Chapter 15
My stomach knotted.Since getting out of the hospital, York had been treating me differently. There was a distance that wasn”t there before. All of my instincts screamed I needed to get out of there. Knowing that, I still found myself outside of York”s door. On the other side was someone I wanted to continue to possess. He wasn”t mine. I could shout it on the rooftop, yet I didn”t believe it. York felt like mine.
This is why I don”t get attached.
I had every plan to play with York. To finally bang the boss that had been the star of so many of my late night fantasies. And I had. Now, I wanted so much more, things that someone like me shouldn”t want from someone like York.
Shaking my head, I knocked. The knots in my stomach tightened even more. I felt bad that I”d manipulated York into letting me come over but there was no other way. I wasn”t ready to walk away yet. The girls were a sure way for me to walk back into his life. Even if he was still suspicious of me, it couldn”t erase what we had. I knew I couldn”t be the only one who felt it. There was no way in hell I made it up in my head, and now I was obsessed with a man who only saw me as a fun pastime. York wasn”t like that.
The door opened, and I shoved every melancholy thought down to the deepest part of my psyche.
”Paul.” Even the way he said my name felt foreign.
I pushed past the unease and weariness settling in with every passing second.
”Why are you carrying that?” I took the tray of uncooked meat out of York”s hand. ”Doc said you”re supposed to take it easy.” I felt my smile waver as York continued to watch me. ”What”s on my face?”
”Nothing.” He shook his head, stepping aside for me to enter his home. ”I am taking it easy.”
I huffed out a laugh. ”You? I”ll believe that when cats fly.”
“It’s pigs.” York sighed. “When pigs fly.”
“Same thing.”
”Paul!” Navy and Nyra ran down the hall wearing long sleeve swimsuits with their hair braided back.
”Hey, girls.” I put the tray down to pick them both up and hug them.
Their little arms fit around my neck as they both started talking at once. They may be twins, but their words were bouncing off one another, leaving me confused but happy. Both girls squirmed to be let down and I released them.
”Who”s who?” Navy asked.
She was on the left, although she was wearing Nyra”s favorite shade of blue. I knew who she was instantly. Nyra on the right smiled brightly.
I tapped my chin. ”Hmm, if I guess right, what”s my prize?”
Both girls turned to each other, and like so many times before, spoke without speaking out loud. It made me long for my own twin. After all the time that had passed, I wondered if we”d still have the same connection we once did.
”Two cherries on your ice cream.”
I nodded. ”That”s a fair trade.”
The entire time I spoke with the girls, I could feel York”s gaze on me. I didn”t know if it was him watching me because he was suspicious, or if it was something else. I held out hope it was the latter, and with me being so close to the girls, his doubts about me would disappear.
”You”re Nyra and you”re Navy.” I pointed to each girl. And before they tried to trick me I pointed out the difference. ”Navy is louder by a hair. She also favors her right side. She twists when she talks. Nyra”s smile is softer. She rocks on the balls of her feet most times when she”s talking.”
”What?” Both girls looked at each other.
”You want to trick me, you”re going have to learn everything you can about your twin. You can’t win the game until you practically become one. Trust me.”
Navy squinted her eyes up at me. ”We will and then we will win.”
She could try, but I”d always know the difference. Gin and I played the game often, to the point we”d lose ourselves in playing the other.
“Why are you so good at this, Paul?” York asked.
“I”m a damn good agent.”
York cleared his throat and I winked at them.
“Isn’t that right, boss?”
Both girls looked at their father expectantly. York nodded.
“He’s loud and annoying.” York headed toward the kitchen. “But good.”
I couldn’t help but smile. Even now, he recognized my work ethic. I might not love being an FBI agent but I took every job that was handed to me seriously. The moment he made it to the kitchen, I took it as my chance to give the twins the gift I got them.
