Chapter Thirty-One
Leo
When Sophia’s family called, I got up from the table and headed for my room, needing to lie down for minute.
Just because I was ready for her to meet my family didn’t mean she was ready for the same, and honestly, the light in her eyes when she talked about Christmas in Hawaii had been soul-crushing.
I’d finally worked up the courage to tell her how I felt about her, and I was starting to think I wasn’t alone in those feelings, but no matter what, the weight of our future was heavy.
Aunt Sloane had asked to meet Soph’s dad, and I heard her family and mine all talking to each other in the living room.
Jace followed me. “You need anything, man?”
“Just a minute alone,” I said.
He stopped in the hallway and nodded. “I’m here if you change your mind.”
“Thanks,” I said as he turned around while I walked into my bedroom and lay on the bed.
There was no way Jace didn’t know how devastating it was for me to listen to Sophia talk about her home.
She loved it too much for me to ever be able to compete, and I appreciated that he didn’t push me to say it aloud.
I was working myself up to go back out to the kitchen when my mom appeared in the doorway.
“Hey, are you okay?” she asked quietly.
“What?” I rolled toward her. “Yeah, I’m fine.”
She sat down on the edge of my bed, obviously seeing right through me. “Leo, what’s going on with you and Sophia?”
“Nothing. We’re just friends,” I said, knowing there was no way she would believe me now that I was hiding out in my room.
“You’ve been sleeping your way through college until this year, you ran to get her the second she called, and you’ve been looking at her for the last hour like the sun revolves around her.
” She put a hand on my knee and my eyes immediately filled with tears from the emotions I’d been keeping bottled inside.
This girl had my whole fucking heart, and I was too chickenshit to tell her.
“You two have a familiarity that looks deeper than friendship,” Mom said.
I took a deep breath through my nose, fighting the tears as I finally said the truth out loud for someone to hear. “Mom, I’m hopelessly in love with her. I haven’t told her yet and it’s complicated, but it’s the truth.”
“Oh, honey.” She reached over and rubbed my back. “Falling in love is always a little bit complicated. But if you have such strong feelings for her, it’s usually worth figuring it out.”
I sat up, forcing my eyes to steady as I looked at her. “There’s aren’t just feelings, Mom. This is it. The shit you and Dad have? The story you told me about Ray and Greta?” I said, referring to my great-grandparents. “Sophia is that person for me. I’m positive she’s the one.”
Mom studied me for a few minutes before I finally continued, “I don’t think I can settle for anyone else, Mom. Because that’s what it’ll be with anyone else—settling—and I don’t want that, not when I know what it feels like to be with her.”
I’d gotten the Never Settle tattoo on my arm because of the way my parents love story and the one about my great-grandparents had made me feel.
Because of their stories, I’d grown up knowing the costs of losing the love of your life and I’d promised myself I’d never settle for anything less than the kind of love they’d described.
Sophia was that for me. I could feel it like an ache in my body.
Mom hugged me, pulling me from my thoughts. “Then don’t settle,” she said.
I heard a quiet cough in my doorway that prompted me to let go of her and stand up.
Dad stood there, looking between us. “Sophia is just about finished with her family. I was going to suggest a movie,” he said, apparently choosing to let this go until I wanted to talk to him.
It was a trait my parents shared, and something that had always been normalized in our home.
We were always honest, but it was okay to need space on your own before sharing things.
I wiped my eyes and stood up, needing to brush this off before I was caught by Sophia in a state that I couldn’t very well explain to her yet.
“Sure, I’ll pull up some options,” I said as I walked past Dad, leaving him and Mom alone.
At least no one in the living room knew I was in love with Sophia.
Though the way Aunt Lavi searched my face when I returned and the look of sympathy Jace shot me made me think I was a terrible actor.
Sophia hung up the video chat with her family and looked around the room for me. “There you are,” she said. “I would have introduced you to the whole crazy gang, but I couldn’t find you.”
I smiled. “Maybe tomorrow when my own crazy gang is under control.”
Aunt Sloane glared at me. “We’re exceptional, little dude.”
“Did you know we met when we were four?” Sophia asked.
