Chapter 38
J asper stared after Cecelia, some unknown part of him stinging as it thawed. His brother had loved him? Loved him enough to tell his daughter ? And what had she meant that he would not let his brother love him? All his life he had cared only for the approval of one person, and that had been his older brother. When his brother had died, so had the part of Jasper that hoped one day he would earn the love of the only person who’d stood by his side through it all—and the shell inside his chest had turned to ice. Now, to hear that his brother had always loved him, that Cecelia loved him… Jasper was so stunned he could not move, he could only feel the painful throbbing in his chest.
Was what Cecelia claimed true? Did he think he was a bad person unworthy of love? When Jasper was born, he’d been so large he’d torn his mother apart, and she’d never physically recovered. She’d died when he was four, and he had the distinct memory of seeing accusation in her eyes every time she looked at him. His father had resented his children, and Jasper and his brother had been put to work too young. His brother had started thieving, but Jasper had excelled at gambling and conning. He’d been charming and charismatic, and his memory had been uncanny. Over time, when he gambled he had learned how to read the other children, and then the adults. He knew whom to goad, who would respond to boasting, and which player would lose his temper if Jasper said rude things about his mother. Wherever Jasper went, people lost money. He had no friends, but he had plenty of enemies.
He made even more on his rise to the top.
Did he deserve love? Jasper honestly didn’t know, but if someone with as good a heart as Cecelia was willing to give him a chance, he would do his damnedest to try and be worthy.
For the rest of the night Jasper closely watched Devon. The man did not speak to anyone out of the ordinary. He did not slip off for a clandestine meeting with the ringleader. He did not act as if anything were out of sorts at all. If it were not for the rigidity of his posture and the incessant tapping of his finger on his thigh, Jasper would have thought he was completely unaffected by the earlier wager. But as the hour grew later, Jasper did not miss the way Devon flinched every time there was a loud noise, or how he perspired more than usual. His eyes kept flickering to the doorway, as if he wished to escape. It was clear Devon was afraid of someone—perhaps someone in this very room.
Jasper kept close tabs on the man well after the women had excused themselves for the night, and only when several of the gentlemen decided to retire—Devon among them—did he allow him out of his sight.
Once in his chamber, Jasper was debating whether or not to slip a note under Frankie’s door, when he heard a light rap. His coat was off, his shirtsleeves were pulled out of his breeches, and his cravat was dangling untied on either side of his neck, but he did not consider his state of undress when he quickly opened the door. He knew who would be standing outside.
He looked both ways, grabbed Frankie by the arm, and hauled her inside. “Are you mad? What if someone had seen you?”
She was still dressed in her evening gown, although her hair was in greater disarray than usual. “We are already betrothed.” When he would have commented how, in good society, that did not give them license to slip into one another’s rooms, she held up her hand to silence him. “I want to know what you were thinking.”
Jasper arched a brow, crossed his arms over his chest, and leaned back against the door. “Excuse me?”
Frankie whirled on him, fisting her hands on her hips. “You gambled Rockford’s. Rockford’s! Are you mad? Have you lost all good sense? Devon is so lazy and stupid that he would have run all your hard work into the ground within months. And what would you have done without the income?”
“I have more than enough money saved to live in the highest luxury for the rest of my lifetime and the rest of Cecelia’s. Rockford’s is extraneous now; it is no longer necessary. It is no longer the most important thing in my life.”
“Do not lie to me.”
“I am not lying. Cecelia is my life now. You are my life now.”
“You could have lost everything.”
“All I cared about was losing you.”
Frankie’s lips parted with surprise.
Jasper’s gaze traced over her cheekbones to her mouth. “Are you disappointed that you have to marry me? I was not left with a lot of choices, but I will always respect your wishes, Frankie. If you want a way out, I will do my best to give it to you, although it will most certainly require relocation.”
“Is that what you want? A way out?”
“No.” Jasper felt as if he were drowning in the blue depths of her eyes. “Marry me, Frankie.”
Frankie pressed her palm to her stomach. “You do not have to ask. We are already betrothed.”
“Yes, but I want you to choose me.” At the soft plea escaping his mouth, Jasper realized he was so far gone that he didn’t even recognize himself anymore. He’d lived a lifetime of rejection, but for the first time it truly mattered to him that someone wanted him. Not his money, not his reputation, but him —flaws and all. “Because I choose you , although you would be forgiven for questioning that, considering the circumstances. From the moment you walked into my life you have frustrated me, irritated me, and pulled me into one harebrained scheme after another. And yet I find myself waking each morning with a smile on my face, anxious to hear what you will say next. I walk past the schoolroom when I have no business being there, only to catch a glimpse of your disheveled hair and hear the exasperation in your voice when Cecelia does not love the numbers as much as you think she should. You are bold, and you are so beautiful you make my heart ache. It was why I gambled for your hand back in my study—because at the time I was just beginning to realize how nice it would be to have you in my life permanently. But tonight I discovered it was not just nice, it was essential that I did not lose you.”
Frankie’s eyes were luminous behind her lenses. “I do,” she said softly. “I do choose you.”
She did not say more, but he did not need to hear more—at least for now. He pulled her toward him and buried his face into her neck and breathed deeply.
