Chapter 66 Astrid
ASTRID
“I’m never drinking alcohol again,” I grumble, rubbing my sore head as I pad into the kitchen in my pajamas and slippers the following morning.
“Girl, tell me about it.” Renee looks how I feel. “Here, this should help.” She hands me a drink bottle.
“What is it?”
“Some kind of coconut water concoction, thanks to Callan. He said there’s electrolytes and other stuff in it that will help us to feel better.”
“Callan was here?”
“Don’t have an aneurysm. He didn’t come inside. He was taking his daughter to the park, and he dropped off breakfast burritos and hangover cures.” She swipes a brown paper bag off the counter. “I was just about to call you. We should eat before they go cold.”
“He can’t be doing stuff like this.” I knock back some of the drink, and my parched mouth thanks me for it.
“It’s a thoughtful gesture, but I don’t think he meant anything by it.” Renee removes two plates from the cabinet. “We were all friends at one time.”
“That was before he took a wrecking ball to my life.” I grab some paper towels and two forks and climb onto a stool as Renee slides the plates with the burritos onto the island unit.
“You two were pretty civil last night. Friendly even. I was surprised.”
“It surprised me too.” Lifting the plate, I inhale the spicy aroma, and my tummy rumbles appreciatively. “Fuck, this smells good. I haven’t eaten one of these in years.”
Sympathy splays across her face. “That makes me sad. Whenever I see a burrito, it always reminds me of you. You were the only girl I knew who could stuff her face with burritos and still look like a fucking supermodel.”
“My body isn’t as forgiving these days.”
“Oh, please. Those extra pounds suit you, and you’re still slim. Still a knockout.”
“My weight has never bothered me, and I love food too much to deny myself. My middle name is still cake,” I quip.
“Are you going to study it or eat it?” Renee asks before tearing into her burrito and loudly groaning.
I bite into my food and close my eyes as my taste buds explode.
We eat in silence for a few minutes before I break it, sharing the thoughts running through my mind.
“I was dreading coming back to Ryemont, but I think it’s what I needed.
No place has ever truly felt like home, not even Ystad.
Returning has soothed something in my soul, and it’s almost like I never left.
I think I needed to come back to confront those parts of my past I never dealt with. ”
“Does that extend to Callan? Is that why you can talk to him now?”
I chew my food slowly while I contemplate how to answer.
“It’s weird. I’ve spent so many years hating him, but it’s hard to hold on to that hate when he’s right there in front of me, reminding me of the boy who was my first love.
The moment his eyes meet mine, I fall into a kind of trance, and it’s as if nothing has happened. ”
“You guys always had this special connection. It’s why none of us could believe it when we found out about him and Gwen.”
I glance sideways at her. “Do you think he’s telling the truth now?” I filled Renee in on everything Thursday night when she flew in.
Renee sets her half-eaten burrito down on the plate and pins me with a solemn look.
“I think he is. He doesn’t seem like the bad guy we all thought he was.
Watching him last night, he was like his old self, yet he also wasn’t.
He’s quieter, more introspective, but one thing hasn’t changed, and that’s the way he looks at you. ”
“I wish he wouldn’t.” The burrito churns unpleasantly in my stomach. “I’m no longer his, and even if I do listen to what he has to say, that won’t change. I’m engaged to another man.” I twirl my ring on my finger, trying not to think of the distance growing between my fiancé and me.
Seán left without me that last day here, but after I called my boss to fix things, I got in my car and drove the four and a half hours to the hospital.
I stayed until Sunday, like I promised, but my fiancé was still pissed I was leaving.
He’s accepted it now, and I was right; he’s so fucking busy he barely has the time to call me most days.
I didn’t bother going to the city this weekend because last weekend we only got to spend a couple of hours together on Sunday, and I’d rather save myself the long drive and stay in Ryemont if he’s too busy to carve out quality time for us.
I honestly don’t know what the future holds for us now. Our relationship feels fragile and not as solid as I thought it was
“I’m sure he knows the score. It’s not like anyone could miss that dazzler on your finger, but it’s obvious he never got over you, Astrid.
