Chapter 23
23
BECK
“ Y es.”
The raw need in his voice seeped into my soul, and I grabbed him right under his ass, lifting and turning to set him on the counter.
Gavin’s hands were still fisted in my shirt, and he hooked his legs around my hips, drawing me closer.
Fuck, but that made my heart really start to pound.
I couldn’t believe he’d begun to let me in, that my Gavin was slowly peeling away the layers of anger and fear he’d cemented over himself, was allowing me to help him. Was trusting me with himself.
I couldn’t believe he was letting me touch him like this. I was so afraid that he would throw his walls back up at any moment, that I would blink and he’d be drawing his fist back to punch me in the face. I was terrified this would end before it had even begun.
But by god, I would take every moment, every touch, every word he was willing to give me while it lasted.
I pressed myself as close to him as I could, until my cock was against his, and threaded my fingers into his hair. He made a sound in the back of his throat, and fuck, I wanted all his gasps and whimpers and moans. I wanted everything from him, and I wanted him to let me take it.
I lowered my lips until they were touching his, tightening my hold on his hair and inhaling his sharp intake of breath. I felt his cock pulse against mine, his legs squeezing me closer as he arched his back and slid his hands up to my neck with a moan.
“Fuck, princess, I love the way you tell me what you want,” I murmured, taking his lips in a hungry kiss. He whined in relief, as if my lips on his were the only thing that could settle him, the only thing that made everything feel like it was in the right place.
It was. I knew that in my fucking soul.
Gavin kissed me back with a fervor that set fire to my blood, rubbing himself against me, those lips as soft as I remembered. The primal urge to satisfy this hunger that was burning through me was hot and intense. I was starving for Gavin. Ravenous. I wanted to fill myself on his whimpers and shivers, wanted to lick every inch of his body, wanted to cover him in my cum and then clean it off with my tongue.
I wanted to do everything that had lain dormant in the back of my mind for years on end, keeping itself alive with the hope that one day, he’d come back to me.
Most of all, I wanted to mark him as mine, and I let that primitive urge sink into me, let it spark through my veins and twist around my nerve-endings until all I could feel was this buzzing need to claim him.
To give him what no other man ever had.
I dragged my mouth from his and pulled his hair, making him cry out and buck against me, and the sight of him losing control like this was the most beautiful thing I’d ever witnessed.
I rubbed my cheek against his, then sucked his earlobe into my mouth, biting down.
“Becky,” he moaned, and the tortured way he said my name made my every atom spark and burn until my entire being was set ablaze.
I slid a firm hand down his back and used my grip in his hair to bare his neck to me, biting and licking and sucking my way down his throat. He tasted like every moment I’d been denied with him, like the sweetest atonement for all the years we’d never get back.
I wanted to be closer to him, skin to skin, but when I drew back and reached for the hem of his shirt, his hands flew to mine and squeezed so hard I felt my bones rub together.
“Okay,” I panted, kissing his neck. His cheek. “I won’t take it off. It’s okay, baby. You’re okay.”
Gavin’s breaths were ragged against my neck, and he dropped his forehead onto my shoulder.
“Baby?” he mumbled against me. “Don’t fucking call me that.”
I huffed a laugh. He was okay with princess, but not baby? I’d call him that whenever I fucking wanted. He was mine now.
“You know I’ve seen them, right?” I asked softly, cradling the back of his head. Holding him to me. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Gavin.”
He’d been shirtless for the entirety of that first day here, but maybe because he was so all over the place emotionally, it hadn’t mattered then. I tried to figure out why it mattered now, what I could do to put him at ease.
“Beck,” he said breathily. His legs were still around me, his hands back on my shoulders, and I wanted to take that as a good sign.
“Yeah?” I scratched at his scalp, and he rubbed his forehead against me. I was so afraid he’d pull back and punch me, or yell at me, or shove me away. I was terrified he’d take himself away from me again. I wasn’t sure I could keep taking those blows. They were devastating. Killing blows every single time.
I wrapped my arm around his back and tucked my chin into his hair, keeping one hand at the nape of his neck. My voice was hoarse as I said, “Please don’t hide from me anymore. Please, Gavin. Stay. Just stay with me. I need you, okay? I need you here. You belong here . With me.”
I could feel him trembling in my arms, and I had no idea which way the coin would fall.
With a weary, resigned sigh, I said, “We don’t have to do this. We don’t have to do anything, I’m sorry?—”
He growled and pushed me back, catching my shirt in his fists. There was fire in his eyes as he looked up at me, white-hot and out of control. “What did I tell you about apologizing, you asshole? I want to do this! You have no fucking clue how long I’ve wanted to do something— anything —with you, Beck! No fucking clue. You think I want to be like this? You think I want to run away like a fucking coward every time things get to be too much? I fucking don’t ! I don’t want to be like this!” He paused, breathing hard, then said, “Don’t let me be like this, Beck.”
