Chapter 28
28
Poppy
There’s no horse. And no armor in sight.
But when I trot down the last remaining stairs and see my sexy boyfriend sitting in a stunning matte black Ferrari convertible, I’m not disappointed.
“Need a ride, beautiful?”
“I sure do.” Nodding toward my apartment, I ask, “Up there, or are we talking about cars?”
Laird chuckles and hops out of the car. Coming around, he stands in front of me. With me needing two steps to come close to eye level with him, I still lift to close that gap. Taking me by the waist, he kisses me. It’s not sweet, nor is it polite. I wrap my arms around his neck and sink right into the fantasy of this man.
When we part, he says, “I missed you so fucking much, baby.” There’s no smile on his face or laughter in his voice. This man missed me as much as I missed him.
“I love you,” I say, not wanting him to ever think time apart means anything less than I’m madly in love with him. I get the smile just like I got the guy and stare into amazing eyes. “I missed you, too.”
“I’m glad.” That smile becomes a full-blown smirk, and then he asks, “You ready for Deer Lake?”
I sigh, the fun suddenly gone. “I guess. It must be done.” He takes my hand and escorts me to the car. I add, “I appreciate you driving me to pick up my car. We have hours ahead of us.”
“Me trapped in tight confines with the most incredible woman I’ve ever met for hours on end? Yeah, I’m good with this plan.” He opens the door for me, winning bonus charm points. Not that I’m keeping score.
“What happened to the truck?”
He runs around and slides his body into the lower sports car. I’m surprised he fits since his legs are so long. He shuts his door and turns to me. “It’s been a while since I’ve been able to drive the Roma. I wanted to take her out for a spin.” He pulls away and then adds, “And I was hoping to impress you.”
“You impressed me the moment you told me it was tempting to let the bears get me.”
Laird bursts into laughter, the sound saturating the inside of the car and filling my heart. After talking to my mom last night, I went to bed thinking about how quiet it was in my apartment. It wasn’t for lack of sound, though, that’s subdued most nights too. It was lonely without my giant of a loving man.
The space I wanted turned out to be space I didn’t need. The call with my mom made me realize the love I didn’t have is found in him. But more importantly, he’s not said anything about me being gone other than he missed me. This man will give me anything I need, even to his own detriment .
I won’t treat that lightly.
Still chuckling through a heavy breath, he reaches over and holds my hand. “Will you ever forgive me?”
“You were forgiven the moment you stopped to help me when my car broke down.” I shrug with a laugh of my own. “I knew you couldn’t be all bad if you were worried about me.”
He gives my hand a little squeeze before returning it to the steering wheel. “We’ve come a long way, baby.”
“In such a short time, too.”
Bringing my hand to his mouth, he kisses the top and then holds it safely on his lap. “I can’t wait to see what’s ahead for us.”
We’re the same people we were yesterday, even if we have some obstacles to face. Me and my business, how my work takes me away. His career and now this paternity test. I’ll give credit where it’s due; sleep does the body and mind some good. I’ve never been happier than when I’m with him. One of the reasons I texted him last night. “I just want to be with you,” I say, letting my heart lead.
Glancing over at me, he smiles so sincerely that my heart feels bigger, filling a hole in my chest. Between the dreams and the reality I’m living, I’m in so deep that I can’t deny it. And I don’t want to. Like I told Marina, I want this life, this happiness, this commitment with Laird Faris.
He says, “I want to be with you, too.” His brow furrows not in worry but more curiosity. “That must have been quite a night you had. Anything you want to talk about?”
The freeway doesn’t hold my interest, but he does, so I stare at him instead, even shifting my body to get a better gander. “I was overwhelmed. I don’t want to keep my feelings from you. We’re so new— ”
“Hmm,” he hums in disapproval, which reaches his expression.
“I told my best friend that I love you.”
The tension between his eyebrows loosens. “Better.”
I laugh and hold his hand tighter, thinking I might never let it go. “I’m not mad about the paternity test.” It’s barely noticed, but I see his gaze harden as he stares ahead. “It happened before me.”
