Chapter 30
Chapter Thirty
Hayden
Icried myself to sleep two nights ago and continued to cry half the day yesterday, holed away in my house.
I am torn in half—in love with Adam, and so furious with him I want to rail all over his ass.
But I refuse to talk to him again until I figure out what’s right.
Adam could easily seduce me into forgetting about Bliss.
The happiness I feel when I’m with him is incredibly powerful.
I let my convictions slip these last two weeks.
I can’t let that happen again, now that I know he truly is keeping something from me.
Mira steps into the break room, where I’m standing by the coffeemaker, overcompensating for my lack of sleep with caffeine.
“Hey.” She scans my face and looks down at my hands. “You’re shaking.”
“Too much coffee. I’ll be fine.” Those damn tears that have been close to the surface reappear.
“Shit,” she whispers, and pulls me out of the break room and into her office two doors down. She closes the door behind us. “What happened? I just saw you on Saturday and everything was great.”
I let out a deep sigh. “I broke up with Adam.”
Her eyes widen. “Why would you do that?”
My head notches back in surprise. “I thought you didn’t like him?”
She sits in her chair. “Of course I like Adam. I’ve always liked him. I just thought he was a bit of a jerk to his past girlfriends. But he’s not like that with you. The boy is in love. Like, deep love, Hayden.”
I shake my head. “No, you don’t understand. He’s not in love with me; he’s keeping things from me—lying through omission.” I flap my hand at the door. “He’s involved. With them. The Bliss suites. Blackwell and the Blue Stars. He knows all about what they’re doing, and he won’t tell me anything.”
Her palms flatten on her desk. “What exactly did he say?”
“That he can’t talk about it. He wanted me to give him time.”
She blinks repeatedly. “Really? How much time?”
I stare at her. “What does it matter? He’s involved.”
She drums her fingers and stares off. “Maybe, or maybe he has a good reason for wanting you to give him time. I can detect a bad guy a mile away, and Adam isn’t one of them.”
I wince and screw my eyes closed. Mira grew up around vice and corruption. It’s a testament to her strength that she didn’t take the same path and die of a drug overdose like her mother. “I can’t ignore what he’s doing. If he’s involved with them, it’s not good.”
She walks around her desk and sits on the armrest of the spindly metal guest chair I’m in, nearly tipping us over in the process. She rubs my shoulders. “Do you trust him?”
I shake my head—my level of confusion has reached epic proportions. “My heart trusts him. But my head… What reason is there to lie to your girlfriend?”
Mira stands and paces off to the side. “I don’t know. I’d kill Tyler if he lied to me about something important.”
“Exactly. Lying is a deal breaker, and Adam admitted he’s bad at relationships.” I rest my head on her desk. “I’ll be okay. I just need time to get over what we had.”
“Sure,” comes her wry response. “You look like someone who’s going to get over it real soon.”
I roll my eyes at her sarcasm, but she can’t see it because my head is still on the table. I take a deep breath and wipe the tears and mascara gunk from under my eyes. “I’d better get back to work.”
Mira hands me a tissue. “Just consider it—giving him a chance. We’ve been trying for months to figure out whether or not there’s still something going on.
Adam knows as much as anyone about the attacks.
He knows Blue has had trouble. And he’s been a good friend to Jaeger.
I can’t see him supporting something like this. ”
I smile bitterly. “And yet he must be. Why else would he not tell me about the suites?”
Adam
Hayden won’t take my calls, and I’m about to lose my mind.
I’m trying to protect her. But obviously I can’t tell her that.
She about bit my head off when I mentioned stepping in for her with Blackwell.
I’m worried what she’d do if I told her I was keeping Bliss from her so that she wouldn’t be linked to it.
She has this notion it’s her duty to protect the employees after the casino hurt her friends.
I know it’s more complicated than that—she was scarred by what happened in high school and wants to stand up for others after no one stood up for her.
But I can’t let her become a mark for Blackwell.
Not when I’m uncertain about what he’s capable of.
Paul and William walk into my office and close the door. “Ten days until the big reveal. How many are registered at the hotel?”
I stretch my neck. The last thing I want to deal with right now is Paul.
He’s been up my ass over every fucking detail related to the Bliss debut, even though I’ve laid it out for him ten times.
“As I mentioned an hour ago, we have fifty prospective members registered for the weekend, and twenty of our nearly forty members will also be in town for the event. Eve is putting together a letter and gift basket for each of the rooms. Anything else?”
“And the DJ—”
“Confirmed,” I say. “His assistant sent me his flight itinerary, which I forwarded to Eve, whose assistant will personally attend his arrival. The caterer is secured; the menu set. And if you want to know about the auction and burlesque show, you’ll need to talk to William.”
