Chapter 27
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Mira
After work the next day, Tyler spent the evening cleaning.
Cleaning. He sorted his books and tucked them into a corner, spines out.
He cleared the dining table of his technical journals and scribbled-on papers.
And he did the dishes. The freaking dishes.
I’m seriously considering whether an alien life-form has taken over his body.
It could happen. Based on his recent behavior, I rule nothing out.
Tyler told me he loved me last night. Just like that, he laid it all out there.
For a moment, I thought I was in some sort of dream state.
There’s never been any other guy for me but Tyler.
To have him tell me he loved me filled me with so much hope, I nearly lost it and told him everything I felt inside.
I held on by a thread and remembered what happened the last time I gave Tyler Morgan everything.
We have a tendency to run from each other when faced with emotions.
And Tyler’s still getting over his guilt about his fiancée, for which I can’t blame him.
But these things combined leave me a little gun-shy.
I don’t want to rush into anything. I’m thinking before I act from now on. No more racing to the loan shark in need of funds, no more running into Tyler’s arms just because he opens them, even if I think that is where I belong. I want us to ease into this, get to know each other. Be sure.
Tyler stares at the photo on the side of my bed as I pick out a work outfit from my limited selection.
We are hanging with each other again, but there is no kissing—my rule, not his.
He even took me on a bike ride at the Camp Richardson trail yesterday.
This time we rented the easy-does-it comfy cruisers for the two-lane bike path, so I’d have my own ride.
The trees smelled so nice, and the air was warm, and Tyler did tricks on his bike to entertain me. It was perfect.
“I think I want to buy a bike,” I say, holding up a sleeveless navy blouse. I’ve been adding to my work wardrobe little by little when I find something nice on sale. “You know, when I’ve paid everything off.”
He looks up. “Yeah?”
“The comfy kind we rode on yesterday.”
The sweetest grin spreads across his face, lighting up his eyes. “We can do that. We’ll pick out a good one for you. Nice wide seat.”
I shoot him a look over my shoulder. “You better not be suggesting I have a big ass.”
“Your ass is perfect. I am merely looking out for your comfort.”
“In that case, yes, a bike with a wide seat with springs. I want to feel like I’m riding a couch.”
He chuckles. “You got it.”
It’s weird, but I actually feel closer to Tyler than I ever have. There are no more secrets. He knows what I’ve gone through since he left, and I know his story.
“You were a baby,” Tyler says, as if to himself, a deep V forming between his brows as he studies the picture he grabbed.
It’s the framed photo I keep of me and Lewis in front of the Sallees’ house, my arms clinging to one of Lewis’s long legs. Lewis is a couple of years older than me, but he’s always towered above me, especially at that age. I’d not been fed well before I moved in with his family.
“I was three,” I say, grabbing beige skinny pants to go with the flowy navy blouse.
Tyler’s brow crinkles. “But you’re in a diaper.”
“I was a toddler,” I say defensively. “I wasn’t potty trained until I moved in with John and Becky.”
He looks up, his expression serious.
I hang my clothes on the hook attached to the closet door. “Don’t look at me like that. It’s embarrassing.”
Tyler carefully places the photo on the nightstand. “This was how old you were when you went to live with Lewis and his parents?”
“Yes.”
“Because of your mom?”
I hate it when people ask about that time in my life, but it’s important that Tyler knows this part of me. And out of everyone, I want Tyler to understand the connection I have to Lewis. Maybe it will also explain why I’m so protective of the Sallees. “Lewis and his dad found me.”
“What do you mean they found you?”
“I was alone—”
He raises his hand. “Hold up. You were alone? At this age?” He points to the photo. “This little baby—toddler, whatever? Alone, alone?”
My mouth compresses. “You know I don’t have a great mom. My dad didn’t last a month after I was born. My mom got word he died of an overdose shortly after. Eventually, my mom stopped coming home some nights.”
“When you were three?”
I nod.
Tyler swings his legs off the bed, his forearms resting on his thighs as he stares at me. “What happened, Mira?”
I sit beside him. “One day, John and Lewis were next door helping out a neighbor. I used to sit in the window and watch people pass. John saw me and came over. He introduced himself and asked some questions. I must have told him my mom was gone or something. He asked if I wanted to go with him and Lewis to their house.”
I shrug. “That’s pretty much how I came to live with them.
I don’t remember all the details. I’m told Lewis held out his hand and I went straight to him and clung to one of his legs, just like in that photo.
” I feel my mouth curve into a smile. “I actually remember being a little kid and holding on to Lewis like that. He was so tall. Anyway, that picture was taken around the time I moved in with the Sallees.”
Tyler’s brow furrows. “Your mom, she didn’t…”
I chuckle ruefully. “Try to get me back?” I shake my head. “No, I don’t think so. The Sallees diverted my questions as I got older by saying how blessed they were to raise me, but I always knew my mom didn’t want me.”
