Chapter 4
4
Laird
“Laird?” My sister throws her arms around me. “Are you okay?”
“ Um . . . fine.” I tip down to look at shorty pants. “Why, what’s going on?”
Her arm flies from her side. “You were just mauled by that fan.” As soon as I chuckle, she shoves me. Fortunately, the pipsqueak is much smaller, so there’s no damage. I don’t budge. “Usually, Nobu is stricter.” She huffs and then sits down at the table. “Where’s security when you need them?” Concern tugs at her eyebrows as she searches my face for wounds to heal. She won’t find any. They’re all on the inside . . . “Are you sure you’re okay?”
I glance toward the exit, knowing the woman is already long gone after her hit and run. It happened so fast that I didn’t have time to even get a good look at her. She didn’t hit higher than my shoulders, her blond hair was pulled back in a tail at her neck, and her blue dress billowed behind her as she ran away. But that stuff didn’t matter. How she felt so familiar in my arms had me standing there like an idiot holding her.
What the fuck was I doing?
I’m a total creep for holding on to a stranger like she’s someone I knew. I bet she was pretty. I wouldn’t know since the sun was in my eyes when she opened that door. “It’s no big deal, Nikki.”
Shane rocks back in his chair, my cousin grinning like an idiot. “She was hot.” He drums his fingers on the edge of the table. A drummer’s habit I’ve seen Nikki’s husband, a drummer in his own band, do as well. It’s annoying as fuck. “You know what that means?”
I take the bait, already knowing I’m going to regret it. “What?”
“She’s a fucking maniac.”
Nikki whacks him on the arm. “Don’t say that. She could have been.” She looks over her shoulder toward the door, seemingly to make sure the woman is gone. “We should call security just in case. Remember what happened to me?”
I was ready to crack a joke with my cousin, but Nikki’s right. Her situation may have been different, but shit happens to celebrities all the time. It’s not all sex, drugs, and rock ’n roll. Though that was what I imagined would happen once our band hit it big. “I’m okay, Nik. She’s gone. I’m here. Let’s order. I’m starving.”
As soon as the server leaves after taking our orders, Shane slurps the dregs of his soda. Nikki rolls her eyes. “We can’t take you anywhere.”
“Who are we trying to impress?” he says, chuckling.
She hates attention offstage. He loves it.
She adds, “Can we just enjoy a meal out without having the entire place staring at us? ”
“They’re going to stare,” he says. “I’m not sure if you’re aware of this, but we’re kind of a big deal. Even famous in some circles.” He laughs. I’m glad to see her laughing as well.
Leaning forward, I rest my arms on the table, ready to get down to business. “What was the emergency?” Not laughing anymore, Nikki and Shane exchange a look, putting them on the same page. That in and of itself is unusual. “Care to fill me in, guys?”
Shane remains silent. Figures. I turn to my twin sister, who looks nothing like me—she’s blond to my dark hair, and her blue eyes are even a deeper shade than mine. She takes after our mom in looks and stature. Some say I twin my dad. I say, “Looks like you’re it, sis.”
“It’s about you and the tour.” She dives right into the deep end.
“And the album,” Shane interjects.
Should have known this was why they suddenly wanted to go to lunch. I sit back again, scrubbing my hands over my face before dropping them to my legs to hang. “What about me and the tour?” I pivot my attention to Shane. “And the album?”
Nikki takes a sobering breath. “You’re not ready, and we’re about to lose our spot on the tour because of it.”
Crossing my arms over my chest, I stare at her. “Who says?”
“Everyone.” Shane may act unbothered, but his shortened tone says otherwise. “That’s the problem.”
I glare at him. “As in Johnny Outlaw, Tommy, Jet—?”
Holding up his hand, he ticks off every member of the headliners, The Resistance, The Crow Brothers, and has the balls to include the two of them in the count before adding, “Even Dare and the Rock Star Heroes. ”
“They shouldn’t have shit to say since they’re playing before us on the ticket.”
