Chapter 21 Astrid
ASTRID
“You look really pretty, Gwen,” Renee says as we stand side by side in the bathroom at the venue, touching up our makeup. Asteroid is taking a short break, so, predictably, all the girls made a beeline for the bathroom.
“See? I told you that dress would look perfect on you,” I say before applying a fresh layer of lip gloss.
It’s not really needed as my lips haven’t seen a glimmer of action all night.
Unlike my two friends, who were smooching their boyfriends at the pizza place and cozying up to them since we got here.
“I’m trying to embrace my femininity.” Gwen smacks her lips while inspecting her reflection in the mirror. Where usually she wears a lot of makeup, she’s gone for a more natural look tonight, and she looks amazing. “Scott brings out the girly in me.”
“I love seeing you so happy, Gwennie. He’s good for you.” Renee fluffs up her hair with her fingers.
“And he’s fitted seamlessly into our friend group. Tonight is going great,” I add, fixing my crop top into place.
“He’s great. I think I love him.”
Renee squeals as she hugs Gwen. “This is awesome. Now, we just need Astrid and Callan to take their heads out of their asses so we can group date regularly.”
“You’re as bad as Gwen,” I mutter, moving aside to let another girl in front of the mirror. “It’s not like that with us.”
“I’m calling bullshit,” Renee says, moving us over to the corner of the bathroom so we’re not causing a traffic jam. “He hasn’t taken his eyes or his hands off you all night.”
“He’s playing a role.”
“He doesn’t need to keep up appearances tonight,” Renee reminds me. “All of us know the truth, and we’re unlikely to run into anyone we know in Burly. There are over two thousand people at this venue tonight. It’d be massively unlucky if you bumped into anyone from school.”
“But it could happen, hence the reason for the pretense.”
“I’ve watched him with you at lunch, and either he’s the best actor on the planet, or he has genuine feelings for you,” Renee adds.
I shrug because who the fuck knows? “That’s just the way he is. The way we are. I’m trying not to read into it even if he confuses me sometimes.”
“Are you saying he’s like that all the time with you?” Renee asks.
“Pretty much. But I don’t think he means anything by it. He’s just a touchy-feely guy.”
“Nah, babe.” Renee shakes her head. “I don’t care what anyone says. You will not convince me he isn’t really into you. I don’t think it’s all fake.”
“That’s what I’ve been saying,” Gwen says, folding her arms across her chest.
“There have been moments where we were close to kissing, and he always pulls away. If he really wanted me, he’s had plenty of opportunities to make a move, and he hasn’t.”
“I think you should just plant one on him,” Gwen says. “It worked for me.”
“No offense, Gwen, but Astrid is not you.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Gwen snaps, glowering at Renee.
“It’s not an insult, just that you’re two vastly different people. Astrid has the confidence to go for it, but she likes to wait for the guy to make his move. Am I right?”
“Yeah. I usually wait for the guy to make the first move, but maybe Gwen is onto something. Perhaps Callan is used to girls making the first move, and he’s waiting for me to go there.”
“We’d best head back before the guys send out a search party,” Renee says, lifting one shoulder and urging us to follow her as she exits the bathroom.
The noise level escalates as we walk the hallway back toward the room with the main stage.
“It could be he has feelings for you, but he’s trying to deny it,” Renee says, shouting to be heard over the music and the sounds of the crowd screaming and singing.
“He believes girlfriends are distractions,” she says into my ear.
“You and him fake dating is showing him that isn’t the case, but if you push too soon, you might scare him off.
I think you should wait until he’s ready to make the jump, but that’s just my opinion.
You do you, and we’ll support you, no matter what. ”
Callan bundles me up in his arms when we return to the guys, much the same way Scott and Thor wrap their arms around their girls. Is Callan looking at them and wishing we were more like I am? There is no point denying it to myself. I’m falling for him, and I desperately wish it were real.
I have never seen Gwen looking so happy.
She’s not even drinking tonight, but she looks high on love, swaying in Scott’s arms, wearing a dreamy, lovestruck expression as she stares at him.
She only has eyes for him. The rest of us might as well be invisible, but I love this for her. She deserves to find this kind of love.
Watching my friends with their boyfriends is bittersweet.
I’m thrilled they are in love, but envious it’s not me.
Which is a bit crazy because I promised myself at the start of senior year that my focus would be my studies and my career.
If Mormor were here, she’d tell me to stop overanalyzing, let nature take its course, and just go with the flow, and she’s right.
I’m not going to force this or beat myself up because I’ve changed my mind about boys and senior year.
I’ll let Callan decide, hoping it won’t take too long before he’s on the same page and willing to be boyfriend and girlfriend for real.
“Thanks for an amazing night,” I tell Callan as we stand outside my front door a few hours later.
“It was fun.” His fingers sweep along my cheek, and my heart stutters behind my chest wall.
“Are you sure I can’t reimburse you for the ticket?” Scott bought all the tickets online, and I planned on giving him the money for mine until Callan confirmed it was already taken care of. He wouldn’t even let me pay for my pizza.
