Chapter 15
Chapter Fifteen
MATT
I’m not a crier. Never really have been. I got teary-eyed during the funeral, but I didn’t cry. I said my final goodbye with dry eyes. By then, everything felt numb.
The burial’s what did it for me. When it was Cole’s turn? When he put his hand on his dad’s casket to say goodbye?
The dam broke.
Cole broke.
I broke
It started with one hand. One innocent hand resting on top of the casket as he whispered, I love you, Dad.
Then his eyes filled, his voice catching as he choked out, I’m gonna miss you, followed by the most gut-wrenching sob.
It took my heart and ripped it clean out of my chest, right before he folded over the casket, hiding his face in his arms.
Jesus.
That was hard.
I put my hand on his shoulder, unsure of what to do. I didn’t want to draw attention to it by pulling him into a hug in front of everyone. He’s almost a teenager. Crying like that in public can be humiliating at that age. Hell, it’s hard even as an adult.
But I didn’t want him to feel alone. I wanted him to know I was there.
I tried to think about what I would have needed as a twelve-year-old boy in that moment, but I came up empty.
Because I wouldn’t have cried at my dad’s funeral.
I didn’t even know him. Love isn’t a word I would have used toward him, and I definitely wouldn’t have missed him.
It’s hard to miss someone you don’t really know.
And when I was old enough to finally know him, the man who sat at the center of his black soul…
Let’s just say I wouldn’t mourn his death.
“What are you planning to tell Jensen?” Jordan asks.
Her voice cuts through the silence, pulling me from my thoughts. We’re in the Porsche, leaving the cemetery behind us, headed to the country club Cece belongs to for the dinner gathering.
Planning.
As if I have a plan for this whole charade.
I wasn’t lying when I told Jordan I’d given the whole marriage thing a lot of thought. I had. I’d thought about the execution: how to get married, how to get divorced, how quickly it could all be done, and what it would mean for Cole.
That’s it. That was my thinking. My planning.
The details?
Yeah… I seemed to have forgotten those. No fucking clue. I’m out here playing the game of life with no instructions, and somehow, I’m already losing.
“Christ. I don’t know. Do we just tell him and Alley the truth?” I steal a quick glance in her direction. “They’ll see right through it anyway.”
She shrugs. “Fine by me. Keeps things simple. They won’t tell anyone.”
“Shit. But then what about the rest of his family? If we tell Jensen, we might as well tell the others because they’ll find out anyway. You know how that goes.”
Jensen’s family is here. The whole lot of them. His parents, siblings, nieces, and nephews all flew in from New York to be here for me and for Cole.
I think of Jensen’s family as my own. His parents were there for me growing up more than mine ever were. Still are. And his siblings and their spouses are some of my best friends, his brother Jeff and his wife Amber, and his sister Megan and her husband Kevin.
“Yeah,” Jordan says slowly. “But that’s risky, isn’t it?”
A text notification pops up on my car screen.
Speak of the devil. Megan.
Then another. Amber.
And then, of course, Jensen.
“Will you open that?” I ask. “Read them to me?”
We’ve had a sibling group text thread since I got my first phone in fourth grade.
Jordan reaches across, grabbing my phone from the stand attached to the dash, and enters my password.
“Shit,” she says softly. There’s an edge to that shit that makes my stomach drop.
“What is it?”
“Megan,” she reads. “Don’t think we didn’t notice the fat ring on Jordan’s finger, Matt. What’s that about?”
“Fuck.”
“Amber,” she goes on. “What? There was a ring? I didn’t notice. Who is she engaged to? I’m confused.” Jordan shoots me a look before continuing. “Jensen—What the hell you talking about, Meg? If Jordan was engaged, I’d know something about it.”
The phone keeps dinging. The texts keep coming, and Jordan keeps reading.
“Megan—I’m not blind. She had a giant rock on her ring finger.
I triple-checked. Alley—I saw it too. Matt?
What’s going on? Is this something we can ask about, or do we pretend we don’t notice?
Megan—This doesn’t make any sense. You two were awfully chummy at the cemetery, Matt.
Can’t imagine any fiancé of hers being fine with her holding Matthew Grayson’s hand. Even if it’s for a funeral.”
Jordan sets the phone down and stares at the side of my face. The messages keep coming.
She sighs loudly. “God. This just became a whole thing. What’s the play? I’ll go along with whatever you think is best, but Jensen’s right. You would have told him. And if you and I were really engaged? He would’ve been the first to know.”
“I guess we just tell them,” I say simply.
