Chapter 15 Astrid
ASTRID
“Ineed all the gossip right this fucking second,” Gwen says, dragging me around to one of the side terraces at the hotel.
“We need to sign in,” I protest as she pulls me down onto a bench that looks out over the largest lake in town.
“Our shift doesn’t start for ten minutes. We have time. Girl, what happened with Callan last night? Did you two fuck?”
I blink repeatedly. “What about last night gave you the impression I’d hand over my V-card just like that?”
“You two looked all cozy on the couch.”
“Not as cozy as you and Scott.”
“Nice deflection, but it won’t work. Spill, Azzie. What happened?”
“Nothing happened.”
She eyes me skeptically. “I swear, we didn’t even kiss.” I fill her in on what happened with Joe and my conversation with Callan in Thor’s bedroom and his proposal.
Her mouth hangs open. “He wants to fake date you?”
“Yup.” I slouch on the bench, trying to fight the dejection I feel whenever I think about it.
“Please tell me you’re not going to agree?”
“I…I’m not sure. I mean, there are pros. Mainly getting Joe to back down, and it’ll help to keep me focused for the rest of senior year.”
“Babe.” Gwen tilts her head to one side as her expression softens. “This is the worst idea for someone like you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” I straighten up.
“Don’t get your panties in a bunch. I meant it as a compliment.
You are always honest and upfront with people, and authenticity is important to you.
Deceiving your friends and lying to your parents is not you.
Think about how you’ll feel every time you’re spinning a lie?
You’d hate it. And the other issue is you like him, Azzie.
You already admitted it. If he felt the same, he’d want to properly date you.
Callan suggesting this means he only sees you as a friend. ”
“I know that.”
“I think you’re hoping it means something else.
I know I would in your shoes. Azzie, please, listen to me.
” She clasps my hands. Her face is awash with concern.
“I don’t want you to get hurt, and pretending to date the guy you’re falling for is a disaster in the making.
Protect your heart. Tell him no and try to put him out of your mind. ”
“What if he suggested this as a way to test the waters with me? If I say no, I’m closing myself to the possibility there could be an us.”
“Callan doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would play games like that.”
I sigh. “Yeah, you’re right.” I glance at my watch and stand. “We need to get inside.”
Gwen rises and walks beside me, looping her arm through mine. “I love you like a sister, you know that, right?”
“Of course.”
“Then I say this as one sister to another. Callan is a nice guy, but he’s no different than the other players at school. He says he doesn’t have time for distractions, but that doesn’t mean hookups. A guy like him has probably had a lot of sex and—”
“And he wouldn’t be interested in an inexperienced virgin like me.”
“No.” Gwen pulls me to a stop at the corner of the hotel building.
“That is not what I was going to say.” Compassion splays across her face.
“Reading between the lines, Callan doesn’t want a relationship.
He wants casual sex with no strings, and you don’t do that.
Nor do I think you should start. You shouldn’t have to change who you are for a guy. ”
I hate to admit that Gwen is making a lot of sense, but she is, except for one thing. “If he were exclusive with me, he wouldn’t be having sex with anyone.”
She stares at me like I’ve grown two heads.
“Azzie.” Her tone softens, and I hate the pitying look on her face.
“A guy like Callan could not go without sex for long. Just because he’s agreeing to date you in public doesn’t mean he wouldn’t be sneaking around behind your back fucking a few cheerleaders on the side. ”
Hurt infiltrates my veins. I am so na?ve.
That thought hadn’t even crossed my mind in the hours I’d been debating the pros and cons of his proposal.
“You’re right,” I croak, rubbing at the pain spearing me through the chest. “It’s a terrible idea, and there’s no way I could agree to it.
I would look like the biggest fool at school. ”
She hugs me tight. “It’s for the best. I’d hate to see him hurt you, and I fear that’s exactly what he'd do if you agreed to it.”
“Thanks.” I thrust my shoulders back and lift my head. What was I thinking even considering it? There is no way I can agree to it, and I’m glad Gwen helped pull my head out of my ass. “What would I do without you?”
She threads her arm through mine and steers me toward the door. “This is why we’re besties. We look out for one another and share the hard truths. I’ve got your back now and always.”
“Why are we here?” I ask Callan as he pulls into the parking lot adjoining the Whispering Woods.
I’m exhausted after a busy shift and a sleepless night, and I just want to crawl into bed and lick my wounds.
My mood has been low after my conversation with Gwen.
The more I think about it, the more insulting I find his proposal.
He must think I’m an idiot even to contemplate agreeing to his plan.
“I thought we could walk the trail and talk.”
“I’m beat, Callan, and it’s late and dark out.” They have lights on the path, but I’m still not interested in walking through the woods at nighttime. I only ever come here during the day, when it’s bright. I stifle a yawn while avoiding looking at his face. “Please just take me home.”
A pregnant pause ensues before he clears his throat. “You seem mad at me. Did I do something wrong?”
I should probably let it go, but my emotions are heightened, and I’ve got nothing to lose. “Why did you really propose fake dating, Callan?”