“Mira…”
“That sounds harsh. I don’t mean it like that.
Deep down I think she has affection for me, but the drugs and the drinking, they kind of block it, you know?
By the time the Sallees found me, my mom had been bailing for days at a time.
I was dehydrated, underfed, dirty. It’s a lot of responsibility to raise a small kid.
I think my mom was relieved to have the help. ”
Tyler scratches the side of his jaw. He stares out the window, frowning.
“It’s okay, Tyler. It was a long time ago. But you get it now, right? My connection to Lewis, and why his parents are so important to me? They’re all I have. And my mom too. She’s the only blood family I’ve ever known. There are no aunts or uncles—no cousins.”
He looks over with his cool blue gaze that manages to warm me. “You have us. Me, Cali, Gen, not just Lewis and his parents.”
I want to believe his words.
“People leave, Tyler. Sometimes it’s for good reasons, like when you went off to college, and sometimes it isn’t.”
“I won’t leave you, Mira.”
“You have no idea how many triggers you hit when you walked out after we…”
He sighs and closes his eyes. “I wish I could take that night back.”
“I know, and I even understand why you freaked out, but I still need time to feel safe again. And your sister and Gen…They seem like friends. I’d like them to be, but the only friend who’s always been there for me is Lewis.
Except now Lewis…” I swallow and sink back on the bed, covering my eyes with my hand.
I’ve been running around trying to not think about it, but it’s there. The worry that I’ve permanently damaged one of the most important relationships in my life.
“Mira?” Tyler stretches out on his side and rests his hand above my heart. “Are you okay?”
“It’s nothing.” I roll to face him, wiping the tear that snuck down my cheek. What is up with all the tears? “Sorry. Bad topic.”
“What happened with Lewis?”
“He’s angry with me for lying about why I owe the money.”
“You told him the truth?” I nod. “And you think he’s all you have,” he says, looking away. He knuckles his forehead. “Mira, you’ve got to stop believing everyone leaves you.”
“I’m working on it, but these things don’t change overnight. They’re imprinted. If you recall, the people in my life haven’t been the most reliable.” I glare at him, because like it or not, he’s one of them.
“Push people away, and yes, sometimes they go. And sometimes…” He inches closer, the space between us disappearing. His arms come down on either side of me, dipping the mattress and forcing me on my back again. “Sometimes they return because they can’t stay away.”
It would be so easy to raise my head that last inch to his lips, from which I suddenly can’t look away.
I clear my throat and roll out of his reach. The tension between us is the one constant we have. But I want more than attraction.
After an awkward silence, I say, “Are you hungry?”
I look back and he quirks an eyebrow, and I realize with all this electricity zinging between us how that must sound.
My face heats. “I meant food. Are you hungry for food?”
Tyler’s gaze drops to my mouth. “Sure.” He stands, and I do too.
I sense him walking behind me as I make my way to the kitchen. “Frozen burrito okay?”
“Sounds good.” He leans against the counter, watching me.
God, he’s unnerving. Does he have to do that? “You can sit at the table. I’ll bring it to you.”
“I’m good.” He smiles. It’s sexy and full-blown, brightening his already brilliant eyes.
Oh. God.
I stand there for a moment, staring at that smile. It’s the Tyler smile, the one that had me falling in love with him in high school, though the look in his true blue eyes might be a part of it.
My heart races, my face flushing. Tyler doesn’t smile at me anymore. Not really. Not the full-blown deal. A quirk of the lips, a grin that might touch his eyes, but this is different. This is unrestrained and glowing. As if I light up his world.
I hadn’t realized it until now. Hadn’t realized how his not budging an inch when it came to me protected us both. But he’s letting down his guard. Pulling out all the stops.
“I have to go.” I rush around the counter and snake my purse from the top, gingerly, so as to not brush one hair on his body.
His smile fades. “Where are you going?”
“Out.”
I make the mistake of glancing back, not sure what I’m expecting to see. Maybe a smug I-did-that-sexy-smile-on-purpose look. But his expression is one of masked disappointment.
That’s worse than smug. If I’m reading it right, it means his smile was genuine.
He was happy just being with me. And my reaction—a bone-deep attraction—is totally out of control.
If all he has to do before I’m ready to whip off my bra and launch myself on him is smile, we’re in the danger zone.
Loose cannons everywhere inside our house.
How am I supposed to take things slow when he looks at me like that? Suddenly, this living together has gone from explosive to downright cataclysmic.
I pull my keys from my purse and walk out the door.
In my socks. Crap.
Too bad. I’m not going back.
Tyler seems serious about his feelings for me, but there’s no way I can jump into this. It’s not smart after all we’ve been through.
My feelings for him have grown, and losing him this time might be the one thing in life that finally breaks me.