31. Ava
AVA
F our days after my head cold, I’m finally feeling better. I can breathe without feeling like the air is trying to kill me, and I use my time to catch up on all the housework I’ve skipped out on—under Levi’s orders, of course.
He’s spent the last few days force-feeding me soup and lying around in bed with me when he’s not working or whatever it is he does all day.
He’s even taken to watching trash TV with me when I’m trying not to pass out at night.
Neither of us mentions the contract, Alex, or even the mystery man following me, and for once, things seem strangely calm.
I can’t deny that it feels almost too domestic for Levi and me.
Like yesterday, when he took me shopping for new clothes.
—Then he fucked me in the dressing room with his hand over my mouth and his rough voice growling in my ear.
Or when he took me to finally replace Judith—rest her soul. We christened my brand-new SUV on the way home on a dirt road while it poured down rain outside.
There are other things, too. Like when he takes me to the shower and washes my hair at night. After, he pulls me to bed and wraps me in his arms. It’s like there’s a part of him that doesn’t want to let me go, and I’m spiraling because I have no idea what I’m doing.
He hasn’t had a nightmare since we’ve been sleeping together, but it’s because he drinks to chase them away. I worry about him because I see the way his hands shake sometimes. I want to help him, but I have no idea how.
With each passing day, I find myself growing more and more attached to him, and it’s starting to become a problem I can’t ignore.
Even now, as I make my way down to the security shed, I find myself dreading the hours until I can get back to him, even though I just saw him this morning. It’s absolutely maddening.
The Oak Ridge Lodge has ample security, mainly due to its high-dollar clientele. Today, though, the shack is dark and empty when I step inside, the only sound the hum of machines and the typing of Alex’s fingers on the keyboard in front of him.
I feel guilty, after the way I left the other night, and because I haven’t spoken to him all week with my cold.
He doesn’t look up when I knock, stopping at the edge of his desk. It feels strange to be here. I’ve never been inside, and I hadn’t realized just how many cameras were located around the grounds of the lodge and Cross Estate.
Oddly enough, my cheeks heat to a thousand degrees when I wonder just how many of those cameras are hidden outside on the paths through the forest.
“Hey, you,” I greet, offering him a smile.
Alex doesn’t look in my direction, and his shoulders tense. He doesn’t stop typing away, and I resist the urge to snap at him for being rude.
Great.
“Sorry, I didn’t come down to see you. I’ve been sick.”
Again . . . no response.
Fine.
“Look, I know you’re probably mad I left with Levi that night—”
“Am I?” he challenges, and I flinch at the bite in his voice. He finally looks at me, and his dark brown gaze roams over me like he’s trying to decide if I’m the same person. “You look fine to me.”
Okay, rude.
“I had a cold the last few days. I was off.”
“I’m sure you were,” he murmurs, turning back to his monitor.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
He chuckles under his breath, shaking his head.
“Cross take care of you while you were sick?”
“You seem surprised.”
He leans back in his chair, glowering at me.
“Cross doesn’t give a fuck about you.”
“And you do?”
“Don’t act like that.
“Like what? Like I’m tired of being told I’m worthless and no one gives a fuck about me?”
I see him visibly stiffen.
“You know I care about you. I mean fuck, I try to take you out. I try to spend time with you. You shut me down at every turn.”
My skin bristles like he’d slapped me.
“I told you I wasn’t ready for a relationship,” I say quietly, though I can’t deny there’s a rush of guilt washing over me.
“And yet, here you are, riding Cross’s dick whenever he wants,” he snaps, working to keep his voice low. His cheeks are red, the little vein on the side of his neck throbbing from how pissed off he is.
Good, that makes two of us.
“I’m sorry, was I supposed to ask permission?”
He scoffs, chuckling humorlessly.
“Maybe I should pay you. Seems you take anyone as long as they’re paying you to fuck them.”
I freeze, ice washing over me. Bile fills my throat, and I feel sick. Alex notices, a sinister smirk spreading across his lips.
“You think your little contract was going to stay a secret, Ava?”
Tears burn in my eyes, and Alex has the audacity to look away. Like I’d hurt him .
“What happens between Levi and me is none of your business,” I growl, backing away.
“He’s not a good guy, Ava,” he grits. “I thought you, of all people, could see that.”
“You don’t know anything about my life, Alex.”