Shaking his head, he replies, “They do. You’re just blocking it all out, and we’re dealing with the bullshit.”
“Traitors. All of you, especially you two.”
Shane goes on like he’s had a red carpet rolled out for him to get everything off his chest. “Admit that you’ve not been yourself for a while now. Whatever it is, it’s time to put it behind you and focus on the music again.”
I glance at Nikki because my sister knows, even if my cousin doesn’t. It’s not an “it” but a woman I can’t get over.
Our food is delivered, and our drinks are topped off. Shane digs right in, but I’ve lost my appetite.
By how Nikki pinches her brows together, she might have as well. She’d say it’s a twin thing—twin intuition or how she calls it “twin-tuition”—some imaginary connection between the two of us. What affects me affects her, and vice versa. It’s all bullshit, but I play along for her sake.
Being called out for a few bad months . . . or years did the trick.
“Listen,” she starts, sounding a lot like our dad. He’s always been the kind of dad who’s a friend who sets boundaries instead of rules. I can’t tell you how many times we went home drunk because he was trying to teach me the dangers of drinking and ended up wasted himself. Good times.
This so-called lunch . . . not so much .
She says, “We all go through challenging times. You know firsthand that I did. Both of you do, but I kept moving toward our goals. I had to for the band despite the personal setbacks.”
“Basically . . .” Shane waves his next bite in the air with his chopsticks. “It’s time to shake it off, fuck it out of your system, or do whatever needs to be done before we’re kicked off the ticket this summer.”
“I’ve tried that route and all it did was land me in jail. I think I prefer Nikki’s approach.”
She adds, “The past aside, we need to finish the album. You missed the last three studio sessions we had booked to rehearse.”
“I had shit I needed to do.”
“You didn’t have shit to do.” Shane twists my words against me. “You just didn’t show up. Not for us or yourself.” He glances at Nikki as if he’s about to break their agreement. When he turns back, he drops the sticks to his plate and crosses his arms to match my position. “Whatever happened in Austin needs to stay in Austin or you deal with it. Those are your choices, brah.”
Shaking my head, I look around the restaurant, stuck in my stubbornness. Celebrities dot the landscape, but they don’t look like anything more than regular people to me. When the door opens, I look over, oddly hopeful the woman who attacked me with a hug will walk back in. She doesn’t, giving me flashbacks of another time I cared who walked through a door.
My mood sours more than it already has. “Both options fucking suck.”
“They’re no longer options, Laird,” Nikki says. “You need to take some time, go to the cabin in Deer Lake. Clear your head. Come back ready to work. We have one week off to pull it together before hitting the studio again. Nine days, to be exact. Everything hinges on you being ready.”
I thought I was, so to hear they think otherwise is a blow to my ego.
My gaze volleys between them. “You’re dead serious about this? ”
Shane nods as if there’s no room for further discussion. I turn to Nikki for an appeal. “It’s Deer Lake, or pretend Austin never happened?”
“I’m afraid so.” She reaches across the table and holds her hand out. A peace offering in a negotiation I never wanted to be a part of.
Maybe I haven’t been in the best mood. I should get more vitamin D.
Maybe I’ve missed a few studio sessions and meetings. Sleep is important.
Unlike what she believes, I actually can even admit, with the amount of alcohol and other substances running through my veins, that I probably shouldn’t have been on the Coachella stage two years ago. Lesson learned.
Drinking myself into a stupor isn’t something I do anymore, at least not much, but I guess I haven’t proven it otherwise. I thought I pulled the fall off pretty fucking smoothly. Crowd-surfing while still nailing the chorus on a guitar was a first for the festival and made the covers of two music magazines. I don’t think now is the time to brag about that, though.
I place one hand over my sister’s and drag my other through my hair. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you. You’re not just my brother. You’re my twin.” She pauses, her eyes trained on our hands. “Tulsa is worried about you.”
“Your husband doesn’t need to.”
