Chapter 9
Chapter Nine
LANDON
“Boys, Felix is here,” I shout from the kitchen as I hear the lock on the front door open with a key.
“Yeah!” they yell back in chorus as they come running from their rooms.
“Hey, why don’t I get that kind of reception when I get home?” I smile at how happy they are with their manny.
“Because you’re boring.” Felix laughs as he walks into the kitchen with the boys jumping up and down behind him.
“Harsh, buddy,” I reply as I make myself a coffee in a to-go cup. School breaks take it out of me when I don’t get a breather from the kids to rest during the day and then I’m at work all night.
“No, silly.” Kade looks up at Felix like he hangs the moon, but this time he doesn’t agree with his comment. “It’s because we’re asleep when you get home.”
It makes my heart swell a little that at least he doesn’t think I’m a boring dad. I might almost kill myself trying to make sure they have a great life, but it’s totally worth it for the little moments like this.
“See, Felix, I’m not boring,” I brag.
“That’s not what he said,” Felix replies with that smartass attitude he has. I think it’s part of the reason he loves working with kids. The playful banter keeps things fun.
“Remind me again why I keep you around?” I place my coffee with my phone and keys on the counter and walk over to Kade and Nash, while Felix plonks his backpack on the counter and laughs at me.
“So you don’t make the same mistake with another female nanny.” He winks at me, but his words hit a sore point.
“Not a mistake,” I growl, and he throws his hands in the air, like he’s surrendering from me about to tear strips off him.
“And I should never have told you that.” But he was right, in a way.
A male nanny was the perfect solution to keep me from constantly comparing the new nanny to Poppy.
That woman wrecked me in all the best ways but then left me longing for what I had been missing out on.
Sex with Poppy was so freaking good, and I tried to tell myself that’s all it was.
That she woke up my sex drive again. But the truth is, deep down, she flicked a switch in me that had been turned off since Lucinda died.
For the first time I want more for myself again. But the shit thing is that she’s not here to explore that feeling any further.
“Well, then don’t come home from work and pull out the top-shelf port and expect me to let you drink alone. We both talked way too much that night.” And I can’t help it, I start laughing loudly.
“Man, that was one hell of a hangover the next day, and I’m still blaming you.” I point at him, and he shakes his head and points his finger back at me.
“Whatever,” I reply and crouch down in front of the boys.
“Remember to finish the cards for Mrs. B’s birthday tonight. We’ll take them over with the present tomorrow and take her out for a nice lunch. Okay?” They both nod enthusiastically at me.
Wrapping them both in my arms and hugging them tight will never get old. I hope they’ll still let me hug them when they get older. I know how much I craved that from my parents when I was growing up.
“Love you both and see you in the morning.” I then give a little wriggle of my fingers in their sides that has them giggling.
“Daddy!” Kade squeals more than Nash because he’s more ticklish.
“I’m waiting.” I keep going, and they’re squirming more now.
“We love you to the end of the rainbow,” Nash says, and Kade is too busy trying to stop laughing. I let Nash loose and then place Kade over my shoulder and stand up straight again.
“I don’t think I heard you, Kade.” He’s kicking his legs like crazy and banging his fists into my back as he hangs upside down.
“I love… rainbows.” He gets a few words out, but that’s enough. Placing him back down on his feet, he’s all red in the face from laughing so much.
“Okay, Dad has to go, be good for Felix.” I kiss them both on the tops of their heads and grab my things, ready to make my way to the car.
“Always, right guys?” Felix says. “Now who wants to go out to the backyard and play some football?”
The cheers are loud, and the boys are gone in a flash, the sliding back door banging at the end of the track as they open it so hard.
“Thanks, buddy. I’ll message you when I’m leaving the bar like usual,” I call over my shoulder as I open the door to the garage.
“No probs,” Felix yells, as he’s already following after the boys. The man is not stupid. He knows an hour of football means bedtime will be so much easier.
