43. Ian
It would figurethe new apartment would be as far from the elevator as possible. I held tight to Finn’s leash and struggled with the collapsible crate I’d purchased for him. He was a puppy, so accidents were still likely, although so far, he was a great dog. Smart, well-behaved.
Crate training was important, but I hated having to lock him up.
At least I’d be close enough to let him out frequently. Seventeen floors to be exact.
I unlocked the door to my new digs and took a look around—which ate up all of ten seconds. I’d stayed in hotel rooms bigger than this, but it didn’t matter. I just needed a place to sleep, keep Finn, and hide out when Madison was sick of me. I would only be an elevator ride away. Or seventeen floors of stairs in the event of a power failure.
Shit. Something else to worry about. What if Madison went into labor and there was a power failure? Could I carry her down twenty-four flights of stairs? The breakfast burrito I’d scarfed down earlier did a slow roll in my stomach. I needed to prepare for every contingency, and that was one I hadn’t considered.
The furnished studio apartment I rented in Madison’s building was modern and clean-looking, with high-end furnishings and appliances. Now that I was worrying about power failures, would I be able to talk her into moving down to this floor when we got closer to her due date. If things went sideways, I’d only have to carry her seven floors. I could do that.
In the meantime, I’d be hitting the gym downstairs. Maybe even hook up with a trainer to do some heavy lifting. Not that Madison was heavy.
Jeez. That’s all I’d have to say to her.
I let Finn off his leash and he began to sniff his way around the open space while I dug a bowl out of the cupboard and filled it with water. He raced over and began lapping it up, spraying it all over me, the floor, and the wall next to the bowl. You’d have thought he hadn’t had a drink in days, despite me pulling over every hour to walk him and give him water. I gave him a scratch behind the ears. He jumped up on my legs, so I scolded him and made him sit. There’d be no jumping on me, Madison, or the baby.
I’d never left him on his own, so before I attempted to put him in the crate, I tested him by stepping out into the hallway for a few minutes. He whimpered but didn’t bark. I gave it a good five minutes before I reentered the apartment.
You would’ve thought I’d been gone for days with the way Finn greeted me. Who wouldn’t love this? I got down on the floor and tussled with him, teasing and playing, and wondering why I’d waited so long to get a dog. I unpacked his treats, ran him through a few commands—I’d give him an A+ because he was the best dog, and put his bed into the kennel. I put a treat in the kennel, along with his favorite chew toy, and waited. He eventually went in on his own, ate the treat, picked up his toy and settled into his bed.
Before long he put his head down onto his Lamby and fell asleep. I locked the cage and waited, but he was down for the count. I wouldn’t stay away long, but I was anxious to get upstairs and see Madison.
After the way we’d ended things last week, I expected a chilly welcome, if any, but after speaking with Ma this morning, I was hoping we might be able to come to some kind of truce. Clearly, I was in the wrong, but I was also stubborn. And when she flipped out on me about Finn, I overreacted. Of course a baby couldn’t take care of a dog, and I couldn’t promise to be there every day to take care of it myself.
That thought weighed heavy on my chest. I didn’t want to be an absentee or weekend father. I wanted to see my kid every day. To be there for the first smile. The first word. The first step. The first everything. I pushed hard on my sternum, trying to dislodge the wedge that had settled there, but it was no use.
Despite how badly I behaved initially, I wanted this baby.
And I wanted Madison just as much.
I stepped off the elevator onto Madison’s floor and hesitated in front of her door. If Ma was right, she would be willing to let me in, talk to me.
If not, she’d slam the door in my face.
I pushed the buzzer and waited.
The door swung open and a smiling angel flung open her arms and cried, “Welcome home!” Before I could respond, the smile slid from her face. “Ian,” she whispered, looking hesitant despite the overly warm welcome.
I was ready to start groveling, when she launched herself into my arms, grabbed my face, and kissed me. I held her against me, as her legs wrapped around my waist. Her tongue slid against the seam of my lips and my mouth opened with a growl, letting her in. I kicked the door shut and carried her into her living room, where I lowered myself onto the sofa.
Madison’s knees pressed against my hips as she straddled me. I nipped her bottom lip, ran my tongue over it, and pulled back. “I didn’t even apologize yet.”
She lowered her forehead to mine. “I’m the one who needs to apologize, Ian. I was awful. You’ve been amazing. You’ve cared for me in a way that I couldn’t have ever imagined. And then you sent your family to care for me when you couldn’t be here. I don’t deserve you.”
“Actually, I only sent my mother. The rest of them are nosey and can’t mind their business.”
She laughed and then kissed the end of my nose. “They took over my life for an entire weekend, and I couldn’t have been happier. I love them.”
I pulled back and looked into those sky-blue eyes of hers. “I was hoping Ma and Maylene might talk me up a bit while they were here, but Bridget and Fiona would be more likely to spill all my secrets. Ellie’s the quiet one, but you never know what side she’ll land on when they all get going.”
“They didn’t talk you up. They shared your truths. They let me see who you are through the lens of family. I got to see a side of you I had a hard time understanding because it’s unfamiliar to me.”
First thing tomorrow morning, I was buying each of my sisters a new car.
I ran my thumb over her soft cheek and cupped her jaw. “I’m surprised they didn’t tell any embarrassing stories about me.”
