Never Stopped Loving You

Chapter 1

ASTRID

“I’ve seen the new guy!” Gwen’s enthusiastic squeal matches the excited glint in her eyes. “Oh my god, Azzie,” my bestie adds, fanning her pretty face with her hand. “He’s so hot, and wait until you hear his Irish accent!”

I grab the books I need for my afternoon classes from my locker as one of my oldest and most cherished friends swoons over the newcomer.

“I wasn’t the only girl drooling all over my desk.

The entire cheerleading team is gonna freak out when they see him.

It’ll be Armageddon on a scale we’ve never seen before. ”

Gwen is practically frothing at the mouth as I close my locker, almost stumbling over my feet when she threads her arm through mine and drags me along the emptying hallway like a woman on a mission. “We need to get to the cafeteria and snag prime viewing seats.”

I work hard not to roll my eyes. My bestie definitely has a flair for dramatics, but she’s not entirely wrong on this occasion.

Ryemont High has a big cheerleading squad because they support the soccer, football, and basketball teams. I don’t think it’s normal for most high schools to have cheerleaders supporting the soccer team, but soccer is a big deal in our small town in Vermont, and the acquisition of a new striker to replace Matt Stevens was, apparently, the subject of much gossip and speculation over the summer.

The new guy is all anyone has been talking about since school started back today, and it’s probably going to get a lot worse.

In a small town, where we have all grown up together, the arrival of a new student is a pretty big deal.

“I think his family moved into the old Jenkins’ place,” I say.

Gwen slams to a halt a few feet in front of the cafeteria. Laughter and raucous conversation tickle my eardrums through the doors as students catch up after summer break. “Shut. Up.” She folds her arms and pins me with one of her looks. “Why am I only hearing this now?”

“You know why.” My answer is barely louder than a whisper as pain whips through me, slicing through skin and bone as effectively as a knife.

“Oh, babe.” Gwen immediately pulls me into her warm embrace. “That was insensitive. I’m sorry.”

“S’okay.” I sniffle as I pull back and force myself to get a grip.

I swore I would not fall apart on the first day of senior year.

Mormor made me promise, on her deathbed, I wouldn’t be sad after she was gone.

She lived her life to the fullest, doing it her way, despite what anyone thought or said, and she approached her terminal illness with the same veracity and stoicism.

My grandmother was my idol, my biggest inspiration, and greatest champion, always encouraging me to follow my heart and pursue the things I’m passionate about. Her passing has left the biggest void inside me.

“I can’t believe she’s gone.” Gwen rubs my arm, and her face is flooded with compassion. “She was always so fun.”

“She was. I miss her so much already.”

“Has your mom decided what to do with the house yet?” Gwen links her arm through mine, escorting me through the doors and into the noisy cafeteria.

I shake my head. “It’s too soon to make those kinds of decisions.” Mom was an only child, and she never knew her father, so it was just her and her mom growing up. They butted heads a lot, but they were super close, and this has hit my mother hard.

“I hate the thought of her selling it.” I have to raise my voice to be heard over the ruckus. “I have so many cherished memories of summers in Ystad, and that house has Mormor’s spirit stamped all over it. I can’t bear the thought of anyone else living there.”

“There’s no rush, and maybe you could keep it as a vacation home. I might finally get to see it.”

“I don’t know if I could be there without her,” I admit, despite my previous comments. “It would be so weird. Lonely and empty.”

“I’m sure you guys will decide the right thing.” Gwen extracts her arm from mine. “I have a date with the salad bar. See you at our table.”

I head for the burrito bar as if on autopilot. I’m lost in thought as I make a chicken burrito, still struggling to accept the loss of my beloved mormor. We had a special bond, and I’m torn up inside imagining a world where she’s not in it.

Taco sauce sprays all over my hand and the lower part of my bare arm when someone shoves me from the side. My plate drops onto the serving trays as I grab the counter to stop myself from falling.

“Fuck, sorry.”

My head snaps up at his husky lyrical tone. Stunning hazel eyes latch onto my face as we stare at one another. Gwen wasn’t exaggerating. The newbie is drop-dead gorgeous, and the cheerleaders will definitely be going to war over him.

Dark hair falls into his amber-flecked eyes as he checks me out the same way I’m checking him out.

His plump lips part a little as they crease his mouth at the corners.

High cheekbones, tan skin, and a strong nose create a perfect canvas.

His chiseled jawline is covered in a fine layer of dark hair, which only adds to the appeal.