Settling into my Cadillac for the drive to the bar, a bit of light jazz music playing through the speakers, I can’t help but think what a godsend Felix has been. When I found out he was looking for night work, it was like everything fell into place.
I’ve known Felix Walton for a few years because he used to be a liquor sales rep that came into the bar. Then one day in early January, he asked me if I had any night work at the bar. We didn’t have any jobs available right then, but we got talking, and I learned his dream was to become a teacher.
He’d been studying part-time at night to complete his qualifications he didn’t finish before.
He’d slacked off as a teenager when he was at school, and his grades were terrible and he never graduated.
So, he went back and redid it at night school so he could start studying at college to be a teacher.
He’s been saving money so he could give up his day job but would still need some income to keep him going.
I’d seen him interacting with my boys on occasion when I had them at work during the day and he stopped in to offer me some deal on liquor his supplier was stocking.
Kade and Nash took to him straight away, which helped them get over the sadness of Poppy leaving to go back home.
They are still very attached to her and often FaceTime with her when they’re over at Mrs. B’s house.
I’ve been there a few times when she’s called, or the boys have begged for a call with her, and I hate how awkward we are with each other.
Usually, her mom and my boys are on the call too, so I can’t say what I want or ask the questions I’m dying to know.
So many times, late at night when I was lying in bed and struggling to sleep during those first few months since she left, my finger would hover over her number in my phone.
My emotions ranged from wanting to call her just to hear her voice, or text her to check she was okay.
But I knew if I did it once, then it would start something neither of us could finish.
So instead, I would pull up one of the photos of her on my phone and jerk off while looking at her, pretending it was her hand on my cock, her voice talking dirty to me.
Mrs. B gives me a constant update on how Poppy is and how hard she’s working.
She’s worried about her, which is something I understand.
I doubt I will ever stop worrying about the boys, no matter how old they are.
I don’t know that Poppy would be very happy with how detailed her mother is when she tells me about her life in Rochester.
And to be honest, I almost put my fist through a wall the day she casually dropped that Poppy had been out on a date the night before.
That was the night I came home from the bar, after that thought had been festering inside my head all day, and got drunk on port with Felix.
The next day I made the decision I had to move on. Poppy’s a friend, and that’s all she can be.
I forced myself to go on a few dates that Adrian had set me up on, which weren’t terrible, but they also weren’t anything special either.
Instead, it was just easier to have one-night stands.
Three, to be exact, but I always hated myself afterward.
Now not only did I feel like I was cheating on Lucinda being with another woman, but it was also the pain of the disrespect I felt.
To both Poppy and the woman I slept with, because the whole time I was just picturing my blonde-haired, blue-eyed Poppy and wishing like hell it was her.
I picked a dark-haired woman every time, trying to push those thoughts from my head, but I kept failing miserably. I just felt like an awful person.
So, I’m back to how I was before Christmas. Living my life for my boys, a widower who doesn’t date, and hoping one day I’ll finally find someone who not only makes my heart race but fits into my life too.
I pull my car into one of the two reserved spots in the parking lot. Adrian’s two-door BMW is already parked in the other one. He doesn’t live far from the bar and walks here from his apartment during the day, but it’s safer at night to drive home.
We’re both working tonight because we have a bachelorette party booked in, and that definitely needs the two of us on shift.
Opening the door, I walk through the bar and see Charlene is here already.
“Hey, boss,” she calls to me. “I’m just setting up the VIP area for the bachelorette, and Adrian is in the office. Are you ready for a crazy night?” She starts laughing as she attaches the red rope to the gold posts we use as a barrier.
“Financially these bookings are great, but sometimes I could kill Adrian for his amazing ideas to bring in new business.” Rolling my eyes at her, I keep walking toward my office down at the end of the hall.
“Make sure you undo your top button and let flirty Landon out to play tonight, the tips will double,” she yells at my back as I walk away from her, and I can still hear her chuckling to herself as I open the office door.
“Hey.” Adrian looks up from the desk where he’s sorting out the cash floats and placing them in the cash drawers for tonight. I close the door as I reply.