Chapter 53
Emmett
The room is dark despite the flashing lights from the TV that’s muted and the door that was left cracked, letting in some of the ambient light spill into the room. It’s just a sliver, a pale line along the sterile white wall that almost makes it glow.
I have no idea how long I’ve been staring at it. Watching the shadows flicker across it and disappear. Darkening it with hope that maybe it’ll come to life.
It won’t, I know that, and yet every motion makes my chest clench a little tighter.
Bobbie said she’d be back to check on Mother, that she had something she wanted to try but needed to get some input from another doctor.
I’m not sure why she keeps wasting her talent here. Around people like me and my mother.
She’s too good. Just like Tristen.
My stomach clenches hard when the sliver darkens, then fades back into light.
Hours have passed; the time only broken up by the on-call nurse peeking their heads in to check on the actual patient here. They ask me if I need anything, but they don’t mean it.
Not that they can give me what I need anyway.
The heated blankets can’t touch the warmth of Hatley’s bed. The mass-produced toast is nowhere near as good as the stolen loaf of bread I nearly burned and covered in peanut butter in Tristen’s kitchen.
The little tag lying limp off the side of the Styrofoam cup on Mom’s tray next to me is not the same as the one that smelled like blueberries and went down like freedom.
Even the consoling shoulder pats I got from my aunt stung like all the blood rushing to an awakening limb instead of the fluttering peace I feel when it’s Tristen that touches me.
My eyes start to burn.
If he comes back … I’m going to hug him until he asks me to stop.
This time, I’ll listen. I won’t disappear into my head and let the demon control me. I can fight it. For him, I think I can fight it.
I hope.
The flecked pattern on the floor blurs.
I don’t know what I’ll do if he doesn’t.
I’ve never … missed someone other than the person my mother used to be.
When all the things started happening and she changed, I missed her.
Who she’d been before then. I used to beg her, for what I can’t remember, but I did.
I used to wish on candles even though they were on the TV instead of in front of me, that she’d wake up and be back to normal.
That she’d love me like she used to. Before I told her what happened in the shower when she was asleep or at work.
I remember exactly what I’d told her so vividly that they’ll put it on my tombstone.
Too bad she’ll be too dead to see it. To believe it … protect me from it like a mother should.
To do something about it.
“Emmett?”
My spine snaps straight, my gaze crashing with my aunt’s from across the room.
“Yeah?” I ask and it cracks from lack of use.
“I want … I want to release her. To send her home. No one would want this.” She gestures around the room, her voice thick.
“There’s a chance, it’s tiny, so I don’t want to hope …
but there’s a new medicine that I think could help her.
She won’t be able to do it herself, not unless it starts working. ”
The tightness in my jaw gets even tighter.
“So, you want me to take care of her.”
Bobbie nods. “I just can’t do it here. We need to get her home.”
What choice do I have? Keep her, and myself here, until one of us ends up in the basement where they keep the rest of the dead people?
I hate her.
Hate her for ruining everything, but especially for what she ruined in me.
But the utterly hopeful tears building in my aunt’s eyes twinges something inside me until I’m nearly nauseous.
Tristen would try, wouldn’t he?
“O-okay.”
The breath that leaves her is audible. “Okay. Okay. The boys are still on, so I’m going to call Tristen for transport.”
My chest lights up before I stamp it down quickly.
I don’t even register the knock until that sliver of light gets wider than what my aunt left, then blacks out completely.
“My ears were burning.”
The muscles in my chest constrict so tight, I can’t move. Can’t breathe. Can’t do anything but stare directly into bloodshot brown eyes.
He says something to my aunt, something my brain refuses to register because he’s finally standing right in front of me, that tilt to his busted lips, his sight trained right on me.
For a moment … the room fades.
It’s just me, and him.
Those brown eyes, hidden beneath the slight swelling. Eyes I that seem like I’ve known for what feels like my whole life.
That undeniable, yet undefinable, pull bringing me to my feet.
“Go ahead and take her down. I need a minute with Emmett.”
And then it shatters.
Reality crashing in, crushing me beneath its weight.
I’m a monster.
I pull my hood up over my hair and tug at the strings as Bobbie wheels my mother’s bed out of the room.
Not once has Tristen’s gaze left mine.
He takes his time leaning a shoulder against the wall and crossing his arms over his chest, the position pushing out the patches right there on his uniform.
Ten is embroidered over his right pec in an almost silver thread, a stark contrast to the dark blue material.
On his left; EMS with some kind of symbol beneath it.
How did I not see that?
“Em,” he says softly, yet something about it feels so goddamned heavy. “We need to talk.”
My stomach drops out and I swallow hard.
“O-okay.”
His nostrils flare, the movement making the ring glint in the faint light.
There’s a long stretch of loaded silence that makes my ears ring and my fists tighten around the sleeve cuffs.
“Look at me.”
My gaze crashes to his and it feels so damn raw.
I rock back.
“I don’t ever—and I fucking mean ever, Emmett—want you to do what you did today.”
His voice is low. Quiet almost. But so damn deep and dangerous that I feel my shoulders creeping up towards my ears.
“You say no, I stop. I say no, you stop. It’s that simple.”
I swallow hard and fight with everything in me to not look away, to not drop my gaze to the floor, even as my eyes grow wetter with each word.
“I know, and I’m sorry.”
He shakes his head. “You don’t have to keep apologizing, but I do need you to hear this next part.”
Pushing off the wall, Tristen takes a step toward me. Another. Then another until he’s right in front of me and I have to arch my neck back to keep my sight level with his.
“Don’t you ever do something you don’t want to do.
” His palms slide along my jaw, holding my face gently despite the severity of his words, and my lungs catch.
“Especially if it’s just because you think I want it.
” Eyes flicking between mine, his brows bunch in the middle of his forehead, his gaze softening.
Like maybe he sees something worth looking for.
“Please, baby, know that I don’t fucking want anything unless you’re sure you do, too. ”
Heart pounding in my chest, I will away the mist that gathers, but it doesn’t work. I feel it trail down my cheeks and slide along the arches of his thumbs.
“O-o-okay,” I nearly sob and dive into him, my cheek crashing against the radio strapped to his chest.
I don’t even care that it hurts, the plastic digging into my face as I fling my arms around him.
His gasp is quiet, gentle, as if maybe he’s relieved.
He wraps me up, his hands sliding along the warm spot left behind by my hood towards the top of my back and I breathe.
Antiseptic, sweat, and sage.