30. Christian
CHRISTIAN
T he scent of vanilla and ocean water in the air is what wakes me early in the morning.
Blinking open my eyes, I find the sun is shining outside the cottage window, the rain having left everything clear and damp. The air is warm, and seagulls chirp overhead.
Looking down, my wife is lying on my chest in our bed.
Fuck . . . my fucking wife.
A deep sound rumbles in my chest, my cock hardening when I remember the way she squeezed the fucking life out of me last night. The fire in her eyes when she held my own fucking gun to my head.
The destruction I felt when she turned it on herself instead.
Reaching down, I brush the hair back from her soft face.
I didn’t know something could scare me that fucking bad until my heart started walking around outside my chest.
A tremor moves through my hand, and I pull her closer, my fingers stroking through the curled ends of her hair.
If I could stay right fucking here and never have to give her up, I’d sell my soul if that’s what it took.
“Rise and shine, lovebirds .”
Goddamnit.
Mila jumps, letting out a squeak. She raises her head from my chest, sleepy eyes meeting mine and stealing my breath away.
I open my mouth to ask her how she’s feeling, Levi’s voice sounds from downstairs and Mila launches off the bed, scrambling for her dress.
With a groan, I stand and wrap the sheet around my waist and head to the railing.
“Last call,” Levi chuckles, grinning up at me like the idiot he is, and I swear to fucking God, I’d love nothing more than to toss his ass over the side of the cliff. “You know, if you weren’t going to sleep in the cabin, you could have let me have it. Saw a spider the size of my dick in there.”
I shoot him a glare, and he just stares back blankly.
“What?”
Jesus fucking Christ.
Without a word, shake my head and grab a pair of jeans from my drawer, just as he reaches the top of the stairs.
I reach for Mila, but she looks between Levi and me, then back to Levi, before she pulls back away from my grasp, her gaze dropping to her toes.
Fuck.
“Rise and shine, scrappy,” Levi greets cheerfully.
Without a word, she pushes past him and heads downstairs, taking the ladder at the back of the boat and climbing down. Both Levi and I stare after her, Levi’s brows drawing together in confusion.
“What did I say?”
I just shake my head, sitting forward and scrubbing a hand over my face.
“You didn’t say anything. You’re a fucking idiot, scaring her, yes. But this isn’t about you.”
“Oh . . .” he murmurs, and then as if he suddenly grew a brain in that fucking head and realized the gravity of the situation. “Oh, fuck.”
I fall back to the bed with a sigh.
“Yeah.”
“I take it she heard what we were talking about?”
“She saw what I left out on the table,” I correct.
“All of it.”
“Fucking all of it.”
Downstairs, the bathroom door closes, and I grit my teeth when the sound of the lock clicks.
“You’re sure you got the right information?”
Levi’s gaze goes stern, and he looks out over the clearing.
“I’ve been tracking him for months. This is our only chance.”
Fuck.
“I take it she didn’t find your whole marrying her behind her back gesture romantic?”
“Fuck off,” I grumble, turning towards the door. “We’ll leave once I get Mila situated. I’m taking her into town.”
“Probably for the best. Think I’ll wait in the car. Things are bit . . . stuffy in here.”
I listen to the sounds of Levi retreat back down the stairs while I pack my bag. When I’m done and dressed, I head down the stairs towards the bathroom, my chest tight.
Phantom pads over to me from his spot outside the bathroom door.
“She okay, bud?” He just stares at me like I’m an idiot.
Fuck, I’ve resorted to asking a fucking dog about my wife.
I step past him, patting his head, and raise my hand to knock on the door. Before I can, though, Mila tugs it open, a towel wrapped around herself and her hair damp from the shower.
Fucking hell.
I can’t stop my gaze from raking over her, my cock pulsing at the water droplet that slips between her breasts.
She jumps back when she sees me, her eyes wide and guarded.
I fucking hate that I put that look there with every goddamned fiber of my being.
She sucks in a shallow breath, looking down at the floor.
“You’re leaving,” she says softly, and my chest tightens.
“Only for a few days.”