“Wait, you two.” I pulled the box out of my pocket. I picked it up a few days ago. Glancing over my shoulder, I made sure York was still in the kitchen before I opened it and showed them the matching bracelets. Blue and white beads decorated it but right in the center of the butterfly charm was a button. “I want you both to wear these no matter what. Never take them off.”
Navy snatched up hers in a hurry looking at the butterfly in the middle. Nyra put hers on and held it up admiring the bracelet. “What about when swimming?”
I shook my head. “Never, okay?”
They looked at one another before facing me. “Why?” Navy asked.
Lying to them wouldn’t work. “Your safety is my biggest concern. You know your dad works a hard job. And sometimes people choose to go after him. Bad guys.”
And one day, I won’t be here. I won’t be allowed to stand at your side as Paul.
They both nodded, York no doubt already gave them the talk plenty of times.
“If you’re ever in trouble, and it has to be a real emergency, you hit the small button on the charm. Okay?”
The twins stared at the bracelet squinting to see the tiny dot.
“Will you come save us? You and Dad?” Navy asked.
My chest tightened. “Of course. I’d fight a lion for you two.”
Their smiles were more rewarding than a pay raise. I dragged them in for another hug before letting them go.
“Don’t tell anyone you have them on,” I warned.
“Not even Dad?” Nyra looked skeptical, as she should.
“How about not at this second? But he can know later. Promise?”
Both girls seemed to thankfully accept my answer. They gave me a single nod. I only hoped that they kept their promise.
I stood up just as York made his way back to us carrying even more shit. Why couldn’t he just sit his ass down? I had to like the one guy who was constantly doing things.
”Dad, we”re ready,” Nyra said.
I met York”s dark gaze. It was focused intently on me. Again, he looked at me like he wasn”t sure who I was. Each time he did, it hurt more than the last.
”Change of plans. No movie?” I asked.
He snapped out of it and moved toward us. Reaching for the meat tray, I made sure to keep it just outside of his reach. York was determined to do everything himself when he was so obviously injured.
”The girls wanted to swim. We have a pool and it”s heated. Figure we could do some barbecuing. It”s surprisingly nice outside.”
It was nearly winter but a random hot day wasn”t unheard of in New York. Tomorrow it was bound to snow, but today felt more like spring.
”Paul, are you going to swim too?” Nyra asked.
”Dad can”t ‘cause of his arm,” Navy pointed out.
”Girls, I”m sure Paul doesn”t want to.”
I stared at York. Did he not want me here? No, I”m not ready.
”I didn”t bring my trunks, but?—”
”Dad has some,” Navy supplied.
I met York”s gaze just as both girls turned around to plead with him. They were practically masters at it now.
”Okay,” he relented. “Give us a second. I don”t want you two in the pool unsupervised.”
”Yay, okay, Daddy,” the girls said in unison. They rushed over to the living room, giggling with excitement.
I watched them with warmth flooding my chest.
”Paul, this way,” York called out. He looked at the meat tray in my hands. ”Put that there.”
I listened, leaving the tray in the kitchen, and followed behind him. I drank in every inch of York, his broad shoulders and tight ass. When was the last time I”d seen him naked? It felt like forever, and I was desperate for another taste. We entered his room. York went for the dresser on the far left. I”d been in his room before. Dawn”s pictures were on every wall, some of them all together looking like the perfect family. I wished I could have met her. She”d probably tell me things about York that he kept behind a wall. Things I didn”t know about him yet.
”Here some are,” York said.
I looked away from a picture of Dawn holding the girls in her arms. They couldn”t be more than two in the photo. I moved toward York, taking the trunks from him. For a split second, our hands touched. Electricity danced up my arm from the point of contact, as if pulling me closer to him. I moved in, grabbing him how I wanted to since everything happened.