I snorted. “Um, no. Are you sure?”
“Nope,” she said with a shrug. “But Sloane and Kennedy seemed pretty sure. They had some elaborate memory of seeing each other when your family visited Oahu back then. Rumor has it, you had quite the crush on me.”
I laughed. “Well, that part sounds accurate. If we met before, I would have been absolutely captivated by you, even at the age of four.” I tipped my head toward the TV. “My dad suggested a Christmas movie.”
“Awesome,” Sophia said, pocketing her phone and walking back toward the dining room to get her hard seltzer. “Do you want another beer?” she asked.
“Yeah, thanks.” I sat down on the couch and grabbed the remote while everyone settled in around us. My parents returned to the room and a spot next to me on the couch was left wide open, even as Jace and Dad settled on the floor.
Sophia came into the living room and handed me the beer, sitting down next to me without even seeming to think twice about it.
I took the beer from her, swigged it, and set it on the table next to me as I started a new holiday movie on Netflix that no one had seen yet.
The movie opened with a montage of snow and holiday lights on houses in the suburbs, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas playing through the speakers, and Sophia leaned her head on my shoulder.
I tensed as my heart flipped.
“Shit,” she whispered. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to blow our cover.”
I smirked at her. “I think that ship has sailed, Hawaii.” I tossed my arm around her shoulders, and she curled against me, just like she did in my dorm when we watched TV together. “My mom already cornered me into a confession.”
Sophia peered up at me with pink cheeks. “You mean she knows we fuck like bunnies?”
I chuckled and kissed the top of her head. “Not exactly, but she knows we’re certainly not just friends.”
“So, I can stay here under your arm?” she asked, smiling.
“You might as well. I don’t think we fooled the rest of them either.”
She chuckled and rubbed her head against my chest like a cat burrowing in for the best spot before whispering, “I’m not really surprised. We suck at keeping our hands off each other.”
I lay awake in bed wondering what I was going to say to Sophia.
I couldn’t very well start with “I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you from the beginning,” could I?
It might be the most honest thing that could come out of my mouth, but she didn’t deserve an ambush either.
The only thing saving me from completely panicking was that she obviously had things to say too, and they couldn’t be too far from how I felt given the way we’d curled up together on the couch in front of my family for two full movies before everyone had started to scatter for bed.
I’d been in the kitchen putting a few things away while everyone else sat in the dining room, when Jace came in, beer in hand, and just stared at me. I’d closed the fridge and turned to face him. “What do you want me to say?” I’d asked.
“I want you to tell me you’re going to smarten up and tell that woman how you feel. Your crush is in love with you too,” he’d said, tipping back his beer.
“Thanks for the pep talk,” I’d said, rolling my eyes and starting to push past him.
He’d grabbed my elbow and spoke close to my ear. “I’m serious, Leo. I may not have found it for myself, but I know what love looks like.” His eyes shifted to our parents. “Tell Sophia how you feel.”
I’d nodded and planned to linger around with Sophia after everyone dispersed, but instead she’d said goodnight and gone to the guest room.
Which meant she was just on the other side of this wall.
My head and her head were mere feet apart but the wall between us made it feel like a million miles.
I thought she wanted to talk to me but maybe I’d been wrong.
Maybe she didn’t want to have this conversation in my parents’ home—or at all.
There was a soft sound at my door. Was that a knock? I lifted my head and stared at the bedroom door as it slowly and gently opened.
“Leo?” Sophia whispered as her face appeared in the expanding opening. “Are you still awake?”
“Yes,” I whispered, pushing myself up to sit against the headboard. “Come in.”
She slipped in the door and closed it gently behind her, standing there in the jersey she’d had made for my game last night.
The one with my name, and my number, that I’d asked her not to wear again because the way my heart filled with hope when I saw her in it, last night and again right now, was unsustainable.
Is she wearing it to get me to fuck her savagely again or because it means something this time?
“Are you going to get in trouble if your parents catch me in here?” she asked, her hands still pressed to the back of the door.
“Soph, we’re adults, I don’t think we need to advertise our situation to them, but we don’t have to pretend to be celibate either,” I said, noticing her bare legs.