She nods, but I can tell by the look in her eyes she doesn’t believe me. It’s my fucking fault. I left her when she needed me most. I lost her trust, no matter the reason. Now, after last night, I’m not sure she’ll ever trust me again.
Somehow, even after everything we’ve been through, she’s never felt further away than she does right now.
“I’m going to take you to the lodge, with Paulina. You’ll want to pack some clothes.”
She shakes her head, drawing that lip between her teeth. I notice it’s bleeding from her worrying while she was in the shower.
“I want to stay here.”
Out of habit, I reach for her, attempting to brush the hair back from her face, but she lurches from my grasp as if I might hurt her.
As if I fucking could.
My hand falls to my side, a bitterness sliding down the back of my throat.
“I can’t risk you being by yourself out here. Phantom will go, too.”
If something were to happen and the waves were too rough, no one would be able to get to her. Not to mention, with Paulina around, I’ll have the peace of mind that she’s eating and taking care of herself. Leaving her out here alone to sit with nothing but her thoughts and the nightmares that plague her dreams, I’m not sure if I’d come back to my wife . . . or what’s left of her.
Tears well in her eyes, but they don’t fall.
It still feels like I swallowed glass, though.
“Okay?” I ask, the hole in my chest aching more prominently today.
She nods, pulling her towel tighter around herself.
“I’ll get dressed.”
An hour later, we pull down the drive of the Oak Ridge Lodge. An overwhelming sense of foreboding hangs in the air as the oversized inn comes into view, nestled amongst the Mount Baker National Forest.
I fucking hate this place, but right now, it’s the safest place for Mila with me out of the state.
I expect her to ask when she sees the old stone fortress, but she doesn’t, remaining silent.
Fuck, she’s been silent since we left the island two hours ago. I don’t know why I expect any different.
I pull around to the side and stop in front of the employee entrance, exiting the car. Mila follows, but Levi hangs back, leaning against the side of the car. He hates this place as much as I do. Phantom, on the other hand, couldn’t be happier to piss all over everything in sight. Oddly enough, a sense of pride washes through me because I hate this place.
“There are my babies,” Paulina gushes, rushing out the door and beelining straight for Mila. Surprisingly, Mila goes into her arms, letting her hug her.
Must be fucking nice , I think dryly, well aware that I have no one to blame but myself for the fact that my wife won’t let me touch her.
“Rought night?” Collin chuckles, sensing my dark mood when I grab Mila’s bag and head inside.
I swear to fucking God . . .
“You have no fucking idea.”
He follows me when I bypass the front lobby and head straight upstairs to the live-in quarters. It’s where Paulina and Bella live, so I know she won’t be alone while I’m gone.
“You’re sure about this?” Collin asks, stopping in the doorway to the suite I use if I’m ever here, his icy blue stare cocky while he watches me sit Mila’s bag down on the large, Alaskan king bed.
“No.”
“You know, you don’t have to go.”
I grit my teeth. As if it were that fucking easy.
“I do.”
He steps into the room, his hands in his pockets. I can tell he wants to say something, but right now, I’m really not in the fucking mood.
I should be back on the island with Mila, talking this shit over. Not running off to find the man who raped her in the hopes that maybe when I’m done, I’ll be able to piece some sort of life together with her.
“She’s a strong girl,” Collin starts, looking at the bag on the bed. “Full of light. Beautiful . . .”
Did I bring my gun in with me?
“Someday, someone’s going to snuff that light out,” he says quietly, his gaze meeting mine, saying everything I know both of us are thinking. “Think about that while you’re gone.”
He leaves me standing in the room, cement in my veins. Tugging the box out of my pocket, I place it on the pillow, my fingers brushing over the velvet.
I’m only sorry I didn’t give it to her sooner. Maybe if I had, I—
Fuck it. There’s no use in worrying about the past.
The only thing that ever did was get people shot.
When I make my way down the stairs, Mila is standing in the foyer, Paulina’s arm around her shoulders, and their voices hushed.
“What the hell is going on?”
