Chapter 60 Callan
CALLAN
Ikeep the music on low as we drive down the driveway, picking up speed once we finally exit the resort and head onto the main road.
The air is heavy with all the unspoken words between us, but I keep my promise, saying nothing and keeping my eyes on the road so I don’t make her uncomfortable.
Even having her here, in my space, with the scent of her perfume wafting through the air, thrills me to no end.
Which just proves how completely pathetic and desperate I am.
My phone rings through the car sound system with an incoming call from my mum. I answer immediately. “What’s up? Is Darcy okay?”
“She wants to say goodnight to you.”
I glance nervously at Astrid, but she has turned her face to the window, watching raindrops drip down the glass.
“Hi, Daddy!”
“Hey, princess. Are you being good for Nanny and Granddad?”
“I’m always good, Daddy. We made barmbrack for you. I stirred it and put it in the tin, and Nanny let me lick the wooden spoon!”
Out of the corner of my eye, I spot Astrid stiffening.
“I can’t wait to taste it.”
“I miss you.”
“Miss you too, honey.” It’s rare Mum takes her during the week, though she usually sleeps over once or twice a month at weekends so I can head out for a few beers with the lads. “I’ll be over first thing to take you to school, and how about we get pizza and ice cream tomorrow night for dinner?”
“Yay, Daddy. You’re the best daddy in the whole wide world, and I love you this much.”
I chuckle, wishing I could see her adorable little face. “Love you too, princess. Daddy’s got to go now, but sweet dreams, and I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Bye, Daddy. Sweet dreams too.”
I cast a glance at Astrid, but she’s still staring out the window, pretending like she didn’t hear every single word.
“She’s fine, Callan,” Ma says.
“Thanks for taking her today.”
“You know she’s no bother.” She clears her throat. “I heard a rumor today.”
I have a feeling I know where this is going. “I’ve got to go, Ma.”
“Astrid’s been spotted in town.”
The woman in question whips her head around. Her eyes look suspiciously glassy.
“I know she’s back, Ma,” I quietly say.
“You do? Why didn’t you—”
“I have to go. We’ll talk about it tomorrow. Bye, Ma. Love you.” I hang up before she can say anything else. I’ll get an earful for my rudeness tomorrow.
“You okay?” I ask, pulling my eyes from the road for a second.
She gulps and nods, averting her eyes again and looking out at the road.
“Where am I going?” I ask a few minutes later when we arrive in town.
“Sweet Maple Lane. It’s…”
“I know the place.” It’s a small little cul-de-sac, a ten-minute walk from the town.
There are only three houses in the enclosure.
All massive homes with large gardens and private entrances.
I remember seeing one for sale in recent months.
I wonder if her fiancé bought the place or did a deal to rent it.
We drive in silence for another few minutes, and I’m surprised when she breaks it first. “Your daughter sounds adorable.”
“Thank you. She is.”
I feel her gaze burning a hole in the side of my face, so I turn to her for a few beats. My heart turns cartwheels as we stare at one another. My eyes drift to her gorgeous mouth before I snap my gaze back to the windscreen.
She belongs to another man.
A man she’s planning to spend her life with.
I won’t get to hold her, kiss her, or make love to her ever again, and the thought is depressing.
Sadness presses down on me like a ton of bricks.
Even when she’s married to another, I will still love her.
It’s fact, pure and simple.
I don’t know how to not love her.
Not when I meant every promise I ever made her.
And every single one is still true.
I knew when I was seventeen there was only one girl for me.
Nothing has changed, and yet everything has changed.
That truth will remain the same.
For now and until I draw my last breath.
I turn left into the lane, fighting the tsunami of sadness threatening to drown me. “Where to?”
“It’s the house at the end.”
I swing the car to a stop in front of it. Thankfully, the rain has eased off, and there’s only a light trickle now.
“Thank you for the ride.” She doesn’t look at me as she says it.
“You’re welcome.” I reach behind and snag her briefcase. “Don’t forget this.”
“Thanks.” She offers me a weak smile before climbing out of the car and shutting the door.
I lower my window as she presses a fob and the gates start opening.
“Astrid.”
She turns around at my voice.
“I never cheated. I would never have done that to you, especially with that manipulative bitch. I just needed you to know that.”
Her face pales as she stares at me. I wish I could jump out, grab her into my arms, and kiss the truth onto her lips.
