Chapter 3
Chapter Three
LANDON
Driving the boys home from an almost disastrous trip to see Santa, I get lost in my thoughts.
So many emotions are going through my head.
Sadness for the boys and—one of my favorites that comes and goes—anger at Lucinda for leaving us here all alone. I know it’s not her fault, but it doesn’t make that anger go away.
And now I can add confusion over my feelings for Poppy into the mix.
Who the hell is she, and why am I so attracted to her? And how did she manage to defuse that problem so quickly? She has never met the boys before, yet she had them both eating out of the palm of her hand in minutes.
I’ve gotten used to feeling so much hurt in my chest, but every time she looks at me it’s like I feel just a little lighter.
What even is that, and why is it happening with a woman who is only here for a fleeting couple of weeks?
It’s like the universe is playing with my emotions, and that pisses me off.
I don’t know if I’m ready to move on, but surely if it’s time for it to happen, life wouldn’t be so cruel to send me Poppy and then just take her away again.
For fuck’s sake, surely I deserve a break in this world.
“Dad, I’m hungry, how long until we get home?” Nash asks from the back seat like he wasn’t just about to have a meltdown in the Santa line.
“Me too,” Kade pipes up.
“We are still about twenty minutes from home, and then I’ll make you some lunch,” I tell them, trying to think what I have in the fridge for them.
“But Mommy always took us to McDonald’s after we saw Santa.” Nash’s voice starts to wobble again. And this is why I’m no good at this shit. I don’t know the rules or traditions. I’m relying on my six-year-old to point me in the right direction. Great parenting.
“Sorry, bud, I forgot. Looks like drive-through it is.” I smile at them both in my rearview mirror as they fist bump each other and scream, “Yes!” at the top of their voices.
I need to start a note in my phone listing all the traditions they had with their mother so I don’t forget the things that are important to them.
Last Christmas was such a blur, as we were all still in the depths of grief, plus Lucinda’s parents were visiting for the holidays and they took over for me.
I’m blessed to have great in-laws, but this year they are spending Christmas with Lucinda’s brother, who lives in France now.
They offered to take the boys with them to make it easier for me because they know how busy the bar is this time of year, but it was a hard no for me.
I might be hopeless at this parenting stuff, but I need my boys home with me.
They are the only family I have left, and there is no way I can bear to be without them.
After swinging through the drive-through for Happy Meals, we arrive home, and the boys pile out of the car the moment it comes to a stop in the garage.
“Guess I’ll get rid of the trash then, will I?” I call after them as they disappear into the house and I’m left looking at the back seat covered in food wrappers and discarded toys. This time they were books, and apparently that just wasn’t good enough in their eyes.
I unload all the trash into the kitchen bin, and then hear the sound of the LEGO box being tipped upside down and a million pain-inflicting pieces hitting the floor.
“Have you two changed out of your good clothes yet?” I call out toward the family room at the back of the house.
I don’t need the answer, as I hear the stampede of little feet running toward both their bedrooms. It has taken a while, but I finally have them sleeping in their own rooms since we moved in.
Not that I pushed them at all, because I understand they use each other as a safe place, especially at night when I’m not here.
There have been times when I have seriously considered selling the bar, just so the boys would have me home with them at night, but then I don’t know what else I would do.
This is all I know. I started working in a bar as soon as I was old enough to wash a glass and sweep floors.
I graduated to pouring liquor as soon as I turned twenty-one, and I have never looked back.
Plus, I don’t think I could cope with someone else running the bar I named after my wife.
Glancing at the clock on the microwave, I see I have a couple of hours before Renee will be here to watch the kids tonight.
That leaves me just enough time to do the laundry, iron my clothes for tonight, and arrange for an online grocery order to be delivered tomorrow.
I’m looking forward to tomorrow, as Sunday night is my only night off when the bar is closed.
“Love a good weekend of domesticity,” I mumble to myself as I head for the bathrooms to collect the dirty laundry and think about what ingredients I’ll need to order so I can prep the meals for the rest of the week.
I hear the key in the front door as I pull my coat on. Renee is right on time.