”Paul, I?—”
No, I didn”t want to hear what he said. Panic clawed its way up my chest, and it only made me want to cling to him tighter. I brought our lips together in a kiss that was filled with desire, desperation, and something I wasn”t sure I was ready to look too deeply into. Our mouths were connected, and for a short second, it felt like York was going to ignore the burning connection between us. I swiped my tongue over the seam of his lips needing entry. His beard scratched against my face, driving me insane.
Seconds ticked by, adding to the growing pressure in my gut. I held him tighter, not sure what I should do. York slowly opened his mouth, and granted me entrance. I took it for what it was. My brain shut off as I tasted him and relished in his moans. He was just as weak as I was to this thing between us. I greedily swallowed every sound that tried to pass his lips. They were all mine. If I could, I”d keep York all to myself.
”Paul,” his desperate groan mirrored my own.
”God, I need you, York.” I peppered kisses down his throat. My hands wandered over his body, touching every inch of him as if to commit it to memory. ”I don”t want this to stop.”
York”s fingers tangled in my hair. His blunt nails scraped against my scalp, adding more sensations to my already overly sensitive body. ”Paul, wait.”
”Can”t.”
If I can just have him, I don”t need anything else. Not even to be a Vitale again.
I pulled at his shirt but stopped short when the sound of two distinctive sets of feet headed our way. Stopping just in time, we pulled apart as the girls bounced into the room none the wiser. My control was at its limit, but I still held back. York cleared his throat, looking guilty.
One more minute and I knew he would have given in.
”Daddy, Paul, you two are taking forever. The sun is going to set and then we won”t get to swim.”
”Right, sorry, girls,” York said. He moved around me, no longer looking my way. ”Let Paul get dressed.” He herded both girls out of the room and closed the door behind them. ”We will be on the roof.”
My shoulders dropped the moment they weren”t in the room anymore. I rubbed my eyes.
”What the fuck is wrong with you?” I whispered to myself. I was losing it. For a second there, I was ready to give everything up to be at York”s side. It wasn”t feasible or even smart. The moment York learned the truth about me, he”d hate me. It was only right. At the end of the day, I was a monster in his eyes.
I blew out a breath and changed into the red trunks. Being left in York”s room might have been an opportunity in the past, but I couldn”t find it in me to snoop around. Knowing my boss, he probably didn’t keep anything in his home. Nothing that would put his family in danger. I slipped back out of the room, but not before looking at the family photos one more time. I wasn”t the man who could give York this. The happy family. I was more than likely going to be the cause of its destruction if I kept holding on.
As much as I told myself that, it didn”t stop me from thinking about keeping York.
The wind was subtle when I stepped out on the roof. It was huge, with a decent sized pool. Both girls were already in it, diving under and splashing each other. York was next to the grill, a soft smile on his face even as sweat beaded his brow.
Mine. Everything that was York Washington was meant to be mine.
Who was I kidding? I was a fucking Vitale. If there was something I wanted, I knew exactly how to take it.
I headed for the pool, jumping in to both of the girls” chants of encouragement. Warm water splashed up and around me as I sank to the bottom. I opened my eyes under the water staring up at the wavering sky before bobbing back up to the surface.
”Roar!” I grabbed the nearest twin and scooped her up.
Squeals filled the air as I pretended to be a monster capturing her.
”Paul.” Nyra laughed.
I tickled her before tossing her up in the air. She screamed before hitting the water. She came back up, laughing and wiping water out of her eyes. Navy was next. She attempted to swim away from me but my feet were firmly planted on the ground, unlike theirs. They were walking on their tippy toes, bouncing around in the water.
”Again,” Nyra said.
We went around playing, changing up the game one after another. Marco Polo was fun, along with sharks and minnows, each game with them was more fun than the last. The girls teamed up on most of them, reminding me how great it is to have a twin. Spending time with them was sweet, but it never failed to remind me of my brother.
A clang echoed over the roof. I turned to see what was wrong. My brain seized, but my body thankfully still moved. York was on the ground, clutching his injured arm in its sling. I hopped out of the pool. Water dripped down my body. The cool air attacked me the moment I was out of the heated water. None of it seemed to matter as I practically sprinted to York”s side.