But it’s clear that ship has sailed, and I won’t do anything to cause her more pain.
So I press the button to wind up the window, and I drive off.
“You look like shit,” Travis says the instant he opens his front door to me.
“Getting a mad case of déjà vu.” If I had a dollar for every time my best mate has said that to me in the past nine years, I’d be banking a lot more than I am.
He steps sideways to let me enter.
“Hey, babe.” Jessie bundles me in her arms in the hallway. “You look like you need a hug.”
“You’re not wrong.” I’m feeling so many things right now.
“Wanna beer, mate?” Marlon pops his head out from the kitchen.
“Or ten.” I give Travis’s wife one last hug before shucking out of her embrace.
“Can I get you something to eat?” Jessie cocks her head to one side, no doubt spotting the stress clinging to my bones. “I have leftover casserole if you want some?”
“I’m good, thanks.”
“We can talk in the study,” Travis says, watching me with concern.
Marlon pads down the hallway in his bare feet and thrusts a beer in my hand. “Plenty more where that came from.”
Jessie snuggles into Marlon’s side. “The guest rooms are made up if you want to stay tonight. Travis mentioned your mom has Darcy.”
“Thanks, Jess, but I’ll probably just head home.”
“Don’t wait for me.” Travis kisses Jessie and then Marlon. “I can catch up on the episode another time.”
His wife wanders off with their boyfriend into the living room while I follow Travis over to the other side of the house, where the home theater, games room, gym, and library-slash-study is located.
Travis came out publicly as bi when he was twenty-five, six months after he married Jessie.
A year later, Marlon was living with them, giving the local busybodies plenty to gossip about.
It’s no one’s business but their own, but small towns aren’t usually known for being progressive.
They are all consenting adults, and as long as they’re happy and not bothering anyone, who the fuck cares?
“Sorry to interrupt your night, but this couldn’t wait until the morning,” I say when we enter the study where Travis works from home some days.
“Ditch the beer.” He makes a beeline for the drinks press. “I feel like this convo deserves the good stuff.”
He removes an expensive bottle of bourbon and two glasses as I flop down on the leather couch in front of the large open fireplace.
I put my beer down on the coffee table. It’s not lit tonight, as June Vermont nights are warm enough.
I scrub my hands down my face, feeling the tension locking my limbs in place.
The stress of today is finally catching up to me.
“What’s going on, Callan?” Travis hands me a tumbler filled with a generous measure as he plonks down beside me.
“You’re not going to believe this,” I say, swirling my drink. “Not sure I believe it myself, except her perfume is still lingering in my car.”
“Fucking hell.” He sits up straighter. “It’s true? Astrid is back?”
Gotta love small-town gossip. News spreads way faster than the internet.
His eyes pop wide. “She’s the interior designer, isn’t she?”
“Ding, ding, ding.” I clink my glass against his. “Proving yet again that you’re not just a pretty face.”
I knock back a mouthful of bourbon before continuing. “It gets worse.” I run my hand across my mouth. “She’s engaged to Seán Devlin.”
His brows climb to his hairline. “Tell me you’re joking.”
“Would I joke about something like that?”
“Fuck, dude.” He shakes his head and stares into space. His gaze swings to mine after a few seconds. “Are you okay?”
“Not even a bit.” I swallow another mouthful, relishing the burn as it glides down my throat, sloshing in my empty stomach. I should really eat some casserole, but I don’t think I could keep it down.
I fill him in on how the day went, concluding with the things I said to her after I dropped her home.
“I probably shouldn’t have said it,” I admit, lifting my glass and letting Travis pour me another measure.
Guess I’m crashing here tonight. “It’s selfish to want her to know the truth when she’s made it painfully clear she’s moved on, she doesn’t want to know, and I mean nothing to her.
But it kills me that she thinks I cheated on her. ”
“I know it does.” Travis clamps a hand on my shoulder.
After getting rid of the conniving cunt, I came clean to him about everything.
He was the one who held me together those first few years when I didn’t know if I’d make it.
It was also Travis who encouraged me to go after Astrid when I’d finally got my life back on track.
He knows what her showing up again means.
“And it’s not fucking selfish. She should know you sacrificed everything to keep her safe. She deserves to know the truth.”
“I promised her parents I would leave her alone.”