8. Ava
AVA
I t’s nights like tonight where I find myself lost in my thoughts. My head is foggy, like I never really woke up this morning, and I can’t shake the unmistakable feeling of dread.
Of course, that could be because I just left Pleasant Oaks.
I stayed with Gran as long as I could before I knew I had to leave.
The sun had set already by the time I made it out to my old, beat-up car—Judith—and I practically ran to get in and lock the door like the literal devil was hot on my tail.
Not that it’s in any way valid. No one’s watching me. As far as boring goes, a wet paper bag is probably more interesting.
The night is chilly, and a shiver ghosts through me. The heater’s barely existent, but what can you expect when you buy a five-hundred-dollar car from a man named Chester?
Reaching over, I try to turn it up, but it’s maxed, so I fall back, my mind wandering to ignore how cold my fingers are.
Despite the cold, I love this time of year. The bugs die and go back to hell, the sun doesn’t try to melt you to the pavement, and the air smells like wet leaves and frosty nights.
The holidays were Gran’s favorite, starting with Halloween. We’d always hand out candy to the local trick-or-treaters, and she always forced me to dress up with her.
I’d pretend to be annoyed for the longest time, but truthfully? I’d give anything to go back to those days right now. Just to have her healthy and happy again, even if we never celebrated another holiday again.
She seemed . . . different tonight. Tired, yes, but more withdrawn. I can’t escape the devastating feeling that she’s right. She’s dying, and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.
No amount of fresh-baked goods from Mila, my visits, or even her favorite old TV shows will help her.
In the end, I have to say goodbye, but what’s worse is not knowing.
This waiting game is something I’ve never experienced before because instead of excitement for what’s to come, it’s pure and utter dread.
Gran has been my rock for the last twenty-three years. When she’s gone, I’m alone in the world.
Tears start to brim in my eyes, and I push them back, refusing to cry. I’ve cried every night this week, and right now, I need all my eyesight to watch for deer on the back roads leading toward Cross Estate outside of Seattle.
It’s not like it will make a difference. Ultimately, fate awaits everyone. The rest of us are left to pick up the pieces.
“Come on, Judith,” I growl under my breath when she makes a detrimental sputtering sound.
That can’t be good.
“I just want to go home.”
Judith doesn’t seem to give a shit.
The entire car lurches, a loud grinding coming from under the hood, and I’m forced to surrender, pulling to the edge of the road.
As soon as I put the car in park, the battery cuts out, casting me into complete darkness.
Great. Just. Freaking. Great.
I force a calming breath past my lips and hunt for my phone in the pitch black that surrounds me. I find it in my bag, but there’s no service this far out in the wilderness.
There are no cars. Nothing but trees and deer and that existential dread that comes from staring into the darkness for too long.
The universe has to be mocking me.
I check my phone.
—Nothing.
I try the key again.
—Also nothing.
Smacking my hand on the steering wheel does nothing but bring tears to my eyes. Once they start, I can’t get them to stop. Finally, I accept my fate, laying my head on the steering wheel and letting out a sob.
“I really hope to God this is rock bottom because I don’t want to know what comes after this.”
Judith offers no support.
Big, ugly tears fall down my cheeks, and for the first time in a long time, I let them.
I don’t know how long I sit there, but it doesn’t matter. I cry for Nana. For the bills piling up around me, threatening to swallow me whole. The worthless cancer treatments. I even cry for the dog I had when I was a kid because I can. Who’s here to stop me?
I’m well and truly alone out here.
Or so I thought.
Someone knocks on the window beside me, and I let out a screech that could break the sound barrier. A dark figure looms outside the window, and when it bends at the waist, peering in at me, I realize rock bottom is a figure of speech.
It can always get worse.
Levi waits patiently for me to roll down the window, casting that same bored look my way when his gaze slides over my face.
“There a reason you’re crying on the side of the road?”
I swallow past the lump in my throat, turning away so he can’t see me wipe the tears off my cheeks.
“I’m not crying.” Lie . “My car broke down.”
He steps back and looks at Judith, and the distinct sinking feeling of dread fills my stomach.
“Pop the hood.”
I stare at him for a moment when he steps around to the front.
In this light, with his headlights shining brightly behind us, he looks devastating. Like a creature of the night that climbed out of the woods to take pity on—or murder—the poor, unsuspecting girl on the side of the road with her shitty car.