”York.” I dropped down to my knees helping him up. ”Are you okay?”
He winced as I went to touch his injured arm. Fuck, I should have just helped him.
”I”m fine,” he growled.
”If you were fine, you wouldn”t be on the fucking ground,” I bit out. ”Trying to do everything yourself is only going to make your injury worse.”
”Who am I supposed to depend on?” York shook his head. ”I”m fin?—”
I punched him in the other arm. ”Me. Stop being a stubborn ass.” I helped him up slowly, making sure not to hurt him any further. ”You don”t have to be the boss all the damn time. Depend on others sometimes.”
York”s gaze felt like a touch as he stared at me. I didn”t stop what I was doing. Instead of having a staring competition with him or forcing him to hear my words, I checked on his sutures. The skin was a little warm and a tad red, but thankfully, nothing was ripped open.
”What?” I asked.
York looked ready to say something but both girls ran over to us.
”Is Daddy okay?”
”An idiot, but fine,” I answered. I looked at both of them. ”Can you girls do me a favor and get your dad to sit down?”
”What? I don”t need to?—”
I glared at York. If it was up to him, he”d work himself to death. He shouldn”t even have been at work after leaving the hospital. His job was important, but if he died, then who would take care of the girls? Sometimes York saw only work, it was attractive and maddening at the same time.
”Sit down.”
”Yeah, Daddy, we don”t want you to be hurt. We”ll sit with you,” Navy said.
”I can go grab the checkerboard,” Nyra offered.
”You two were swimming, I”m fine,” York said.
Fine? He was sweating and the little grimaces he was letting slip said he was anything but fine.
The girls looked at one another. Their teeth were already chittering from being outside the pool. They didn”t wait to hear anymore, making a quick escape back to the heat of the water.
York sighed, his shoulders dropping. I knew I”d won the moment he did so. It was pure instinct. I leaned over and gave him a quick peck.
”Good, let me handle the rest.”
”I”ll get you a shirt.”
I glared at my boss. What part of sit down didn”t he understand? ”Stop doing shit already.”
The girls splashed around in the pool while I turned the meat on the grill. York watched them, doing his best to relax in one of the chairs. His foot tapped uncontrollably but he didn”t try anything. I relaxed more, whistling as I flipped a burger.
”Aren”t you cold?”
”The fire is keeping me warm.”
York watched me from the corner of his eyes. I didn”t pressure him to talk. What was the point? He”d have to tell me what was on his mind sooner or later.
”Who taught you how to grill?”
”My mom,” I answered honestly. There wasn”t a moment in my childhood when my dad had been anything like a normal father. Caesar was present most in our house but it was mostly to stay close to our mom. She”d been one of his favorites, but he never did the family thing. Not really.
”What was she like?”
”Who?” I took the burgers off and checked the chicken wings.
”Your mom.”
I hadn”t had anyone ask about her in a long time. I didn”t even get to go see her before she died. That regret was the one that consistently weighed on my shoulders. She had neither of her sons there at her side before she died. Gin was locked away and I”d been half way across the country at a different FBI agency. It took a long time to work my way to New York, and by then, my mother was long gone.
”She was an incredible woman. You know how some people can do anything and be great at it?” Thinking about my mother always filled me with sadness and joy. ”Sing, act, build, dance, cook, clean, sew. You name it, she could master it over the weekend.” I laughed thinking of one of the many times my mom was there for me. ”Once, I had this play, but I wasn”t a great actor so as the understudy, I”d slacked off. I didn”t know a single line. The night of the play, the main actor broke his leg and had to be rushed to the hospital. All of sudden I was out on stage in front of a room full of people.” I took off the next set of meat. ”You can”t imagine how embarrassed and terrified I was. I ran off the stage and straight to her.”