“Boys, Renee is here, and I’m heading to work,” I call to them at the back of the house.
“Bye, Dad,” they both yell out in unison.
“Whoa, is that how we say goodbye?” I bark back at them.
“Sorry.” They come running down the hallway.
Crouching down, I take Kade and hug him so tight that if something happened to me tonight, he would always remember how much I loved him. “Love you, Daddy, until the end of the rainbow.”
I kiss him on the cheek and tell him, “Love you too, big guy.” Then I ruffle his hair, and it makes him giggle every time.
Pulling Nash into my arms, the hug is just as tight, and I whisper into his ear, “I was so proud of you today for being brave.” And my words make him hang onto me just that little bit tighter.
“Thanks, Dad. Love you to the end of the rainbow.” He pulls back and smiles at me, and I know he is okay.
“Love you too, buddy.” I give him a kiss and then tickle him on his side, which brings him to his knees in a fit of giggles.
Seeing them both laughing and happy is all I need to get through another night of work.
“Be good for Renee,” I tell them, and they are on their way back to building their LEGO towers.
I turn my attention to Renee and start giving her the instructions for the boys’ dinner tonight and then give her the heads-up that Nash has been a little fragile today.
And as I pick up my keys off the counter, she stops me.
“Before you leave, Mr. Wood, I have something I need to tell you.” Stopping to look back and seeing the fear written on her face, I just know my world is about to implode and that whatever she is about to say is going to piss me off.
“I’m really sorry, but my mother broke her leg and she’s now in a full cast. She is still in the hospital tonight, but they are sending her home tomorrow.
She will need full-time care for a while, so I won’t be able to look after the boys.
” Her voice is almost trembling by the time she gets to the end, and it’s probably got something to do with the storm that is plastered all over my face.
And there it is. The explosion that has just derailed me. Of course, why would I expect things to run smoothly.
“Can’t someone else do it?” I snap at her and see the tears starting to well up in her eyes.
Shit, I’m an awful person.
“Sorry, ignore that. Don’t worry, I’ll sort something out,” I grumble at her. “Glad your mom is okay.” I spin on my heel and march out to the garage, trying to take some deep breaths.
I reverse out of the garage, pushing my foot down a little too heavily on the pedal. The tires spin on the icy road as I accelerate down the street, and straight away the guilt ravages my body.
“Slow down, you idiot,” I say out loud. “The boys need you.” I lecture myself, because there is no one else to do it.
During the thirty-minute drive into the city, I wrack my brain, thinking of every option, but nothing comes to me.
Of course, I could ask Mrs. B, but this is not a one-night thing, and I can’t take her away from spending time with Poppy.
She doesn’t have her daughter home that often, so I couldn’t do that to the old lady.
The trouble is we haven’t lived in the neighborhood long enough to get to know anyone other than Mrs. B.
Especially since I’m at work every night and the boys are still too little to have made good friends yet.
I pull my car into my parking spot behind the bar, and I’m no further ahead with solving my problem.
But at least I have tomorrow to come up with something.
Maybe Mrs. B knows a good sitter who can fill in.
Getting out of the car, I pull my jacket tighter around me, and as the nip in the air gets colder and the weather looks like it’s turning to more rain, I pray that I can find a solution tomorrow because I don’t have time to dwell on it anymore tonight.
Unlocking the back door and disarming the alarm, I hit the light switch and continue down to the main area, flicking all the light switches on, and Lucinda’s comes to life.
I walk along the front of the bar while running my hand over the beautiful solid oak top that Lucinda and I picked out together, and for the first time since we opened, I notice that it just doesn’t give me the same tingles that it usually does.
And again, that thought of selling niggles at the back of my mind, because this just feels too fucking hard tonight.
“Hey, boss,” I hear from behind me as Charlene walks in to start her shift. “You okay?” she calls out to me as she heads for the staff room to lock away her bag.
“Yeah,” I reply as convincingly as I can muster and then take a deep breath and slowly let it out. I walk down the hallway, past the staff room, and into my office to start the nightly routine to get the bar open.
POPPY