Frankie tugged on the hair at his nape, and he lifted his head. “Just so we are clear, when we are married, I want exclusivity.”
The devil inside him curled its toes in delight. Her possessiveness said more than any words she’d spoken.
“No widows?” he asked, reaching behind him to turn the key in the lock.
“No widows, no mistresses. Only me.”
Jasper wrapped an arm around her waist and slowly backed her toward the bed. “You are all I need. Will you abide by the same vow?”
The backs of her knees hit the edge of the bed. “Yes, unless we mutually decide otherwise.”
She was ever the pragmatist, Jasper thought as he trailed a finger down her chest and hooked it in the front of her gown. The flickering light from the candelabra spread a warm glow over her face. “That will never happen.”
Frankie smiled up at him, that slow-blossoming smile that could have been responsible for the Trojan War had she been born three thousand years earlier, and Jasper found himself as thoroughly enchanted by her as Menelaus had been by Helen.
She took off her spectacles and set them on the bed behind her.
“Can you see well enough without them?”
She sighed. “No, I have the sight of a mole. My mother says it is from all the close reading and studying of sums.”
Jasper brushed a lock of hair from her cheek. “Then why did you remove them?”
“They are hideous.”
He leaned past her, picked up the spectacles, and slid them back onto her face. “You are beautiful with and without them. I have a particular fondness for women in spectacles.”
“You do?”
Not until he’d met her, but now he could not imagine finding a woman without them attractive. He stroked his palm down the front of her throat and her head tilted back on a sigh. Jasper cursed at the offering and took a step back. “You should go back to your chamber. I will see you in the morning, and we can begin to figure out the logistics of the wedding.”
She pressed her fingertips to her throat, as if to memorize where his touch had just been, and frowned. “We are betrothed.”
“Yes,” he said, although he did not think it had been a question.
“We are to marry as soon as possible.”
“Yes.”
Slowly, she began to withdraw pins from her hair, letting her locks tumble free. Her hair was as straight and fine as a sheet of gold, and Jasper’s rib cage could barely contain his pounding heart as he stood entranced by her. He cleared his throat. “What are you doing, Frankie?”
“You have already kissed me, you have called me a temptress, and you are going to be my husband. In the near future, we will engage in the marital act, will we not? I do not see the need to wait.”
Jasper swallowed hard. She was so damned frank, so damned clinical. In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to destroy the factual image of consummation that she’d built up in her mind. He wanted to shatter her with pleasure, so that she could never speak about joining again without going soft in her center and blushing.
“We should wait until you are ready.”
In response Frankie spun around and lifted her hair off her back. She looked over her shoulder and said, “In the future, do not presume to tell me what I am or am not ready to do. Unless you need more time?”
“No, I do not. But I have done this before, Frankie, and you have not. Are you certain you know what you are asking for?”
“Jasper, until tonight, I thought I was going to die a spinster and never experience what so many others allude to. I have waited a long time, and I am afraid… I am afraid this engagement still feels so ephemeral. I want this one real thing, tonight. Give me this one, tangible thing.”
“This betrothal is very much real, Frankie. The Duchess of Houndsbury has given us her blessing. There is nothing ephemeral about it. You will be my wife.”
“Then there is no reason not to undress me.”
She had him there, and Jasper did not know why he was fighting her so hard. There was nothing he wanted more than her first sighs, her first gasps, her first sweet clenching. And she was right. What was the difference between now and two weeks from now?
He slowly began to unbutton the hundred tiny clasps at the back of her gown. “I hate women’s gowns.”
“I suppose you could lift my skirts instead?”
“Not for our first time, love.” He pressed a hot kiss to the back of her neck, and she shivered. “If you want to stop at any time, tell me.”
“I do not want to stop.”
He pressed another kiss lower on her spine. “You will tell me if you change your mind. I want to hear you say it.”
“I will tell you.”
Her gown fell in a pool at her ankles, and when her corset gaped open, she took a deep breath of pleasure before it joined her dress. She stepped out of both of them, and without waiting for him, shimmied out of her chemise and drawers and turned around so that she stood before him wearing nothing but garters, stockings, and slippers.
Jasper’s mind went blank. He had imagined Frankie in the nude, but the reality was far better than even in his wildest fantasies. Her breasts were the perfect size for his hands, with one slightly larger than the other. They were topped with pale pink nipples that were already puckered in the cool air. Her rib cage was so narrow that he thought he might be able to span it with one hand; and her stomach was soft and decorated with several moles that he was itching to explore with his tongue. At the apex of her thighs was a thatch of slightly darker golden curls that made primal possession roar through his veins.
Jasper had seen a fair number of women in the nude, and yet with Frankie standing before him he could not recall a single one. He wanted to tell her that she was beautiful, but the words were stuck behind the lump in his throat.
“I like that,” she said, nodding in satisfaction. “You look dumbstruck.”
“I am. I am honored to be the first and last man to have the privilege of seeing your glorious body in the nude.”
The dimples in her cheek deepened as she grinned up at him. “Unless, when the thrill wears off, we opt for marriage in name only. Now take off your clothes.”