29. Levi #2
“She’s asleep. She’s very pretty, Levi. I remember her. She was always a sweet girl. Always had eyes for you, even when she was with your best friend. It’s a shame, really.”
“Let her go.”
Mom cocks her head to the side, flashing sharp, vicious teeth when she grins.
“What’s the matter, sweetheart? Do you honestly think she’d stay?”
This isn’t real. It’s a fucking dream.
“Stop. Don’t touch her,” I growl, lurching forward, but the moment I do, I’m thrust another foot back.
Mom strokes her long, sharp claws through Ava’s hair, and my stomach turns.
“Oh . . . sweetie . . . she doesn’t want you. Who could, once they learn the truth?”
“Just leave her alone.”
“What do you think she’s going to say when she finds out the truth? What you did? Do you think she’ll cry?”
“Let. Her. Go.”
Why can’t I wake the fuck up?
“Or maybe she’ll despise you because you’re broken? A scared, helpless coward.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“No?”
“Levi?”
I look down, finding Ava watching me, her eyes the same as my mother’s.
It’s not real. It’s not real.
“He was going to kill her.”
“And now you’ll be the one to do it.” Mom smiles sinisterly, looming over Ava in the bed. “One day, you’re going to snap, kill her too. Why wouldn’t you? You’re a murderer.”
“Levi.”
“I did what had to be done.”
“MURDERER!”
“Levi, you’re hurting me.”
In an instant, I snap awake, my mind foggy and full of terror.
“Ava?” I scan the room for her, rubbing my eyes. It’s nearly pitch black, and I fell asleep in my clothes in her bed, so I’m disoriented. She finally finds me, her hand coming out to steady me when she places it on my shoulder.
“It’s okay,” she pants, like she was really struggling. Because of me. “I’m right here.”
Her voice is gentle, but there’s an edge of fear to it that sends a shot of panic through me. When my eyes finally find hers, her brow is furrowed in concern, and she’s kneeling beside me.
“Are you okay? Are you hurt?” My voice is rough with sleep. A tremor moves through my hands. I’m losing my goddamned mind because I could have hurt her in my sleep.
“I’m okay,” Ava says, her tone gentler. “You just scared me.”
She attempts to push me back to lie down, but I don’t let her. There’s no way in hell I’m lying down beside her again.
“Fuck,” I grit under my breath, rising from the bed to put some distance between us.
“Levi, I’m okay,” she says when I start to pace. I pace because if I don’t, I’ll break something.
I should have never fallen asleep with her.
I let her talk me into it, and look what almost happened.
I’m so much bigger than her. She’s so small.
I could hurt her so easily and never know what was happening until I woke up.
I feel sick to my stomach at the thought.
This is why the contract is in place. This is why she has to stay away from the real me.
My nightmares are right. I’m no better than what I’m trying to protect her from.
“I shouldn’t have slept here,” I murmur. I scrub a hand through my hair. “I fell the fuck asleep. I never fucking fall asleep.”
“I’m okay. You just squeezed me a little too hard,” Ava says gently, rising in her knees to reach for me. “You were mumbling in your sleep. What were you dreaming about?”
“I’m fine, Ava. I’m not talking about it.”
“But—”
“I said it’s none of your fucking business.” I snap, and she falls back to the bed like I slapped her.
I fucking hate that she’s afraid of me with every fiber of my being, but I hate myself even more. For wanting her, even though I can’t have her. For not realizing sooner that she was in trouble. For not doing anything about it, the second I learned the truth.
I’ve failed her every step of the way. And now, here I am, disappointing her again because I can’t be what she needs.
I’m not gentle or soft. I’m not the type of man you introduce to your parents and family. I’m an asshole. I fuck dirty, and I fight even dirtier.
She’ll figure out eventually to stop trusting her heart with men like me.
“Why do you act like this?’ she breathes, and something hot and unpleasant slides down my throat.
Releasing her, I step away from the bed.
I shouldn’t have fallen asleep.
I chance a glance at her and find myself unable to move.
I’ve stared down the barrel of a gun. And yet, this is more terrifying.
Because for a brief second, I allow myself to picture what it would be like to tell her the truth.
Tell her all the things that keep me up at night.
Why I’m secretly so fucking scared of everything all the time, and why I’ll never be the man she deserves because I turn that fear into anger until it’s swallowing me whole.
“I don’t . . . know,” I admit finally.
My answer feels too honest and open. Like a window to the truth, and my first instinct is to black it out by saying something mean so she can’t see what I’m hiding.
“Just stay out of my business. What’s in my nightmares is none of your concern.”
We’ve all got secrets. It’s just . . . some of us have darker ones, and as far as secrets go, mine are pitch black.
She’d lose her shit if she knew what I really dream about.
In the moonlight streaming through the window, Ava’s eyes shine with unshed tears. I think it would be less painful if I swallowed battery acid.
“Go back to sleep. Sorry, I woke you.”
“Levi,” she rushes. Reaching for my hand when I turn to leave. I look back at the concern in her eyes, and my skin bristles. “I’m worried about you.”
“Save your worry for someone who needs it, Ava.”
I leave her alone in her bed, and when I step out of her room, I don’t go to mine. I wouldn’t fall back to sleep anyway.
What do you want from me?
Fucking everything.
Unfortunately, forever’s a long fucking time, and sooner or later, she’ll learn the truth.