He was ripping out my heart with the raw desperation in his voice.
But Christ, my dick was harder than ever as he glared up at me with so much anger and frustration and desire. Resolution. Lust. Defiance. Vulnerability. It was a firestorm of feelings unique to only him, a signature of emotions he was leaving tattooed on my soul.
His eyes were begging me to take control, and everything inside of me melted and fused into a singular determination to give him what he wanted.
I would. I would give him anything if it meant I got to keep him.
I framed his face with my hands and leaned in until his panted breaths were hitting my lips. “Then I won’t let you,” I said. I placed a soft kiss on his lips, and Gavin immediately grabbed onto my wrists and kissed me back with a wildness that called to my own, sucking and biting at my lips like a feral fucking animal.
My feral fucking animal.
I ripped myself away from him because I was on the verge of coming if he kept rubbing himself against me like that.
We were both breathing hard, Gavin still glaring at me, as I said, “You wanna find out if you like my lips around your cock?”
“Oh, fuck ,” he groaned, squeezing his legs and rutting into me, hard and fast. “Fuck, Beck. Yes. Yes .”
“Say please, princess.” I grabbed his hips and dug my thumbs in right above his hip bones.
Gavin glared at me, but the way his nostrils flared, the way his eyes lit up, I knew he liked being called that. Being told what to do. Fuck me, I liked it, too. I fucking loved it.
He tried raising his hips to rub his dick on mine, but I tightened my grip and held him down. He made a sound that went straight to my balls and I almost let him go so he could keep grinding against me until we both came.
Fuck.
This version of Gavin was one I’d been yearning to meet for years, and to have him like this, to experience the reality of him against me, beneath me, in my arms…nothing— nothing —compared to it.
Gavin’s eyes cut to my hand as I started moving it. When I slid it between us and pressed my palm against his cock, he cried out.
“Say please,” I murmured, rubbing my hand up his length. He was so fucking hot and hard, and I couldn’t wait to make him come on my tongue. Down my throat. Couldn’t wait to make him feel good, like he deserved. It had been far too long since he had anything good in his life.
When I started to pull my hand away, he grabbed my wrist, keeping me in place. His gaze flashed to mine, pupils completely blown as he begged me with those amber eyes. “Please,” he whispered raggedly.
I would never, ever be able to deny him a single fucking thing when he looked at me like that. He had a power over me that I didn’t think he was aware of, and I didn’t even care. I didn’t care if this was a bad idea. I didn’t care if he smashed his way back into my heart like he’d been doing for weeks now. I didn’t care if he took over every molecule of my being until my entire existence was wrapped around him. All I cared about was being with him. Getting to touch him. Taste him. Listening to every sexed-out noise he made.
I finally fucking had him back, and I didn’t give a shit about anything else except keeping him. Nothing and no one came close to making me feel how Gavin made me feel.
Gavin kept his hand on my wrist as I rubbed his cock with the heel of my palm one last time.
“I could listen to you say that word every single fucking day,” I rasped. For the rest of my life.
I started to step back, but he kept his legs wrapped tight around me, making me laugh. I tapped his thigh and said, “You gotta let go, princess. I’m about to get on my knees for you.”
“Jesus Christ, you motherfucker,” he said hoarsely, thrusting into me one last time before he slowly unwrapped his legs from around me.
I gripped his jaw in my hand and kissed him hard. “If you don’t like it, tap out. Got it?”
“Yeah,” he breathed, heated eyes boring into mine. “Got it.”
“I mean it, Gavin. If you don’t like anything I’m doing, you either tell me or tap out.”
“I said I got it,” he gritted out, glaring at me now.
“Good.” I watched his face as I moved my hands to the waistband of his pants. Watched his eyes hungrily catalog everything my hands were doing, watched his chest move rapidly with his shallow breaths. I curled my fingers under the material and—fuck. He wasn’t wearing anything underneath. “Lift your hips,” I said, my voice not sounding like my own. My throat felt too thick, and my heart was pounding in my chest as Gavin braced his hands on the counter and lifted himself enough for me to drag the sweats over his hard cock, down his thighs, letting them bunch around his ankles.
“Fuck me,” I muttered, staring at the most gorgeous cock I’d ever seen.