Mila jumps at the sound of the voice and Paulina says something else in her ear when my sister emerges from the direction of the kitchen, her eyes wide when she looks around at all of us.
“Bella—”
“Who are all these people?” Bella asks, her gaze lingering on Mila. “Are you here for the benefit?”
“Bella, this is my wife. I’m going out of town for a few days. Mila’s going to stay here.”
Bella freezes, her eyes widening. She opens her mouth with a barrage of questions, but I hold up a hand to stop her. Not that I didn’t expect it, but right now is not the time.
“I’ll explain more later, but right now, I have business to tend to, and Mila will be staying here while I’m gone. Paulina and Collin understand.”
“You can’t just show up here after months and leave some random woman,” she side-eyes Mila, who looks like she’s ready to throw up. Honestly, if I had a better plan, I wouldn’t have brought her here, but Bella will come around. “In case you forgot, we have a business to run here.”
“And you’re doing a great job at it.”
“Bella,” Collin says, placing his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugs him off.
Bella looks back and forth between Paulina and me, horrified.
“You’re okay with this?” she asks Paulina and Paulina nods.
“Let’s discuss this upstairs,” she says quietly. “Away from the guests.”
Bella opens her mouth to argue, but I shoot her a look that has her mouth clamping shut.
“I will explain everything later. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’d like to say goodbye to my wife before I go.”
Bella glares at me and scoffs. “I swear you two get weirder and weirder.”
Turning on her heel, she storms off, heading towards the stairs.
I shake my head, and Paulina gives me a soft smile, releasing Mila and walking over to me. She pulls me into a hug, keeping her voice low. “She’ll come around, sweetie. We’ll take care of Mila.”
“I know,” I grunt.
She leans back to look at me, pressing her palm to the scar on my cheek. I don’t need to ask to know what the look in her eyes means.
“You come back to us. You hear me?”
“I hear you,” I murmur, attempting to pull back from her. I don’t do hugs. The most hugging I have ever done is Mila.
“I mean it, Christian Cross,” she warns, finally freeing me with a stern gaze.
“Keep Collin away from my wife,” I mutter quietly, and she shoves at my chest, giving me a demur smile.
“We’re going to miss our flight,” Levi calls from the doorway, and I shoot him a look, stepping away from Paulina and moving toward Mila. I make sure I keep my distance, even if all I want to do is pull her into me.
We’ve got a lot of shit to discuss but no time to do it in, and I fucking hate leaving her when she’s looking at me like that. That haunted look in her eyes.
“I know this is fast, but I have to go.”
She nods once, hugging her arms around herself.
“When will you be back.”
“As soon as I can,” I murmur, voice rough.
Fuck, I’ve never been good at goodbyes.
“When I get back, we’ll talk. About everything,” I murmur, giving her a look. She’s still got secrets she’s keeping from me about that night, and it’s time we got it all out in the open.
I can see by the look in her eyes that I’m losing her.
My mind starts to race, coming up with pisspoor ways I can undo the damage I caused when she found those papers, but I know it would only drive her away for good.
I’ll let her take the time while I’m away to think about it. Figure out her feelings.
And when I come home, I’ll be better for her. I’ll be what she deserves if it fucking kills me.
“Be safe,” she whispers, so quiet, I almost think I imagined it.
But then those moonlight eyes lock with mine, and something warm and new and so fucking severe it steals my breath away and slides through my veins.
I love this fucking girl.
I think I always have.
Slowly, I step up in front of her, keeping my hands to myself, and press a single kiss to her forehead, committing her scent to memory.
I know she’s crying because a shiver rolls through her, followed by a soft sniffle. I can’t look at her, though. If I do, I won’t take care of what I need to.
“I’ll see you when I get home.”
It’s not until Levi and I are in the car that he lights the end of a cigarette and hands me another.
“Don’t look back,” he murmurs around the cigarette, putting the car in drive, and I don’t because, for once, my little brother’s right.
“Just fucking drive,” I grit under my breath.
And then he drives us away from the only home I’ve ever known, resting in the heart of the girl with the moonlight eyes . . . with no knowledge of if we’ll ever return.