She laughed and it was musical. If she got to experience a different side of me, I was getting to do the same. Her entire persona had changed. She was less guarded, lighter, more open.
“Oh, no, they told lots of embarrassing stories. I heard all about Margaret Thatcher?—”
Forget the cars; they’d be lucky if they even got a Christmas present from me this year.
“For fuck’s sake. I’m gonna kill her. It wasn’t Margaret?—”
Madison silenced me with another kiss. “I know, but I wouldn’t even care if it was.” She giggled, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard. “Those stories were endearing, but most of all, they painted a picture of you that I needed to see. They love you, Ian. A lot. And while I don’t really know them very well—or at all really, it was just one weekend—they made me feel loved and part of your family too. And as silly as this may sound after such a short time, I feel fortunate to have them in my life, and our baby will be fortunate as well.”
She kissed me again. “And I’m lucky to have you as my baby’s father. I hope you’ll forgive me for being so hard on you and so incredibly unyielding about everything,.”
Something thick lodged in my throat and prevented me from speaking.
“And, Ian…”
I cleared my throat. “Yeah?”
“That nursery.”
If she hated it, I’d rip it out and start all over again.
“It’s perfect.”
My chest puffed up. “You like it? Really?”
“I love it. I love—I just love it.”
For a moment, it seemed as if she were about to tell me that she loved me. Clearly, I was getting carried away. I was caught up in the moment. This reunion was going better than I could’ve hoped. No reason to make it weird. Besides…love? My heart seemed to swell, taking up all of the space in my chest.
I ran my nose up along hers and pulled her closer. “That makes me really happy. I wanted you to love it. And I hope our Little Satsuma loves it too.”
“She will.”
I pulled back and searched her eyes, but before I could ask, she answered. “No, I don’t know. I’m only guessing, but I have a feeling our Little Satsuma is a girl.”
“I would love a girl, and I want her to look just like you.”
“What if it’s a boy?”
“Then I’d love him just as much and pray that he doesn’t have red hair.”
Laughter bubbled out of her and I loved that too. She dug her fingers into the longer hair atop my head and tugged. “I love your auburn hair and your beard. It suits you.”
I opened my mouth but closed it again. The words were right there. I wanted to say them, but did I actually mean them? And even if I were certain, I was afraid that such a declaration might get me the boot again, and I couldn’t chance it. Better to let things progress on their own instead of freaking her out and getting my ass kicked back out the door.
She looped her hands around my neck and scraped her fingernails against my scalp. “Where’s Finn? Please tell me you didn’t get rid of him because of me.”
This day was filled with surprises. “He’s downstairs; hopefully sleeping.”
She leaned back, horrified. “Downstairs? Did you tie him to a streetlight or something?”
“Hell no. I rented a furnished studio on the seventh floor. I just got the keys about an hour ago. Moved my shit in and set up a crate for him so that he doesn’t get into anything while I’m up here with you.”
She blinked at me. “You’re renting a place downstairs?”
“Yeah, a studio. On the seventh floor.”
“Ian…I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. This works out perfectly. I’m near enough for when you need me, and I can keep Finn close as well. This way I can train him, so when he’s around the baby, he’ll be gentle. He’s only a puppy, but he’s really smart. I already taught him to sit and to stay…well, almost. But he’s I’ there.”
“I feel bad.”
“Don’t. You can’t help that you’re not a dog person.”
“No, but… Honestly, I used to want a dog…when I was little, but we traveled too much and my mother said it wasn’t fair for the nanny to have to deal with me and a dog, so…”
Her and a dog? Her mother lumped the two of them together like that? I had to bite my tongue. I’d never met her parents—and forget the fact that I’d seen Tatiana Peillard naked in Playboy—God help me—but as far as parents go, her mother and father left a lot to be desired. I mean, where the fuck were they? I guess since they’d never really been present while she was growing up, why would they bother to be present now?
“How about this? You can spend as little or as much time with Finn as you want. If you’re up for it, how about you come with me so I can take him for a walk?”
She chewed on her lower lip, and I slipped my thumb along the edge of her mouth. “Hey,” I said, “that’s my job.” Then I leaned in and kissed her, running my tongue over that plump bottom lip.
The smile she gave me had my pants tightening uncomfortably. It had been way too fucking long since my dick got the attention it deserved, and it was letting me know that he was here for whatever was happening. I shifted Madison in my lap, but the little minx gave me a knowing look and shifted herself back; even grinding a bit.
I groaned and dropped my forehead against hers. “What are you doing to me?”
“If you don’t know, I guess it’s been a while.”
“It’s been a while all right. Too fucking long.”
She began gnawing on her lower lip again. I might not be psychic, but I knew what she was thinking.
“A long, long time, Madison. Since before I found out you were having my baby.”
Big blue eyes blinked up at me in surprise.
“I wouldn’t do that to you. I know we’re not a couple.” I kissed her again, sweeter this time, and smiled. “Or we haven’t been a couple… but it just didn’t feel right. I want you to know that I’m committed to you and this baby. And if you’re feeling the same, I’d like to see where this goes between us. We can take it one day at a time.”
I was afraid to say anything more than that. As it was, I thought I might have gone too far, but when she grabbed my face and kissed me long and soft and deep, I had my answer.
“I’d like that, Ian.” She kissed me again. “One day at a time.”
It wasn’t the promise of forever, but it was a good start.