Paul shoves his hand in his pocket. “I’m sensing animosity.”
“You sense wrong.” He senses right, but it’s best if Paul doesn’t know everything I’m thinking at the moment.
William glances between Paul and me, an uneasy grin sliding on his face.
He was always more interested in pleasing everyone.
“Well now, I can tell you that the auction and our beautiful dancers are all lined up. The ladies arrive Friday for the Saturday show. Beginning at six a.m. Saturday, a crew will come in to remake the club for the evening. I’m working with security to close off the area while the equipment is brought in. ”
“Looks like we’re all set,” I say. “If you’ll excuse me.” I stand to leave. I hadn’t planned on leaving my office, but it’s claustrophobic in here. I have the sudden need to get out.
Paul jingles the coins in his pocket. “I suppose we’re nearly ready. Blackwell expects everyone to attend the midnight party after the show and to sell the Bliss experience. Plan on being there the entire night. I’ll send you a list of things to tout as you mingle with potential members.”
I nod, though I have no intention of reviewing his list. “Are we finished?” Not waiting for their answer, I raise my hand for them to exit first.
Paul and William walk out, but Paul turns to me once we’re outside my office. He signals for William to go on ahead. “Don’t forget, if everything goes according to plan on opening night, you can expect a hefty end-of-the-year bonus.” His eyes narrow. “Stay the course, Adam, and all will be fine.”
I watch him saunter away confidently. He ignores the gaming manager walking by, but winks at Eve as she passes. The deferential treatment toward some employees was obvious—I just never recognized how singular it was among the Blue Stars. Not until Hayden pointed it out.
I head for her office. I gave her space last night and the night before, but we need to talk. If Hayden were anyone else, I would have walked away long ago. But I can’t do that. Not with her. I’ll stay away, if that’s what she wants, but I won’t be the one to leave. Not this time.
I rap on the solid wood door, and enter at her invitation.
She raises her head and our eyes connect. Just like it did two days ago when I spotted her across the patio at the Beacon, my heart thunders in my chest.
“Adam?” She looks behind me, but I close the door. “Why are you here?”
“Because I work here?”
“You know what I mean.”
“I wanted to talk to you.”
She lets out a sad sigh. “Are you going to tell me what you’re not saying about the Bliss suites?”
“Hayden.” Exasperation fills my voice. “I love that you’re strong and never back down, but for once, I need you to. I want to share everything with you, but I can’t talk about this.”
She squeezes her eyelids closed and shakes her head, as though fighting with herself.
“If you’re involved in something illegal, then you should know I’m not letting it go.
” An unsteady breath escapes her mouth. “I knew it would come down to this. I knew it. But I never thought it would hurt this badly.”
I stride around her desk and pull her into my arms. “It doesn’t have to. You can trust me.” I plead with my eyes and her expression softens, but I can’t tell if I’ve reached her. And God, I need to reach her.
“My heart trusts you.” Her voice is light, as though the confession confuses her.
“I love your heart,” I say with such feeling that I startle myself.
My words were meant to encourage her to give me a chance, but it’s more than that.
I love Hayden. No fireworks; no sudden realization.
A simple truth that’s been there all along.
“I haven’t given you a reason to doubt me since I started at Blue, have I? ”
“No,” she says hesitantly, because she has no idea of the depth of what I’ve admitted to myself. Her mouth turns down. “Not unless you count the things you’re keeping from me.”
“Which is for a good reason. A reason I plan to tell you about, just as soon as I can. All I’m asking is for a little time. I may not have deserved your confidence in the past, but have faith in me now. I won’t let you down.”
She’s quiet for a moment, studying my eyes. “I think your intentions are good, even if it pisses me off that you’re keeping this from me.” She lets out a long sigh. “A little time… Okay. I—I can do that.”
I press her to my chest, hugging her so hard I worry I’m crushing her, but she’s clinging to me, and I think she needs the connection as much as I do. We had one night—one fucking bad night that spilled into two days apart. And they’ve been the worst two days of my life. I thought I’d lost her.
I lift her chin. “I won’t ever give you a reason to doubt me.” She leans up and my heart clenches, blood warming. I want to pick her up and carry her away like the caveman she thinks I am. But we’re at work, and somehow I manage to kiss the tip of her nose instead. “I’ll see you tonight?”
She nods, a shy smile spreading across her face.
Hell yes, I’m thinking about spending the night with Hayden, tangled in her arms. But I also want the simple pleasure of being with her. If I’m with her, I’m happy. And I’ve never had anything genuine that makes me happy, until Hayden. Everything else in my life has had strings attached.