“Unless you’d like to spend the night out here.”
Oh, whoops.
Hurriedly, I reach down, hitting the latch, and he opens the hood. I climb out, keeping my distance, though I have no idea what he’s looking at when he messes with wires and metal pieces under the hood.
A shiver moves through me, and I wrap my arms tightly around myself, ignoring the scent of his cologne as it washes over me on the breeze.
“It’s fucked.”
I pause, unsure what to do when he shuts the hood and stalks toward his car without another word.
I stare after him, my feet rooted in place when he opens the driver’s door.
“Are you going to stay there, or are we going home?”
Home. With Levi?
Absolutely not.
“I can wait,” I say, though my voice sounds akin to what I would expect a mouse to sound like if it could speak. “I need to have it towed home.”
He cocks a brow at me, and I half expect him to accept my answer and drive off in the night without me.
“Get in the car, Ava.”
Fuck.
It takes a moment for my feet to register what my brain is telling them, but I manage to break free under his heavy gaze and grab my bag from my car, hugging it to me tightly and sliding into his passenger seat when he holds the door open for me.
Inside, the leather smells like him, and it’s warm. He shuts the door behind me and stalks around the front before dropping into the driver’s side without a word.
If I thought sleeping across the hall from him was intense, sitting in the front seat of his Aston Martin is even worse. I can practically feel my blood teeming with electricity from being so close to him.
I stay silent, and so does he as he pulls the car away from Judith and starts down the road.
It’s as tense as you would expect, and the air practically hums around us. I get the feeling he’s pissed off, but I don’t know why. Levi and I have never been anything more than tolerant (barely) acquaintances.
“Why were you out tonight?”
My skin bristles at the sound of his voice, and I shiver. He reaches over and turns the heat up.
“I was visiting my grandmother,” I answer quietly, keeping my eyes trained on the dash.
“This late?”
This feels like a breach in some unspoken contract. A moment of truce in a never-ending battle between us over who can get further under the other’s skin.
“She lives in a nursing home. I visit her a few times a week.”
I cast a glance in his direction and notice his hand on the steering wheel, the other on the shift knob in the center.
Why is watching him shift his fancy car the hottest thing I’ve ever seen?
And why have I never noticed the veins in his hands?
I readjust in the seat, suddenly hot in the small space, and tear my eyes away.
“I take it you’re close.”
I pause, trying to clear my head of the Levi-induced haze.
“She raised me . . . When I was twelve, I came to live with her. She’s the only family I have.”
I don’t know why I’m telling him this. He doesn’t care.
It’s Levi freaking Cross. If it’s not a vagina attached to some leggy blonde or a bottle of whiskey, it’s beneath him.
I’m beneath him in his eyes. Probably why he goes out of his way to be a flaming asshole nearly every second of his life.
I clear my throat, readjusting in the seat to give my mind something else to focus on other than the vortex of a man beside me.
Levi is quiet, his fingers gripping the steering wheel tight enough that his knuckles start to turn white.
Guess I pissed him off, again.
“You shouldn’t be out so late,” he says after a long moment. “Especially in that piece of shit you call a car.”
Irritation and embarrassment flood through me in waves. I shove it down, propping my elbow on the door and laying my head in my hand while I continue to watch the Washington forest pass outside.
“Not all of us can afford Aston Martins, Levi.”
“Maybe you should think about saving your money a little better.” I hate it when he speaks to me like I’m a child in need of guidance.
“I’ll get right on that,” I reply coolly. “Right after I pay for the nursing home—”
“You’re paying for it?” He has the audacity to cock an eyebrow at me.
I’ll rip that eyebrow off in your sleep, Mr. Cross.
“How much does it cost a month?”
“Enough,” I reply curtly.
I don’t know why he cares so much. It’s not like I’m stealing from his family. I’m paying my dues by working six days a week at their fancy mansion to afford it.
“I should have walked home,” I grumble.
“I’d be happy to stop the car if you’d like.”
An electrifying silence settles between us, and we both stare each other down. I’m the first to break, looking back at the road.
“Levi!’
We smash into the deer standing in the middle of the road, and the car jolts sideways on the slick pavement. Levi tries to regain control while we spin on the slippery road.
It’s not until we skid to a stop that I realize I hadn’t breathed the entire time we were spinning out of control.