He was big. Cut and thick and long, with a large vein running down one side, the head a reddish-purple covered in his slick and sticky precum. I glanced back up at Gavin, whose eyes were darting over every inch of my face, taking in my reaction. I took his chin in my hand, held his gaze with mine, leaned down, and whispered, “You are fucking beautiful.” I pressed my lips to his as he made a small noise, then drew away. “Now you just sit there while I make you come.”
“Fuck,” he groaned.
I slid to my knees and lifted his legs up, slipping underneath the sweatpants until I was in between his legs and the backs of his knees were on my shoulders. Keeping my eyes on his, I grabbed his ass and tugged him to the edge of the counter. His hands flew to my head, fingers tangling in my curls, and his cock was now inches from my lips.
“Beck,” he whispered, and I saw the smallest hint of fear in his eyes.
I smoothed my hands up and down his thighs, then kissed his left one. “I’ve got you, baby. You don’t have to worry about anything but feeling good, okay? You can close your eyes if you want.”
“No,” he growled right away.
I huffed a laugh against his leg. “Okay. You ready?”
“ Yes .”
“Remember what I said.”
“Shut the fuck up and do it, Beck!”
I turned my face into his leg and started laughing, then got ahold of myself and bit gently into his thigh. He bucked and pulled on my hair, trying to yank me away, and when I reached up and took his cock in my hand, he practically shouted.
“Do I have to gag you?” I asked, looking up at him as I stroked my thumb over his wet slit. He was staring at what my hand was doing, cheeks flushed and pupils blown, mouth open as he panted heavily.
“What?” he breathed. I don’t think he’d even registered my words.
My lips curled in a small, satisfied smile. I leaned forward half an inch, slipped my tongue slowly from my mouth so he could watch and anticipate, then licked over his crown. His fingers were still in my hair, and as soon as my tongue touched him, he was pulling my curls so hard it hurt. But I let him. I would let him do anything . A little wheezing whine escaped him as I swirled my tongue around the swollen head, getting every last drop of him.
The taste of him was something I’d never get over. That I never wanted to get over. I wanted to bury my face in the short dark curls at the base of his dick, devote days to worshiping every inch of him.
When I looked up, still flicking and swirling and laving my tongue over his crown, Gavin’s face was so red I thought he might not even be breathing.
I paused when I saw his chest wasn’t moving and said, “Breathe, baby.” His eyes flashed to mine and he dragged in a deep breath.
I kept my eyes on his face as I sucked him into my mouth. He was heavy and hot, and the way he fit was perfect. Gavin’s eyelids lowered and he moaned so long I wasn’t sure it would end. His entire body was trembling, his fingers flexing over and over again in my hair. I took half of him in, letting my tongue play along the underside, then sucked on my way back up.
A strangled sound erupted from the back of his throat and he squeezed my head with his thighs. When I went down again, he whispered, “Oh, fuck,” then curved his hand over the back of my head, like he wanted to feel me take him in.
And I did. I took him all the way to the back of my throat until there was resistance, bobbing a few times, listening to him moan and pant and whine, then sucked as I came back up. I took hold of the base and licked a flat stripe up to the tip, then sucked him in and started to move faster, taking him deeper and deeper, moaning around his cock.
“Beck,” he cried. “Beck Beck Beck Beck Beck.”
He chanted my name as I took his balls in my hand, rolling them, then popped off his cock and lifted it out of the way to suck them into my mouth. He grunted, then moaned, practically ripping the hair from my head. I let them go and took his cock down my throat as far as it would go and swallowed.
“ Fuck . I’m gonna—Becky—” His fingers dug into my skull as hot bursts of cum started flooding my mouth.
I looked up in time to see the absolute rapture on his face as he bowed forward, his thighs squeezing my head. His eyes had rolled back, his jaw slack as the sexiest sound I’d ever heard was wrung from his chest. It was a moan mixed with a whine, pure ecstasy wrapped in the most beautifully uninhibited and completely unselfconscious wail.
I swallowed most of it but held some in my mouth, flexing my hands on his hips as my own hard cock throbbed painfully between my legs.
When Gavin slumped back against the mirror, panting hard, looking like a sexy, fucked-out mess, I let him slip out of my mouth, raised his legs off me so I could stand up, then shoved the front of my sweats down and pulled my cock out.
I spit his cum into my hand and started stroking myself as he watched me. He whispered, “Jesus fuck,” and I was coming in three pumps when he licked his lips and kept his greedy eyes on me. I squeezed his thigh hard, groaning as ropes of cum shot over his legs, his cock, his lower stomach where his shirt had ridden up. Gavin’s fingers went to the cum on his stomach, and when he brought those fingers to his mouth and licked, I leaned over him, wrapped my hand around the back of his neck, and thrust my tongue into his mouth. He moaned and grabbed my shirt over my abdomen, holding me to him as I ravaged his lips.
