Chapter 24
24
“Ali, wait!” I hear my friends calling as their footsteps echo behind me, but I don’t stop until I’m outside, stumbling across the cobblestones. The frigid winter air whips across my face, forcing mascara tears from my eyes. I brush a hand across my face as I shove through the crowd. When I reach the water fountain at Power Plant’s entrance, I collapse onto the stone ledge, drawing my knees to my chest and burying my face in them. Somewhere in the distance, there are fireworks blasting, intermixed with the screams and loud whooping of college kids with fake IDs. It’s a grim, if fitting, soundtrack to my misery.
“Hey.” Lexi and Chloe settle on either side of me, and then my friends are wrapping their arms around my shoulders.
“I’m such an idiot,” I mumble. “I knew this was a horrible idea, and I let myself fall for him anyway. And now look where it’s led me.”
“You’re not an idiot,” Lexi says. “You’re just…”
I lift my head and glare at her. “Don’t you dare say it.”
Footsteps approach and I see a pair of shoes on the pavement. Lifting my head, my gaze settles on Graham’s face. The purple lights of the fountain reflect across his features, which are twisted in agony.
“Can I talk to you?” He glances behind him at the line of honking cars looping through the traffic circle. “Maybe somewhere quieter?”
“We’ll give you guys some privacy,” Chloe says, as she and Lexi stand. Lexi shoots me a sympathetic glance over her shoulder before the two of them disappear back into the crowd.
I glare at Graham. “What are you doing out here? Shouldn’t you be kissing your fake fiancée at your fake bachelor party?”
Graham’s face collapses. “Please. Five minutes. That’s all I’m asking.”
Reluctantly, I follow him down the sidewalk until we’re off the main drag. He finds a bench, dropping down onto it. I sit down beside him.
Graham blows out a sigh as he stares into the distance.
“I know that must have really sucked for you,” he says quietly.
My eyebrows shoot up to my hairline.
“It must have really sucked for me?” I repeat incredulously. “Now there’s the understatement of the century. Everything about this situation sucks, Graham.” He opens his mouth to say something else, but I cut him off.
“The worst part is that I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I wasn’t like this before I met you. I was the human embodiment of joie de vivre. I lived in the moment. After the way things ended with Dev, I never let things get too serious or allowed myself to fall too hard again. And you know what? It was working out just great for me. But I’m not that girl anymore, because you have ruined me. You’ve ruined me but in the best possible way, and now I don’t want to go back to being the person I once was.”
I take a fortifying breath as I try to calm my racing heart. “Falling for you has made me remember that I want love. Genuine, passionate, all-consuming love. And I’m not willing to settle for whatever this is.”
Graham reaches forward to grab my arm.
“I want to be with you, Ali,” he says quietly. “More than I’ve ever wanted anything. We can figure this out and find a way to be together.”
Frustrated, I yank my arm away. “How? You’re going to call off your wedding to Claire and we’re going to just ride off into the sunset on horseback? And even if you did, then what? Claire will be screwed, the hotel will fold, and I’ll lose my chance to get a promotion and prove that I’m not just some flake.”
As much as the truth hurts, there’s no point in denying reality. It’s impossible not to consider the collateral damage that would come with our decision to be together. And then there’s the other elephant in the room.
“You lied to me,” I say quietly. “You promised you would tell Claire the truth, and you didn’t.”
“Because telling the truth won’t help anyone!” he yells.
His eyes pinch shut, and he blows out a ragged breath.
“If I tell Claire about us, she’ll insist on calling off the wedding. There’s no way she would go through with it if she knew how I felt about you. I know she’d want to put my happiness first. But if she calls off the wedding, I lose the opportunity to convince Granny to hold off on selling. And it’s not just me I’d be hurting. If we cancel, you lose your opportunity for a promotion. And my grandmother. She keeps telling me how much joy this wedding brings her. This would crush her.”
Graham’s head drops back as he stares morosely at the night sky.
“This is an impossible situation. No matter what I do, I let someone down.”
The reality of his words hit me like a dodgeball to the chest, sending the air whooshing from my lungs. Because he’s right. And we both know it. Even if he managed to make things right with Claire, there’s no way I’d get the full-time gig that Antoine is offering. Most likely, he’d fire me all together. No sane person would retain a staff member who broke up a client’s wedding because she slept with the groom. Not to mention it would tarnish Asha’s impeccable career. Once word got out about what happened, I have no doubt that clients would be apprehensive about working with her. Worst of all, it would prove my parents right. That I’m not a person to be taken seriously.
Graham stands up and starts to pace back and forth on the sidewalk. Then he pauses, turning to look at me with a look of renewed optimism.
“How about this? I can go back to New York with Claire for a few months, get her set up, and then I’ll come back here. I’ll tell my grandmother that it didn’t work out with Claire. We can be together for two years until I can file for divorce, and then you and I can do whatever we want.”
His eyes are pleading, and my resolve threatens to crumble. But then I shake my head. Despite the way I feel about Graham, I know in my heart that this isn’t right. And I’m not willing to settle.
“No.”
Graham’s shoulders collapse. “You don’t want to be with me?” he asks, his voice strained.
I blink rapidly, desperate not to let my own tears fall. “Of course I want to be with you, Graham,” I manage. “But not like this. I don’t want to be your mistress.”
Graham recoils at the word, his eyes filling with hurt.
“My mistress ?” he chokes out. “How could you even say that?”
I level my gaze at him. “You’re proposing the idea of marrying another woman and keeping me as your side piece. That’s the literal definition of a mistress. Sorry to be blunt, but those are the facts of the situation.”
Graham’s face darkens and I know I’ve hit a nerve. “Those are not the facts,” he says through gritted teeth. “You’re not going to be my mistress. You’re the woman that—” He pauses, running a tongue over his lips. When his eyes meet mine again, they are resolute.
“You are the woman that I love. I love you, Ali.”
My heart drops to my stomach. I open my mouth but discover that I’ve been rendered speechless. So, I just stand there, gaping at him. His fathomless blue eyes narrow as they search mine and I wonder what he’s able to see in there. If my own eyes reveal my innermost thoughts, which are screaming that I feel the same way. That I love him too, so much that the thought of it terrifies me. The words bubble up from my chest, tickling the back of my throat.
But then I swallow them down quickly. I can’t let the feelings I have for Graham cloud my judgment. Because the reality is that continuing down this path will only lead to heartbreak. And based on the way I feel about Graham, I’m not certain I could survive it.
I let out a resigned breath. “It’s not enough though, is it? The way we feel about each other. None of it matters if the timing isn’t right, and let’s face it, the timing couldn’t be worse. We can’t be together, and we both know it.”
Graham’s face is twisted in an expression of pure agony, but he doesn’t argue with me. I’m right and we both know it. It’s the push I need to finish this.
“You’re getting married next week,” I tell him. His brow furrows as his eyes snap back to mine, undoubtedly confused by my sudden shift back to a professional tone. “Asha and I will make sure the day goes off without a hitch, that the wedding is so spectacular that it’s all anyone talks about for weeks. That it brings so much positive attention to the hotel that your grandmother is forced to reconsider selling it. And when it’s over, you will go to New York with Claire, I will accept my new job, and we will move on. This thing between us was never going to last and the sooner we can accept that, the better off we’ll be.”
“Ali, please,” he says, his voice low and strangled. From the corner of my eye, I see Chloe and Lexi emerge from the shadows. The sight of my two best friends is like an elixir. It fills my veins with strength, giving me the resolve I need.
“Goodnight, Graham,” I say. Then, I brush past him, walking toward them. It takes every ounce of strength not to look back.