Chapter 54 Callan
CALLAN
“Iwish you’d tell me,” Travis says, and I see nothing but concern in his eyes.
“It’s better you don’t know.” I lean back against the counter in Ma’s kitchen, wishing more than anything that I could tell him. But I can’t. For a multitude of reasons.
“You look awful, and I’m worried about you.”
“Nice to see you too, mate.”
“Don’t joke, Hunt.” Travis drains his coffee and walks to the sink. “I’ve only seen you twice in the past year, and each time, you’ve looked like a walking corpse. You can’t go on like this.”
“I don’t plan to. I’m working on things.” It’s as much as I can risk saying.
He rinses his mug and leaves it on the draining board, turning to stare at me in silence for a few beats. “I still can’t believe you’re a dad.”
“Me too, mate. It wasn’t what I had planned, but here we are.”
From the second Darcy came into this world, exactly two weeks after my twentieth birthday, I have loved her with all of my being.
Before she arrived, I was scared I wouldn’t be able to look at her, let alone love her, but my protective instincts kicked in immediately.
Sheltering her and Astrid from Gwen is my priority.
It’s why I’m doing what I’m doing, even if I’m close to cracking.
My mental health is strained to the point of breaking, and I only have the strength to keep this charade going because I’m plotting behind the scenes to bring that bitch down.
Stress is playing havoc with my system. I rarely sleep.
My brain won’t switch off, and then I’m up regularly to feed Darcy during the night.
I have constant migraines and issues with my stomach.
I’ve buried so many emotions deep down inside because it’s the only way I can function each day.
I can’t afford to fall apart.
My daughter needs me to be present.
I need to be strong to protect Astrid.
The only respite I have is football. When I’m on that pitch, I’m thinking of nothing but scoring, and it’s a welcome escape from the hell my life has turned into. If I didn’t have football…well, I don’t like thinking about it.
Travis dries his hands with some kitchen towel. “Is your manager pissed you keep getting into trouble?”
“He’s not happy I got a red card and a three-match ban. He gave me a right earful.”
“It’s not like you to be so aggressive on the field. You’re talented enough to win the ball without nasty tackles.”
I emit a heavy sigh. “I know, but I’m just so fucking angry all the time.”
“At least tell me why you’re doing this.”
We enter into a staring contest. I should say nothing, but I’m grateful to have one friend who still cares.
Everyone else has ditched me—as they should.
I’m glad they are supporting Astrid because she’s the one who deserves their support.
My Irish mates are still here for me, but I rarely see them, and I don’t talk to them about it because they don’t know Astrid or the geebag I’m stuck with.
“To protect Astrid and Darcy. It’s all for them,” I admit.
Travis steps up to me, probing my face for clues. “Why do they need protection, Hunt?”
“Gwen is a psycho. Crazier than anyone realizes. It’s why you need to keep your distance. She’s liable to do anything.” Tension bleeds into the air, and it’s heavy with all the things I can’t say.
“You’re serious.”
I nod.
“Can’t you go to the cops?”
I shake my head. “Not yet.”
“I don’t like this. She’s blowing up your whole life, and what if she does something to you?”
“She won’t. She loves the attention that comes from being a footballer’s girlfriend, and she loves my money.”
“Don’t you mean fiancée?”
My stomach twists into knots. “Don’t remind me.”
A visual of Astrid’s devastated face swims before my eyes, and I clutch my stomach as it twists into familiar knots.
All I wanted to do that day in town was scoop her into my arms and disappear with her, some place where no one could ever find us.
Discovering her ring finger empty destroyed me inside even if it’s good she got rid of my promise ring and forgot what she swore.
It’s better this way. No matter how much it’s breaking me to let this happen.
I wanted to kick Gwen in the gee that day because every word coming from her mouth was pointed and nasty, but I’ve got a role to play, and I need Astrid to hate me and walk away.
I can’t keep her safe if she doesn’t.
I’m well aware that by the time I fix all of this, I will have lost her forever.
Even if I got the opportunity to tell her the truth, how could we ever come back from it?
I don’t know what will be left of me when this is all over.
All I know for sure is the man Astrid loved is gone.
That version of me died that night. Astrid won’t want the shell of the man left in his place.
Plus, how could she ever accept Darcy when she’s Gwen’s biological child?
I couldn’t ask that of her. No, all I can do is protect Astrid by keeping that bitch close and pushing my true love away.
I’m trying to accept that I’ve lost the love of my life forever, but the pain is unbearable, and combined with everything else, it’s almost too much some days.
I shut it all away. Forcing it down into a forgotten place. I have to. Gwen is always watching, and I can’t give her any indication of my true feelings.
Gwen needs to fully believe she’s won.
My mask secures in place as I straighten up and pull myself together.
“Please tell me I can do something to help? I can’t stand by and do nothing.”
“That is exactly what you need to do, mate. I need to bide my time until I have all my ducks in a row. Keeping Astrid and Darcy safe is all that matters. Don’t interfere and mess it all up. And you can’t tell anyone what I’ve told you. Remember, you promised.”
He blows air out of his mouth. “I hate this, but I hear you.” He pulls me into a hug. “If you need anything, at any time, you only have to ask.”
“I’ve thought of something,” I say, shucking out of Travis’s hug. “Can you check in with Astrid at college? Make sure she’s doing okay?”
“I’m not sure if she’ll let me, but I’ll try.”
“Thanks, mate.”
I hired a bodyguard to watch over her from afar, but having a friend keep an eye on her as well will make it better.
Gwen loves rubbing our supposed happy ever after in Astrid’s nose, so I don’t think she’d try anything.