Confusion glimmers in his eyes. “I told you why. It has advantages for both of us.”
I bark out a bitter laugh. “You mean advantages for you? I don’t see how I’ll get much out of it.”
“I’m not following,” he coolly replies. “If you’ve got something to say, just spit it out.”
“Fine.” I sit up straighter and angle my body so I’m facing him. I want to see his reaction when I say this. “What about sex, Callan? How does sex fit into your little fake dating plan?”
Shock splashes across his face, quickly replaced by anger. “You think I’d expect you to fuck me? Or what, that I’d force you to?”
“What? No! Of course not. That’s not what I mean.”
“What do you mean, Astrid?” His jaw clenches.
I work hard to calm down and present this as reasonably as possible. “I know you can’t go without sex, so if you’re not getting it from me, you would be going behind my back and fucking other girls, and I’m not okay with that. I won’t be made a fool of.”
He stares at me with wide eyes for a few seconds before he explodes, leaning forward in his seat with his nostrils flaring and steam practically billowing from his ears.
“Wow, this keeps getting better. You really have a high impression of me, don’t you?
” Sarcasm is thick in his tone as he starts the engine and backs out of the parking space.
“Seeing as you’ve already determined I’m addicted to sex, let’s just call the whole thing off.
It was the worst fucking idea, and it never would’ve worked between us.
It’s best that we’re not even friends.” He glares at me as he puts the pedal to the metal and floors it out of there.
“Wouldn’t want to tarnish your reputation by being seen with such a hound. ”
Hound? What the hell does that mean? Why is he so butthurt? And now he doesn’t even want to be my friend? Just because I called him out on his bullshit? Screw him. I’m glad I saw his true colors before I spent any more time with him.
Except when I’m home in the shower, fifteen minutes later, I start to look at it with a different lens, and I realize I have majorly fucked up.
I jumped to the worst conclusions about him, and I insulted him to his face.
It’s no wonder he lashed out. I sit on the shower floor, with my knees tucked into my chest and my head buried in my hands, as warm water trickles over the back of my head and slides down my spine.
I am so embarrassed by my behavior. I all but accused him of being a manwhore and having an ulterior agenda instead of just asking him outright about sex. If I weren’t so tired, I’d like to think I’d have been more diplomatic. But maybe my emotions would still have gotten the best of me.
Callan is owed an apology. A big one. And it can’t wait.
I wash my hair and get out of the shower, wrapping a fluffy white towel around my body before padding into my bedroom to send him a message.
I’m really sorry. Can we talk?
When I’m dry and dressed, and the message is still on read with no reply, I walk over to his house, prepared to eat humble pie.
“Hi, Roni,” I say when she opens the door. “Sorry to drop by so late, but I was hoping to talk to Callan.”
“Come in.” She steps aside to grant me entry. “Erin is asleep, but it’s okay to go up to his room. Just be quiet and keep the door open a smidge. Thanks, love.”
My heart is in my mouth when I rap gently on his bedroom door. “Callan. Can I come in?” I ask in a low voice.
“Go away,” he says through the door, and my heart sinks.
Pulling on my big-girl panties, I open the door, praying he’s not naked or jerking off. Why on earth did that thought just pop into my head? My brain is really fried today.
“I said go away,” a fully clothed Callan says from where he’s spreadeagled on his bed, semi-propped up against a mountain of pillows. As he tosses a ball into the air, I notice he still hasn’t unpacked any boxes.
“Not until I say what I came here to say.”
“I don’t want to hear it.” He continues throwing the ball in the air, avoiding looking at me.
“Tough.” I knot my hands in front of me.
“I owe you an apology. A huge one.” He still doesn’t look at me or give any indication he heard me, but I know he did, so I forge on.
“I’m ashamed I made such judgy assumptions.
It was unforgivable, and it’s not how I think of you.
I tend to overanalyze things, and I got all up in my head. ”
“Ya think?” he snarls, casting a snide glance in my direction as he finally lowers the ball to his lap.
“I’m really sorry, Callan. I didn’t mean it.” I hope he can hear it in my voice and see it on my face because I am truly remorseful. I pride myself on being kind to others, and I was not kind to Callan earlier.
A muscle pops in his jaw. “Do you honestly think I would suggest we pretend to date and then fuck around behind your back? You think that low of me?”
“No! The opposite is the truth. You’re not like any other guy I’ve met, and I know you wouldn’t do that.”
“Why say it then?”
“I don’t know.” I could offer reasons, but it doesn’t excuse my actions. “Could we just have a do-over? Please?”
“I don’t think so.” He averts his eyes and resumes tossing the ball in the air.
“I don’t want to lose your friendship.”
“Maybe you should’ve thought about that before you opened your mouth to spew such shite.”
“I feel horrible,” I truthfully admit. “Please reconsider.”
Tension bleeds into the air until he speaks. “Close the door on your way out, Astrid.”
I know when I’ve lost the battle, so I respect his wishes and walk away, shutting the door after me with a heavy heart.