A heavy exhale leaves his chest, leaving me worried I’ve overstepped. “I’m sorry for bringing it up.”
“No,” he replies with a glance. “I want to talk about it. I want you to share your feelings. I saw the weight you were carrying in your thoughts. It showed in your shoulders, and I hate seeing you down.”
“I was exhausted, to be honest. It was the best week of my life, but a lot happened once we got to LA.” I try to pull my hand to fidget with the hem of my shirt, but he holds tighter. I hate that I can’t trouble a thread hanging from the edge and love that he knows I need the support. “I work on my breathing to help with endurance, but also to calm my stress. I practice yoga to help my body find its way back to my previous shape, but most days, I wonder if I’ll ever fully recover. I’m not making excuses; I just want you to know that sometimes I need a little breather. It frustrates me because I wouldn’t last a day with a few of my old clients. I just don’t have patience for that kind of abuse anymore.”
“You should have never put up with it.”
He’s not wrong. “Sometimes we have to do things we don’t like, though.”
“Listen, Poppy. I don’t need to climb mountains, but if you wanted me to, I would for you. But I’m just as happy lying in bed watching bad TV with you. I want to give you what you need. I’ll be honest, my house was busier than it usually is, but what happened yesterday was unexpected.”
“Here’s the thing, though. You deserve time to process the information you were given without anyone’s input, even without mine. I know you love me. Doesn’t matter if it’s been two days or—”
“Nine hundred and twenty-three days.”
Giggling, I say, “Even if it’s been nine hundred and twenty-three days, which is oddly specific, but we’ll go with it. Anyway, whatever time you need, you should have that without worrying about me. I’m going to have my reaction, and that’s part of something I was also processing.”
He says, “If I could change it—”
“It doesn’t matter now. What does is how you want to handle it once you get the results.”
“Is this the conversation you want to have?” He’s genuine, not an accusing note in his tone despite how direct he is. “I was thinking about it last night. You don’t need to be a part of this mess if you don’t feel comfortable.”
“I already am, but only as much as you need me to be.”
His grip tightens around the steering wheel, and he shifts in his seat as if it’s not already a perfect fit. He takes a deep breath and then says, “If the test comes back as a match, I’m going to be a father to the child. I’m going to be in their life. They’ll be a part of me. I want to be a part of their life as much as I can.” He glances over at me. “I love you with all my fucking heart.” His hand covers my thigh. “If I share a child with this woman, will you still love me?”
“Every day of my life, Laird.” I cover his hand. “I will love your child as well. I didn’t know where you would stand on the issue until now. I had thoughts of you wanting to marry her. ”
Shaking his head, he balks to himself. “When I said I didn’t know her, I meant it. No recollection whatsoever.”
“You can have any woman you want. You chose her to have sex with, so something drew you to her.”
“Probably a lot of alcohol and drugs.” He pulls his hand back to driving again. “I did more than get up to the usual trouble in Nashville. I still have two years before I can return.”
“You were banned from an entire city?” I let my surprise drop my jaw to the floorboard.
“Are you impressed?” He winks. The cocky grin hangs on his face.
Impressed? I shrug. “I kind of am. Luckily, I don’t need to go to Nashville anytime soon.” I wiggle in, getting more comfortable knowing we still have hours to go. “Are you ever going to tell me what happened in Nashville? The full story?”
“You want to know about Nashville? You want to hear all my dark secrets?”
“Every last one.”
His smile fades as he seems to get caught in a memory. “I was coming off . . . the breakup, the loss I didn’t see coming. I was wasted before we landed, sitting at a bar at two in the afternoon shooting pool with strangers. Not a place where tourists hang out but an old timers’ kind of bar with locals and some unsavory types. It was just the place I could blend in without getting noticed.”
“You? Unnoticed? I think you’re blind to what you look like. Your height alone makes you a head taller than everyone else.”
“I appreciate the compliments, but there are plenty of guys my size.”
“Keep fooling yourself, giant.” I swirl my hand, leading him to continue. “Carry on.”
