Chapter 33
Chapter Thirty-Three
MATT
The doorbell rings as I’m making my way down the hall after changing. I settled on casual dressy: chinos and a button down. I took a moment to breathe deep and recalibrate, reset my mind.
Jordan’s already opening the door with a smile. “Hi, I’m Jordan.” She extends her hand as I sneak in beside her. “And this is my husband, Matt.”
He takes her hand first and shakes it, firm. Then moves to mine. “Hi, I’m Dave, the guardian ad litem assigned to Cole’s case. Thanks for having me.”
“Hi, Dave. Nice to meet you. Come on in,” I say.
Jordan waves him in, leading him through the entryway into the main area of my condo. His gaze wanders over the kitchen, then the living room, quietly assessing.
“Nice place you have here,” he says.
“Thanks,” I reply as Jordan slips her hand in mine, steadying me. And thank God, because it keeps me grounded, present and focused on her, on our life together, and what that means for Cole. Could mean for Cole.
Maybe the marriage is temporary, but it doesn’t change anything. Not really. Jordan and I have always been here for him.
“Let’s get started, shall we? The sooner we’re done here, the sooner you can relax,” he says with a laugh, easing some of the tension.
“My role is to assess which placement is in Cole’s best interest. I’ve met with Cece already.
Cole too. Last week at her place. Today is about understanding your household, you as a couple, and the role you play in Cole’s life.
Your routines. And your intentions moving forward. ”
“Simple enough,” Jordan says lightly. “Is the dining table a good place to chat?”
“That’s perfect,” Dave says.
Jordan excuses herself and comes back with three bottled waters, passing one to each of us. She takes a seat next to me and across from Dave.
“So…” Dave starts. “Tell me a little about the two of you—how you met, how long you’ve been married.”
“How much time do you have?” I joke.
Dave smiles politely. “How about the short version?”
“Well…” I look at Jordan, who’s already smiling, eyes on me. “We met in kindergarten.”
He raises a brow. “Really?”
“Yep,” I say with a grin. “On the swings. I talked my friend into giving his up so she could have the one next to me. Been best friends ever since.”
Jordan grins, eyes shining. That smile’s worth a million bucks. “Well, it wasn’t that easy. I made him work for it.”
No shit.
Dave chuckles again. “But look at you now. So I’m guessing you’ve been married a while?”
Jordan hesitates. “No. We’ve actually had quite the journey getting here, believe it or not.” She side-eyes me, and I jump in.
“We actually got married last month,” I say. “We were planning a bigger wedding next year, but with everything happening with Cole, we decided not to wait.”
Dave nods, then writes something down. “Why was marriage important to you right now?”
I hesitate, then answer honestly. “We want him to feel like he has a stable home. Parents who are committed. Not just to him, but to each other.”
Jordan’s fingers curl tighter around mine.
“And growing up?” Dave asks. “What did family look like for you both?”
Fuck. I exhale slowly. “Complicated. For both of us.”
“In what way?”
“Our parents didn’t have good marriages,” I say. “That mattered to us.” I’m tempted to go on. To explain why. But I stop myself. This just is what it is. Plain and simple.
Dave’s quiet for a minute, scribbling something in his notebook. He finally looks up. “Were either of you married before? Given how long you’ve known each other, can you help me understand what brought you to the decision to marry when you did?”
Jordan starts slowly, unsure. “I was engaged. Um…” She swallows. “I was actually supposed to get married in April this year to someone else, but as I was about to walk down the aisle I realized I wasn’t in love with him.”
My gaze snaps to the side of her face. She’s never admitted that. Ever. It’s always been I loved Richard, but… Never I wasn’t in love with him.
“I’d talked myself into believing what I felt for him was love.
But I never felt for him the way I felt—” She glances at me, hesitant.
“I never loved him like I love Matt.” She laughs, like it will somehow lighten the weight of what she just said.
What she just admitted. “And all I could think about was getting far away from that church and calling him.”
Dave smiles, but I can’t tell if it’s professional or if he genuinely liked that cute little story she just told him.
But that’s the thing. How am I supposed to know if that was just a story, or if that was real? Because I’ve never heard that version.
It’s brand fucking new to me.
I stare at her. Dumbfounded. Unsure of what to do with any of these damn feelings threatening to fuck with me.
Dave jots something down. His attention shifts to me. “And you, Matt. How did you handle that transition?”
I almost laugh when I think about the morning I received that text from Jordan, but there’s nothing funny about it. Not right now. Not with someone assessing whether we’re fit to raise a kid.
“I was shocked,” I admit with a small chuckle, glancing at Jordan. “Obviously. Happy. It’s what I was hoping for.” I look back at Dave. “And… I showed up. Same way I always have. I gave her space to figure things out, and we found our way back to each other.”
Dave glances between us. “Moments like that can be destabilizing for kids when adults don’t handle them well. What steps did you take to make sure things stayed healthy between you two afterward?”
“We talked. We were honest with each other,” she says. She turns to me with a soft smile. “Matt and I have always been good at talking about the hard stuff.”
She gives my hand a squeeze, and I squeeze it back.
It’s true. We are good at talking about hard stuff. We’ve done it our whole lives.
We’re also very good at knowing exactly what not to say.
Dave nods. “And Cole?”
Jordan shifts in her chair. “We’ve always been open and honest with Cole.
And he’s comfortable talking to us. He’s a good kid.
Smart. Nate raised him right. He knows we love him and that he’s safe with us.
He knows we’re here for him. Not just right now, but long-term.
” She pauses, eyes flicking to me and then back to Dave.