Irish towers over me, making my five-foot-eight frame seem small.

I lower my gaze, shamelessly drinking him in as he does the same. Broad shoulders stretch the white and black T-shirt he’s wearing, clinging to his stomach and slim waist. Muscular thighs hug his khaki shorts, leading to toned calves encased in black Nikes.

“Well, this is interesting.” Thor Goodrich waggles his brows as his gaze dances between his new teammate and me. “Hey, Astrid.”

“Hey, Thor.”

He loses the grin almost immediately. “I was sorry to hear about your nana.”

“Thanks. She’d been sick for a while, but knowing it was coming didn’t make it any easier.”

“I’m sorry for your loss,” Irish says, reclaiming my attention as he hands me a bunch of paper towels. “Looks like you need these.” His eyes lower to my taco-covered skin.

“Thank you.” I smile at him as I clean up the mess.

“I’m Astrid, though I guess you caught that.

I don’t know your name.” A faint blush steals across my cheeks.

This guy makes me nervous in a way I rarely am.

Maybe it’s because I grew up with most of the guys in my school, and I’m just comfortable around them in a way I’m not with strangers.

“Callan Hunt,” he says, leaning his hip against the counter. “I’m sorry for knocking into you. You can blame this idiot here.”

Thor grins. “You can thank me later, dude.” He leans in closer to Callan, pretending to whisper, but Thor is a force of nature, louder than a hurricane, and I’m betting the students at the far end of the cafeteria can hear him when he says, “But know Astrid breaks hearts all over town.”

“That is not true, and you are an idiot.” I roll my eyes. “You’re all loved up with Renee. You can’t still be butthurt I turned you down at twelve.”

“And thirteen, fourteen, fifteen.”

I slap my hand across his mouth. “Enough of that. Renee,” I holler over Thor’s shoulder. “Come claim your man!”

“You causing trouble again, Goodrich?” Gwen asks, appearing at my side with a salad plate in her hand.

I spy Renee getting out of her seat from the corner of my eye.

“You know me, squirt. I just can’t help myself.”

Gwen thumps Thor in the arm.

“Ow!” He rubs his arm and fake glares at my bestie.

“You know I hate being called that.” Gwen loathes being smaller than all her friends, but at five-two, it’s not like she’s abnormally small.

“Quit annoying my friends,” Renee says, draping her arms around her boyfriend’s shoulders.

“Gwen secretly loves it,” Thor quips before brushing his lips against Renee’s.

“I don’t, Thor. I really don’t.”

“He’ll behave,” Renee promises as she side-eyes her boyfriend.

“You guys are no fun.” Thor mock pouts, and it’s ridiculous. He’s ridiculous, but it’s all part of his charm.

“Are they always like this?” Callan asks, eyeballing me.

“Yep.” I shrug. “It’s headache-inducing. You should probably prepare yourself.”

“I’m Gwen.” Gwen smiles at Callan. “I’m in your biology class.”

“Cool. I’m Callan.”

“I know. You’re all anyone is talking about today.”

“Gwen!” She has no filter sometimes, but it’s one of the things I love about her and one of the ways we complement one another. I’m the more diplomatic of our twosome, which is required on occasion to pull Gwen out of a hole of her own making.

“Great.” Callan grimaces before dragging a hand through his hair, sweeping it out of his eyes.

“Oh, come on.” Gwen grins, nudging his side with her elbow.

“You know you’re hot, and you have all the girls going crazy over your accent.

You’re this hotshot soccer player, and I’m guessing you were really popular at your last school.

This can’t be a new thing. I bet you love being the center of attention. ”

“Understanding it’s a part of playing the game is one thing. Knowing everyone is talking about you is not something I’ll ever want or get used to. I just want to play football.”

“Soccer, dude.” Thor clamps his hand down hard on Callan’s shoulder. “How many times do we have to tell you! You’re not in Ireland anymore. It’s soccer, not football.”

Callan shrugs Thor’s hand off. “I’ve been calling it football since I was in nappies, mate. Can’t change the habits of a lifetime overnight.”

“Nappies?” Renee frowns.

“It means diapers,” I offer up.

“Well, you’d better find a way to handle it, Callan,” Gwen says, refocusing the conversation. “I don’t think the attention is going away anytime soon.”

“Just what I wanted to hear,” he grumbles.

“Can you all stop hogging the burrito bar?” a female with a high-pitched, unfortunately familiar, voice says. “Some of us are hungry.”