I earn a grin, but I’m still working on a chuckle to keep things light for him. “You’re right. I didn’t blend in as much as I thought. Add Nikki and Shane showed up, and we had ourselves a party.”
“And by party, I’m assuming you don’t mean the fun kind?”
“No.” He slows in a sea of red brake lights flowing before us. “It started with some guy discussing what he wanted to do to my sister. Fuck.” He rubs his temple, getting agitated. “I don’t remember what he said, but he became enemy number one. Hitting him brought five others out of the woodwork. Shane was sucker punched, thanks to me. My sister actually landed a solid right hook to some guy’s face. Her hand swelled up immediately.”
“Oh my God. I’m glad she’s okay. What about you and Shane?”
“My cousin had my back, but so did some other guy who hit me with a barstool. They’re lucky it took me out.”
The gasp comes fast, and then I touch the back of his head, gently rubbing as if I can heal the past. “Laird. I don’t know what to say. It’s just so awful.”
“I know. That wasn’t even the worst of it. We got out of there only for me to hook up with some women from a restaurant next door.”
“Women? As in plural?” I laugh, but then it sinks in. “Wait, how many are we talking about?”
We finally turn off the freeway. The road ahead is a lot less crowded, allowing us to go top speed, which he takes full advantage of. I notice he’s not as fast in answering my question, making me wonder if I don’t want to know. He eventually slows to the speed limit, though, eyes me, and says, “Four. ”
“Four? Oh wow. I thought you’d fudge the numbers for my sake. Guess not.”
Rubbing my shoulder, he looks between me and the road ahead. “Moving forward, would you like me to?”
“No. I just wasn’t expecting four. That’s a lot at one time . . . or was it not together?”
“Are you really asking, Poppy?” When I nod, he replies, “Both.”
“Oh God,” I sigh, resting my head on my hand. With my elbow supporting me, I stare out the window, unsure what to think. Sliding my gaze back to him, I ask, “Are three more women going to file for paternity tests?”
If a glare could level me, I’d be as flat as a pancake. “I think we’re good.”
“Well, you never know.” Still stuck in a bout of shock, sarcasm defines my thoughts.
He focuses forward. “This is why I wasn’t sure if I should discuss it with you.”
“I’m coping through joking. But I am curious how all those body parts work together, or is there some coordination going on?”
“Um . . .” He starts but stops.
“Exactly. Even you don’t know, and you were there.”
“I remember a few things about that night, but I’m not going to share them with you. You’ll have to use your imagination.”
“Or organize an orgy and figure it out myself.” I crack a smile, proud of my comeback. Being in this car for thirty minutes already has me feeling delirious and a little wacky. Tight spaces do that to me for some reason. I think it’s in reaction to the accident, another way I cope, but I’m not the expert.
A wry grin appears, but he says, “Let’s not do that. I’m thinking we should listen to some music for a while. Take a break from this conversation.”
“I have questions, though.”
“Fine. Let’s get this out in the open and be done with it.”
“Jail has to fit into this story somewhere.”
“Yeah, right when I decided it was a good idea to skip my own sound check later that afternoon and return to the same bar to kick some ass.”
“Oh no.”
“Oh yeah, that turned out as well as you’d think. I was fighting charges for more than a year and a half. Steering clear of Nashville was part of the plea bargain.”
Even though we drove together back to LA, this is different. We’re different. We’re in different places and in our relationship. As much as it feels like dirty secrets being laid out on the table, I like that we’re shining light and talking through it. Not easy. Not pretty. But honest and that’s what I need from him.
This road trip might be my best idea yet, and I won’t stop him from sharing something that affected him so deeply. “What were the charges?”
“Disorderly conduct and assault,” he answers. “I wasn’t charged for intoxication or any substances found in my system, though I should have been. The band didn’t play that night, and I missed the next show somewhere in Virginia. I can say that my bender turned out exactly how you’d expect.”
I stare at him, unsure what to say. As he searches my face, I realize he doesn’t need empty words. He wants forgiveness. But why would he need it from me? I didn’t even know him back then.