He’d made me feral, just like him.
When I pulled back, we were both breathing hard. He looked absolutely wrecked, and that primal part of me growled in satisfaction. I wanted to throw him over my shoulder and carry him to the bed, then curl myself around him and never let him go.
“Do you know how many times I’ve imagined you like this?” I panted, staring into his hooded eyes. “A fucked-out mess with my cum all over you? Looking like that, just for me?” I glanced down between us, at the cum strewn across his body. A pleasure far more intense—more lasting—than any orgasm twisted through me, and I wanted to leave my cum on him, wanted him to wear it for days. Forever.
I trailed the fingers of my free hand over his stomach, gathering up my cum, then lifted them to his lips. He opened immediately, sucked me inside with a moan and slid his tongue through my fingers, keeping his eyes on mine. My cock pulsed at the soft, wet heat of his mouth, and if I hadn’t just come, I’d be slipping my dick inside instead.
Gavin grabbed my wrist and pushed me deeper, and Jesus fucking Christ, if this was how he was with just my fingers, I was dying to let him loose on my cock.
His eyes rolled shut as he fucked his mouth with my fingers, moaning and writhing beneath me.
I wondered when the last time anyone took care of him was, the last time someone had given him pleasure. Had given him what he needed .
It didn’t matter. I would give him everything he needed from now on.
“You like that?” I murmured, watching him lose control all over again. “You like my fingers, princess?” I slipped my hand under his shirt and rubbed my thumb over his nipple. He bucked and squeezed his legs together, groaning when I started moving in lazy circles over the hard bud. Saliva had started to drip down his chin and his cheeks were stained a dark red. He reached down with one hand, grabbed his cock—fully erect again—and started stroking.
Fuck me.
I shoved his hand away with a growl, fisted his cock—slick with my cum and his precum—and began pumping up and down.
“This is mine,” I rasped. “I’m the only one who gets to make you come. You got that?”
Gavin had stopped moving my hand because he was lost in the pleasure I was giving him; his back was arched, eyes closed, head thrown back, and he was shaking with the intensity of what he was feeling. His endless moans and whimpers were vibrating against my fingers, and when I pushed them even deeper, hitting the back of his throat, when I stroked up his cock and twisted my palm over the head, he wailed as much as he could around my fingers, jets of cum bursting from his pulsing cock in waves, landing on his shirt, his stomach, and his neck as he convulsed beneath me.
“Fuck, the way you let go is so fucking beautiful, baby,” I said, sliding my fingers from his mouth. He gasped in a long breath, chest heaving as I moved my hand down his body. I greedily took in every gorgeous inch of his cum-covered body as satisfaction hummed through me.
He was fucking perfect.
“I think I like…” he said breathlessly, drawing my eyes back to his. He licked his lips and continued speaking. “I think I like anything, as long as it’s you, Beck.”
There was a physical ache in my chest that became sharper, deeper, with those words; an overwhelming relief accompanied by a profound hunger for more of that, more of his truth, more of the boy I used to know and the man he was letting himself become.
It was followed by a deep sadness that his own self had been stripped from him, and I wanted to help him find the pieces that had been torn up and thrown to the wind.
“Let’s go lie down,” I murmured. Gavin hummed in agreement, still breathing hard.
I grabbed a washcloth as he stayed slumped against the mirror, eyes following me as I cleaned the cum off his legs, cock, and stomach. I started drawing his pants back up his legs, but I could only get them halfway up his thighs, and when I began to pull my hands away, he reached out and caught them.
“That was…” he said quietly, staring up at me with a dreamy expression that made my heart race. “Holy shit.”
I chuckled and curled my fingers around his, trying to pull him up before he could draw me in with that look in his eyes. I wanted to get him to the bed so I could hold him. “Yeah, holy shit,” I said. He was like a rag doll, totally lax and boneless. “Come on, let’s get you to the bed,” I said. His eyes were riveted to my face, half-lidded and glazed. But there was a dangerous intensity in them that made my stomach muscles clench.
I got an arm around his back and pulled him to his feet, then dragged his pants up over his ass and spent dick. I tugged him into me and palmed his ass, squeezing as he clutched my arms and stared up at me.
“Are you okay?” I asked softly, needing to make sure this hadn’t done more harm than good.
He was quiet for a long moment, just looking back and forth between my eyes. I saw his gaze stray to my birthmark a few times. Then he flexed his fingers and whispered, “I don’t think I’ve ever been better.”
I hoped to god he kept thinking that.