you as turned on as I am right now?” he growls and licks his lips, and for a few seconds, I wonder how such a good-looking guy can be such an idiot. Why are all men disappointing me right now?

“I am not interested.”

“Baby, don’t you want to feel my?—”

“The lady says she’s not interested.” I feel him beside me as he speaks, and I know without looking that it’s Zeus. My body tingles just by his presence. I look up, and it is him. He’s standing there, looking down at the other guy. “Now, back off.” He grabs my hand and pulls me away from Mr. Gym Rat toward the back of the bar, and I wonder if my fantasy is somehow coming true. It feels nice that he found me and that he’s acting like my protector. Even though I don’t even know his name. Maybe tonight, I will allow myself to pretend I have no stress. It’s not like they won’t be waiting for me in the morning. “Another douche canoe, I see.” Zeus winks at me as we walk away, and my heart flutters. I’m not sure where he’s taking me, and I’m not sure that I care.