54. Christopher
fifty-four
It’s Justin’s community dinner at Lazy’s tonight, so I haul my ass out there. Sophie posted on Echoes that I’d be dragged there by force if I didn’t show, and I know she means it.
Since Alexandra left, I’m a mess. I can’t even bring myself to reopen the bakery. My staff is on paid leave, courtesy of too much financial security that I honestly hate right now. Just as much as I hate myself.
Skye is still in Maine with Mom, but not for much longer. I need to pull myself together before she’s back. So I shower, shave, find some clean clothes, and cross The Green.
When I walk in, Colton is giving Justin a hard time for his attitude. “You been in a shit mood since we came back from Boston. I thought you always got some when you’re out of town.”
Kiara slides onto the stool next to Colton. “What’s up with that, by the way? What’s wrong with the women around here?”
“I don’t shit where I eat,” Justin snaps.
“Lovely,” Haley says. “Mom and Dad would be proud of you,” she adds sarcastically. “Good thing they’re late.”
“As usual,” Justin growls.
Fuck. He’s in as bad a mood as I am. “What’s up, man?” It’s time I get my head out of my ass and actually give a damn about my friends’ problems. “You worried what’s gonna happen next door?” The owner of the fine dining restaurant adjacent to Lazy’s had a heart attack. There was no love lost between the two, but their businesses are linked somehow, and the guy’s passing is going to shake things up for Justin. I’m not sure how, but I bet that’s what eating at him. Word has it he had an epic argument with their new manager.
He wipes the squeaky clean counter, says nothing.
“Come on, man. What’s up? Colton’s right—”
“Just drop it. Nothing’s up. You been moping around for weeks now, your business is still closed, but when you finally get out of your cave, you think you can give me lessons or somethin’?” His anger is palpable, hitting me in the stomach. Fuck.
“Hey, cousin,” Grace says, wrapping her arms around my middle and squeezing me. “You okay?” she whispers.
I shut my eyes and hug her back. “I don’t know,” I admit. I’ve been trying to reach out to Alexandra, but I still haven’t heard back from her.
“She’ll be back,” Cassandra says. I open my eyes and see a group of women assembled around me. I let go of Grace and shuffle my feet.
“She just needs time,” Wendy says.
“Space,” Kiara adds.
“Just keep trying,” Autumn says.
Emma huffs. “Seriously, you guys aren’t helping him. You need to leave it be, Chris. Honestly, I could never understand what the hype about her was anyway. You’ll see diff—”
“Do yourself a favor, Emma, don’t trash talk Alex,” Grace says. A couple of the women look embarrassed.
Emma quiets and shrugs like it’s no big deal.
“Alex is the kindest, most generous person I know. What’s wrong with you?” Autumn says, and Emma blushes, catching onto the vibe coming from the women.
I know Emma is only looking out for me, offering me a clumsy way to cope. She means well, but she clearly doesn’t know where this barrage is coming from. “Told you you should have tried to get to know her better, Ems,” I tell her. “Your loss.”
“Oh, Emma was close to Alexandra. Weren’t you, honey?” Wendy says.
Emma turns a deep shade of red. “No, not really. Not at all.” She looks a little panicked.
“Welllll,” Wendy draws out. “I wouldn’t say that.” She glances at me, then her eyes narrow back on Emma. “Or else why would you pay her a long visit in the middle of the night after Christopher broke things off? You told me you came to offer support. That’s what friends do.”
Emma offered support to Alexandra after I broke things off? What is Wendy talking about?
“Dee Dee!” Kiara interjects. “What the hell? Everybody knows Emma couldn’t stand Bambi.”
Wendy turns to Kiara. “Remember the night of the party for Christopher?”
“What about it?” I ask.
“Alex came to stay with her friend at the hotel.”
I close my fists, remembering what a selfish asshole I’d been. I’ve been going over that night a million times. I can live with myself for being angry at her after I heard from Emma that she was inheriting Red Barn. It was impulsive of me, but I’m not perfect, and I had my reasons.
But I can’t live with myself after I had a few days to calm down, after I won the competition, after Alexandra threw me a party and was still waiting for me, sweet and forgiving and fucking way more than I ever deserve. I’ll never forgive myself for pushing her away. There was no reason other than my stubbornness. I hurt her, I lost her, and even if by some miracle I win her back, I’ll never forgive myself for that.
Honest to god, I don’t give a shit what family she’s from, how much or how little money she has. I love her, the core of who she is, and I let my past, my demons, fuck with me and get the better of me. I let my fear of being hurt again jeopardize my future. Alexandra was not like that. I should have known better.
“Anywho,” Wendy is saying, “Emma came to the inn late at night, rang the doorbell seeing as it was past midnight. Remember?” she says, turning to Emma. “You said you absolutely had to talk to Alexandra. I remember telling Todd after letting you in, and I slipped back in bed, ‘Well, that’s what friends do. They show up when the going gets rough.’”
Emma’s face goes from deep red to ashen, and blood coils in my veins. Did she really do that? “What the fuck did you tell her?” I groan, knowing the answer.
She bites her lip and says nothing.
“I told you!” I boom. Grace’s hand on my arm reminds me we’re in a public space, and I bring my voice down. “I told you you had no right to share that information with her. I told you what would happen if you did.”
“Chris. I was looking out for you,” Emma says, then straightens her shoulders. “End of the day, I was looking out for her as well, seeing as—”
“Don’t you dare,” I hiss. “Don’t you dare say you were looking out for her.”
Cassandra protectively wraps an arm around Emma, who’s shaking now.
“I should drive you out of business, like I said I would,” I continue.
“Now, now. No one is driving anyone out of business,” Cassandra says. “Come on, sweetheart, let’s talk about all this somewhere else,” she says, thankfully walking Emma out of my sight.
Wendy narrows her eyes on Emma as she walks away, then turns to me. “I’m sorry I didn’t say anything earlier. Might have saved you and Alexandra a lot of trouble.”
I run a hand through my hair. “Don’t be sorry. Bottom line, it’s all my fault. I should have known.” I should have known Alexandra would have been true to her word. I can’t believe I was angry and bitter when I received her results via email. Selfish bastard. She did it for me. She sacrificed herself so Skye and I would have financial security. Why did I not see earlier that Emma played her dirty card?
I blamed Alexandra for not trusting me with her secret, and meanwhile I couldn’t even trust her love.
How do I fix this?
My phone buzzes in my pocket. Stupidly hoping it’s Alexandra, I look at the screen.
It’s not her. Of course it’s not. I still have her phone.
But it’s Barbara, and she’s been leaving me messages to call her back.
Maybe it’s time I do just that. Maybe she can help me.
I leave Lazy’s to take her call.