I won’t ever tell you what to do, because I know you’ve been through hell, but if it were me, I would want to know the truth.
Callan Hunt did not walk away from you willingly. Of that, I’m sure.”
“I’m scared,” I truthfully admit before swallowing another mouthful of my drink. “I’m scared of what he has to say. What if it breaks me all over again? I’m not sure I’m strong enough to deal with it again.”
“I think you’re stronger than you realize.
” She takes my hands in hers. “I know we don’t always see much of one another, and our weekly call can sometimes be monthly, but you’re still one of my best friends, Astrid, and I know who you are at your core.
You won’t ever fully move past this until you know the truth, and no matter what it is, I know you can handle it. ”
Three days after Renee leaves, I finally pluck up the courage to approach Callan.
The truth is, I’ve been driving myself mad this past month, cycling back and forth over the pros and cons, and I know I won’t rest until I hear what Callan has to say.
Paige agrees with Renee, and she’s offered to come visit if I need moral support.
I’m so grateful for my girls. They literally keep me sane.
Stopping outside the Garner Hunt Construction Limited office in town, I scan the framed notices in the window as I fight a last-minute case of jitters and try to pull my big-girl panties up.
Seán doesn’t know I’m here. I don’t plan to keep it a secret from him, but I don’t need his permission either.
This is about my past, and it’s my decision.
I’ll talk to him after my conversation with Callan, and hopefully, he won’t be too angry with me, but who knows?
He’s so short-tempered these days, and it’s like the man I fell in love with was an illusion.
Drawing a brave breath, I open the door and step inside the small building.
The place is empty, but someone must be here if the door isn’t locked.
“Hello?” I call out as I take in my surroundings.
There’s a small waiting area in front of the reception desk with three chairs and a table.
I prop my elbows on the counter as I hear footsteps approaching.
Behind the front section are four desks, arranged in an L-shape, with three doors off to the left-hand side.
Callan emerges from one of them, slamming to a halt when he sees me.
“Astrid. I wasn’t expecting you.”
“It was a spur-of-the-moment decision,” I truthfully say. “I was driving past after work and saw a light on.”
“Okay.” He approaches me cautiously.
“You know, you really could do a lot more with this space. It’s a bit sterile.”
His mouth lifts in a grin. “You offering to redecorate?”
“I can give you a few pointers.”
“We’re actually moving. We’ve built bigger office space beside our supply warehouse on Travis’s land. We’re hoping to be in by the end of the month.”
“Congratulations.”
“Thanks. You can totally redecorate there if you like. We haven’t given much thought to how we’re going to furnish the place apart from moving our desks and chairs in.”
“Maybe I can drop by and make a few suggestions.” I shrug, feigning indifference even as I shake on the inside. “I came for a reason.”
He leans his slim frame against the end of the desk. “What do you need?”
“I’m ready.”
His Adam’s apple jumps in his throat as his gaze probes mine. “Are you sure?”
I nod. “I am driving myself crazy, and I need to know.”
Air whooshes out of his mouth as he drags his hands through his hair. “Okay, let’s do this, but could we go to my place? I can call Ma and ask her to take Darcy overnight.”
“That isn’t necessary. We can talk here.”
“Somewhere private and comfortable is best for this conversation. If not my house, maybe we could go to the hotel?”
A sharp pain twists low in my gut, and I rub a hand over my tummy. “I’m not going to your house or the hotel, Callan.” I cry out and bend over as pain slams into me, cramping my stomach, and I feel something trickle down my legs.
“Astrid. What’s wrong?”
My legs wobble as I clutch my stomach. “I don’t know,” I say before my vision swims, my limbs turn to Jell-O, and the floor drifts up to greet me.
When I regain consciousness, I’m in a hospital gown in a hospital bed with Callan by my side. His hand is warm in mine as I stare at him in confusion, trying to piece together what happened. “Why am I here?” I croak.
“You passed out,” he says, and I feel the loss of his body heat when he slips his hand from mine and reaches for the jug by my bed.
“Scared the shite out of me.” He pours me a cup of water.