“I told you my parents covered it.” His gaze drops to my mouth as his fingers brush against my lips.
My legs feel like they might collapse with the way he’s looking at me.
“Ma said if you won’t take any money for your interior design help, she’s going to find other ways to pay you back.
” His eyes bore into mine as he continues gliding his fingers along my lips, and I wonder if he’s even aware he’s doing it.
“She’s ridiculous,” I croak, working hard to sound composed when my insides feel like Jell-O, “but it was a sweet gesture, and I appreciate it.”
“She adores you.” He brushes his lips against my cheek, leaving a trail of fiery shivers in his wake. I cling to his arm, worried I’ll melt into a puddle at his feet if he keeps this up. “As do I,” he adds in a breathy voice.
“Callan,” I whisper, trailing one hand up his impressive chest over his black shirt. Wetting my lips as I stare at his mouth, I silently beg him to get over his reluctance and just kiss me.
“I should get home.” Like always, he pulls back, shoving his hands in his jeans pockets and averting his eyes.
I try not to feel rejected, but it’s hard.
I can’t be the only one feeling this. Unless I’m completely losing my mind and imagining things that aren’t there.
No. My friends see it too. Just give him time, that’s what Renee said, and it’s good advice.
Just go with the flow, Astrid. I hear Mormor’s voice in my ear, and I see her smile as she urges me not to get myself all worked up. If it’s meant to be, it will happen.
“Of course.” I straighten up and flash him a big smile. “We have a full day of painting ahead of us.”
“Ugh. Don’t remind me.” He drags his fingers through his hair, and I wish they were mine.
For fuck’s sake, Astrid, get a damn grip on yourself.
“I’ll see you in the morning,” I say, curling my hand around the door handle. “Thanks again for driving.”
“No problem.” He rocks back on his heels, seeming reluctant to move, so I act decisively, lifting my hand in a wave before I slip inside my house.
“How was your date?” Mom asks from the bottom of the stairs, and I shriek as adrenaline surges in my chest, and my blood pressure ramps up a few notches.
“Fan i helvete! You scared me half to death, Mom!”
“Sorry. I was just heading to bed when you came in.”
“The date was great. Asteroid is amazing live, and we had fun.”
“He didn’t kiss you goodnight. Did you have a fight?”
“OMG, Mom. Were you watching us?”
“It wasn’t on purpose.”
I narrow my eyes and purse my lips. “So, you just accidentally drew back the blind, pressed your face to the window, and watched me with my boyfriend?”
“I heard a noise and was checking to make sure it was you.”
“A likely story.” I roll my eyes. “And no, we didn’t have a fight.
He gave me a goodnight kiss in the car.” I look away as I lie because I hate deceiving my parents.
It’s the one thing I struggle with. It feels wrong to be deluding our families and friends, even if we have valid reasons for doing so.
“Okay, sweetie.” She pulls me into a hug, and I sink into her warmth. “Sorry for watching. You two are just too cute together.”
If Callan doesn’t feel the same as me, Mom is going to be so disappointed when we break up. She’s never been this invested in any of my previous relationships.
I’m lost in thought as I get ready for bed, removing my makeup and taking a quick shower before drying and dressing in my silky pink pajamas. I’m rubbing moisturizer into my face as I walk back into my bedroom just as my phone pings with a new message.
I’m at the window.
I spin around, spotting Callan’s grinning face outside. Padding across the room, I quietly slide the window back to let him come in. “You are legit insane,” I whisper.
“I like living on the wild side.” He winks before swinging his legs into my bedroom, and then he strides across the wooden floor to flip the lock on my door.
“What’s up?” I ask, rubbing the last of the moisturizer into my face.
“I didn’t like how we left things downstairs.”
I frown. “What do you mean?”
He threads his fingers in mine and reels me toward the bed. When he sits down and pulls me onto his lap, my heart starts pounding like crazy as butterflies swoop into my chest.
“We need to discuss something.”
And I have to be in your lap for it? I think it, but don’t say it, wanting to see where he’s going with this. Excitement flutters in my veins, and I try to rein it in, but the way he’s fixated on my mouth makes it impossible. “What?” I ask in a raspy voice.
“When we talked about boundaries at the start, we said we might need to kiss sometimes.”
Air gets trapped in my lungs, and it takes me a few seconds to respond. “I remember,” I whisper.
“Ana is full of shit, but if she’s noticed I only kiss you on the cheek or the forehead, others have too.”
“My mom was spying on us earlier, and she asked why you didn’t kiss me goodnight.”
“Erin asked me why I won’t kiss you in front of her.”
“People are getting suspicious.”
“They are. I think we need to take things to the next level.”
“I agree.” It’s a miracle I can form words at this point with how loud the thrumming in my ears is.
“This doesn’t change anything.” His eyes are heavy with desire, his sultry gaze locked onto my mouth.
“It’s not real,” I whisper as his mouth moves toward mine.
“Still fake,” he whispers over my lips before his arms envelop me in a firm embrace, holding me close to his body. Then his mouth descends, claiming me in a passionate kiss that blows my freaking mind and knocks every other kiss I’ve ever experienced completely out of the water.