She’ll want to keep gloating even if she has threatened Astrid’s life if she gets in the way of what she wants—namely, me.
I’m glad Astrid got a restraining order, but Gwen is more calculated than anyone knows, and she could find ways around it if she wanted. She’s an unstable, unpredictable nutjob, and having someone watching Astrid is essential for my sanity and her safety.
I don’t care if I have to drain my bank account.
Nothing is going to happen to Astrid on my watch.
I’ll fucking kill Gwen if I have to. Not gonna lie. The thought has crossed my mind on a few occasions.
Travis swipes his keys. “I need to split. Mom’s organized a brunch for my sister’s birthday.”
“Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate you more than you know.”
“I meant what I said. I’m always here for you. Call me anytime, and watch your back, Hunt.”
I stretch out on the couch after Travis leaves, flipping idly through TV stations as I check my burner mobile phone for any new messages. I’ve been on edge since the meeting yesterday, and though it’s unlikely I’ll hear anything for a while, I can’t stop checking my phone.
I needed an excuse to come back here this weekend so Gwen wouldn’t be suspicious.
I’d have preferred to come without her, but Gwen won’t let me set foot in Ryemont alone.
Especially during spring break, when there’s a chance Astrid might be home.
I suggested I’d bring Darcy with me so she could have a break to go shopping and clubbing with her friends, but she turned the idea down flat.
Suggesting we buy a place in Ryemont did the trick.
The psycho can’t wait to gloat to all those who dared to look down their noses at her for shoplifting.
I try not to leave my daughter alone with her mother if I can help it because I don’t trust Gwen to take care of her.
It’s why I hired a full-time nanny to watch over Darcy while I’m working.
Fuck knows what Gwen does all day now she has quit her job, but I don’t care as long as she doesn’t hurt that innocent little baby.
The only reason I didn’t go out with them this morning is because Mom will be there. Any chance I get to have some time away from that bitch, I take it.
Panic sprouts in my chest when I hear the front door opening, and I shove the burner phone in my pocket, wondering what the fuck Gwen did this time to piss my mother off.
They’re not due back for at least an hour, so if they’re back early, it doesn’t bode well.
Ma tries her best to be polite to Gwen for my sake, but I know she can’t stand her. None of my family can.
We’re all faking it.
The door slowly opens, and I brace myself, planting the usual fake smile on my face. However, it’s not Gwen who enters the living room.
It’s Astrid.
My facade slips for a few seconds as I stare at her slack-jawed.
I hate her shorter dark hair as much as I hate the reason why she did it.
It makes her face look too pale, but perhaps that’s from lack of sleep.
Her pretty green eyes are bloodshot, and she’s got bags too.
She is way thinner than she used to be, and I hate seeing her like this, especially knowing I did this to her.
Despite all that, she is still the most beautiful girl in the world.
My heart thumps like crazy, and my fingers twitch with the longing to touch her.
I miss her so much, and it’s on the tip of my tongue to tell her until I remember why I need to push her away.
I thought I’d done a bang-up job of it, but my girl is tenacious.
She can’t be here. If Gwen comes back early, everything will unravel.
Astrid needs to leave right now. I know what I need to do, but it’s going to kill off whatever is left of my heart to do it.
Forcing all emotion from my face, I stand and level her with a disinterested stare as if my soul isn’t tearing apart. “Why are you here?”
“I need to talk to you.”
“There is nothing you have to say I want to hear.” I hear how cold I sound to myself, and I hate it.
“Please, Callan. I have so many questions, and I need to know. She’s forcing you to do this, isn’t she? She’s holding something over you. What is it?”
I chuckle, despising myself for what I’m about to say, but I don’t have a choice. Having Astrid hate me for life in exchange for ensuring her safety is worth it. “The only thing she’s holding over me is her superior cunt as she lowers onto my cock.”
Pain flares in her eyes, and I want to slam my head repeatedly into something hard, but I forge on.
I need to drive the knife in so deep it will never come out.
“She wasn’t lying that day in town. Sex with her is out of this world.
The things my fiancée can do with her mouth should probably be outlawed.
I never knew I was a tits man until I got my hands on her boobs. ”
Strike me down dead now, please.
Every word eats away at me because I loathe Gwen Wright with every part of my being.
Her body makes my skin crawl like a thousand ants are dancing a tango across my flesh.
If ever a woman was a libido killer, it’s the woman I’m trapped with.
But you’d never know by my face because I’ve spent a year crafting this mask, and I’m well used to hiding behind it.
“You’re a little girl in comparison, and my baby is all woman.
” It’s a miracle I don’t throw up from the poison spewing from my mouth.
“She knows how to please her man. I’m sorry if that upsets you.
” I shrug, like I’m really not that sorry when I’m in bits on the inside. “They do say the truth hurts.”
“You unimaginable bastard. I can’t believe I ever loved you. I hate you. I hate you so much.” Tears stream down her face, and she couldn’t possibly hate me as much as I hate myself.
“Run along now, and don’t come back.” I bite the inside of my mouth to force the words out. “What we had was a stupid teenage infatuation. What I have now is real. I never even think of you anymore.”
Lies, lies, and more lies.
“We had some good times, but you were never the woman for me. I don’t know how to spell it out more clearly.”
“Don’t worry, soccer star,” she hisses. “I got the message loud and clear. I hope you two cunts make each other fucking miserable. Tell your mother I tried, but she’s wrong. The truth is you’re an asshole. Go to hell, Callan Hunt. I wish I’d never laid eyes on you.”
Whatever was left of my heart disintegrates as I watch the woman I love rush from the room, sobbing and clutching her chest as if she feels the knife embedded there.