“Even if guardianship doesn’t happen. We’ll still be here for him. Always.”
I watch her as she talks.
The way her voice changes when she says his name.
The certainty in her posture.
The way she doesn’t hesitate.
Dave keeps writing.
And for the first time since this whole thing started, I stop worrying about saying the right thing.
Because listening to her?
That’s the right thing.
This. Her.
Right here.
With me.
Nothing’s ever been more clear.
“This is Cole’s room,” I say, pushing open the door for Dave.
He walks in, scanning the room. His eyes land on the new PlayStation. “He likes video games?”
“Very much,” Jordan says with a grin.
“What kid doesn’t these days?” I add.
Dave nods and writes in his notebook, causing a brief surge of panic. He’s been taking notes through the whole tour. But video games… people have strong opinions about them and the amount of time kids are allowed to spend on them.
“How often does he play?” Dave asks, and it’s impressive, how he can casually drop a loaded question like it’s nothing.
“He’d play all day if we let him,” I answer truthfully. “But he usually has a time limit. About an hour a day.”
Except for the time he came to New York for spring break and we spent an entire day playing GoldenEye on a Nintendo 64 I found on eBay.
Dave doesn’t need to know everything.
“And what does bedtime look like on a school night?”
Shit.
“Honestly, I’ve never had Cole during school time.” Here it is. The moment that may cost me guardianship. The moment Dave realizes that while I have a great relationship with Cole, I’ve only ever been fun Uncle Matt.
“He’s stayed with me in New York for weeks at a time in the summer and spring break. Some holidays. It’s mostly been fun-uncle time.”
I check my posture and tone, making sure I’m not fidgeting. I’ve been nervous before. I know how to look confident when I’m anything but. “And now I have him on the weekends.”
Dave just nods again and writes something down.
“But structure isn’t foreign to me,” I add, glancing at Jordan. “We’d build a routine that works for him. Homework. Dinner. Bedtime. And if work ever conflicts, one of us is always available.”
“Matt’s his own boss,” Jordan says, jumping in.
“He can make himself available whenever necessary. And my boss is pretty lenient. I’m able to work remotely some of the time, and if not, I’m usually home by five.
” She smiles. “We’d start simple. Dinner together.
Homework at the table. We’ll adjust as we learn what he needs. What’s working. What’s not.”
Dave hums, then looks up. “Well, I think I have everything I need.”
Thank fuck.
We’ve been grilled with one question after another. And after he talked to both of us together, he talked to us separately. A full-on interrogation.
Dave was great. Kind and respectful. And he stayed neutral the whole time. Never gave anything away. He’s damn good at what he does, I’ll give him that.
But I’ve been sweating bullets for the past ninety minutes, and I’m more than ready for him to leave.
He heads for the front door, then turns. “Thank you. I’ll be compiling my report and submitting my recommendation to the court. If I need anything further, I’ll be in touch.”
“Thank you,” Jordan says, politely. “We really appreciate your time.”
She’s such a sweet talker. I could never do what Dave does. One look at Jordan and I’d give her whatever she wanted. But then add her personality and the answers she gave?
Yeah. I’d be fucked.
I hear myself say goodbye to Dave, but it barely registers. I’m too busy staring at this incredible woman as she closes the door.
Jordan turns, leans against the door, and blows out a breath. “I think we did good,” she says softly.
“I hope so.” I rub a hand over the back of my neck. “I panicked a little when he asked about school nights.”
And when you told him you didn’t love Richard the way you loved me.
I flash her a smile.
She said what she said. Maybe it was for show. Maybe she felt that way then. It doesn’t mean she feels that way now.
And even if she did?
It doesn’t matter.
She’s not here for that. We didn’t get married for any of those reasons. She’s here for Cole.
And she’s made that very clear.
“You did great.” She pushes away from the door and walks toward me, sliding her hands around my back. “I think you were genuine and honest, and that always counts for something.” She tilts her chin, and says softly, “I think Cole is very lucky to have an Uncle Matt.”
But then she does this kind of shit. She says things that stir up old feelings. Hugs me like this. Looks at me in this way that brings that stupid fucking lump to my throat. She makes me feel things I don’t want to.
The only good thing about it is that it reminds me I’m nothing like my father.
“What time are you wanting to leave today?” She stares up at me, but for the life of me I can’t answer. Not without giving it away.
That I’m feeling shit.
That I’m struggling.
With all of it.
She brought this up the night I asked her to marry me. She expressed her concern about how splitting up after all this might affect Cole.
But what I didn’t take into account?
How it might affect me.
How it always affects me after she’s gone.
Jesus. Jensen was right.
My little plan sucks.
I clear my throat, forcing my gaze onto the microwave clock. “I can wrap up around four, I think. We can head out shortly after.”
“Good. Because I need to start packing tonight.” She drums her palms against my chest excitedly. We leave for Switzerland Friday after work. “I can’t wait for the benefit. The dress I bought is incredible. And the shoes are even better.”
I chuckle, stepping away from her. “Can you please just do me a favor and not take an oversized suitcase? You know Zermatt isn’t easy to get around with luggage.”
Her eyes go wide. “What? We’re going to Zermatt? I thought we were just doing Zurich.”
“Ah, did I forget to tell you that’s where the benefit is?” I shrug. “Must have slipped my mind.”
She squeals. “Oh my God! I’m so excited. I love Zermatt.”
“I know. That’s why I didn’t tell you. Much more fun this way,” I say grinning. I make my way to the fridge and grab a sparkling water. “I’ve got to get back to my office. Be ready at four?”
“I’ll be ready.”