“I know you’re only going to get hurt in the end,” he says, like he’s doing me a favor. He reaches for me, and I step back away from his touch. His hand falls to his side, and the look in his eyes is defeated.
“The only thing that’s going to get hurt is your ego.”
“You know what? Fine. You want to run around and be Cross’s whore, be my guest. Don’t come crying to me when he leaves you when he gets what he wants because that’s what he does.”
The truth in his words washes over me, and I wish I could say they don’t sting, but they do.
I know this thing between Levi and me is only momentary. I know a day will come when I’ll hate myself for allowing him to sweep me up in his vortex, but I also know I’m powerless to stop it.
I’m falling in love with Levi Cross—every dark, broken piece of him.
Alex turns away from me, going back to typing on his stupid computer.
“I’d rather be his whore . . . than your wife.”
His shoulders stiffen, but I don’t stick around to hear what else he has to say.
It’s only when I make it halfway across the lawn that I hear the clatter of something crashing into the wall in the security shack.
Fuck Alex. He doesn’t get to shame me just because I don’t want him. If the roles were reversed and I were sleeping in his bed every night, he wouldn’t have a problem with it. It’s only because I’m with Levi that it’s a problem.
I shake my head, growling under my breath when I step into my room.
Right now, my mind is going a million miles a minute, wondering how in the fuck Alex knows about my contract with Levi.
If he knows . . . who else does?
I head towards the bathroom, but I stop short when I see the single blood orange lily resting on my pillow. For a split second, my heartbeat skyrockets.
He used to bring me flowers when he’d done something terrible, only . . . he’d bring roses. I hate roses.
Somehow, part of me knows Levi didn’t forget, and my heart blooms in my chest.
He remembered.
I look towards the door, stuck between wanting and Alex’s words replaying in my head. I want to see him. What does that say about me?
I get called a whore by one man, only to turn around and find myself desperately craving another.
With a sigh, I give in, needing him to chase away the thoughts clouding my mind right now.
I knock, but he doesn’t answer, so I slip inside and close the door behind me. The lock echoes in the room, and in the background, the faint hum of the shower drifts through the bathroom door.
Carefully, I push the door open, my breath catching in my throat at the sight of his naked body dripping with water. He doesn’t look up immediately, his hands on the shower wall in front of him as the water rushes over the dark tattoos inked on his skin.
Heat slides through me, and my mouth is suddenly impossibly dry.
Levi looks like a carefully carved statue of Hades. Like every single line of his body was meticulously crafted to fulfill a woman’s darkest fantasies.
My heart bottoms out in my chest when his head turns, his eyes locking with mine. The darkness in his gaze steals my breath away.
My body thrums with my heartbeat, impossible to ignore. Regardless of who he is, there’s something about Levi Cross that draws me in and won’t let me go.
Sucking in a deep breath, I try to calm my racing heart and remind myself of my mantra.
The worst he can do is say no.
Holding his gaze, I reach for the hem of my T-shirt and slip it over my head, dropping it to a puddle on the floor at my feet. His jaw clenches, his eyes hardening as they lick a line of fire up my stomach before moving to my breasts, where they light with a burning fire.
I slip my pants off, blushing under the heat of his stare. I fight every voice in the back of my head telling me to run back to my room and hide under the covers until either the apocalypse or taxes take Seattle—and me—out.
“Ava,” he warns, voice so quiet and dark, I can barely hear it when I stand in front of him completely naked.
Shame envelops me, Alex’s words replaying over and over in my head. That Levi is just using me and that when he’s bored, he’ll toss me to the side, just as he does with everyone else.
But . . . when I force myself to meet his gaze, it’s not any of those things I find. There’s a possessiveness in his gaze, so scorching hot, my skin burns under its intensity. Dark as night. As death.
Padding over to the shower, I suck in a shaky breath before I open the door. Levi watches me, and his eyes are icy, bottomless pits, deeper than hell itself.
I step underneath his arm, pressing my back flat against the shower wall. Some of the water drips off of him and slips over me, making me shiver.
His eyes open to meet mine—his frosty blue to my peridot green—and he doesn’t ask why I’m in his shower. I can’t help but wonder what he’s thinking when his nostrils flare, his gaze following the movement of my tongue darting out to lick a water droplet off my lip.
Silently, I slip my hand up his chest, looking up at him through my lashes. His breathing hitches, his abs flexing under my fingers. I can’t help but feel some sense of pride that I can have this effect on a man like Levi Cross. So daringly catastrophic.