“But what about Cole?” she asks. “He’s close to their kids. What if they overhear something and tell him? Or worse, what if someone asks them questions?” She shakes her head. “I hate getting other people involved in a lie that could affect Cole’s life. And I don’t want to ask anyone to lie for us.”
I rub my tongue along my teeth as I come to a red light, thinking. I meet her gaze. “Then we’re the only ones who lie.”
“Oookay,” she says slowly, brows pinched. “Then what do we say?”
“We tell them we’ve been sneaking around for months.
Keeping it on the down-low because we didn’t want it getting out to the public.
And we didn’t tell them because…” I pause, my brain scrambling for something that makes sense.
“Because we didn’t want to get their hopes up.
Nate died. It made me realize what’s important, and I popped the question last week. ”
She scoffs, a soft, skeptical laugh following. “You think they’d buy that?”
“They’ll have no choice but to buy it because that’s all we give them.” I lick my lips, pressing on the gas as the light turns green. “It’s not that surprising… That I wouldn’t tell them. Not when it comes to you. It wouldn’t be the first time I’ve kept them in the dark.”
She lifts a brow. “Alright. If you think that’ll work…”
She trails off, the car filling with some old-school bullshit from the speakers.
“Hey,” I say after a moment of silence.
“Hmm?”
I reach for her hand and weave my fingers through hers. “Thank you. For being here. For doing this today. In case I forget to tell you later…” My thumb strokes over her knuckles. “I really appreciate it.”
She squeezes my fingers, her mouth curving ever so slightly. “Anytime.” She shifts, leaning into the middle console. “How you holding up?”
There’s more she wants to say. I can tell.
She hesitates, then finally adds, “I was worried you were gonna lose it when your dad stood beside you. You looked pretty pissed.”
I huff out a breath. “Yeah. I’m fine. Really.” I glance toward her. “More worried about you.”
“I’m good,” she cuts in. “Don’t worry about me. I can handle myself. I’m tough as hell.”
A smile tugs at my mouth. “Babe, you eat rabbit food and do Pilates.”
She laughs. “You’re such a fucker. You wouldn’t last ten minutes in my Pilates class.”
I chuckle, bringing her hand to my mouth and brushing my lips over her smooth skin. “You know we’re going to have to act like a couple…” My eyes flick to hers. “Like we’re actively sleeping together.”
She snorts. “Well, that won’t be hard. That’s all Jensen’s family has ever known us as. It’d be weirder for them if I was here and we weren’t sleeping together.”
“You saying we are?”
She slaps my arm. “I’m saying we’re pretending to. Besides, I’m not even sure I’m keeping you after today. Might choose to stay single.”
“Right. ’Cause that’s more fun.”
She leans her head back against the seat, smiling. “It’s not. It totally sucks, actually. But I’m not sure a fake marriage is what I’d call fun.”
“Ah… but you’ve never been fake married to me,” I retort, grinning.
I pull into the parking lot, choose a space far enough away that no one can ding my doors, and turn toward her. Our eyes meet, but we don’t say anything. No words are needed. She’s here for me. I’m here for her.
My eyes drop to the ring on her finger, similar to the one I bought eight years ago.
We’re about to do something big. Possibly life-changing.
It’ll either be the best decision we’ve ever made.
Or the stupidest.
And right now? I don’t know if I’m more afraid she’ll take the ring off… or keep it on.
I clock Cole on my way to the bar at the country club. He’s tucked into a corner with one of his buddies and one of Jensen’s nephews, and despite the reason we’re all here, he’s smiling. Just a little, but it’s real. A vast improvement from an hour ago.
Warmth spreads through my chest. I’d blame the alcohol, but I’ve only had one glass of wine.
That kid is the coolest. He filled a space in my life I never knew was empty. I never wanted kids. Never even thought I liked them, but Cole, and Jensen’s nieces and nephews, proved me wrong. Turns out, I do.
But I’ve also always appreciated that I could leave. Go home to peace and quiet. Shut the door. Breathe.
Even after a full week in New York with Cole when he’s come to visit me, I’ve found myself relieved when he flies back.
I’ve felt a shift over the past year, though.
Helping Jensen get clean. Taking him to rehab.
He almost lost Alley to his addiction and had to fight like hell to get her back.
Watching them choose each other when it would’ve been easier to walk away.
It did something to me. Seeing Alley pregnant.
The joy they both have as they prepare to start a family.
Christ. It’s stirred something in me I didn’t even know existed. Some kind of want—no, need for the same thing. Someone to love. Someone to fight for. Someone to give a fuck about.
Now I’ve got two of the most important people in my life hanging on by a thread. One wrong move, and they’re both gone before I can blink.