“I scooped you up and took you straight here. They admitted you immediately, and I’ve only just been let in to see you.
” He presses the button to elevate the back of my bed.
“Let’s sit you up a bit.” He carefully slides a hand under my back, propping up my pillows.
My stomach cramps, and I’m suddenly aware of the heavy pad nestled in my panties. My heart jolts in my chest. “What is going on?”
“I don’t know. They won’t tell me anything because I’m not family or your fiancé.” He hands me a cup of water with a straw. “You should take little sips.”
“Oh my god, Seán.” I hiss as pain contorts my stomach when I try to sit up straighter.
“Be careful, beautiful.”
Our eyes meet, and you could cut the tension with a knife.
“Sorry, it just slipped out.” He runs a hand around the back of his neck. “I gave the nurse Seán’s number, and she said she’d call him. I expect he’s on his way.”
“Not likely. He’s in Switzerland this week.”
“I’m sure he’ll—”
“Mrs. Nevan,” a man in a white coat says as he strides into the room. “I’m Doctor Fanning. How are you feeling?”
Wow, he looks so young to be a doctor. I’m guessing he’s a newbie. “It’s just Miss, and I’m a little sore.”
“That’s to be expected.” He pats my hand as he takes the chart by my bed and skims his gaze over it. “I’m very sorry for your loss, but you’re young. You can try again.”
“What?” I blink repeatedly as my heart starts pounding like crazy.
Callan has turned as white as a sheet, but he pulls himself together quickly. “Doctor, Astrid has just woken, and no one has told her a thing.”
He has the decency to look ashamed. “Forgive me. I presumed the nurse assigned to you had explained the situation.” He takes the seat Callan vacated the second the doctor walked into the room. “You’ve suffered a miscarriage, Astrid.”
“I was pregnant?”
“You didn’t know?” the doctor says.
I shake my head, trying to remember when I had my last period. Between the move, all the fighting with Seán, and working long hours since he left, it hadn’t even occurred to me that I’d missed one.
“I’m sorry to break it to you both like this.” He turns to Callan. “Astrid is going to need your support in the coming days. This will be emotional for both of you, and she may be in a little pain for a few days.”
“He’s not the father,” I say in a daze. Seán and I have barely spoken about kids except to say we want them, but far in the future.
“I apologize for jumping to conclusions and for speaking out of turn.” His face turns ashen. “Would you like me to ask the gentleman to leave?”
I shake my head. There’s not much point now, is there? I want to ask questions, but I’m in complete shock. How could I have been pregnant and not known?
“Her fiancé was notified by the nurse, but he’s overseas, and I’m not sure when he might get here. What happens now, and what support does Astrid need?” Callan asks, and I’m grateful he’s taking control.
“From our estimate, you were only a few weeks pregnant, so a D & C is not necessary. Once the bleeding begins, most tissue passes in a few hours. You will likely continue to bleed and experience some cramping for another day or two, though it can last longer. It’s not unusual to have spotting for up to two weeks.
We can discharge you as long as there is someone at home with you. ”
“I want to go home.” I’ve never been a fan of hospitals.
“She won’t be alone,” Callan says. “I’ll make sure someone is with her all the time.”
“You’ll need bed rest, plenty of food, and fluids.
No swimming or sex for a few weeks and no baths until the bleeding fully stops.
Showering is fine. You can use Tylenol for the pain or any over-the-counter pain medication.
Contact your doctor if you experience heavy bleeding that soaks two pads or more in an hour or if the cramping gets worse, or you develop a fever, or the pain becomes severe.
We recommend you take a pregnancy test in three weeks to ensure the miscarriage is complete, and your period should return in four to five weeks.
If you have any other questions, you can call the nursing team or your doctor. ”
“Will I have any issues getting pregnant in the future?”
“Do you have any children? Or have you been pregnant before? Any previous terminations?”
“No to all that.”
“Then you should be fine.” He stands, offering me a kind smile. “Unfortunately, a high percentage of women suffer a miscarriage in their first pregnancy, with most going on to have healthy pregnancies. Try not to worry.”