York sat up in his chair. ”You? Run?”
I laughed. ”I wasn”t as outgoing back then. I was, like, eight.”
”Hard to believe.”
I flipped him off. ”Anyway, she turned me around and marched my ass right back on stage. I was a nervous wreck but instead of abandoning me, she started saying my lines. She”d maybe heard me recite them five times over the course of four months. At some point, she”d made sure to learn every single one of them. I stood at her side doing what I could but the star of the show was her. Even so, she told me no matter what she”d be there to help me through it even when she wasn”t physically there.”
My eyes burned and I looked away for a second blinking away the pain. Stupid contacts were sensitive to the smoke coming from the grill. I was so wrapped up in my own head, I hadn”t heard York get up. His hand rested on my shoulder. It was a comforting weight that I didn”t know I needed.
”Sorry for your loss. I bet she was a wonderful woman. I would have loved to have met her.”
I nodded, not able to swallow past the ball of emotion that seemed to clog my throat. I hadn”t told anyone the truth involving my mom. York was the only one in all my years undercover.
”Thanks.” I shook off the feeling of vulnerability. ”I saved most of the food but a few of these are harder than a hockey puck.”
York rolled his eyes. ”Those are your fault.”
”How do you figure?”
”You were playing with the girls, and?—”
”Hold up, so you were watching me instead of the food?” My heart skipped a beat. I moved closer to York but he took a step back.
”That”s, well… They’re my kids, and you know, I was?—”
”Shut up and be honest. You were watching me.”
York”s face had that tantalizing blush that made me want to devour him.
”Daddy, is the food ready?” Nyra asked.
Navy was right behind her, a towel wrapped tightly around her shivering frame.
”We better get them in. Watch a short film and eat?” I suggested. Anything to stay.
”I want to pick this time,” Navy shouted. She was halfway to the door that led back to York”s suite, Nyra right on her heels.
”Wait, help—” My words fell on deaf ears as the door closed.
York”s rich laughter next to me sent waves of warmth through me.
”Not funny.”
”It is a little bit. It”s nice to know I”m not the only one ignored. Even nice, shiny Paul gets ignored.”
”Hey, I”ll have you know they both adore me. I just didn”t say it loud enough.”
”Yeah, keep telling yourself that.” York headed for the door behind the girls.
”Wait, aren”t you going to help?”
York clutched his arm in the sling. ”Ow, you wouldn”t make an injured man carry anything, would you?”
He couldn”t be serious. Moments ago, he was all for doing everything himself.
”Make sure you gather everything up before coming in.”
Seeing the playful York was good, it was worth doing everything myself. ”Sure thing, boss.”
A visible shiver raced down York”s body. He turned around and went inside, leaving me alone. I blew out a breath, turning the grill off. Thank goodness it was a gas one. I gathered the rest of the meat and piled it on the tray. The ones that were burnt to hell went in the trash next to the grill. By the time I made it in, the girls were changed and the smell of soap wafted off them.
”Yay, we”re starving,” Navy shouted.
Nyra nodded, reaching for the tray before I sat it down. She made quick work of creating a burger.
”I”m going to change.” Not that either girl cared; they were like little savages over the tray of meat. ”Want a side or something?”
”No, thanks,” they exclaimed.
I shook my head but let them be in favor of getting out of the ice cold trunks. I”d lied about the fire keeping me warm, the entire time I was freezing my balls off. Making quick work of clothes, I joined the rest of them in the kitchen. The TV never turned on. Instead, we each devoured our food. York was even smashing a bratwurst.
”How”s school?” I asked the girls after I finished my first burger.
”Good, I made honor roll again,” Nyra said.
”Me too,” Navy said.
”Not surprised, you two are really smart,” I said, meaning every word.
They both beamed at my praise.
”What else?”
A mischievous smile came over Navy”s face. ”We succeeded in Operation: Take Each Other’s Place.”