“I think the word you’re looking for is hangry, Ana,” Gwen says, “and when did you start eating burritos? Do you realize how many calories are in one?”

“I’m having a cheat day,” Ana retorts, “and you’re not my mother, Gwen. Careful what you say to me, or you might find yourself sitting on the bench at our first game.”

“Don’t be a bitch, Ana.” Thor narrows his eyes at the head cheerleader.

“It’s all yours,” Callan says to Ana as he edges around Gwen. “I was only checking out the options.” His eyes dart to mine for a second. “Sorry again.” He heads off in the direction of the salad bar, and I wonder if he can feel all the eyeballs glued to his back.

“Way to go, ladies. Scaring our star player off on his first day. That’s got to be some kind of record.”

“Fuck off, Thor,” Gwen says, rescuing my plate and handing it to me.

“Callan doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who lets anyone intimidate him,” I say, “and Ana is correct. We’re causing a traffic jam. Time to move before we’re scolded.”

“You’re right, Gwen,” Ana says a few seconds later as I add a heaping side of rice, cheese, and guacamole to my plate.

“Burritos are way too fattening.” A catty smirk spreads across her mouth as she deliberately eyeballs my plate.

“Think I’ll stick to salad after all.” Her hips sashay as she strides across the room toward Callan and the salad station.

“She’s such a bitch,” Renee says as we walk toward our table.

“Only eating salad will do that to a girl,” I joke.

“Hey!” Gwen pokes her finger in my chest. “Not all of us have amazing genes and can eat what we like and not put on a pound.”

“I know I’m lucky, and it wasn’t a dig at you.” I squeeze her hand as we approach our usual table.

“I must leave you here, gorgeous,” Thor tells Renee as he helps her into her chair. “I promised Callan I have his back, and I need to sit with the team today.”

“Go do your thing, sexy.” Renee tilts her chin up and puckers her lips.

Thor kisses her deeply, and we all groan.

Since those two got together in April, they’ve been all over one another like a rash.

Not that I begrudge my friend. I’m happy she’s happy.

Thor is a bit of a clown, but he’s one of the good guys, and he treats her well.

The PDAs just get a little too much sometimes.

“Some of us are eating,” Gwen drawls, savagely stabbing a piece of tomato with her fork.

Thor breaks their lip-lock, smirking over the table at us. “No need to be jealous, squirt. Your Prince Charming is out there waiting.”

“It seems your idiot quota hasn’t been reached for the day. Didn’t you get the memo? I’m over men.”

Gwen has the shittiest luck with guys, and after her last disastrous breakup, she has sworn off relationships.

“Could’ve fooled me with the way you were drooling over the Irish guy in biology,” Lyn says, momentarily lifting her head from the book she’s reading as she shovels fries into her mouth.

“A girl can appreciate the menu without sampling it,” Gwen retorts. “You’re not into guys, so it’s no surprise you don’t get it.”

Thor slips away while the girls get into it again. Lyn and Gwen can always be relied upon to butt heads.

“Goddamn it, Gwen. For the last time, I’m pansexual. It’s not about gender for me. It’s about deeper connections.”

“She knows that,” I interject before it turns into an argument, subtly kicking Gwen’s leg under the table.

“Don’t mind me.” Gwen shoots a semi-apologetic look Lyn’s way. “I’m in a funky mood today.”

Nikki bites loudly into an apple, spraying juice over the table as she noisily chomps down.

“You’re not fooling any of us, Gwennie,” she says after she’s finished eating.

“You’re in a funk because you don’t have a guy.

Just admit it. You don’t know how to be alone.

I bet you’ll be in a new relationship within a month. ”

“Don’t be mean,” I chastise our other friend. “Gwen is allowed to change her mind. It’s her life.”

I am the only one who knows the truth about Gwen’s past and how deep-rooted her trauma is.

It’s why I’m so protective of her. None of the others know what she’s dealt with.

Things no young girl should have to face.

I worry about her a lot because I see the damage it’s done.

No amount of therapy can undo it, but her gran has tried everything to help her.

I’ve encouraged Gwen to confide in the others, but she doesn’t like speaking about it, and I never want to push her past her comfort zone.

“It’s fine, Azzie. You don’t need to defend me, and I haven’t changed my mind. Even if I wanted Callan, which I don’t, it’s not like I’d stand a chance with someone like him. Especially not after the way he was looking at you.”