She smiled and tiptoed close. “Can I please lie down with you?”
My heart nearly stopped, needing her to explain herself, but instead, I took a deep breath, moved over, and patted the bed next to me. “Climb on in.”
She lifted the covers and her icy toes brushed my shins as she got comfortable. I jumped. “Christ, Hawaii. Why are your feet so cold?”
She giggled. “Sorry, they’re always cold at night. You probably just don’t notice because we’ve usually just had sex if we’re in bed together. Do you have any idea how cold winters are here compared to where I grew up?”
“How cold is winter in Oahu?” I asked.
“Like sixty on a really bad day,” she said with a knowing look.
“I’m surprised your toes haven’t fallen off here,” I said.
She pulled them off my body.
“No,” I said, grabbing her waist and pulling her closer. “I love having you against me. Even if you’re freezing me out.”
She smiled and stared into my eyes for what felt like a beat too long.
“What are you doing here anyway? Are you finally booty-calling me?” I asked.
“No.” She gently shook her head. My heart raced, hoping beyond hope that she wanted us to be more, and this was the moment when she finally said it out loud. And if she didn’t, I was ready. I could say what I wanted now too. If I could ask her to do it during sex, I could do it now.
“Leo,” she said, grazing my cheek before letting her fingers trace the edge of my jaw. “I don’t think we’re friends. I don’t think we act like friends, not even friends with benefits.”
She paused, but my heart was in my throat. “Be more specific,” I said, reaching for her hand against my face and squeezing it.
She smiled and her blue eyes filled as she spoke.
“Friends don’t cuddle after sex the way we do.
They don’t touch each other constantly. They don’t call each other in the middle of the night and stay on the phone to listen to each other sleep.
Friends don’t feel like four weeks apart for winter break is unbearable.
And I’m pretty sure friends don’t feel their hearts expand when they look at each other.
” She took a deep breath, and I wiped an escaping tear from her cheek.
“We’re not friends. And we’re not fuck buddies either. Right?”
I closed my eyes, savoring the moment as I lowered our hands to her hip and pulled her flush against me, chest to chest, until I was whispering against her lips.
“We’re not,” I said, stroking a piece of hair behind her ear.
“I’m not sure you were ever either of those things to me, Hawaii.
I always wanted more with you. I just didn’t know how to ask. ”
I pressed a gentle kiss to her lips and pulled back to look at her. “I love you, Sophia. I’ve loved you for a while.”
She smiled and pulled my mouth back to hers for a deep kiss before staring into my eyes. “I love you too, Leo.”
A weight released from my chest.
I pulled her closer and she curled against me, resting her head on my shoulder. “Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked cautiously.
I kissed the top of her head. “You can sleep with me whenever you want, Hawaii.”
I sighed, the feeling of her in my arms was so familiar and yet so different. “We should have been doing this all along. I should have been holding you all night long so you’d know how different you are for me.”
“I’ve always known I was a little bit different for you, Leo,” she said.
I kissed the top of her head again and tipped her chin to face me. “Don’t ever forget it, baby.”
I relished in the moment for as long as I could before the need for greater clarity became unbearable. I did what I’d needed her to do our first night together: I said what I wanted. “Sophia, I want to be really clear with you. I want to be a couple. I love you and I want everything with you.”
She lifted her head to look at me, her eyes full of tears again. “I want everything with you too, Leo.” Her chest shuddered as a quiet sob spilled out of her. “But—”
I closed my eyes and pulled her against me as she cried. “You don’t have to say it, Hawaii. We both know what happens after graduation and I won’t ask you to change your mind. I promise.”
“You won’t?” she mumbled.
“No,” I said, kissing her head as my own tears fell. “I want you to be happy. Even if that isn’t here with me.” I wrapped both arms around her and kept her pressed against me. “But until then, I want everything. Every kiss. Every smile. Be mine for every day possible, please.”
She nodded her head vigorously against my chest, her voice still muffled and broken with tears. “I’m yours, Leo. I promise, I’m yours. And I’ll be yours long after we let each other go.”