”What now?” York asked.
Nyra elbowed her twin and both looked to me for help.
”Ah. What they mean is they tricked a few kids into believing they were each other.”
York stared his girls down. He had the same glare my mother used to fix on me and Gin. There was no winning against it.
Navy, to my surprise, was the first to cave. ”I spent a week in Nyra”s classes and the teachers couldn’t tell us apart.”
”Navy!”
”He was giving me the you”re going to be grounded look,” her twin sister was quick to explain.
Nyra shook her head.
”Is this true, Nyra?” York asked.
”Yes. We”re sorry,” Nyra said.
Man, she was good. Her big brown eyes pleaded for him to go easy on them.
York looked between the two of them. ”Paul, did you know what they were talking about?”
”Wait, am I in trouble too?”
York”s glare fixed on me, and I instantly knew the answer.
”Yes.”
We played a game of checkers.Me against Nyra and Navy against York. We switched off at the end of each game. I got beat by both girls and they in turn lost to York. The girls’ yawns grew as time went on.
”Let”s call it a night,” York said.
”Wait, no. We”re still having fun,” Navy whined.
”Right, Paul?” Nyra asked.
I nodded but yawned. ”I am having fun. But I don”t know about you guys, the pool tires me out.”
Their frowns nearly had me caving and joining their side.
”Next time I come over, we can try staying up super late. Maybe convince your dad into having a midnight party.”
York was shaking his head, but I winked at the girls. We”d figure something out.
”Okay, bedtime. Brush your teeth and wash your faces,” York said.
The twins raced one another as York and I followed behind them. I could have stayed back but they both looked behind them, watching us expectantly. We put them to bed, tucking in each kid. I ruffled both of their heads before stepping out and leaving York in the room with them. The moment I moved into the kitchen, I started to clean up. It wasn”t until I was halfway done that York came and joined me.
”You didn”t have to.”
”We”ve been over this, you don”t have to do everything yourself.”
York was silent and the tension that seemed to plague us lately came back. Without the girls there to buffer it, there was no way not to feel it weigh on you. I moved around, trying to ignore it.
”Hey, Paul, I can get the rest. You already did a lot,” York said.
I placed the ketchup in the fridge, forcing a smile on my face. ”Sounds like you”re trying to get rid of me now.” An awkward laugh spilled free. What in the hell was I supposed to do with this?
York shook his head. ”No, I”m just—” He blew out a breath. ”I”m tired and think I’m going to turn in too.”
I opened my mouth ready to tell him I could stay just in case he needed help through the night.
”Alone. There”s just a lot on my mind.”
I nodded, stuffing my hands in my pockets. ”Okay, sure.” Locking down my emotions was getting harder and harder where York was concerned. ”I”ll get out of your hair. Can”t get in the way of your thoughts.” I headed for the door, pain flaring in the middle of my chest.
”Paul, that”s not what I meant.”
”But it was.” I stopped and glared at him. The turmoil of emotions made it impossible to pick just one. Anger was always easiest. “Let me know when you”re ready to have fun again. I know it”s all I”m good for.” I slammed the door behind me. The moment there was a divide between us, I wanted to go back, but instead, I headed out to my car.
There was only one reason York was treating me differently. He could pretend to believe my lie about Tony being an informant but I knew the truth. York had doubts about me, and I couldn”t say he was wrong either.
I had my phone out the moment I got into the car. I dialed the secure line I only used in emergencies. It rang three times before there was an answer. Crying in the background gave me the answer I needed to know why it took Benito so long to pick up.
”Possible cracked egg.”
The crying stopped before Benito spoke. ”You fucked up?”
My hands tightened on the wheel as I pulled out of York”s parking garage.
”I don”t know.”
”Fuck! This messes everything up.” Benito”s disappointment hurt just as badly as York”s suspicions.
Nothing was going right. Where did I fuck up?
Maybe when I fell for my boss.