Tilting her head, she arches an eyebrow at me. “Don’t do that, Laird. He’s not only my husband and the father of your favorite niece, I might remind you, but he’s also been your defender since the Nashville incident.”
“Ah,” I snap. Sitting back, I’m fucking done with this conversation. “I was wondering how long it would take until someone brought that up.” Glancing at the plate in front of me, I realize the topic came up sooner than expected. “I usually have an opportunity to eat first.”
“There’s never a good time for this conversation, big brother. If I’m hearing about it, you need to.” My sister has a stubborn side. It’s a Faris trait, but she’s also one of the nicest fucking people on the planet despite what she’s gone through. She usually has the patience of a saint, like my mom, so when she snaps at me, I know it’s for good reason. Still doesn’t satisfy me. Nothing will, though. “What are you talking about?”
Shane sets down his second empty glass of soda, drawing my attention to the crackling ice. “You don’t think we hear about your every last fucking antic? Nikki and I get lectured every time you decide to stand us up. We hear about your ‘bad behavior,’ as they like to call it, before it hits the gossip sites.” He waves his hand between them. “We’re the ones defending you when you can’t be bothered to be a part of the band. Nikki hears about it more than I do, so lower your fucking voice and try listening for once.”
I think that’s the most he’s ever said in one go. “Damn, dude.” I almost start chuckling, seeing him get so worked up. I don’t. “Settle down. I get it. You guys miss me.”
Lowering my walls has Nikki smiling. “I do miss you. All the time.”
By how his brow hangs low, Shane turns away from me, shaking his head. “You’re not my twin, Laird, but I worry about you, too.”
Shane can be an asshole, but he’s more than a cousin to me. He’s one of my best friends. I can’t blame him for living like there’s no tomorrow with no worries or shame in his rock-star game. I’m trying and failing to do the same these days .
I just hadn’t realized how far I’d distanced myself until now. I’ve been here physically, but even I know I haven’t been myself. Reaching over, I squeeze his shoulder. “I missed you too, man.”
Bonding may not have been on the agenda today, but here we are, doing it anyway. He shrugs. “I’m eating now.”
“Dig in,” I reply, finally letting myself laugh. When I return my gaze to my sister, we don’t have to use words to read each other’s minds. Guess we do share a twin telepathy, after all.
I changed when Poppy didn’t show up. Felt like I had nothing left to lose.
My chemistry was rearranged.
My soul was left so twisted that it was unrecognizable even to me.
My passion for things I loved was quelled when I realized that they don’t matter at the end of the day. Love does, and it royally fucked me over. I’ll never put myself out there like that again.
Being miserable doesn’t sound like much fun. Shit. Maybe I do have a few things to work through.
I like the solitude at Deer Lake. And if everything else is handled, that makes it easy. I’ll show up with my guitar and suitcase and spend a week clearing my head. Maybe I’ll even be inspired to create a song again.
Nah. That part of me died in that diner that day. But getting out of LA might do me some good. “I’ll go to Deer Lake and get back on track. We’ve worked too hard as a band not to be one hundred percent committed to making the best album we can. And we’re not losing this tour. You can count on me.”
Nikki finally picks up her chopsticks with a big smile planted on her face. It’s good to see her happy again. “I’ll set everything up for you. Food. Cleaning. Whatever you need.”
Looking back and forth between them and seeing the damage I’ve done by disappearing into my own head, I know what I need to do to make things right. Not just because they’re threatening me, but for me to be my best on the album, for the tour, and for my bandmates. “Getting out of LA will be good.”
Nikki smiles with victory reflected in it. “Enjoy the fresh air, go hiking, and get some sunshine. You’re too pale these days.”
I need to get back to surfing. The ocean was my therapist, my solace, the place where I could drown out the world and get back to what matters. I have the ocean at my back doorstep, though. Being in the mountains will be a nice change. And if time alone in the woods is my punishment, I’ll choose this vacation without complaint. I’m even starting to look forward to it.
No interruptions.
No interactions.
Nothing but me and my guitars.
Sounds like heaven.